How to Tell Your Housemate You're Not Living Together Next Year

generalmiaow · 30-04-2010 05:11AM

PuccaPad wrote: »

Personally I've been at the rough end of this sort of treatment back when I was in second year in college. We lived in college residence and were put together at random. I all thought we got along well enough, even if there was the odd incident, I thought that was part and parcel of living with new people. To be honest I'm not that bad to live with but like the OPs housemate, sometimes I can be perceived as a "Buzzkillington".

This thread was great until your post, Mr Killington.

Kidding; actually I know your sort of story and I've been or friends have been at either end of this treatment. Actually sometimes you just can't be friends with the people you live with or live with your friends, there's a whole extra set of pressures and they can make you do things like write passive agressive notes or talk behind people's backs even if you love the person. You probably just ended up with the wrong people and don't let an experience like that harsh your buzz.

OP it's not easy doing this either way so there's little point in looking for an easy or clean way to do it. Just tell them you want to try experiencing living with a different set of people which is both true and doesn't sound that bad. If you want to stay friends it will depend more on whether you actually stay in touch than on what terms you leave. I am great friends with some of my ex housemates where we left on dodgy terms and barely know some of my favourite ex housemates.

Doc · 30-04-2010 05:58AM

Just tell him that you guys have found, or someone has told you about a (Insert number of bedrooms not including him here) place that’s available for next year and that the place is too good to pass up.

It would be even better if you actually have found one.

But don’t leave it to the last minute as the guy hasn’t done anything bad to you and it can be hard to find a place on your own.

There’s no real way of doing it with out him felling a bit ****ty.

m@cc@ · 30-04-2010 06:24AM

ya-ba-da-ba-doo wrote: »

Sorry, forgot to mention; We're in a house at the moment which lease is running out at the end of this month.

IT IS the end of the month. Way to man up.

Sisko · 30-04-2010 06:31AM

PuccaPad wrote: »

To be honest I'm not that bad to live with but like the OPs housemate, sometimes I can be perceived as a "Buzzkillington", which I never thought was fair but anyway.

What is it you do that makes people perceive you that way anyway?

jjjade · 30-04-2010 06:32AM

hey there

i completely understand that you cant make someone like you or want to live with you. but to the OP just be honest with the person even if you have to bend the truth to save feelings being hurt or ego being broken. you are living out on your own so be grown up about this. if you lot dont want to live with the person just let him know and then every1 can go there seperate ways.

i was in a house share and unfortunatly the two house mates didnt like me. which is fair enough, but they were real cows about it. they were are sweet as cake to my face and behind my back really bitchy about me. i walked into the house a couple of times without being heard and heard them having a full conversation about me in a not so nice way. i was really hurt as i havent had problems with tenants before and now i have no problems with my current tenants. with my current house mates who are a couple, she is very direct with me and its good as i no at least i no where i stand and we get on really well for it.

im 24 and one of the girls were hitting their 30s (which i got on really well with and considered a really good friend to me) and i had lived with her for a year before the new girl came to the house. but i always new something was not right with me and them, OP your housemate probably knows something is up and is in denal over this which is why they might be proposing another year of house live to hint at maybe were he stands with you? i could be wrong just speaking from experience.

my housemates didnt like me which does happen in houseshares, but i would of liked to be told instead of feeling like an intruder in my own home and thing was i was there first lol. i was the one they came to to sort out things like maintenance with landlord, getting the new girl on the lease, changing names on bills on top of everything that was in the appartment was mine for them to us like plates, cups, clothes horse that sort of stuff. it was actually funny as i was going to the landlord to organise my deposit been given back before my months notice was up and one of them was asking me 'oh can you ask about us if we get no1 into your room' i was like really you cant be that stupid why would i ask about something that doesnt concern me lazy, thing was she shot me the look of death when i told her im only sorting out my ass as at the end of the month you ass doesnt concern me. Also i loved leaving and there wasnt anythin in the house for them to us and god love one girl (who personally i think hasnt bought anythin for herself in years) had to fork out for the stuff i took with me..... most of it went into a skip lol. i dont like being a bitch but people being overly mean about a situation really brings out the worst in people

my advise is to OP you seem like an decent person, just be really cool about the situation, your rejecting this guy his ego is going to be hurt but in the long run he will respect you lot for it

Irishcrx · 30-04-2010 09:39AM

"Have some fun while your at it" i'd say your just a great friend aren't ya?...Answer here is simple no need to loose a mate or be a ****. Just tell him what your issues are and say it's best if you's looked for seperate places and stay mates. No need for dramatics I've had this with friends before and it's been fine no big deal.

jjjade · 30-04-2010 09:57AM

Irishcrx wrote: »

"Have some fun while your at it" i'd say your just a great friend aren't ya?...Answer here is simple no need to loose a mate or be a ****. Just tell him what your issues are and say it's best if you's looked for seperate places and stay mates. No need for dramatics I've had this with friends before and it's been fine no big deal.

i completely agree with you

were all adults in a house share... kinda ...... lol just be honest with him he will respect you more for it

L.Jenkins · 30-04-2010 04:18PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

shite on his chest

A lad I know got €2000 for laying there and taking that! Thats when you lose any remaining respect for that person! If that was me, I'd have a few pints and an Indian Curry first.

PuccaPad · 01-05-2010 08:50PM

--LOS-- wrote: »

Jeez Pucca, that's harsh.

I'd be lying in saying I was happy about it at the time. Although I knew something wasn't quite right, I didn't think they would leave me out in the cold. However its their lives too and they're perfectly entitled to not want me to be part if it if they so choose. As I said a bit of honesty and more tact would have been nice. I never did anything bad to them I let them use my stuff and lent them small amounts of cash when they were stuck (always paid me back btw... except for the last time. I'll take that €20 on the chin and put it down to experience)

generalmiaow wrote: »

This thread was great until your post, Mr Killington.

Kidding; actually I know your sort of story and I've been or friends have been at either end of this treatment. Actually sometimes you just can't be friends with the people you live with or live with your friends, there's a whole extra set of pressures and they can make you do things like write passive agressive notes or talk behind people's backs even if you love the person. You probably just ended up with the wrong people and don't let an experience like that harsh your buzz.

There was no note writing but I was aware of chatter going on behind my back. It was things like that that helped me discover my real friends. Our house had some friends over, but none of them were aware I was in at the time. Walls being paper thin and all the discussion in the kitchen turns on me. One of the lads living there has a good go about me while the friend that had called over (she was mates of everyone in the house) had my back and defended me and called him up and said he was being unfair. I will never forget it or her for doing it.

Sisko wrote: »

What is it you do that makes people perceive you that way anyway?

Sometimes I can be quite shy, and this can manifest its self in me being "seen but not heard". I wasn't a big drinker and would always sit out of drinking games. I was also underage at the start of the year, so when they were going out and bonding I had to sit in, which left me somewhat alienated. Some people also just take a dislike to me, others have said I try too hard and few more have told me I am very condescending. I don't accept the latter though.

stovelid · 01-05-2010 08:59PM

A couple of people don't want to share a house with him. He's not being diagnosed with cancer or something. Man up and just tell him it isn't working out.

goat2 · 11-05-2010 03:22PM

ya-ba-da-ba-doo wrote: »

Hi,

I'm sitting here after a chat with friends on our ideas to tell our housemate we don't want share a house next year. He's a nightmare to live with and we just can't stand it anymore. The thing is he's implying he wants to live with us next year so it's hard to think of ways to tell him or give him a hint.

Any creative ideas will be appreciated! Might as well have fun while we're at it!

just tell him he is a pain in the butt
give him honest reasons

or get a house that will only have enough room for the rest of ye

How to Tell Your Housemate You're Not Living Together Next Year

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