Is the pain of taking a crap the same as the pain of giving birth?

Dublindude69

My sister is always telling me I'll never know the pain of giving birth but I just took a massive crap and it was really sore, my ass still hurts from squeezing it out. Could this have been worse then the pain of giving birth, I'm going to ring her up and tell her not to talk to me about pain.

Hank_Jones

Bahhahahaaha

In before the lube.

weiland79

Hahahahahahahahaha This will go well.

easyeason3

I doubt it but make sure to ring her to discuss your shiTe.

bonerm

And do you ever notice that the craps that take the most effort/pain usually result in the lowest yield?

admiralofthefleet

in before flut

AnonoBoy

Dude eat more bran. Seriously.

Captain Darling

I will never know...

Hasmunch

Getting kicked in the nuts is quite clearly much worse than taking a crap or even giving birth












*runs away

Donkey Oaty

bonerm wrote: »

And do you ever notice that the craps that take the most effort/pain usually result in the lowest yield?

There may be some truth in this. It isn't the main result that's painful, it's the bonus ball.

cpb

if a crap hurt that much something seriously wrong with your anus.

podgemonster

Was it over 9.5 Courics??

Sean Quagmire

Gone Drinking

Most women sihte themselves during birth and i've never heard a woman complaining about how hard taking the sihte was, so i doubt it.

Kiera

Two reasons why i will never know:

1. I'm not having kids
2. Girls dont crap. We dont have bumholes.

ejmaztec

In before the thread flush.

johnny_knoxvile

what did you pass?...Gary Coleman?

Fizman

cpb wrote: »

if a crap hurt that much something seriously wrong with your anus.

I would be more concerned about the diet.

There have been a few occasions in the past where I genuinely thought I had given birth to some kind of life form after taking a dump.

admiralofthefleet

Kiera wrote: »

Two reasons why i will never know:

1. I'm not having kids
2. Girls dont crap. We dont have bumholes.

yeah, the poo fairy comes every night and takes your farts and poo away and leaves a shiny euro under your pillow

bonerm

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Most women sihte themselves during birth

Ah the miracle of life!

I wonder does the Doctor ever offer the father the chance to cut the dangleberries?

Kiera

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

yeah, the poo fairy comes every night and takes your farts and poo away and leaves a shiny euro under your pillow

Yup, minus the euro.

funk-you

Kiera wrote: »

We dont have bumholes.

Lies, every man has tried or gotten down to brown town. You can't fool us.

OP, it depends. Does your crap have shoulders?

-Funk

easyeason3

OP get yourself some e-coli.
Your ass will be running like a leaky tap.
No need to worry about pain then.

mikom

I once took a shit so big that they gave it a birth certificate.
So, yes, the pain is probably similar.

Hasmunch

Kiera wrote: »

2. Girls dont crap. We dont have bumholes.

This might be a little anal, but i beg to differ.

admiralofthefleet

op eat indian. you will be shiteting through the eye of a needle after a good spicy one

doncarlos

Fizman wrote: »

There have been a few occasions in the past where I genuinely thought I had given birth to some kind of life form after taking a dump.

It's also difficult not to look down with some pride at the 8 pound monster you just gave birth to. Almost a shame to flush it away

Unique User Name

Kiera wrote: »

Two reasons why i will never know:

1. I'm not having kids
2. Girls dont crap. We dont have bumholes.

Then what was that thing my co*k was in last weekend??

bonerm

Unique User Name wrote: »

Then what was that thing my co*k was in last weekend??

Your fist?

funk-you

Unique User Name wrote: »

Then what was that thing my co*k was in last weekend??

She only said girls don't have them.

-Funk

Ickle Magoo

Sounds like a sore one OP...perhaps swap your usual tipple for some bulmers pear tonight - that should remedy the situation.

Unique User Name

funk-you wrote: »

She only said girls don't have them.

-Funk

I almost sh*t myself laughing at that one... Nice

PeterIanStaker

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Sounds like a sore one OP...perhaps swap your usual tipple for some bulmers pear tonight - that should remedy the situation.

Is it still a laxative, even with the "new recipe"?

Dublindude69

My sister just screamed at me over the phone, probably cause she didn't have a proper answer, haha, I win.

CreepingDeath

I could've done with an epidural and an oxygen mask for some of my dumps.
The contractions were 2 minutes apart and I was an inch dilated.

easyeason3

So is that why men bring newspapers & magazines into the jacks?

They know they're in for a rough time so not only do they have entertainment but also something to bite down on if the pain gets too much :rolleyes:

Banned Account

Taking a dump is much like making love to an ugly woman. There's stretching and pushing followed by a strange sensation you are a bit guilty to enjoy and then an enormous sense of release before you hastily clean yourself up and run out of the room looking embarassed and hoping that no-one sees you.

Ickle Magoo

PeterIanStaker wrote: »

Is it still a laxative, even with the "new recipe"?

Not sure, I'm too scared to find out.

Prof.Badass

Ah, Dublindude69.

Whatever would boards do without you?

AnonoBoy

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Dude eat more bran. Seriously.

Sigh, I read "eat more brain"...

frag420

Dublindude69 wrote: »

My sister is always telling me I'll never know the pain of giving birth but I just took a massive crap and it was really sore, my ass still hurts from squeezing it out. Could this have been worse then the pain of giving birth, I'm going to ring her up and tell her not to talk to me about pain.

You should eat a baby and find out!!


frAg

laugh

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Dude eat more bran. Seriously.

Less bran if it hurts.

kelle

I hope your feeling better, Op - thanks for giving me the biggest laugh!

Giving birth for me was painless, I just had to lie down and look at the ceiling while doctors worked hard to slice open my belly and push then pull the baby out. Then I was stitched and dosed with morphine for a couple of days, by which time the pain had subsided. The Posh Spice method of giving birth - I recommend it!

So i can sympathise with you and say you definitely endured more pain than I did during childbirth.

limklad

Dublindude69 wrote: »

My sister is always telling me I'll never know the pain of giving birth but I just took a massive crap and it was really sore, my ass still hurts from squeezing it out. Could this have been worse then the pain of giving birth, I'm going to ring her up and tell her not to talk to me about pain.

What was the weight of the crap you gave birth to?:eek:

Next time ask for an epidural, before giving more birth to crap.

thetonynator

Usually when they are that big the lodge before the u turn and the toilet won't flush. It usually involves lots of toilet paper and a toilet brush which needs to be dumped afterwards . . .but I doubt its as painful as giving birth.


I heard that the equivalent for a man would be putting a tennis ball through the hole at the top of you knob. :eek:

lorebringer

The best analogy for giving birth is "sh!ting a pumpkin" - the hole to "head" ratio is about the same, and I'm sure the tearing is about the same too.

Or forcing a plum up your urethra... that would be about equivalent too.

FlutterinBantam

Lads lads...load of rubbish.

The female ..erm...snatch, is designed for giving birth,that's what the fcuker is for like...well apart from a few other things.

So don't listen to women going on about tennis balls out the jap's eye and stuff, it's all bullsheet.

likewise the nipsy is there to bonk out large logs, the fcuker stretches same as the flange.Tip a bit of olive oil on her if you are worried, work it well in to the crinkles:cool:

I left a log like a Teddy Bear's arm in the jacks in Heuston Station, no pushing or shoving,no fcuk all,out like a four man bob and plopped into the pan like a bull walrus off a sea shelf.


Don't listen to these women.:rolleyes:

Quackles

Meh, I didn't think giving birth was so bad. The whole labour part sucked a bit, but no worse than a really bad dose of diarrhea. Really, really bad. The actual giving birth part was grand.

Dublindude69

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Lads lads...load of rubbish.

The female ..erm...snatch, is designed for giving birth,that's what the fcuker is for like...well apart from a few other things.

So don't listen to women going on about tennis balls out the jap's eye and stuff, it's all bullsheet.

likewise the nipsy is there to bonk out large logs, the fcuker stretches same as the flange.Tip a bit of olive oil on her if you are worried, work it well in to the crinkles:cool:

I left a log like a Teddy Bear's arm in the jacks in Heuston Station, no pushing or shoving,no fcuk all,out like a four man bob and plopped into the pan like a bull walrus off a sea shelf.


Don't listen to these women.:rolleyes:

I agree, pack of moaners, blowing everything out of preportion.

Ann22

If you've ever had a bad dose of piles or an anal fissure, you may have an idea of what it's like for the head 'crowning' experience...eye wateringly, stingingly painful...but the labour pains are a different kind of pain. Did you ever wriggle your toes in the bed and your foot goes into spasm? Well multiply that by 100 and imagine it's your whole abdomen that's in spasm. There you go. That's about the size of it.

Lando Griffin

They have birthing pools now a days.