An open letter to the lady on the bus

The_Minister

Dear whoever,
You are crazy and I accept that. I find it interesting that when no-one else is looking you sign to yourself along with mouthing the words - it leaves me wondering if mentally ill deaf people do that too, and I've always meant to check that.

I don't even mind that, when you aren't making angry faces and signing frantically, you are industriously picking your nose, because I've never seen you wipe in on the seats or poles. I've never seen you do anything with it, but I suspect that you discreetly eat it; I'm sure that I nearly caught you once.

However, the last time we met you were not only digging away in your nostril like a coked up badger, but were also Ahhhhhhing to yourself while you did it. You were also changing the pitch of the Ahhh depending on how deep into the nose you were, which was oddly disturbing.

Again, it is a free country and I can't stop you doing this. However, if I happen to start laughing, quickly stifle it and stick my head into my book because I don't want to be rude, don't glare at me as if I'm the one in the wrong. You are picking your nose, and setting it to a tune on the bus, don't start giving me pissy looks because I happened to crack a smile while the woman beside you just squirmed uncomfortably.

Yours sincerely,
The Minister
Moderator extraordinaire

Anyone else got any bus stories?

Hank_Jones

I've been on a bus before where some lad took a piss on the upstairs of the bus.

Fcuking nitelinks...

Board-in-work

Note to the youngsters on buses -

Getting a blow job on the back seat of a relatively empty bus, at night from Galway to Dublin means that when the cabin lights turn off - the windows become reflective and I can see everything just by pretending to look out of my window. Quite puts me off my crossword.

Pherekydes

Just tell her you love her, OP.

Noopti

I remember when I used to get the 66 there was this drunkard woman who was on the bus a few times. She was dressed semi-decently, nice coats, shoes etc but she was a total alcho.
One time she sat beside some other bloke who was reading the paper, and she spent the whole journey drunkenly leaning over on top of him reading the pages of the paper and commenting to him about it.

Another time she was really pissed, and dropped her bag on the floor cracking the open bottle of wine she had in it, spilling it all over the floor. The smell was rank, must have been gone off for weeks as it smelled like vinegar. Everytime someone from upstairs came down they would sort of look at the wine on the floor and grimace with the smell. She would keep saying to them "what's wrong with ye?" "Relax.....nothing is wrong" etc.

Another time on the 16 an old woman pissed herself and got off a few stops away. Along comes someone else into the bus, and before anyone could stop them they sat right down on the seat the old woman pissed on. It was hilarious, you could see people start to physically gesture towards the person as they went to sit on the seat, but it was too late....so everyone just sat back and made that "oh no she didn't!" look.....the person just kept sitting on the seat even though it was soaked in piss.


Edit: Also remember some young girls sitting at the back of the bus one time describing their sexual exploits very loudly. What sticks out in my mind though was when one of them said how she told one of the "lads"...."if you tell anyone about it this I will bite it off".
Classy

Gummy Panda

The_Minister wrote: »

I don't even mind that, when you aren't making angry faces and signing frantically, you are industriously picking your nose, because I've never seen you wipe in on the seats or poles. I've never seen you do anything with it, but I suspect that you discreetly eat it; I'm sure that I nearly caught you once.

On the 220 to Blanchardstown, there use to be a mad woman who would pick her nose then eat it in front of everyone. It was disgusting and a horrible sight to start your day with.

MrStuffins

Used to get the bus to work with a girl i worked with. Bus was pretty full but there was 2 single seats one in front of the other. She sat in beside this guy and i sat behind her beside an old woman.

The guy kept regularly looking at her in an up and down way. Myself and the girl are having a chat until she jumps up screaming and runs down the stairs and gets off the bus miles away from work. I jumped off at the next stop to see was she ok and it turned out the guy she was sitting beside was.......... gratifying himself.

*shudders*

o1s1n

Once a guy with Downs sat down beside me while I was playing New Super Mario Bros. He kept shouting 'JUMP!' and would erupt with cheers when I finished a level.

I was sad when he got off the bus

Fratton Fred

I never catch the bus. It is full of people who either don't live near the Dort or can't afford a car. In my experience, this increases the possibility the bus will be full of poor people/drunks/kids or general weirdos.

Gummy Panda

MrStuffins wrote: »

I jumped off at the next stop to see was she ok and it turned out the guy she was sitting beside was.......... gratifying himself.

*shudders*

The porn industry.. creating dreams that never pan out right in real life.

conorhal

I once sat next to a lady that I think must have been suffering from tourettes syndrome. She started yipping in that 'i've just been startled by something and made an invoulintary noise' kind of way. I said nothing and neither did she.
The thing of it is, everybody on the bus was glaring at me, as if I was the cause of this. Then it dawned on me that they may have believed that I was trying to feel her up or something. Absolutely morto!

Noffles

Not exactly on the bus but...

Myself and the missus heading in one moring and just happened to glance over at a bus stop queue across the road... a lad in his early 20's was waiting there, he must of had an awful cold as he proceeded to wipe his VERY runny nose on his hand / arm... sadly he then decided to lick it off in one long big lick. I swear I literally nearly spewed, as did the missus, this was about 6 years ago and it still makes me laugh / spew...

cynder

I was on a bus from limerick to ennis ( was in place of the train) and the guys behind were going on about what magazines they had and which ones were best and where they went when looking at them, they were talking really loud, the thing is i had my 10 year old daughter with me. I would loved to have told them to shut up but you never know what they might do! they got too explicit at one stage and i had to talk louder to my daughter so she couldnt hear what they were saying. Now i know why the fella needed magazines no girl in her right mind would go out with him!


Must say thank you to a lady on the number 123 bus and the 123 driver was the best. Got me from crumlin childrens hospital to hueston station.

brianthebard

The_Minister wrote: »

Anyone else got any bus stories?

First time I got a dublin bus on my own some lad offered to stab me. He didn't though, obv.

whiteboy

Some of the things said in this thread are proper disgusting.

bonerm

I don't even mind that, when you aren't making angry faces and signing frantically, you are industriously picking your nose, because I've never seen you wipe in on the seats or poles. I've never seen you do anything with it, but I suspect that you discreetly eat it; I'm sure that I nearly caught you once.

That's all very interesting, but there's still one important question you haven't answered i.e. is she good looking?

Lizzzard

On the bus one evening (around 8/9) two Members of the Travelling Community (I'll refer to them as knackers here, read on you'll find out why) got on the bus, STINKING drunk. Upstairs down the back they sat, kept to themselves until 3 young girls(14/15) got on and recognised them, started talking to them. Grand. Then the girls were getting off and a full bottle of Corona was thrown up the bus at one of their heads.

Long story short, Eastern European guy with his family stood up telling the two boys they would be treated like "pieces of siht" in his country, invites them to a fight outside the bus, floors one of them, I mean OUT COLD and the other ran off before getting what he deserved. Guy hops back on the bus to a round of applause and a pat on the back from his family.

It's funny how someone from a different nationality was able to show us how to deal with knackers acting like gobshties in our country. "pieces of siht" is right!!!!

Glenster

I was on the Dart coming back from town a few weeks ago and there was this old woman who kept moving her lips like she was saying the rosary and would periodically cover her face with both hands, she was swaying back and forth a bit too.

MrStuffins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5yWa-iVu00

Hells Belle

brianthebard wrote: »

First time I got a dublin bus on my own some lad offered to stab me. He didn't though, obv.

Same thing happened me in a very dodgy area of Waterford, a total scummer waved one of those plastic handled blades in my face for having the cheek to fook back the m&m's he threw at me in the first place.
Wanker busdriver stopped 3 miles after he got off to check if myself and my 4 yr old niece were ok, it was one of those City Gimp busses so we were basically 5 seats behind the cnut. :mad:

Gummy Panda

brianthebard wrote: »

First time I got a dublin bus on my own some lad offered to stab me. He didn't though, obv.

Was it because you asked how much for him to polish your Stacy Adams?

Jetset

On 128 a couple of weeks back; top deck and a dude sitting up the front at the aisle. Bus is really quiet when he turns on what seems to be a tiny portable radio with a screen on the back of it and blars a bit of Scooter or something, bad enough but then looses the signal so we are listening to loud fuzz all the way home.

Then we hear barking, I'm think surely its not breaking through the horrible fuzz from the radio, oh no he takes a puppy out of his jacket holds it over the corrider where it pi*sses on the floor!!!

Some people :rolleyes:

bonerm

Lizzzard wrote: »

It's funny how someone from a different nationality was able to show us how to deal with knackers acting like gobshties in our country. "pieces of siht" is right!!!!

Coincidentally the only Dublin Bus driver I've ever seen get off his arse and do anything about hash-smokers down the upper-back was a driver from Italy.

Lazy fat jobsworth cnuts we have driving our buses. No wonder scumbags think they have the run of our public transport.

Sanjuro

I was on a bus travelling home after a night out one time. It wasn't night-link time yet, so the bus was fairly full. I was sitting up near the driver, facing a woman in her sixties. And I was blotto. Sitting there, with the bus swaying, I started to feel a little woozy. And it got worse. I started wretching, with the woman staring at me with increasing disgust. I felt a wave of nausea, which must have registered on my face. I held my left hand up to my mouth, and held up my right finger in a 'no no, wait. I'm all right' gesture.

Then, my hand still pressed up against my mouth, I projectile vomited into my mouth. With nowhere to go, the spew forced it's way out of the corners of my mouth in two, long, vomitous arcs, much like you'd see on a fountain. The woman then looked at me in abject horror. There was nothing else I could do but vomit into the aile, creating a little moat of sick around her from which she would find it hard to escape. I was then kicked off the bus, somehow three stops after where I should have gotten off. It was a long, smelly, vomitous stagger home. Not my proudest moment.

o1s1n

Glenster wrote: »

I was on the Dart coming back from town a few weeks ago and there was this old woman who kept moving her lips like she was saying the rosary and would periodically cover her face with both hands, she was swaying back and forth a bit too.

Gah, you just reminded me of a really odd woman that was sitting across from me on the Dart a few years ago.

Her skin was really dry and flaky. She was sitting there, peeling the skin off her hands and then throwing it on the ground.

I was almost gagging. Had to move to a different seat it was so sick.

AnonoBoy

brianthebard wrote: »

First time I got a dublin bus on my own some lad offered to stab me. He didn't though, obv.

That's not very nice of him.


If he offered to do something he should have been true to his word. YOu must have been horrible disappointed.

NothingMan

Was waiting on a nitelink and I saw this scummer trying to start a fight on this very camp looking gentleman who was holding a pizza. He calmly put down the pizza and somewhat flambuoyantly knocked the crap out of the scummer. Calssic.

Also on Nitelink a drunk eejit thought it would be funny to drop his jocks and squeeze out a nice present. The bus driver saw him through his magic upstairs looker and quickly evcacuated him before any dookie could be dropped.

Also have seen many needle shooters and what not on the old 77.

Joey the lips

And now each night, and all night long,
Over those plains still roams the Dong;
And above the wall of the Chimp and Snipe
You may hear the sqeak of his plaintive pipe
While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain
To meet with his Jumbly Girl again;
Lonely and wild--all night he goes,--
The Dong with a luminous Nose!
And all who watch at the midnight hour,
From Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,
Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,
Moving along through the dreary night,--
'This is the hour when forth he goes,
'The Dong with a luminous Nose!
'Yonder--over the plain he goes,
'He goes!
'He goes;
'The Dong with a luminous Nose!'

conorhal

Lizzzard wrote: »

It's funny how someone from a different nationality was able to show us how to deal with knackers acting like gobshties in our country. "pieces of siht" is right!!!!

I've noticed that too. The Poles won't tolerate that kind of nonsense because they still come from a culture that demands a degree of respect for others.
Here in Ireland on the other hand we've destroyed all notion of respect for other people, so if you lay a hand on some knacker you're "opressin' me U-man roites!", that or the little fecker is as likely to stab you as look at you.
As a result we've turned into a bunch of sheep that will bow our heads and tolerate any indignity rather than stand up for ourselves against these wolves.

For example, last weekend my dear 'ol ma was on the dart home and some 50yr old drunk was staggering about the carriage abusing people before whipping it out and taking a slash all over the place. Then he invited some young girls down the end of the carriage to come have a look at his handiwork.
My mum was more appalled at the fact that not one person said a word then she was at the drunks actions. There were more than a few big strapping lads that could have ejected the eejit who instead took to staring out the window. It's just sad.

Chairman Meow

one time i was on the bus, and this really hot bird got on and sat beside me. Massive jugs, the works. So i started tuggin meself off, and after a few minutes she notices and gets up and runs off the feckin bus. Frigid bitch. The guy behind me didnt seem to mind tho.

speedboatchase

The_Minister wrote: »

Dear whoever,
You are crazy and I accept that. I find it interesting that when no-one else is looking you sign to yourself along with mouthing the words - it leaves me wondering if mentally ill deaf people do that too, and I've always meant to check that.

I don't even mind that, when you aren't making angry faces and signing frantically, you are industriously picking your nose, because I've never seen you wipe in on the seats or poles. I've never seen you do anything with it, but I suspect that you discreetly eat it; I'm sure that I nearly caught you once.

However, the last time we met you were not only digging away in your nostril like a coked up badger, but were also Ahhhhhhing to yourself while you did it. You were also changing the pitch of the Ahhh depending on how deep into the nose you were, which was oddly disturbing.

Again, it is a free country and I can't stop you doing this. However, if I happen to start laughing, quickly stifle it and stick my head into my book because I don't want to be rude, don't glare at me as if I'm the one in the wrong. You are picking your nose, and setting it to a tune on the bus, don't start giving me pissy looks because I happened to crack a smile while the woman beside you just squirmed uncomfortably.

Yours sincerely,
The Minister
Moderator extraordinaire




Anyone else got any bus stories?

Wait I know this lady - she's on the 66/25 route? She never gets a seat and signs to her reflection near where the driver is

dsmythy

Board-in-work wrote: »

Note to the youngsters on buses -

Getting a blow job on the back seat of a relatively empty bus, at night from Galway to Dublin means that when the cabin lights turn off - the windows become reflective and I can see everything just by pretending to look out of my window. Quite puts me off my crossword.

Ye dirtbird...

happyfriday

On the bus a while ago now. Sat infront of some guy downstairs across from the wheelchair/buggy area. There were two D4 head girls having a very loud conversation about total bull**** that nobody needed to know, it was so loud it seemed they were shouting. After a a few minutes I noticed that the guy behind me was rocking back and forward and repeating over and over again in a very low voice 'shut up, shut up, shut up, I'm going to kill you.' I'm sure the poor guy was not well and he possibly was talking to something that was not there but I'm betting the two ninny's letting the whole bus know about their Saturday night were not helping. When I was getting off the bus (two stops before mine, as by this stage I was a bit uncomfortable) I looked back and the guy was pure red with anger!!!

genericguy

Gummy Panda wrote: »

On the 220 to Blanchardstown, there use to be a mad woman who would pick her nose then eat it in front of everyone. It was disgusting and a horrible sight to start your day with.

oh my god, I remember her!!

Noopti

I remember seeing Brendan Kilkenny a number of times getting on/off the bus at Palmerstown. Horrific sight altogether.

bonerm

happyfriday wrote: »

On the bus a while ago now. Sat infront of some guy downstairs across from the wheelchair/buggy area. There were two D4 head girls having a very loud conversation about total bull**** that nobody needed to know, it was so loud it seemed they were shouting. After a a few minutes I noticed that the guy behind me was rocking back and forward and repeating over and over again in a very low voice 'shut up, shut up, shut up, I'm going to kill you.' I'm sure the poor guy was not well and he possibly was talking to something that was not there but I'm betting the two ninny's letting the whole bus know about their Saturday night were not helping. When I was getting off the bus (two stops before mine, as by this stage I was a bit uncomfortable) I looked back and the guy was pure red with anger!!!

Really? I'd have been tempted to stay on past my stop just to see what might happen.

prinz

conorhal wrote: »

It's just sad.

Post was bang on the money.

I remember standing up to a couple of little runts on the bus one night that were hassling people, no one on the bus would back me up, everyone else looked at the floor, looked out the window, stared into space. Got my way anyway but made me think twice about doing it again. You'll get no help or thanks for it.

Bolag_the_2nd

does anyone remember ths busses with the wooden seats years ago in finglas....

well i do because as the bus turned a corner i slid off the seat onto the floor, morto, the trying to get up and regain my dignity was made worse by the howls of laughter from the other passengers.

the shame

cafecolour

After years on American city buses and extended Greyhound trips (I've done at least three >20 hour ones - all for distances that should've been half the time in a car), I have to say that I've found the buses here positively lovely in comparison

kmick

Once on the 16A this loopy young girl about 25 sat in next to me and started ranting and raving at me. I ignored her by looking out the window so she started kicking me on the leg every now and then. After the third kick I turned around and calmly told her if she kicked me again I would punch her in the face. She stayed quiet after that.

Noopti

kmick wrote: »

Once on the 16A this loopy young girl about 25 sat in next to me and started ranting and raving at me. I ignored her by looking out the window so she started kicking me on the leg every now and then. After the third kick I turned around and calmly told her if she kicked me again I would punch her in the face. She stayed quiet after that. I married her 3 weeks later. And that kids, is how myself and your mother met

Fixed...

Lone Stone

The_Minister wrote: »

Dear whoever,
You are crazy and I accept that. I find it interesting that when no-one else is looking you sign to yourself along with mouthing the words - it leaves me wondering if mentally ill deaf people do that too, and I've always meant to check that.

I don't even mind that, when you aren't making angry faces and signing frantically, you are industriously picking your nose, because I've never seen you wipe in on the seats or poles. I've never seen you do anything with it, but I suspect that you discreetly eat it; I'm sure that I nearly caught you once.

However, the last time we met you were not only digging away in your nostril like a coked up badger, but were also Ahhhhhhing to yourself while you did it. You were also changing the pitch of the Ahhh depending on how deep into the nose you were, which was oddly disturbing.

Again, it is a free country and I can't stop you doing this. However, if I happen to start laughing, quickly stifle it and stick my head into my book because I don't want to be rude, don't glare at me as if I'm the one in the wrong. You are picking your nose, and setting it to a tune on the bus, don't start giving me pissy looks because I happened to crack a smile while the woman beside you just squirmed uncomfortably.

Yours sincerely,
The Minister
Moderator extraordinaire

Anyone else got any bus stories?

Dam do you get the 17a to ?

Wood

On one of the midweek nitelinks we had back in the good old days, i was sitting upstairs at the back of the 51N, with a lovely classy chungwan sitting on the opposite side of the bus to me. We were the only two people upstairs.

Just after the bus pulled off, she threw her legs over the seat back in front of her, de-knickered herself and proceeded to píss and shít on the floor of the bus.

Accustomed as i am to general skangology i just looked on in sheer amazement, she saw how impressed i was, and caught my gaze, to which she eloquently said "Have ya never seen anyone taking a shíte before?"

To which i replied "Not on a bus love"

Gummy Panda

Wood wrote: »

On one of the midweek nitelinks we had back in the good old days, i was sitting upstairs at the back of the 51N, with a lovely classy chungwan sitting on the opposite side of the bus to me. We were the only two people upstairs.

Just after the bus pulled off, she threw her legs over the seat back in front of her, de-knickered herself and proceeded to píss and shít on the floor of the bus.

Accustomed as i am to general skangology i just looked on in sheer amazement, she saw how impressed i was, and caught my gaze, to which she eloquently said "Have ya never seen anyone taking a shíte before?"

To which i replied "Not on a bus love"

PICS OR GTFO

NothingMan

I was travelling Croatia last September and coming towards the end we had to take a 6 hour bus trip up the coast. We got chatting to a group of New Zealand & Australian folks and were happily enjoying the journey. At the 1st stop one guy bought a round of cans for the lads (didn't get his or my gf one, must be old fashioned). Anyway, all being fair I get the beers in at the next stop, and the other guy at the next stop. My gf gave me one of her beers too.

We had been stopping every 40 mins for most of the trip but coming towards a main city we keep on going for about 1.5 hours, during which I started to need to pee pretty badly. I kept mum as long as possible but when I felt I was going to pop I started voicing my discomfort. After about 20 mins of agony I ask the conductor when would we be stoppping and was told 20 mins. I did not have 20 mins. I politely asked him to stop and he rudely told me 20MINS!!!

So I got an empty litre of water, went into the kitchenette and filled it to the brim. I didn't want to carry it down the back so I hid it in the fridge. The conductor saw me walking back to my seat, went and checked the kitchen and then gave me the most evil stare imaginable. All the Aussies and Kiwis and an old Scottish couple laughing at me.

Why would a long haul bus have a kitchen and not a toilet!!!

NothingMan

NothingMan wrote: »

I was travelling Croatia last September and coming towards the end we had to take a 6 hour bus trip up the coast. We got chatting to a group of New Zealand & Australian folks and were happily enjoying the journey. At the 1st stop one guy bought a round of cans for the lads (didn't get his or my gf one, must be old fashioned). Anyway, all being fair I get the beers in at the next stop, and the other guy at the next stop. My gf gave me one of her beers too.

We had been stopping every 40 mins for most of the trip but coming towards a main city we keep on going for about 1.5 hours, during which I started to need to pee pretty badly. I kept mum as long as possible but when I felt I was going to pop I started voicing my discomfort. After about 20 mins of agony I ask the conductor when would we be stoppping and was told 20 mins. I did not have 20 mins. I politely asked him to stop and he rudely told me 20MINS!!!

So I got an empty litre of water, went into the kitchenette and filled it to the brim. I didn't want to carry it down the back so I hid it in the fridge. The conductor saw me walking back to my seat, went and checked the kitchen and then gave me the most evil stare imaginable. All the Aussies and Kiwis and an old Scottish couple laughing at me.

Why would a long haul bus have a kitchen and not a toilet!!!

Hilarious :rolleyes:
You'd probably get on with with the lovely lady who p*ssed and sh*t all over the floor of the bus. Strange how so many people survive long haul journeys without behaving like a total knacker. You could've at least kept the bottle with you instead of leaving your p*ss for someone else to throw out. The driver gave you a dirty look? I'd say you were lucky not to have it poured over your head, tbh.

Awful bus stories? Too many to mention. I used to get the 13A home at night and saw junkies shooting up, a couple having sex, loads of people smoking, the list goes on. Always told the driver, he always said there was nothing he could do.

vangoz

I step on the 65b near the start of its run, bottom deck mostly full so proceed upstairs and observe an apprentice builder (judging from his youth) sprawled across the back seat as if he was on a hammock somewhere in the caribbean.
I seat at the very front seat and crack into my book. After several uneventful moments the bus suddenly brakes approaching to a orange/red light, followed by loud crash and a empty back seat. The young chap staggered to his feet.... the only way to describe his reaction trying to find his is one of a boxer desperately trying survive the last moments of round after being on the verge of getting knocked out...... classic moment!!

I frequent the 77 and 65b to work the last 5 years or so, a lot of junkie, drunkards etc stories.... one I recorded on my phone a few weeks ago

fullstop

kmick wrote: »

Once on the 16A this loopy young girl about 25 sat in next to me and started ranting and raving at me.

Should have sent her here.

NothingMan

[quote=[Deleted User];65084361]Hilarious :rolleyes:
You'd probably get on with with the lovely lady who p*ssed and sh*t all over the floor of the bus. Strange how so many people survive long haul journeys without behaving like a total knacker. You could've at least kept the bottle with you instead of leaving your p*ss for someone else to throw out. The driver gave you a dirty look? I'd say you were lucky not to have it poured over your head, tbh.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your kind insults :rolleyes:. Not that you asked but I did remove the bottle when the bus finally stopped. I also asked politely for the conductor to stop the bus and my only options were to let my bladder literally burst or piss myself. I think using a bottle in the only private area available was the least knackerish way of handling the situation. I don't see having a few beers on a long haul bus trip as anymore knackerish than having some beers on a flight or train.

j1974

MrStuffins wrote: »

Used to get the bus to work with a girl i worked with. Bus was pretty full but there was 2 single seats one in front of the other. She sat in beside this guy and i sat behind her beside an old woman.

The guy kept regularly looking at her in an up and down way. Myself and the girl are having a chat until she jumps up screaming and runs down the stairs and gets off the bus miles away from work. I jumped off at the next stop to see was she ok and it turned out the guy she was sitting beside was.......... gratifying himself.

*shudders*

what a wanker!!!:D

3qsmavrod5twfe

j1974 wrote: »

what a wanker!!!:D

ba dum tish