Girls Bitching??

princess-lala · 31-03-2010 5:30pm #1

Ok this has gotten to me alot lately, when you think someone is your friend and you find out they are just as two faced as the next person! Why bother being someones friend if your just gonna talk about them to someone else.

Is it just girls who are two faced and bitch or do guys do it too??:mad:

ERR! · 31-03-2010 5:40pm

i know what your on about.... i hate it its why iv always stayed away from groups of girls... but guys are defo just as bad dunno why but they defo are

Fago! · 31-03-2010 5:42pm

princess-lala wrote: »

Is it just girls who are two faced and bitch or do guys do it too??:mad:

No we do it too.... We are just as bad...

princess-lala · 31-03-2010 5:43pm

Fago! wrote: »

No we do it too.... We are just as bad...

Why though?? Why cant people just tell it like it is instead of doing it behind someones back

ERR! · 31-03-2010 5:45pm

i think its built into peoples brains... i dunno eeep

Fago! · 31-03-2010 5:46pm

princess-lala wrote: »

Why though?? Why cant people just tell it like it is instead of doing it behind someones back

Well alot of people do (In my experience those are the people who get flak about being too forward) and alot of people are too cowardly to actually speak their mind. It's a shame about those people.

ERR! · 31-03-2010 5:49pm

Fago! wrote: »

Well alot of people do (In my experience those are the people who get flak about being too forward) and alot of people are too cowardly to actually speak their mind. It's a shame about those people.

tis sad about the people who are too cowardly for sure...

Fago! · 31-03-2010 5:51pm

Anyone who talks about you negatively behind your back isn't worth being your friend....

Limerickgal82 · 31-03-2010 5:54pm

People can be terribly two faced. So called friends b**ching behind your back is soo horrible. I prefer people to be straight talking and upfront. I have only 3 close friends and they are the best and do not Bu****** , very straight forward !! i stay away from immature people

true friends aren't like this

Fago! · 31-03-2010 5:56pm

Limerickgal82 wrote: »

People can be terribly two faced. So called friends b**ching behind your back is soo horrible. I prefer people to be straight talking and upfront. I have only 3 close friends and they are the best and do not Bu****** , very straight forward !! i stay away from immature people true friends aren't like this

I iz that same. I have like 3 or 4 close friends and if on eof us has a problem with the other, we say it....

It's the best option.... Although me telling it how it is has gotten me in trouble in t'past.

minidazzler · 31-03-2010 6:04pm

princess-lala wrote: »

Why though?? Why cant people just tell it like it is instead of doing it behind someones back

It's all about diplomacy and not upsetting the herd so to speak.

If I say directly to you, "you are a bitch, constantly doing this that and the next thing" then there is gonna be a tension becuase you have 2 people in one group who ostensibly don't like each other.

However, if it's don't behind your back you don't know I don't like you, there is little tension and I can simply smile at you through my teeth.

A fight within a group is detrimental to the group as a whole because the people who like both sides are forced to make a choice.

While someone bitching behind your back is bitching to someone who will just agree with everything that is said, though they may not actually agree at all.

***I don't think you are a bitch was for example only!

Panthro · 31-03-2010 6:23pm

i was in the library today, you should have heard the session the ladies next to me were having!
all i know is- theres a girl out there in Dundalk right now and shes a thundering..i wont write it.
made me laugh anyways

Snowie · 31-03-2010 6:39pm

minidazzler wrote: »

A fight within a group is detrimental to the group as a whole because the people who like both sides are forced to make a choice.

we are ? thast the biggist load of farse ive ever had to read on this forum do you know what your talkign about...? or have you just had a bad experence with what you once, called friends?

I've had rows with friends be for nobody involved them selves in it.

Unless of course it involved them...

being honest what you think and what you know are to intirely different things. :rolleyes:

SeekUp · 31-03-2010 6:49pm

princess-lala wrote: »

Why though?? Why cant people just tell it like it is instead of doing it behind someones back

Because the second someone tells it like it really is, their friends turn around to each other and say, Wow, what was up with her?/That was really mean/etc. Generally speaking, people want to hear what they wamt to hear, which isn't necessarily "how it is."

Plus, some people just thrive on drama.

Others just try to stay out of the way.

Pyr0 · 31-03-2010 7:22pm

I find it really depends on what they're saying. My friends and I do it all the time "Jaysus, he's being a bit of **** tonight" Or "That's a mad gay jacket he's wearing". Nothing serious at all, if anything important needs to be said it'll be said in some form or another but most of the time its just friendly banter between us.

I can see girls taking stuff like that way more seriously than guys though.

princess-lala · 31-03-2010 7:27pm

Id prefer someone to say something to me rather than tell someone else and it possibly getting back to me!

I do understand where you could get defensive though if someone did come out and say it to you but I know for sure Id prefer it said to my face!

Pyr0 · 31-03-2010 7:31pm

princess-lala wrote: »

Id prefer someone to say something to me rather than tell someone else and it possibly getting back to me!

I do understand where you could get defensive though if someone did come out and say it to you but I know for sure Id prefer it said to my face!

What type of stuff are we talking about though ? I'd have different levels of severity for different things as mentioned before.

princess-lala · 31-03-2010 7:32pm

Pyr0 wrote: »

What type of stuff are we talking about though ? I'd have different levels of severity for different things as mentioned before.

Mild - Shes being a bitch

Severe - Being really bitchy/nasty about someone!

Panthro · 31-03-2010 7:39pm

it prob all depends on the situation and peoples reactions to things and what not.

Pyr0 · 31-03-2010 7:39pm

princess-lala wrote: »

Mild - Shes being a bitch

Severe - Being really bitchy/nasty about someone!

Kinda like:

Mild - "Lala's hair isn't looking too great today !"*

Severe - "Lala looks like she put on a few pounds, she should sort that out ! No guy will go for her lookin' like that!!"**

**Just using a few examples, nothing personal

princess-lala · 31-03-2010 7:41pm

Pyr0 wrote: »

Kinda like:

Mild - "Pyr0 hair isn't looking too great today !"*

Severe - "Pyr0 looks like he put on a few pounds, he should sort that out ! No gurl will go for her lookin' like that!!"**

**Just using a few examples, nothing personal

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Pyr0 · 31-03-2010 7:47pm

princess-lala wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Purely for example purposes only ! I can change it to Fago if you want :pac:

princess-lala · 31-03-2010 7:52pm

Pyr0 wrote: »

Purely for example purposes only ! I can change it to Fago if you want :pac:

I changed it for ya

Pyr0 · 31-03-2010 8:03pm

princess-lala wrote: »

I changed it for ya

I happen to be very sensitive about my weight thank you very much !! :mad:

princess-lala · 31-03-2010 8:09pm

Pyr0 wrote: »

I happen to be very sensitive about my weight thank you very much !! :mad:

Now ya know how I felt

31-03-2010 8:33pm

Men can be just as bitchy.
It is just that as a woman, they usually don't feel in competition with you. So you rarely attract that kind of attention from guy mates or colleagues.
They are also more low key and passive aggressive about it usually, so any tension might go under your feminine radar.

chocgirl · 31-03-2010 9:16pm

Have to say I think bitching is much much more prevalent amongst women. I've never really heard men bitch like women do, that's not to say they don't though. Working in a largely female profession it's even worse, love to see a man coming in to break up the griping. I think it's just more socially acceptable as well that women can be really petty and make personal comments and get away with it.

Chinafoot · 31-03-2010 9:19pm

minidazzler wrote: »

It's all about diplomacy and not upsetting the herd so to speak.

If I say directly to you, "you are a bitch, constantly doing this that and the next thing" then there is gonna be a tension becuase you have 2 people in one group who ostensibly don't like each other.

The problem here is that the person with the problem approached it in the wrong way. I'm all for being straight up with people and there are times where I can be a bit blunt, however, I would always do my best to broach the subject in a way that is not aggressive or confrontational. If the person I have an issue with is someone I consider a friend, then the last thing I want to do is hurt them, no matter how annoyed I am.

minidazzler wrote: »

However, if it's don't behind your back you don't know I don't like you, there is little tension and I can simply smile at you through my teeth.

Then that person isn't your friend. We all tolerate others, maybe have a little bitch about them, say in work or whatever. You shouldn't do it to people you then call friend. Thats not being diplomatic, thats being cowardly and nasty.

minidazzler wrote: »

A fight within a group is detrimental to the group as a whole because the people who like both sides are forced to make a choice.

Nah sorry, I don't buy that. Yes if there is a falling out amongst a group it may become awkward for those not directly involved. However, this is where maturity takes over. If I'm in a group of say 5 of us, and myself and Ann have a falling out, while it may prove awkward for things like birthday drinks or whatever, I certainly don't expect the others in my group to drop me or drop Ann. Its easy to still have your time with your friends without the other person there, and if it is a group event then you suck it up and act like an adult for the sake of whoever's night it is.

There is no excuse for bitching about someone you're supposed to be friends with. If you feel the need to do it then either stop hanging around with someone you obviously don't like, or else grow a back bone and speak to the person about your issue.

SugarHigh · 31-03-2010 10:28pm

Bitching isn't a big deal and you shouldn't read into it too much. There are very few poeple who don't do it and I'd be pretty confident that you do it all the time without even realising it.

A lot of people use the excuse of " Just telling it like it is" to be dick heads.

Chinafoot · 31-03-2010 10:43pm

SugarHigh wrote: »

Bitching isn't a big deal and you shouldn't read into it too much. There are very few poeple who don't do it and I'd be pretty confident that you do it all the time without even realising it.

I agree that we all give out about people at times, but its who you're giving out about thats the important part. Do you bitch about your mates? I know I don't.

SugarHigh wrote: »

A lot of people use the excuse of " Just telling it like it is" to be dick heads.

And a lot of people use the excuse of 'everyone does it' to justify bitching about people they're meant to be friends with.

Pretty_Pistol · 31-03-2010 11:44pm

Chinafoot wrote: »

There is no excuse for bitching about someone you're supposed to be friends with. If you feel the need to do it then either stop hanging around with someone you obviously don't like, or else grow a back bone and speak to the person about your issue.

+1

There are different levels of bitching. Like when people say so and so was being a right b!tch today. And then there is the just down right nasty comments where it's obvious they aren't really your friends.

The people that I call my close friends are people that if we get pissed off with eachother we will pull each other up on it. We don't usually get defensive because the other person usually has a point.

The other friends are more just aquaintances that would tend to talk among themselves. I keep these people at arms length because I know that they can be bitchy. I don't care, well maybe a little, no one likes to be spoken badly of but if they do say anything that's bad about me I just remember they are not the friends that matter.

And I've seen guys be just as nasty as women. One guy in particular I saw being completely nasty to and about his so called "friend". I'd even go as far to say he was bullying his friend the way he was which to watch from a guy in his 20's was really quite shocking.

vicecreamsundae · 01-04-2010 2:54am

i talk about all of my friends, but i wouldn't consider it bitching -it's not malicious or mean spirited. and i don't talk about anything personal or that's a secret.
if a friend was annoying me and i just needed to rant about them a bit, it would be to another friend who doesn't know the first one. i dont think there's anything wrong with that, but i wouldnt rant negatively about them to a mutual friend.

i definitely thing boys are as bad as girls, and HATE when girls say things like "i dont hang out with girls, they're so bitchy". i think it's a really anti woman statement to make, and from what i've seen, most girls who "only" hang out with girls actually just get off on the attention they get from there male friends, and don't like that female friends dont kiss their asses or suck up to them they way guy friends do. not that they'd ever admit that!

for the record, i dont think there's anything wrong with having lots of male friends or identifying with males more, just don't like it when girls make a point of not liking other girls, and then say the problem is "other women" rather than their own insecurities.

SugarHigh · 01-04-2010 12:23pm

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

I definitely thing boys are as bad as girls, and HATE when girls say things like "i dont hang out with girls, they're so bitchy". i think it's a really anti woman statement to make, and from what i've seen, most girls who "only" hang out with girls actually just get off on the attention they get from there male friends, and don't like that female friends dont kiss their asses or suck up to them they way guy friends do. not that they'd ever admit that!

+1 to all of this

Guy's are just as bitchy as women but they wouldn't really be that bitchy about women because like what someone else said they're not in competition with them.

shellyboo · 01-04-2010 1:38pm

You can't get on with everybody 100% of the time. Everybody has things about themselves that are annoying to even your very bestest of best friends; and likewise there are things that annoy us about our very bestest of best friends. A bit of a moan or a vent about xyz to another good friend - who understands the situation, the annoyance, and is aware that you're only venting - is no harm, imo.

Spreading lies, malicious rumours, putting someone down, trying to poison someone against someone else - that's not what friends do. But I don't think all discussion of other people when not in their presence is "bitching".

Caveat · 01-04-2010 2:18pm

I have to say that although guys do it, I really think women are worse.

IME some women can often do this as a matter of routine but men are more likely to do it for a specific reason - e.g. the person has done something or something has happened.

Having said that, I often prefer the company of women so it's a bit contradictory.

Malari · 01-04-2010 2:24pm

shellyboo wrote: »

You can't get on with everybody 100% of the time. Everybody has things about themselves that are annoying to even your very bestest of best friends; and likewise there are things that annoy us about our very bestest of best friends. A bit of a moan or a vent about xyz to another good friend - who understands the situation, the annoyance, and is aware that you're only venting - is no harm, imo.

Spreading lies, malicious rumours, putting someone down, trying to poison someone against someone else - that's not what friends do. But I don't think all discussion of other people when not in their presence is "bitching".

I agree with this. It's human nature to complain about other people. As long as you do it in a way that the other person doesn't find out or get hurt.

And I'm not just agreeing with Shelly cos she's my sooper lurve match

liah · 01-04-2010 2:32pm

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

from what i've seen, most girls who "only" hang out with girls actually just get off on the attention they get from there male friends, and don't like that female friends dont kiss their asses or suck up to them they way guy friends do.

Uhh, what are you basing that on, exactly?

The majority of my friends are male. You know why? Because I get along with their mentality better. I play videogames, am into computers, love subtitled horror movies, play guitar and am pretty into music in general. I grew up in the country working at a barn in jeans and a ponytail 24/7. I don't get girls. I don't do the shopping thing or the makeup thing or the hair thing, at least not to the extent other girls do. I don't do gossip or chit-chat or watch America's Next Top Model or think The Notebook is a good movie (I hate chick flicks). There's a handful of girls who are like me-- I can only really think of three off the top of my head in my rather large circle of friends-- but for the most part, I find being in the company of girls exhausting and draining. I just can't keep up with how girls talk. I've never been able to.

I get along with guys not because I want attention or want them to suck up to me or enjoy it if they do. I get along with guys because they tend to be more laid back and talk about things I've a bigger interest in. Believe whatever the hell you want, but I'm telling you it's bs.

vicecreamsundae · 01-04-2010 6:00pm

liah wrote: »

Uhh, what are you basing that on, exactly?

The majority of my friends are male. You know why? Because I get along with their mentality better. I play videogames, am into computers, love subtitled horror movies, play guitar and am pretty into music in general. I grew up in the country working at a barn in jeans and a ponytail 24/7. I don't get girls. I don't do the shopping thing or the makeup thing or the hair thing, at least not to the extent other girls do. I don't do gossip or chit-chat or watch America's Next Top Model or think The Notebook is a good movie (I hate chick flicks). There's a handful of girls who are like me-- I can only really think of three off the top of my head in my rather large circle of friends-- but for the most part, I find being in the company of girls exhausting and draining. I just can't keep up with how girls talk. I've never been able to.

I get along with guys not because I want attention or want them to suck up to me or enjoy it if they do. I get along with guys because they tend to be more laid back and talk about things I've a bigger interest in. Believe whatever the hell you want, but I'm telling you it's bs.

i didn't say all girls who hang out with guys do it for that reason, i certainly know i don't. and i mentioned that some girls just identify with men better. i'm talking about a number of girls who I KNOW, not you.

but i would say that actually you're not thaaat special for being a girl who doesnt like ANTM or the notebook or reading gossip mags -plenty of women don't live up to those stereotypes. all my favourite female friends are super into their music, and i know plenty who play videogames etc.

i'm not putting you or your friends down, and if you dont meet many girls with the same interests as you, fair enough. i was commenting how some girls have a bias against making female friends in the first place.

liah · 01-04-2010 6:14pm

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

i didn't say all girls who hang out with guys do it for that reason, i certainly know i don't. and i mentioned that some girls just identify with men better. i'm talking about a number of girls who I KNOW, not you.

but i would say that actually you're not thaaat special for being a girl who doesnt like ANTM or the notebook or reading gossip mags -plenty of women don't live up to those stereotypes. all my favourite female friends are super into their music, and i know plenty who play videogames etc.

i'm not putting you or your friends down, and if you dont meet many girls with the same interests as you, fair enough. i was commenting how some girls have a bias against making female friends in the first place.

You did say most girls.

And I never once said I thought I was special. But there really aren't that many girls I can relate to. I'm perfectly open to meeting girls but the majority of the ones I've met (at least since I've been in Ireland) are the proper girly types. I'm open to meeting anyone. It's just the girl mentality doesn't suit me. And the ones I've met who "play videogames" think playing Wii Sports makes them a "gamer grrrl" or think they love horror films 'cuz they adored The Grudge. Meh. I don't know. Overall most of the girls I've met have been exhausting, gossipy, competitive, and tbh, a bit fake. There's a handful I get along with but it's certainly a minority case. I give everyone an equal chance, but I don't like it when people assume I've only got guy friends because I want attention or am biased against other girls. Not my fault they don't agree with my personality type.

vicecreamsundae · 01-04-2010 6:42pm

liah wrote: »

You did say most girls.

And I never once said I thought I was special. But there really aren't that many girls I can relate to. I'm perfectly open to meeting girls but the majority of the ones I've met (at least since I've been in Ireland) are the proper girly types. I'm open to meeting anyone. It's just the girl mentality doesn't suit me. And the ones I've met who "play videogames" think playing Wii Sports makes them a "gamer grrrl" or think they love horror films 'cuz they adored The Grudge. Meh. I don't know. Overall most of the girls I've met have been exhausting, gossipy, competitive, and tbh, a bit fake. There's a handful I get along with but it's certainly a minority case. I give everyone an equal chance, but I don't like it when people assume I've only got guy friends because I want attention or am biased against other girls. Not my fault they don't agree with my personality type.

i never made any assumptions about you. in my original post i said some girls just identify more with guys, and that seems to be what you are saying too. i was talking about girls I KNOW, who don't seem to want to admit that the reason their guy friends happen to be nicer to them than their girlfriends, is because the male friends fancy them and suck up to them and treat them in a way female friends don't.

i can't argue about the girls you have met who nearly all happen to be "exhausting,gossipy and a bit fake", but i do think that's a really negative stereotype - the girls i am friends with are nothing like that at all. maybe i'm just extremely lucky, or maybe women actually come in just as much a variety as men, with just as good character traits.

Girls Bitching??

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