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An open letter to the lady on the bus

2456

Comments

  • #32
    dsmythy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,588 ✭✭✭✭dsmythy


    Board-in-work wrote: »
    Note to the youngsters on buses -

    Getting a blow job on the back seat of a relatively empty bus, at night from Galway to Dublin means that when the cabin lights turn off - the windows become reflective and I can see everything just by pretending to look out of my window. Quite puts me off my crossword.

    Ye dirtbird...


  • #33
    happyfriday
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 390 ✭✭happyfriday


    On the bus a while ago now. Sat infront of some guy downstairs across from the wheelchair/buggy area. There were two D4 head girls having a very loud conversation about total bull**** that nobody needed to know, it was so loud it seemed they were shouting. After a a few minutes I noticed that the guy behind me was rocking back and forward and repeating over and over again in a very low voice 'shut up, shut up, shut up, I'm going to kill you.' I'm sure the poor guy was not well and he possibly was talking to something that was not there but I'm betting the two ninny's letting the whole bus know about their Saturday night were not helping. When I was getting off the bus (two stops before mine, as by this stage I was a bit uncomfortable) I looked back and the guy was pure red with anger!!! :(


  • #34
    genericguy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,831 ✭✭✭genericguy


    Gummy Panda wrote: »
    On the 220 to Blanchardstown, there use to be a mad woman who would pick her nose then eat it in front of everyone. It was disgusting and a horrible sight to start your day with.

    oh my god, I remember her!!


  • #35
    Noopti
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,776 ✭✭✭Noopti


    I remember seeing Brendan Kilkenny a number of times getting on/off the bus at Palmerstown. Horrific sight altogether.


  • #36
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,594 ✭✭✭bonerm


    happyfriday wrote: »
    On the bus a while ago now. Sat infront of some guy downstairs across from the wheelchair/buggy area. There were two D4 head girls having a very loud conversation about total bull**** that nobody needed to know, it was so loud it seemed they were shouting. After a a few minutes I noticed that the guy behind me was rocking back and forward and repeating over and over again in a very low voice 'shut up, shut up, shut up, I'm going to kill you.' I'm sure the poor guy was not well and he possibly was talking to something that was not there but I'm betting the two ninny's letting the whole bus know about their Saturday night were not helping. When I was getting off the bus (two stops before mine, as by this stage I was a bit uncomfortable) I looked back and the guy was pure red with anger!!! :(

    Really? I'd have been tempted to stay on past my stop just to see what might happen.


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  • #37
    prinz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    conorhal wrote: »
    It's just sad.

    Post was bang on the money.

    I remember standing up to a couple of little runts on the bus one night that were hassling people, no one on the bus would back me up, everyone else looked at the floor, looked out the window, stared into space. Got my way anyway but made me think twice about doing it again. You'll get no help or thanks for it.


  • #38
    Bolag_the_2nd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭Bolag_the_2nd


    does anyone remember ths busses with the wooden seats years ago in finglas....

    well i do because as the bus turned a corner i slid off the seat onto the floor, morto, the trying to get up and regain my dignity was made worse by the howls of laughter from the other passengers.

    the shame :o


  • #39
    cafecolour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    After years on American city buses and extended Greyhound trips (I've done at least three >20 hour ones - all for distances that should've been half the time in a car), I have to say that I've found the buses here positively lovely in comparison ;)


  • #40
    kmick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,375 ✭✭✭kmick


    Once on the 16A this loopy young girl about 25 sat in next to me and started ranting and raving at me. I ignored her by looking out the window so she started kicking me on the leg every now and then. After the third kick I turned around and calmly told her if she kicked me again I would punch her in the face. She stayed quiet after that.


  • #41
    Noopti
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,776 ✭✭✭Noopti


    kmick wrote: »
    Once on the 16A this loopy young girl about 25 sat in next to me and started ranting and raving at me. I ignored her by looking out the window so she started kicking me on the leg every now and then. After the third kick I turned around and calmly told her if she kicked me again I would punch her in the face. She stayed quiet after that. I married her 3 weeks later. And that kids, is how myself and your mother met

    Fixed... :p


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  • #42
    Lone Stone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭Lone Stone


    The_Minister wrote: »
    Dear whoever,
    You are crazy and I accept that. I find it interesting that when no-one else is looking you sign to yourself along with mouthing the words - it leaves me wondering if mentally ill deaf people do that too, and I've always meant to check that.

    I don't even mind that, when you aren't making angry faces and signing frantically, you are industriously picking your nose, because I've never seen you wipe in on the seats or poles. I've never seen you do anything with it, but I suspect that you discreetly eat it; I'm sure that I nearly caught you once.

    However, the last time we met you were not only digging away in your nostril like a coked up badger, but were also Ahhhhhhing to yourself while you did it. You were also changing the pitch of the Ahhh depending on how deep into the nose you were, which was oddly disturbing.

    Again, it is a free country and I can't stop you doing this. However, if I happen to start laughing, quickly stifle it and stick my head into my book because I don't want to be rude, don't glare at me as if I'm the one in the wrong. You are picking your nose, and setting it to a tune on the bus, don't start giving me pissy looks because I happened to crack a smile while the woman beside you just squirmed uncomfortably.

    Yours sincerely,
    The Minister
    Moderator extraordinaire

    Anyone else got any bus stories?

    Dam do you get the 17a to ?


  • #43
    Wood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 365 ✭✭Wood


    On one of the midweek nitelinks we had back in the good old days, i was sitting upstairs at the back of the 51N, with a lovely classy chungwan sitting on the opposite side of the bus to me. We were the only two people upstairs.

    Just after the bus pulled off, she threw her legs over the seat back in front of her, de-knickered herself and proceeded to píss and shít on the floor of the bus.

    Accustomed as i am to general skangology i just looked on in sheer amazement, she saw how impressed i was, and caught my gaze, to which she eloquently said "Have ya never seen anyone taking a shíte before?"

    To which i replied "Not on a bus love"


  • #44
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    Wood wrote: »
    On one of the midweek nitelinks we had back in the good old days, i was sitting upstairs at the back of the 51N, with a lovely classy chungwan sitting on the opposite side of the bus to me. We were the only two people upstairs.

    Just after the bus pulled off, she threw her legs over the seat back in front of her, de-knickered herself and proceeded to píss and shít on the floor of the bus.

    Accustomed as i am to general skangology i just looked on in sheer amazement, she saw how impressed i was, and caught my gaze, to which she eloquently said "Have ya never seen anyone taking a shíte before?"

    To which i replied "Not on a bus love"

    PICS OR GTFO


  • #45
    NothingMan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,178 ✭✭✭✭NothingMan


    I was travelling Croatia last September and coming towards the end we had to take a 6 hour bus trip up the coast. We got chatting to a group of New Zealand & Australian folks and were happily enjoying the journey. At the 1st stop one guy bought a round of cans for the lads (didn't get his or my gf one, must be old fashioned). Anyway, all being fair I get the beers in at the next stop, and the other guy at the next stop. My gf gave me one of her beers too.

    We had been stopping every 40 mins for most of the trip but coming towards a main city we keep on going for about 1.5 hours, during which I started to need to pee pretty badly. I kept mum as long as possible but when I felt I was going to pop I started voicing my discomfort. After about 20 mins of agony I ask the conductor when would we be stoppping and was told 20 mins. I did not have 20 mins. I politely asked him to stop and he rudely told me 20MINS!!!

    So I got an empty litre of water, went into the kitchenette and filled it to the brim. I didn't want to carry it down the back so I hid it in the fridge. The conductor saw me walking back to my seat, went and checked the kitchen and then gave me the most evil stare imaginable. All the Aussies and Kiwis and an old Scottish couple laughing at me.

    Why would a long haul bus have a kitchen and not a toilet!!!


  • #46
    Emory Miniature Thunderbolt
    Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭ Emory Miniature Thunderbolt


    NothingMan wrote: »
    I was travelling Croatia last September and coming towards the end we had to take a 6 hour bus trip up the coast. We got chatting to a group of New Zealand & Australian folks and were happily enjoying the journey. At the 1st stop one guy bought a round of cans for the lads (didn't get his or my gf one, must be old fashioned). Anyway, all being fair I get the beers in at the next stop, and the other guy at the next stop. My gf gave me one of her beers too.

    We had been stopping every 40 mins for most of the trip but coming towards a main city we keep on going for about 1.5 hours, during which I started to need to pee pretty badly. I kept mum as long as possible but when I felt I was going to pop I started voicing my discomfort. After about 20 mins of agony I ask the conductor when would we be stoppping and was told 20 mins. I did not have 20 mins. I politely asked him to stop and he rudely told me 20MINS!!!

    So I got an empty litre of water, went into the kitchenette and filled it to the brim. I didn't want to carry it down the back so I hid it in the fridge. The conductor saw me walking back to my seat, went and checked the kitchen and then gave me the most evil stare imaginable. All the Aussies and Kiwis and an old Scottish couple laughing at me.

    Why would a long haul bus have a kitchen and not a toilet!!!

    Hilarious :rolleyes:
    You'd probably get on with with the lovely lady who p*ssed and sh*t all over the floor of the bus. Strange how so many people survive long haul journeys without behaving like a total knacker. You could've at least kept the bottle with you instead of leaving your p*ss for someone else to throw out. The driver gave you a dirty look? I'd say you were lucky not to have it poured over your head, tbh.

    Awful bus stories? Too many to mention. I used to get the 13A home at night and saw junkies shooting up, a couple having sex, loads of people smoking, the list goes on. Always told the driver, he always said there was nothing he could do.


  • #47
    vangoz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,009 ✭✭✭vangoz


    I step on the 65b near the start of its run, bottom deck mostly full so proceed upstairs and observe an apprentice builder (judging from his youth) sprawled across the back seat as if he was on a hammock somewhere in the caribbean.
    I seat at the very front seat and crack into my book. After several uneventful moments the bus suddenly brakes approaching to a orange/red light, followed by loud crash and a empty back seat. The young chap staggered to his feet.... the only way to describe his reaction trying to find his is one of a boxer desperately trying survive the last moments of round after being on the verge of getting knocked out...... classic moment!!

    I frequent the 77 and 65b to work the last 5 years or so, a lot of junkie, drunkards etc stories.... one I recorded on my phone a few weeks ago :)


  • #48
    fullstop
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 12,719 ✭✭✭✭fullstop


    kmick wrote: »
    Once on the 16A this loopy young girl about 25 sat in next to me and started ranting and raving at me.

    Should have sent her here.


  • #49
    NothingMan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,178 ✭✭✭✭NothingMan


    [quote=[Deleted User];65084361]Hilarious :rolleyes:
    You'd probably get on with with the lovely lady who p*ssed and sh*t all over the floor of the bus. Strange how so many people survive long haul journeys without behaving like a total knacker. You could've at least kept the bottle with you instead of leaving your p*ss for someone else to throw out. The driver gave you a dirty look? I'd say you were lucky not to have it poured over your head, tbh.[/QUOTE]

    Thank you for your kind insults :rolleyes:. Not that you asked but I did remove the bottle when the bus finally stopped. I also asked politely for the conductor to stop the bus and my only options were to let my bladder literally burst or piss myself. I think using a bottle in the only private area available was the least knackerish way of handling the situation. I don't see having a few beers on a long haul bus trip as anymore knackerish than having some beers on a flight or train.
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #50
    j1974
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭j1974


    MrStuffins wrote: »
    Used to get the bus to work with a girl i worked with. Bus was pretty full but there was 2 single seats one in front of the other. She sat in beside this guy and i sat behind her beside an old woman.

    The guy kept regularly looking at her in an up and down way. Myself and the girl are having a chat until she jumps up screaming and runs down the stairs and gets off the bus miles away from work. I jumped off at the next stop to see was she ok and it turned out the guy she was sitting beside was.......... gratifying himself.

    *shudders*


    what a wanker!!!:D


  • #51
    3qsmavrod5twfe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 440 ✭✭3qsmavrod5twfe


    j1974 wrote: »
    what a wanker!!!:D


    ba dum tish


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  • #52
    Emory Miniature Thunderbolt
    Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭ Emory Miniature Thunderbolt


    NothingMan wrote: »
    Thank you for your kind insults :rolleyes:. Not that you asked but I did remove the bottle when the bus finally stopped. I also asked politely for the conductor to stop the bus and my only options were to let my bladder literally burst or piss myself. I think using a bottle in the only private area available was the least knackerish way of handling the situation. I don't see having a few beers on a long haul bus trip as anymore knackerish than having some beers on a flight or train.

    It's still manky to leave a bottle of p*ss in a fridge. It's not drinking on a bus that's knackery, it's expecting the driver to stop the bus just for you, getting annoyed when he won't, peeing in a bottle and leaving it in the fridge and then acting like he was in the wrong for giving you a dirty look. Even a three year old knows that drinking a lot = needing to pee. Not the bus driver's problem.


  • #53
    Thomas828
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭Thomas828


    Bolag_the_2nd wrote: »
    does anyone remember ths busses with the wooden seats years ago in finglas....

    well i do because as the bus turned a corner i slid off the seat onto the floor, morto, the trying to get up and regain my dignity was made worse by the howls of laughter from the other passengers.

    the shame :o
    The buses in Belfast used to have hard fibreglass seats. You'd slip and slide all over them and they were frequently covered in graffiti and blobs of chewing gum. And we got plenty of knackers on them as well - too many to mention here.


  • #54
    Sea Sharp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,593 ✭✭✭Sea Sharp


    Some crazy scanger shouting down the phone "No I didn't go to yer man for drugs I got a haircut"
    Then he takes out a razor and starts shaving his head.


  • #55
    NothingMan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,178 ✭✭✭✭NothingMan


    [quote=[Deleted User];65084866]It's still manky to leave a bottle of p*ss in a fridge.[/QUOTE]

    You make it sound like I pissed on the conductors lap. I hid it in the empty fridge in a sealed bottle so I could dispose of it without parading it through a bus of people.
    It's not drinking on a bus that's knackery, it's expecting the driver to stop the bus just for you, getting annoyed when he won't, peeing in a bottle and leaving it in the fridge and then acting like he was in the wrong for giving you a dirty look. Even a three year old knows that drinking a lot = needing to pee. Not the bus driver's problem.

    I did mention he was stopping very frequently and I got stuck when he decided to go for twice as long. I never said I got annoyed at anyone or said the conductor was in the wrong for the look. I think I handled the situation the only way I could, and was quite embaressed in the process. The hilarious part coming from all the folks I was with, laughing at me as I walked red faced back to my seat.

    I would hate for you ever to be in the situation, you would end up in hospital with a popped bladder for fear of maybe looking a bit of a knacker. It was an awkward position to be in and I decided to enjoy the funny side of it.
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #56
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    [quote=[Deleted User];65084361]Hilarious :rolleyes:
    You'd probably get on with with the lovely lady who p*ssed and sh*t all over the floor of the bus. Strange how so many people survive long haul journeys without behaving like a total knacker. You could've at least kept the bottle with you instead of leaving your p*ss for someone else to throw out. The driver gave you a dirty look? I'd say you were lucky not to have it poured over your head, tbh.

    Awful bus stories? Too many to mention. I used to get the 13A home at night and saw junkies shooting up, a couple having sex, loads of people smoking, the list goes on. Always told the driver, he always said there was nothing he could do.[/QUOTE]

    Jesus christ, de-twist your knickers there will you. When you have to go, you have to go. The driver refused to stop for him. What would you have done? Pissed yourself? Stuck your knob out the window and sprayed it onto the street? That would have been much more mannerly I'm sure.
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #57
    Emory Miniature Thunderbolt
    Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭ Emory Miniature Thunderbolt


    strobe wrote: »
    Jesus christ, de-twist your knickers there will you. When you have to go, you have to go. The driver refused to stop for him. What would you have done? Pissed yourself? Stuck your knob out the window and sprayed it onto the street? That would have been much more mannerly I'm sure.

    I don't have a knob. :rolleyes: I've taken loads of long, long bus journeys and have neither pissed myself not peed out of a window - I manage to hold it until we stop, and I don't drink cans if I know there won't be a stop coming up soon. Rocket science it is indeed! Have you never wondered how 99% of people cope?


  • #58
    Mars Bar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 32,684 ✭✭✭✭Mars Bar


    [quote=[Deleted User];65085402]I don't have a knob. :rolleyes: I've taken loads of long, long bus journeys and have neither pissed myself not peed out of a window - I manage to hold it until we stop, and I don't drink cans if I know there won't be a stop coming up soon. Rocket science it is indeed! Have you never wondered how 99% of people cope?[/QUOTE]

    Jesus, he had the luxury of actually being able to relieve himself. I had a bad experience on a bus recently where I was on the verge of passing out trying to hold it. I actually needed a shower when I got to the house I was sweating that much. If I was in his position, I would have done the same thing gladly.
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #59
    NothingMan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,178 ✭✭✭✭NothingMan


    [quote=[Deleted User];65085402]I don't have a knob. :rolleyes: I've taken loads of long, long bus journeys and have neither pissed myself not peed out of a window - I manage to hold it until we stop, and I don't drink cans if I know there won't be a stop coming up soon. Rocket science it is indeed! Have you never wondered how 99% of people cope?[/QUOTE]


    Well there were only about 20 people on the bus, so I was 5% not 1%, get your statistics right :P.
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #60
    longhalloween
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭longhalloween


    I was on the no.3 from town out to Sandymount one evening. The bus was pretty empty but up the front there was a old man and woman, scruffy and prob homeless.

    Anyways, they were having a whispered argument for the whole journey and at Shelbourne the guy stands up, points to yer wan and shouts 'Ye f*ckin b*tch, says that again an I'll f*ckin kill ye!' She stood up and busted him in the face. Driver let them off in Irishtown.


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  • #61
    DementoR
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 63 ✭✭DementoR


    longhalloween wrote: »
    I was on the no.3 from town out to Sandymount one evening. The bus was pretty empty but up the front there was a old man and woman, scruffy and prob homeless.

    Anyways, they were having a whispered argument for the whole journey and at Shelbourne the guy stands up, points to yer wan and shouts 'Ye f*ckin b*tch, says that again an I'll f*ckin kill ye!' She stood up and busted him in the face. Driver let them off in Irishtown.

    Ah yeh,that sounds like John and Mary alright!


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