Where is the cheating line?

donfers · 23-03-2010 07:19PM #1

As a gentleman I let most things go.

I have a remarkably laidback attitude to relationships by the standards of some of my male friends and acquaintances.

Examples of where friends/friends of friends/acquaintances have ended relationships

- girlfriend touching/pawing at a stipper: I am ok with this, a lot of females get into a frenzy at strip shows, it's just a fantasy, let them enjoy it

-girlfriend sends flirty text/facebook message/email to some unknown male: again, fine with me, 99% of flirting is harmless in my opinion...unless it is something like "I want to shag you....here is my number" then flirt away. There are many attractive men and women out there.

-girlfriend dances provocatively/sexily/touching/feeling with some random guy in a nightclub: I wouldn't be too concerned, after a few drinks and on a nightclub floor, shock, horror -this stuff goes on. Dancing is mainly harmless fun and if another guy does it better than me then grind away

-girlfriend dresses in a "slutty" way: absolutely no problem with this, it shouldn't even be an issue/talking-point. She can dress how she likes and if she has the confidence to show off her body then great

-girlfriend kisses some guy passionately in bar/disco: I am not too bothered by this but understand why some people could be, I'd ask about it but breaking up over a spitty kiss in the corner of some sleazy bar - No

-girlfriend has a one night stand with another guy but explains that it was purely a physical attraction thing and meant nothing on an emotional level: I'd be ok with this

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

I'm sure most people would draw the line at kissing but it's quite a small-minded, insecure and selfish way at looking at things as far as I am concerned.

and what about you?

Vinta81 · 23-03-2010 07:50PM

I was with you till this;

-girlfriend kisses some guy passionately in bar/disco: I am not too bothered by this but understand why some people could be, I'd ask about it but breaking up over a spitty kiss in the corner of some sleazy bar - No

-girlfriend has a one night stand with another guy but explains that it was purely a physical attraction thing and meant nothing on an emotional level: I'd be ok with this

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

You're obviously having a laugh...

Fago! · 23-03-2010 07:55PM

donfers wrote: »

-girlfriend kisses some guy passionately in bar/disco: I am not too bothered by this but understand why some people could be, I'd ask about it but breaking up over a spitty kiss in the corner of some sleazy bar - No

-girlfriend has a one night stand with another guy but explains that it was purely a physical attraction thing and meant nothing on an emotional level: I'd be ok with this

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

GTFO!!!!

anomalous · 23-03-2010 11:18PM

a normal relationship could maybe/probably survive a kiss but anything further is just not on and is a serious breach of trust and if you cant trust the person your with why would you be with them at all?

Greyfox · 23-03-2010 11:33PM

donfers wrote: »

-girlfriend has a one night stand with another guy but explains that it was purely a physical attraction thing and meant nothing on an emotional level: I'd be ok with this

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

I'm sure most people would draw the line at kissing but it's quite a small-minded, insecure and selfish way at looking at things as far as I am concerned.

and what about you?

Your obviously taking the piss, otherwise I've just read the dumbest post in boards.ie history. Anybody who would be ok with their exclusive partner having a one night stand is an idiot

krudler · 23-03-2010 11:44PM

what the hell? a kiss is a dumpable offence imo, once the trust is broken its almost impossible to regain it, I saw one of my exes kissing a guy in a club one night when she didnt know I was there, was a last minute thing , thought I'd surprise her, turns out it was me who got the surprise. Being young and stupid I forgave her but it didnt last long, couldnt get the image of her eating the face off another guy out of my head, trust broken so any time she went out after i got that sickening feeling when you think something might happen, she got dumped, Happily her boyfriend after me treated her like dirt and she deserved it, what goes around etc.

I wouldnt be very happy seeing my missus dancing with another guy, dancing as in grinding up against each other, thats almost as bad as making out imo. kissing and anything more and she's be dumped on the spot, fcuk that noise.

I know everyone has "the line" but I'm pretty sure most people would draw that at any sort of intimate contact with someone else, kissing onward sort of thing

Galvasean · 23-03-2010 11:47PM

I'm notoriously intolerant of anything resembling cheating. A drunken passionate kiss with a stranger is enough for me to dump 'em.
Dancing with guys is a-ok, so long as she isn't trying to lead them on. If by 'grinding' you mean rubbing genitals off each other then that's a big no. Similarly, I will not tolerate erotic licking or biting or sucking of any sort.
Flirting is also fine so long as it's only meant as fun and all parties involved know it.

Rented Mule · 23-03-2010 11:47PM

Dude......look down between your legs. There should be two balls swinging . If not .....grow a pair.....and show her the door.

[Jackass] · 23-03-2010 11:48PM

Dancing with a dude in a touchy way, I'd be a little bit ego bruised and hurt by it, but wouldn't break up with her, but I'd let her know it makes me feel like sh*t and makes me lose a bit of respect for her....but anything beyond that...GTFO!! Passionatly kissing a dude is a big deal, shagging a dude is complete slut and a dumped one at that!

jolter · 23-03-2010 11:51PM

Rented Mule wrote: »

Dude......look down between your legs. There should be two balls swinging . If not .....grow a pair.....and show her the door.

how right you are, your answer did me laugh.

Kenno90 · 24-03-2010 12:06AM

Rented Mule wrote: »

Dude......look down between your legs. There should be two balls swinging . If not .....grow a pair.....and show her the door.

haha +1

Dude if,for some :eek:insane:eek: reason your not taking the piss then you need to dump her right now . whats next an orgy in an alley??

Giselle · 24-03-2010 12:26AM

donfers wrote: »

I'm sure most people would draw the line at kissing but it's quite a small-minded, insecure and selfish way at looking at things as far as I am concerned.

and what about you?

You either have an incredibly high tolerance level, or your relationship doesn't mean that much to you.

LD 50 · 24-03-2010 12:28AM

Kenno90 wrote: »

haha +1

Dude if,for some :eek:insane:eek: reason your not taking the piss then you need to dump her right now . whats next an orgy in an alley??

If it came to that, they would probably talk it out and get to the root of the problem.

donfers wrote: »

-girlfriend kisses some guy passionately in bar/disco: I am not too bothered by this but understand why some people could be, I'd ask about it but breaking up over a spitty kiss in the corner of some sleazy bar - No

-girlfriend has a one night stand with another guy but explains that it was purely a physical attraction thing and meant nothing on an emotional level: I'd be ok with this

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

I'm sure most people would draw the line at kissing but it's quite a small-minded, insecure and selfish way at looking at things as far as I am concerned.

and what about you?

I'm with most guys. I draw the line at that. But If some guy just kissed her out of the blue, and after the initial shock wore off(1 or 2 secs) and she pushed him off thats ok. Any longer and she's getting into it, which is a break-up-able offence.

donfers wrote: »

As a gentleman I let most things go.

I have a remarkably laidback attitude to relationships by the standards of some of my male friends and acquaintances.

and as a gentleman, you should have some more balls, and realise when you're getting walked all over by your lady. Any woman that does these things in a relationship doesn't respect you or the bond you too have.
I know there are functioning couples that are ok with the last few things you listed(swingers for e.g), but usually these things are beneficial for both parties.

Have you asked yourself or her what would happen if you "just had a one night stand, and it was purely physical"?

krudler · 24-03-2010 12:31AM

I'm with most guys. I draw the line at that. But If some guy just kissed her out of the blue, and after the initial shock wore off(1 or 2 secs) and she pushed him off thats ok. Any longer and she's getting into it, which is a break-up-able offence.

Actually yeah, that happened with my ex one night, some guy just literally lunged at her right in front of me on a dancefloor, she hit him a smack and he got chucked out, I never thought any more of it as it clearly wasnt her fault she could have been anyone with a pair of tits at the time he was hammered and an idiot, but if she got into it, yeah, dumped on the spot

Kenno90 · 24-03-2010 12:52AM

krudler wrote: »

Actually yeah, that happened with my ex one night, some guy just literally lunged at her right in front of me on a dancefloor, she hit him a smack and he got chucked out, I never thought any more of it as it clearly wasnt her fault she could have been anyone with a pair of tits at the time he was hammered and an idiot, but if she got into it, yeah, dumped on the spot

Ye thats fine. you'd have to be a jealous wreck to be mad at her for that. But this guy on the other hand is on the other end of the spectrum.

TechnoPool · 24-03-2010 12:59AM

donfers wrote: »

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

Break up is a possibility eh? :rolleyes:

Otis Driftwood · 24-03-2010 09:48AM

donfers wrote: »

As a gentleman I let most things go.

I have a remarkably laidback attitude to relationships by the standards of some of my male friends and acquaintances.

Examples of where friends/friends of friends/acquaintances have ended relationships

- girlfriend touching/pawing at a stipper: I am ok with this, a lot of females get into a frenzy at strip shows, it's just a fantasy, let them enjoy it

-girlfriend sends flirty text/facebook message/email to some unknown male: again, fine with me, 99% of flirting is harmless in my opinion...unless it is something like "I want to shag you....here is my number" then flirt away. There are many attractive men and women out there.

-girlfriend dances provocatively/sexily/touching/feeling with some random guy in a nightclub: I wouldn't be too concerned, after a few drinks and on a nightclub floor, shock, horror -this stuff goes on. Dancing is mainly harmless fun and if another guy does it better than me then grind away

-girlfriend dresses in a "slutty" way: absolutely no problem with this, it shouldn't even be an issue/talking-point. She can dress how she likes and if she has the confidence to show off her body then great

-girlfriend kisses some guy passionately in bar/disco: I am not too bothered by this but understand why some people could be, I'd ask about it but breaking up over a spitty kiss in the corner of some sleazy bar - No

-girlfriend has a one night stand with another guy but explains that it was purely a physical attraction thing and meant nothing on an emotional level: I'd be ok with this

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

I'm sure most people would draw the line at kissing but it's quite a small-minded, insecure and selfish way at looking at things as far as I am concerned.

and what about you?

Yawn.

You do know where after hours is dont you,your sad attempts at humour would be much better suited there.

helimachoptor · 24-03-2010 12:48PM

Rented Mule wrote: »

Dude......look down between your legs. There should be two balls swinging . If not .....grow a pair.....and show her the door.

Sorry meant to say +1 to this.

So you're basically saying all this because if you ever actually had a girlfriend you'd realise the last 3 options are off the wall.

Troll tbh

Nevyn · 24-03-2010 03:49PM

Different people have different standards for what they consider 'cheating'
or what they have set as being out of bounds and a deal breaker with thier partner.

For some people betrayal of intimacy is a emotional thing and not a physical thing.
Some people are ok with a range of open relationship arrangements and some are not.

Fago! · 24-03-2010 04:21PM

Man OP your girfriend sounds like a bit of a whore.

Blitzkrieger · 24-03-2010 04:31PM

helimachoptor wrote: »

Troll tbh

+1

Dr Galen · 24-03-2010 04:46PM

tbh I can see nothing of any value in this thread. If, OP, you wanted to start some discussion on the topic, I think you initial post wasn't the best. As has been pointed out, this isn't AH, so random posts on random subjects with no discussion merit aren't our thing.

Cheers

MM

EDIT: by the way, a few comments made in this thread are not of a suitable standard. Seriously, when you think you've got a funny one-liner in your head, its probably not that funny. Anymore of this thanks whoring posting is not going to be looked on favourably.

Dr Galen · 24-03-2010 05:23PM

after a PM conversation with the OP, I'm reopening this thread to allow him to post a reply and to flesh out his thinking somewhat.

The above guidance still stands though on any subsequent replies.

donfers · 24-03-2010 05:46PM

Relationships should not be about ego.

That is my first point, many of the comments here seem to be from guys whose egoes would be hurt because their partners were attracted to someone else.

I guess where I differ from most is that I reject the traditional romantic notions of soulmates and "the one". That's garbage, there are many many many people out there who you could get on great with and be attracted to. Let's face up to the facts here. Are you being faithful to your partner because your love for her is so intense and amazing that you are not interested in anybody else or are you being faithful to your partner because you don't want to hurt him/her and regard the faithfulness as being the right thing to do?? I suspect most people, if honest, would say the latter which is an interesing logic for explaining behaviour.

There is food on the table.

I will not eat it, not because I'm not hungry but because I have been told that I have eaten enough already even though I still feel hungry.

It's social conditioning and of course it is understandable why it exists, to safeguard the idea of family, but what I don't understand is why some don't have the courage to reject it and again I suggest it's to do with ego especially in relationships with no children or firm commitment like house or marriage. You won't tolerate your partner kissing another guy/gal because your ego trumps your partner's momentary thrill. I would suggest real love is beyond such trivialities.

Finally to all the comments about being a man, showing some balls, girlfriend being a whore etc.

Where did I imply that any of this stuff had happened to me or that I have a girlfriend who acts like this?? Where did I imply it was a one-way rather than two-way arrangement?

Jumping to conclusions, rash judgements, small-minded, protect the ego = all predictable stuff

Iago · 24-03-2010 05:52PM

donfers wrote: »

Relationships should not be about ego.

That is my first point, many of the comments here seem to be from guys whose egoes would be hurt because their partners were attracted to someone else.

I guess where I differ from most is that I reject the traditional romantic notions of soulmates and "the one". That's garbage, there are many many many people out there who you could get on great with and be attracted to. Let's face up to the facts here. Are you being faithful to your partner because your love for her is so intense and amazing that you are not interested in anybody else or are you being faithful to your partner because you don't want to hurt him/her and regard the faithfulness as being the right thing to do?? I suspect most people, if honest, would say the latter which is an interesing logic for explaining behaviour.

There is food on the table.

I will not eat it, not because I'm not hungry but because I have been told that I have eaten enough already even though I still feel hungry.

It's social conditioning and of course it is understandable why it exists, to safeguard the idea of family, but what I don't understand is why some don't have the courage to reject it and again I suggest it's to do with ego especially in relationships with no children or firm commitment like house or marriage. You won't tolerate your partner kissing another guy because your ego trumps your partner's momentary thrill. I would suggest real love is beyond such trivialities.

Finally to all the comments about being a man, showing some balls, girlfriend being a whore etc.

Where did I imply that any of this stuff had happened to me or that I have a girlfriend who acts like this?? Where did I imply it was a one-way rather than two-way arrangement?

Jumping to conclusions, rash judgements, small-minded, protect the ego = all predictable stuff

all of the above is fine if

You have agreed all this beforehand with the partner in question and to be honest I would be of the same ilk to yourself in that case.

However then there is no cheating line in question as you've already agreed to have an open relationship where all of these things are ok.

The real point for all of this is that the above is fine in theory with both parties being free to live the kind of life they want to live, but in practice it would be far more difficult to maintain a healthy and happy relationship in that situation. Not impossible mind, just more difficult.

theg81der · 24-03-2010 06:32PM

I love your attitude and I think it makes you more of a man not less. My husbands not jealous and nor does he have any reason to be - thats what I adore about him, he`s confident enough in himself and he knows our relationship is more than sex.

Bet women adore you and if they don`t their not your type so don`t worry about them. Complex independant women require complex independant men.

Your completely right its about time our "enlightened" society realised how backwards they actually are, they are pure slaves to their base instincts (and I don`t mean the good kind

).

Greyfox · 24-03-2010 11:52PM

donfers wrote: »

Relationships should not be about ego.

That is my first point, many of the comments here seem to be from guys whose egoes would be hurt because their partners were attracted to someone else.

I guess where I differ from most is that I reject the traditional romantic notions of soulmates and "the one". That's garbage, there are many many many people out there who you could get on great with and be attracted to. Let's face up to the facts here. Are you being faithful to your partner because your love for her is so intense and amazing that you are not interested in anybody else or are you being faithful to your partner because you don't want to hurt him/her and regard the faithfulness as being the right thing to do?? I suspect most people, if honest, would say the latter which is an interesing logic for explaining behaviour.

There is food on the table.

I will not eat it, not because I'm not hungry but because I have been told that I have eaten enough already even though I still feel hungry.

It's social conditioning and of course it is understandable why it exists, to safeguard the idea of family, but what I don't understand is why some don't have the courage to reject it and again I suggest it's to do with ego especially in relationships with no children or firm commitment like house or marriage. You won't tolerate your partner kissing another guy/gal because your ego trumps your partner's momentary thrill. I would suggest real love is beyond such trivialities.

Finally to all the comments about being a man, showing some balls, girlfriend being a whore etc.

Where did I imply that any of this stuff had happened to me or that I have a girlfriend who acts like this?? Where did I imply it was a one-way rather than two-way arrangement?

Jumping to conclusions, rash judgements, small-minded, protect the ego = all predictable stuff

What makes you think relationships are about egos? Like most people I not only understand that my partner could be attracted to someone else but I'd think their was something wrong with them if they didn't find other people attractive. You don't seem to realise that when your in a relationship you are investing emotion in the other person and if your not you should not be in a relationship and it's because of this invested emotion that makes cheating so wrong.

I think anybody who forgives a cheater is an idiot, I also think believing in "the one" is the biggest pile of nonsense ever. To me theirs absolutely no point in been in a relationship if your not going to be faithfull, if you think you might give in to temptation and cheat you should break up with the person or else explain you only want an open relationship otherwise your just scum.

It's perfectly normal for men to be tempted by other women but how would cheating be fair on your girlfriend? especially if she's in love with you? You see when people are in relationships theirs this thing called caring about the other persons feelings! If you want to reject this what's stopping you from just going for open relationships that don't hurt anybody? Open relationships can be wonderful but only if neighter party is incvesting emotion

You point about not tolerating your partner kissing another guy/gal because your ego trumps your partner's momentary thrill is absolute nonsense and tells me you know nothing about love and that you don't know what it's like to have strong feelings for another person

If any guy were to consider staying with a girl who cheated on them multiple times their obviously an idiot with no ba**s who don't ever deserve to be happy

Greyfox · 24-03-2010 11:57PM

theg81der wrote: »

Your completely right its about time our "enlightened" society realised how backwards they actually are, they are pure slaves to their base instincts (and I don`t mean the good kind ).

Right so your husband should be out sleeping with as many other women as possible without worrying about what you have invested in your relationship

Tail Wagger · 25-03-2010 12:38AM

donfers wrote: »

As a gentleman I let most things go.

I have a remarkably laidback attitude to relationships by the standards of some of my male friends and acquaintances.

Examples of where friends/friends of friends/acquaintances have ended relationships

- girlfriend touching/pawing at a stipper: I am ok with this, a lot of females get into a frenzy at strip shows, it's just a fantasy, let them enjoy it

-girlfriend sends flirty text/facebook message/email to some unknown male: again, fine with me, 99% of flirting is harmless in my opinion...unless it is something like "I want to shag you....here is my number" then flirt away. There are many attractive men and women out there.

-girlfriend dances provocatively/sexily/touching/feeling with some random guy in a nightclub: I wouldn't be too concerned, after a few drinks and on a nightclub floor, shock, horror -this stuff goes on. Dancing is mainly harmless fun and if another guy does it better than me then grind away

-girlfriend dresses in a "slutty" way: absolutely no problem with this, it shouldn't even be an issue/talking-point. She can dress how she likes and if she has the confidence to show off her body then great

-girlfriend kisses some guy passionately in bar/disco: I am not too bothered by this but understand why some people could be, I'd ask about it but breaking up over a spitty kiss in the corner of some sleazy bar - No

-girlfriend has a one night stand with another guy but explains that it was purely a physical attraction thing and meant nothing on an emotional level: I'd be ok with this

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

I'm sure most people would draw the line at kissing but it's quite a small-minded, insecure and selfish way at looking at things as far as I am concerned.

and what about you?

have you decided to come out of the closit today?

Tail Wagger · 25-03-2010 12:41AM

donfers wrote: »

As a gentleman I let most things go.

I have a remarkably laidback attitude to relationships by the standards of some of my male friends and acquaintances.

Examples of where friends/friends of friends/acquaintances have ended relationships

- girlfriend touching/pawing at a stipper: I am ok with this, a lot of females get into a frenzy at strip shows, it's just a fantasy, let them enjoy it

-girlfriend sends flirty text/facebook message/email to some unknown male: again, fine with me, 99% of flirting is harmless in my opinion...unless it is something like "I want to shag you....here is my number" then flirt away. There are many attractive men and women out there.

-girlfriend dances provocatively/sexily/touching/feeling with some random guy in a nightclub: I wouldn't be too concerned, after a few drinks and on a nightclub floor, shock, horror -this stuff goes on. Dancing is mainly harmless fun and if another guy does it better than me then grind away

-girlfriend dresses in a "slutty" way: absolutely no problem with this, it shouldn't even be an issue/talking-point. She can dress how she likes and if she has the confidence to show off her body then great

-girlfriend kisses some guy passionately in bar/disco: I am not too bothered by this but understand why some people could be, I'd ask about it but breaking up over a spitty kiss in the corner of some sleazy bar - No

-girlfriend has a one night stand with another guy but explains that it was purely a physical attraction thing and meant nothing on an emotional level: I'd be ok with this

-girlfriend sleeps with multiple different partners or has one meaningful affair with another bloke: we'd have to discuss this and analyse why this behaviour is taking place. Break-up is a possibity in this scenario but I'd like to think we'd remain friends and wish each other well in out future personal lives wherever they may take us

I'm sure most people would draw the line at kissing but it's quite a small-minded, insecure and selfish way at looking at things as far as I am concerned.

and what about you?

I used to be married to a woman like that,I didn't really show her off much, maybe because there was to much of here there !

Smyth · 25-03-2010 03:29AM

The more I read through the thread, the more my right eyebrow kept ascending and the left one kept descending. I now look like this. thanks OP.

attachment.php?attachmentid=108665&stc=1&d=1269484077

attachment.php?attachmentid=108665&stc=1&d=1269484077

We're all different, I suppose. I'm sure there's a woman out there who shares your views.

just the one though

Where is the cheating line?

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