What Would You Do? If you Caught A Burglar in Your Home

splashthecash · 29-03-2010 12:26PM

After just bringing my first baby girl into our house, I have a pretty good idea of what I'd do...If I heard someone definitely downstairs, the wife would probably want me to stay up there with them. I'd stand at the top of the landing looking down, switch on the downstairs hall light only (so i could see down but they couldn't clearly upstairs) and let them know the gardai are being called. No point in going down all guns blazing when you dont know how many are down there, what state they are in and what weapons the might have...even if they didnt come in with any, they have a kitchen downstairs with all assortment of weapons that they could pick up. However, having said that...if they decided to try come up stairs...i'd throw a duvet down at them as they came running up which would block their view for a second or two and proceed to dropkick them of the stairs...hopefully, their head would land on the corner of the hall table, if not...i'd finish them myself and say it happened when they fell down the stairs.

Doyler92 · 29-03-2010 12:29PM

I'd try pickpocket him while he's sneaking around. At least then I could say I robbed a robber - in the comfort of my own home.

vangoz · 29-03-2010 12:40PM

Release the hounds

Wazdakka · 29-03-2010 12:49PM

A re-enactment of that Reservoir Dogs scene might be in order I think....

Or else get my housemate to sit on his chest pinning him to the ground while he listens to me calmly walking over to the kitchen,
then filling and boiling the kettle...

Let the thoughts of what could happen next race through the little scumbags mind.

OutlawPete · 29-03-2010 12:52PM

Wazdakka wrote: »

A re-enactment of that Reservoir Dogs scene might be in order I think....

Would you do it all to the tunes of Steeler's Wheel.

Or would you choose a different tune as a soundtrack to your butchery?

Bikerbhoy · 29-03-2010 01:02PM

TIME..!!!!:mad:

dragonbet · 29-03-2010 01:09PM

I'd clock him with the nearest heavy object I could find, then tie him up.

Go buy a heavy set cow or bull, lock him up and starve him for about four days

Then I'd strip the robber, force feed him a viagra and tie him up in a empty shed with the starved cow. The cow will be proceed to suck the robber to death...!!!!

ToxicPaddy · 29-03-2010 01:17PM

Suppose depends on what mindset or state I'm in at the time..

The father of friend of mine heard someone trying to break into their house, its an old Georgian style house with large sash windows, the father woke up after hearing the window in his bedroom slide open, the room is on he first floor..

He put on his boots, walked over, watched as the guys head came in the window, kicked the guy into the face, but the guy still hung on, so he slammed the window down on his hands, after a very loud scream, he eventually left go and there was a loud thud as he hit the ground, the father closed the window, called the Gardai and waited calmly in bed until they came.

The guy was no where to be seen, but apparently they got his fingerprints from the window and arrested him at his home a few days later with 8 broken fingers and a fractured ankle..

Wazdakka · 29-03-2010 01:24PM

OutlawPete wrote: »

Would you do it all to the tunes of Steeler's Wheel.

Or would you choose a different tune as a soundtrack to your butchery?

Steelers wheel man... You don't mess with the classics.

Then again.... Think how twisted it would be to make him listen to Jedward while you're cutting off body parts and soaking him in gas.
He'd be offering you a match.

twinytwo · 29-03-2010 01:25PM

come at him like a spider monkey:pac:

wes · 29-03-2010 01:27PM

Ring the Guards, and then grab some kind of weapon and defend myself from the intruder.

barochoc · 29-03-2010 01:45PM

A scumbag low life piece of crap... sorry, A burglar broke in to a friend of mines house a long time ago... maybe 15 years ago.

Anyway he was woken up by his wife. She said someone is downstairs. He got out of bed slowly & went to his kids rooms quietly & when he seen they were both asleep he carried them into his bedroom.

He quietly took the stairs & crept up behind the low-life scum (sorry it keeps happening) in the sitting room, he went "Pssssst" when he was right up behind him & as the rotten turd turned around he cracked him in the jaw & KO'd him. This guy was always in great shape & well able to handle himself!

He grabbed the lifeless ball of crap by the hair & dragged him up to his daughters room & then a beautiful thing happened.

He slapped the guy around the face until he started to come around & just as he did he cracked him in the ribs & smashed his nose in. He then proceeded to use the guy as a punch bag.

I won't get too graphic but several limbs were broken, a few ribs & his jaw. The Gardaí were called in a voice that could only be described as very upset & shaken. When the Gardaí arrived he told him the scumbag was upstairs & that he's unleashed hell in a panic as he found the rotten paedophile scum in his daughters room.

The Gardaí just looked at him & said not to worry, it was only natural to protect your children from people like this. The Gardaí couldn't move the man as he was literally like a bad car crash victim. Ambulance was called & the guy was stretchered away with back brace & the whole lot.

He found out who the guy was & when he was getting out of hospital. Guess what happened when the guy got out? I won't get graphic but he had to go back in to hospital very quickly.

This story traveled quick & nobody on his street even had to lock their door for years later. Burglaries were very high in the area before the incident & not a dickie bird for 10 years. He has moved now so I'd be interested to know if it's still the same.

I love telling this story & I believe it's a good deterrent. It's also a good example of how to do it right if you are cool enough to handle the situation. It's a different story altogether when you find a low-life turd upstairs or in a bedroom. It's a threat on your life in the eyes of the law.

I'm not advising anybody to carry out the same & hope I never experience a break in by a lower life form. But if I ever do & the opportunity arises, I will do everything in my power to try duplicate this story or possibly better it.

My baseball bat sits in my wardrobe with nice rusty 6" concrete nails driven through the head & I won't hesitate for one second to use it if I feel threatened by a slimy scum covered low life.

As far as I'm concerned, you left all your rights outside my house & you're in my world now. I'll be serving you justice & it won't be swift. I'll drag it out because I'll want to make sure you have nightmares for the rest of your life & hopefully you won't be dumb enough to ever do it to someone else again.

barochoc · 29-03-2010 01:48PM

ToxicPaddy wrote: »

Suppose depends on what mindset or state I'm in at the time..

The father of friend of mine heard someone trying to break into their house, its an old Georgian style house with large sash windows, the father woke up after hearing the window in his bedroom slide open, the room is on he first floor..

He put on his boots, walked over, watched as the guys head came in the window, kicked the guy into the face, but the guy still hung on, so he slammed the window down on his hands, after a very loud scream, he eventually left go and there was a loud thud as he hit the ground, the father closed the window, called the Gardai and waited calmly in bed until they came.

The guy was no where to be seen, but apparently they got his fingerprints from the window and arrested him at his home a few days later with 8 broken fingers and a fractured ankle..

Please forward me the details of this mans local watering hole. I would like to buy him a pint

NOGMaxpower · 29-03-2010 01:51PM

i would let them take whatever they want. they abviously need it more than me and anything they take can be replaced.

Now having said that if the fecker went near my ps3 it'd be the last thing they'd see.

Le King · 29-03-2010 02:13PM

Caught a member traveller community trying to break into my house 3 years ago.
Was out on a night out, put the key in the door, walked into the kitchen and heard something out the back. Went outside with a hurley and caught the fat pr!ck trying to break into my little sisters window. Needless to say, I caught him with the hurley in the back. Ran off like a little girl through my garden.

Scary at the time though.

Agricola · 29-03-2010 02:15PM

Karate his ass. Jim Carrey demonstrates:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAWFBbQa_84

bonerm · 29-03-2010 02:19PM

Osu wrote: »

caught the fat pr!ck trying to break into my little sisters window. Needless to say, I caught him with the hurley in the back. Ran off like a little girl through my garden.

Maybe he was going to rob her Barbies.

toiletduck · 29-03-2010 02:24PM

I'd activate this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vam8_nU7kQ8

Only mine has mustard gas. After that I'd set the self destruct on the house and run to get out of the blast zone (roughly 3km).

Well that, or I have a good hurley in my room. Not saying I'd go all Tommy Walsh on him, nobody can be sure what they'd do until they're in that situation, but I do feel safer having it close at hand.

Smart Bug · 29-03-2010 02:25PM

I'd maul them with my fearsome gonad.

Kiera · 29-03-2010 02:26PM

I live on my own so i'd run back out and get one of my neighbours/call the cops while still keeping my apt in sight.

bonerm · 29-03-2010 02:34PM

Kiera wrote: »

I live on my own

mental note

sflemings · 29-03-2010 03:01PM

I would probably beat the person to the full extent of the law but it would really depend if they were armed or not. If you were able to creep up behind the person and crack them one over the head then I'm all for it!

It'd be great too if you had like a 120db noise generating yoke built in to your house that you could set off if you found someone in your house. Just have a pair of ear muffs close by. So while the burgler is blocking his ears with their hands, again I would probably beat the person to the full extent of the law!

Kiera · 29-03-2010 03:05PM

bonerm wrote: »

mental note

So you can rob me?

bonerm · 29-03-2010 03:06PM

Kiera wrote: »

So you can rob me?

Depends. Are you strong?

hooradiation · 29-03-2010 03:07PM

barochoc wrote: »

A scumbag low life piece of crap... sorry, A burglar broke in to a friend of mines house a long time ago... maybe 15 years ago.

Anyway he was woken up by his wife. She said someone is downstairs. He got out of bed slowly & went to his kids rooms quietly & when he seen they were both asleep he carried them into his bedroom.

He quietly took the stairs & crept up behind the low-life scum (sorry it keeps happening) in the sitting room, he went "Pssssst" when he was right up behind him & as the rotten turd turned around he cracked him in the jaw & KO'd him. This guy was always in great shape & well able to handle himself!

He grabbed the lifeless ball of crap by the hair & dragged him up to his daughters room & then a beautiful thing happened.

He slapped the guy around the face until he started to come around & just as he did he cracked him in the ribs & smashed his nose in. He then proceeded to use the guy as a punch bag.

I won't get too graphic but several limbs were broken, a few ribs & his jaw. The Gardaí were called in a voice that could only be described as very upset & shaken. When the Gardaí arrived he told him the scumbag was upstairs & that he's unleashed hell in a panic as he found the rotten paedophile scum in his daughters room.

The Gardaí just looked at him & said not to worry, it was only natural to protect your children from people like this. The Gardaí couldn't move the man as he was literally like a bad car crash victim. Ambulance was called & the guy was stretchered away with back brace & the whole lot.

He found out who the guy was & when he was getting out of hospital. Guess what happened when the guy got out? I won't get graphic but he had to go back in to hospital very quickly.

This story traveled quick & nobody on his street even had to lock their door for years later. Burglaries were very high in the area before the incident & not a dickie bird for 10 years. He has moved now so I'd be interested to know if it's still the same.

I love telling this story & I believe it's a good deterrent. It's also a good example of how to do it right if you are cool enough to handle the situation. It's a different story altogether when you find a low-life turd upstairs or in a bedroom. It's a threat on your life in the eyes of the law.

I'm not advising anybody to carry out the same & hope I never experience a break in by a lower life form. But if I ever do & the opportunity arises, I will do everything in my power to try duplicate this story or possibly better it.

My baseball bat sits in my wardrobe with nice rusty 6" concrete nails driven through the head & I won't hesitate for one second to use it if I feel threatened by a slimy scum covered low life.

As far as I'm concerned, you left all your rights outside my house & you're in my world now. I'll be serving you justice & it won't be swift. I'll drag it out because I'll want to make sure you have nightmares for the rest of your life & hopefully you won't be dumb enough to ever do it to someone else again.

Stop that!
You can't tell lies on the Internet!

Biggins · 29-03-2010 03:08PM

What would I do if I caught a burglar in my home?

Well as this is a public forum and as such any reply to that question would be on record, I decline to say much except that I would see to it that my wife and four kids took priority over the thief and the protection of lives involved. I would see that the person invading, would see some form of justice.

Kiera · 29-03-2010 03:10PM

bonerm wrote: »

Depends. Are you strong?

Yes, so stay away!

Jaxxy · 29-03-2010 03:13PM

Funny thing is you never actually know what you'll do in that situation until you're in it. I always assumed I'd have a complete meltdown and be reduced to a useless lump that rocked back and forth in a dark corner somewhere. But once when I heard two hushed voices downstairs in the hall I calmly got out of bed (my boyfriend at the time was working nights) grabbed my phone and called the gards. I realised it was me or them and that I was probably going to die once they found me. So with that logical reasoning in mind I decided to ensure I at least made a good go of trying to escape with my life intact. I looked around for something to use to defend myself but unfortunately found nothing but a can of deodorant. So I waited behind the door and when it was opened I attacked the intruder with a long spray to the face.

It wasn't until I ran from the bedroom and bumped into the second intruder that I realised they weren't burglars. They were in fact the couple from next door who had moved in only two days previously. They were coming back from a night out on the tear and confused our place for theirs. Most disturbing thing about the whole situation was that THEIR key worked in OUR door. The management company got a very irate phone call from me the next day.

Now I sleep with a massive hunting knife (I call him Mr. FaceRape) under my bed and a mini baseball bat I got as a souvenir from the Canaries beside it. If someone comes into my house, for whatever reason, I won't be hesitating to use either of them. Everyone has a right to defend themselves in their own home IMO, no matter what the law might say otherwise.

bonerm · 29-03-2010 03:17PM

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

Now I sleep with a massive hunting knife under my bed

Considering you could have potentially injured your neighbours last time round do you think that's really a good idea? It's people like you that make me glad we don't have the same gunlaws as the US.

hooradiation · 29-03-2010 03:19PM

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

I realised it was me or them and that I was probably going to die once they found me. So with that logical reasoning in mind I decided to ensure I at least made a good go of trying to escape with my life intact.

That's not logical in the slightest.
What the hell is wrong with you?

What Would You Do? If you Caught A Burglar in Your Home

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