Conversing with females.

bonerm · 15-03-2010 04:33PM

Jacoby Panicky Self-preservation wrote: »

Women are like car parking places.
All the good ones are gone and the rest are handicapped.

Not to mention that if you try to pee on one you can get in all kinds of trouble.

/seinfeld.

brummytom · 15-03-2010 04:40PM

xp0 wrote: »

Hi.

I'm 26 and sadly to admit still a virgin I've never even got the shift. I find talking to girls hard, quite literally.. I get a noticeable erection and the shakes, and I just can't concentrate on what they're saying.

Has anyone any tips on talking to girls? I really need help.

Thanks in advance.

xp0

See, this is why I want to lose it now

Sheeps · 15-03-2010 04:41PM

xp0 wrote: »

Hi.

I'm 26 and sadly to admit still a virgin I've never even got the shift. I find talking to girls hard, quite literally.. I get a noticeable erection and the shakes, and I just can't concentrate on what they're saying.

Has anyone any tips on talking to girls? I really need help.

Thanks in advance.

xp0

ahahhahdahahahdhahahahahahhahahadhahahahdhahahahasdafsahaha

xp0 · 15-03-2010 05:32PM

ibarelycare wrote: »

[Serious answer]

OP you should spend a lot of time practising talking to girls that you aren't attracted to and build up your confidence from there.

I'm attracted to all females.

Fratton Fred wrote: »

Go see a professional. It could be the €100 you ever spend.

I'm currently on the dole and struggling to pay the rent..

GaNjaHaN wrote: »

Go abroad. Your sexy Irish accent is a guaranteed ice-breaker.

I have a stutter

the keen edge wrote: »

Your nearly there. With some well thought out choreographed move's and a quick removal of your trousers and jocks, you could, at a push turn that Slap into some personnel contact that resembles a hand job.

Try to incorporate these elements into your set up;

1, Try to direct her slap towards your crotch area,(that's where your penis is located).

2, Get and maintain an erection preceding, and during the set up. It would also be helpful if you could 'get yourself' 90% to 95% towards climax, as in all honesty you may only receive a single slap, before your arrest/stabbing.

3, Don't be fussy when picking your target bird; selecting a chick with some type of muscular disease or disorder may result in you receiving multiply slap's, (although they may not be consistence in there delivery to the target sight).

4, Practice your moves on a female family member, failing this try your Dad/Brother.

Follow these tips and soon you will be on your way, to becoming a man, or going to jail; where you will become a she-man. Either way you will receive some lovin'.

I'm going to try this, thanks :]

LD 50 · 15-03-2010 06:04PM

I'm not sure if this has been said, but I'll say it anyways. Troll? But at least he's funny,either way.

LD 50 · 15-03-2010 06:25PM

the keen edge wrote: »

Your nearly there. With some well thought out choreographed move's and a quick removal of your trousers and jocks, you could, at a push turn that Slap into some personnel contact that resembles a hand job.

Try to incorporate these elements into your set up;

1, Try to direct her slap towards your crotch area,(that's where your penis is located).

2, Get and maintain an erection preceding, and during the set up. It would also be helpful if you could 'get yourself' 90% to 95% towards climax, as in all honesty you may only receive a single slap, before your arrest/stabbing.

3, Don't be fussy when picking your target bird; selecting a chick with some type of muscular disease or disorder may result in you receiving multiply slap's, (although they may not be consistence in there delivery to the target sight).

4, Practice your moves on a female family member, failing this try your Dad/Brother.

Follow these tips and soon you will be on your way, to becoming a man, or going to jail; where you will become a she-man. Either way you will receive some lovin'.

This works. It's how I lost my virginity.

the keen edge · 15-03-2010 06:31PM

LD 50 wrote: »

This works. It's how I lost my virginity.

Good for you. Its also how Fred West, of Cromwell St fame, got his first lay/victim.

shoegirl · 15-03-2010 07:26PM

xp0 wrote: »

I find talking to girls hard, quite literally.. I get a noticeable erection and the shakes, and I just can't concentrate on what they're saying.

I have to say that the noticeable erection would be rather a turn off for most women. Sounds like you need a little help with your confidence, if its every time and that bad.

Women are not really that scary, honest.

Try talking to them more in non threatening scenarios - like an evening class or something. At least that might put you more at ease.

If you've still the same "problem" I'd suggest deeper help might be needed.

bonerm · 15-03-2010 07:40PM

OP, perhaps women just aren't for you.

Have you ever considered that maybe you're a "friend of Dorothy?"

Fago! · 15-03-2010 07:41PM

Right.

So you're:

*26
*A virgin
*Poor
*Stricken with a stutter
*Such a nervous/horny wreck to the point where talking to a girl gives you the shakes and a boner.

How the **** are you still single?

Kasabian · 15-03-2010 07:47PM

OP , PM me your bank account details and I'll send you some money for a prostitute. FFS no 26 year old should be a virgin.

Kasabian · 15-03-2010 07:48PM

shoegirl wrote: »

If you've still the same "problem" I'd suggest deeper help might be needed.

Even just a little way in would be a start

Hank_Jones · 15-03-2010 08:14PM

Am I the only one who thinks this is a wind up?

But then again, this is the internet..

Edit: There was actually a guy I worked with who hadn't got the ride in years (I'd say probably about 10 if I was estimating),
he was in his mid 30's and any time we went to do a job and would have to talk to women he would nearly always get on the horn.
I know this because he would tell me after we had stopped talking to them.
He was a weird guy.
Go get the ride, before it's too late...

Kasabian · 15-03-2010 08:16PM

Hank_Jones wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks this is a wind up?

But then again, this is the internet..

Really:rolleyes: what do you think gave it away;)

Aldito · 15-03-2010 08:16PM

There's a place for guys like you...it's called Thailand.

Sheeps · 15-03-2010 08:18PM

Op, have you ever considered boi pussy as an alternative to the real deal. Ask a gay friend to offer you the favor.

Kasabian · 15-03-2010 08:20PM

Sheeps wrote: »

Op, have you ever considered boi pussy as an alternative to the real deal. Ask a gay friend to offer you the favor.

Maybe begin with a Sheep

Abi · 15-03-2010 08:21PM

lonad wrote: »

OP , PM me your bank account details and I'll send you some money for a prostitute. You poor sad sap , FFS no 26 year old should be a virgin.

What is your deal?

Dermighty · 15-03-2010 08:24PM

Show them your erection, as an ice breaker.

Abi · 15-03-2010 08:29PM

lonad wrote: »

What? . The sad sap part , I shall edit.

You're a member since 2006, you should know better. You can't just say that kinda shit

Attack the post and all that...

Shanotheslayer · 15-03-2010 08:29PM

Dermighty wrote: »

ice breaker.

With his luck, he might not break anything.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Wolflikeme · 15-03-2010 08:31PM

xp0 wrote: »

I occasionally go into nightclubs and perform this practice on drunk girls, they don't fight back..

And yet you can't even do that right, obviously. Vir-cough ahem-gin.

ronaldoshaky · 15-03-2010 08:32PM

xp0 wrote: »

Hi.

I'm 26 and sadly to admit still a virgin I've never even got the shift. I find talking to girls hard, quite literally.. I get a noticeable erection and the shakes, and I just can't concentrate on what they're saying.

Has anyone any tips on talking to girls? I really need help.

Thanks in advance.

xp0

Hi xp0, could you try online dating? match.com is a good site. It's easy because you know the girl is looking to find someone, so it cuts out the typical bs that is expected in clubs/ pubs and stuff by women, and you can concentrate on getting to know the girl in question

Kasabian · 15-03-2010 08:36PM

Abitar wrote: »

You're a member since 2006, you should know better. You can't just say that kinda shit

Attack the post and all that...

Are you a mod?. The term "sad sap" to me is not an attack its a reference to empathy.

If your not a mod , then thank you for policing the forum and pointing out the error of my ways. I am forever grateful, since my Mum stopped talking to me I have had this gapping hole in my life which was causing me to type erratically and without a little sympathy.

Want the job? Mammy would be pleased:P

P.S my post count is but a small percentage of yours , I do apologise for my actions

Dermighty · 15-03-2010 08:38PM

stovelid wrote: »

You have a brightly coloured tail hidden under your arse bone. When you see a suitable female, spread it out and wave it in their direction.

Result: sex storm.

I thankee.

TheZohanS · 15-03-2010 08:44PM

lonad wrote: »

Are you a mod?. The term "sad sap" to me is not an attack its a reference to empathy.

If your not a mod , then thank you for policing the forum and pointing out the error of my ways. I am forever grateful, since my Mum stopped talking to me I have had this gapping hole in my life which was causing me to type erratically and without a little sympathy.

Want the job? Mammy would be pleased:P

P.S my post count is but a small percentage of yours , I do apologise for the ations

She did you a favour, had I seen it you wouldn't have had a chance to edit it.

FunGoose · 15-03-2010 08:53PM

xp0 wrote: »

...I get a noticeable erection and the shakes...
Has anyone any tips on talking to girls? I really need help.

xp0

it's a no brainer really! direct the shakes towards this noticeable boner of yours and whip it out, womans have been buying flesh-like plastic shakey boners for years!! you won't really need to talk to them so don't worry about that -oh, this might work better in nightclubs, late bars etc. rather than at bus stops or anywhere within a few hundred yards of schools, churches etc.
good luck and let us know how it works out for you!

Sheeps · 15-03-2010 08:55PM

OP, have you considered taking up yoga. That way you can increase your flexibility so that you will one day be able to suck your own cock, thereby taking girls out of the equation totally and your problem will be gone.

15-03-2010 09:00PM

Goddamnit, I think Malodrax's thread to overcome social anxiety is gone

It was going to my first and only suggestion to OP.

fikay · 15-03-2010 09:00PM

I'd say it would be the perfect time to say:

Hey baby, what's the difference between a Ferrari and a stiffy?
I don't have a Ferrari.

Conversing with females.

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