average recession wedding gift??

25-02-2010 11:27PM

billybunty wrote: »

WOW - can't believe you'd plan a wedding and base paying for it on the "gifts" - ya can't pay for dinner with carriage clocks!!
We are getting married in Sept - its not going to be cheap BUT if guests give us just a card we will be happy - genuinely. Most of our guests have to travel to the brides town and that alone is enough for us - their costs involved in being at our day! SO - if ya can't afford it - don't do it!

So you will be genuinely happy on your big day I sincerely hope you get loads of cards with no cash in them

billybunty · 25-02-2010 11:31PM

RoverJames wrote: »

So you will be genuinely happy on your big day I sincerely hope you get loads of cards with no cash in them

Yes, sounds crazy I know!! BUt honestly - yes! We'll be having about 160 people and its really not about the money. We are planning our day on what we can afford and a little help from parents, we'll owe nothing on the day and expect nothing - god, am I that rare!!

25-02-2010 11:43PM

billybunty wrote: »

Yes, sounds crazy I know!! BUt honestly - yes! We'll be having about 160 people and its really not about the money. We are planning our day on what we can afford and a little help from parents, we'll owe nothing on the day and expect nothing - god, am I that rare!!

That's gas, I was going to say your parents or the in laws to be must be stumping up if you have all the expenses covered. And no, you're not rare at all

Easy to be on the high horse when you're getting gifts before the big day.

billybunty · 25-02-2010 11:47PM

RoverJames wrote: »

That's gas, I was going to say your parents or the in laws to be must be stumping up if you have all the expenses covered. And no, you're not rare at all Easy to be on the high horse when you're getting gifts before the big day.

Parents paying for meal - sin e - the rest we saved up!! Cheers

tatli_lokma · 26-02-2010 12:02AM

RoverJames wrote: »

Easy to be on the high horse when you're getting gifts before the big day.

your own horse is no pony!

Having close friends and family offer to pay for things in advance is IMO different to expecting general guests to pay for your day.
Most parents and family will give as much as they can afford, and generally they will give this to you in advance of the day because that is practical. I think most people's objection is for couples to assume that the rest (or most) of the other expenses will be paid for by the rest of the guests. A risky strategy as you never know how much or what others will give....at least family generally tell you exactly what they are giving/paying for so no nasty shocks (would be a bit of a pisser if granny said she'd pay for the flowers and then gave you a candlestick on the day instead!

)

Toots · 26-02-2010 12:02AM

A lot of people I know paid for their day upfront. Most hotels ask for X% 6 months out, then another bit 3 months out, then another bit sooner, and the balance either on the day before or after the wedding. My own wedding is to be paid for the day before, any booze that isn't consumed etc will be refunded to our account.

Each to their own, but personally I couldn't stand the stress of having to get a certain amount of cash gifts to cover the wedding (I'll probably be on vallium in the approaching weeks as it is!). A friend of mine is having major stress about her wedding because the costs are running so high. To the point that she's postponed it once, and is now possibly having to postpone it another year because it's getting more and more expensive and she said if she doesn't get 'X' amount in cash gifts, she won't be able to pay for it. Seeing as how a lot of her guests are strapped for cash as it is, she's starting to realise that she probably won't get anything close to that.

Just to give you a comparison, my fiancé's brother got married in 2006, out of all the gifts given to them, only 5 or 6 were actual items, everyone else gave cash. His sister got married last November, so the same set of guests (pretty much) were at both weddings. Out of all her guests, only 9 cash gifts were given - I know because I helped her write the thankyou cards - and the rest were various items for around the house. She's one of those people who you could have given a sack of potatoes to and she'd still have been thrilled with it, and she was actually shocked that people had given such nice things considering how many of the guests have taken pay cuts or been made redundant in the last year.

Just to add to Billybunty, I wouldn't mind if guests didn't give presents. I'd be upset if they didn't give a card, but there doesn't have to be anything in that other than their best wishes. That's just me though, I'm not really big on presents of any sort, whereas I love the cards, I prefer them to presents. I like to keep them and read back over them.

omahaid · 26-02-2010 10:26AM

I'm having a recession wedding (few weeks). We're paying for everything ourselves up front for the same reason others have pointed out, we didn't want to depend on other to pay for our wedding as people are unreliable

. As such, we're happy to get anything, our biggest present will be having the wedding and owing nothing afterwards

DvB · 26-02-2010 10:55AM

Without engaging in the moral high ground point scoring that alot do here in relation to cash gifts etc, having attended 3 weddings in the last year (FTR OP myself & my fianceé gave a cash gift of €150 at each wedding) its fairly realistic to expect 'some' cash gifts from the invited guests, maybe not as much as would have been received a few years back but they will be received nonetheless, if for no other reason than some people rather than actually go out & take the time to look for a gift will take the lazy/easy option of sticking a few quid into a card. However despite knowing that your likely to receive these cash gifts relying on them for more than petty cash is a risky strategy IMO, just sit down & go through your finances & if you find yourselves relying 100% on receiveing a minimum sum i'd rethink your options TBH.

Best of luck & whatever happen, enjoy your day!!

snuggles09 · 26-02-2010 01:38PM

we're having a small wedding of 50 as thats all we can afford, we've saved up and paid hotel already ourselves so the meal and the evening food is paid for and we now have 17 months to save up to pay for everything else and will get them when we can (dress, entertainment, rings etc)

by the time it comes around it will be paid for and we are not getting any help (nor would we take it) from anyone. it's our wedding and we want to pay for it ourselves. if we get no money on the day it wont matter and we wont be in debt either

edited for unforgiveable spelling mistakes!

Wedding · 26-02-2010 02:50PM

Hi there

I am dling a little research re what is acceptable to give as a wedding gift. Any thoughts or better stilol people who would care to share their thoughts publically?

;-)
M

Toots · 27-02-2010 04:57PM

Completely agree with DvB, the last thing you want is to end up starting married life without two pennies to rub together. Obvioulsy some people are going to give cash, but as I said, there seems to be a lot less of it now. Probably people feel that sticking say a €50 in a card might look scabby, but they could get you a lovely present for that money and it might appear more generous.

aviendha · 27-02-2010 06:21PM

billybunty wrote: »

Parents paying for meal - sin e - the rest we saved up!! Cheers

sin e? ... not quite, considering the meal is the most expensive part of the wedding, and for 160 guests at say, average sit down cost of 50euro a head including wine and that's 8000 straight off.. that's not just "a little help from the parents", so maybe cut the OP some slack who doesn't have the same level of "little help" from family.

thankfully personally managed to save enough to ensure that everything will be paid up front, and think it's madness to try to plan a wedding around what gifts you expect to receive, but to each their own.

best of luck

billybigunz · 27-02-2010 10:42PM

Why not just charge the guests a cover charge for your wedding. Maybe bill them by the course for the meal. YOu could sell tickets with different price structures to take advantage of price discrimination. GOld level, front seats at the church and first to be served at afters etc.

Why should you be the one that goes into debt for your party?

seabre · 27-02-2010 10:55PM

I think in this day and age people should realise that unless there is a gift list cash is the only option for a present. When I got married I ended up with 7 sets of cutlery. I thought that people knowing we already lived together would realise that cash would be a better option so I didn't send a gift list - that idea backfired on me!!! But I think recession or not €100 would be an acceptable gift for couples with close friends / family giving at least €150. Maybe I'm on my own but I think if I was really strapped for cash and it wasn't a really close friend getting married I'd prob give a gift of €100 and have an early night at the wedding and save some cash that way. Maybe its because I got some very generous gifts of cash and really would feel bad giving anything less than 100.

billybigunz · 27-02-2010 10:59PM

that idea backfired on me!!!

How ungrateful. They are giving you gifts, tokens of love and affection and you just turn your nose up to them.

How do people like you ever even aquire friends to invite to your wedding.

seabre · 27-02-2010 11:35PM

billybigunz wrote: »

How ungrateful. They are giving you gifts, tokens of love and affection and you just turn your nose up to them.

How do people like you ever even aquire friends to invite to your wedding.

I meant "backfired" in the sense that I ended up with 7 of the same item, I was most greatful for the sentiment behind ALL my gifts. How does a person like you ever acquire friends when you are so quick to assume the worst in people!

amdublin · 28-02-2010 01:44PM

Who cares what you get???

Are you inviting them for their prescence or their presents???

When I got married I said no gifts please, that I wanted their prescence not their presents.

If you are inviting them for their money gifts does this mean you cannot afford it without this money??? IMO you should postpone the wedding until you have saved enough for it.

Like, why do you think it is okay to invite a person to a party you are throwing and expect them to pay for it??

Maybe you should just charge admission as someone else said lol!

WaltKowalski · 28-02-2010 02:57PM

amdublin wrote: »

Who cares what you get???

Are you inviting them for their prescence or their presents???

When I got married I said no gifts please, that I wanted their prescence not their presents.

If you are inviting them for their money gifts does this mean you cannot afford it without this money??? IMO you should postpone the wedding until you have saved enough for it.

Like, why do you think it is okay to invite a person to a party you are throwing and expect them to pay for it??

Maybe you should just charge admission as someone else said lol!

I think it's perfectly acceptable and fair to expect gifts - whatever they may be - from weddings guests.
I wouldn't attend any sort of party without bringing a gift of some sort.
I'll reiterate what I wrote earlier -
A wedding gift is meant to help set a couple up in their married life together and what better way to do this than by giving them cash.

Tim Robbins · 01-03-2010 06:20PM

Alliandre wrote: »

I would absolutely hate to think that people wouldn't go to my wedding because they can't afford to give us €100. I want to share our special day with our friends and family and I honestly don't care if we don't get any presents. Obviously if we get any, it's a plus, but we're not having a wedding to get presents/money.

My own two cents...

For personal reasons, like a lot of people we're a bit skint right now. I would rather not go to a Wedding than go and not give a decent present (at least try to cover the costs the couple spent on us).

Some people who went to our wedding gave us nada. I would never do that myself. And like many other weddings, we got a load of junk presents, 150 euro glasses that will never be used and things we don't need as we live in an apartment. It was mainly people who lived in houses with big kitchens that gave us the junk. In fact, in most cases these people never lived in an apartment.

The best presents we got were money which we put off against our mortgage. We dropped a few hints before the wedding that's what we'd like. Some people, had an issue with this and gave us vouchers for something. Which was a bit of a waste and you end up buying things you don't need.

Tim Robbins · 01-03-2010 06:22PM

amdublin wrote: »

Who cares what you get???

Are you inviting them for their prescence or their presents???

When I got married I said no gifts please, that I wanted their prescence not their presents.

Do you have a morgage or a big bucks job?

01-03-2010 06:23PM

Tim Robbins wrote: »

Do you have a morgage or a big bucks job?

Probably got a helping hand off the folks, or if not a free house or something.

Tim Robbins · 01-03-2010 06:33PM

RoverJames wrote: »

Probably got a helping hand off the folks, or if not a free house or something.

Well in my own circle of friends I found that the people who gave us the stupidest presents were people who never have had a morgage or never lived in an apartment. Except my own relations who gave us a lot of dosh which was just great as we put it off the morgage.

I went to a lot of effort to keep costs for the guest down. The stag was in Dublin and cost 35 euro for three activities: football, yoga and a comedian.

We also purposely had the wedding on a saturday so they didn't have to take time of work and in a venue that you get to by public transport and get a taxi home.

I did notice a few scabby presents from people who had no morgage and no major costs for the night (they just got a taxi home for 20 euro max) and both of them were working. Sometimes people with money are the scabbiest people going.

01-03-2010 06:35PM

I agree with everything you have posted Tim, I reckon you are going to get raped in this thread though

Take my word for it

Tim Robbins · 01-03-2010 06:44PM

RoverJames wrote: »

I agree with everything you have posted Tim, I reckon you are going to get raped in this thread though Take my word for it

For what? Note: Our wedding cost about 15K, we got about I'd say 3.5K in cash presents and about 3K (I'd say) in non - practical presents things we'll never use and probably about another grand in vouchers. We had about 80 to the meal and another 80 to the evening party. A few people who came to the meal gave us nothing and good few who came to the afters also gave us nothing.

hunnymonster · 01-03-2010 07:32PM

gong back to the original question, I just realised that I never actually said what I give as a gift. The recession hasn't changed the gift I give at a wedding (despite having been affected by it). My standard gifts are
200 - per couple going to whole thing
100 - evening "do"
50 - can't make it.
I always give cash. For close family I would give more. I have noticed that I am recycling outfits, not staying over etc but I still gave the same gift.

WaltKowalski · 01-03-2010 07:59PM

hunnymonster wrote: »

gong back to the original question, I just realised that I never actually said what I give as a gift. The recession hasn't changed the gift I give at a wedding (despite having been affected by it). My standard gifts are
200 - per couple going to whole thing
100 - evening "do"
50 - can't make it.
I always give cash. For close family I would give more. I have noticed that I am recycling outfits, not staying over etc but I still gave the same gift.

Ditto - if invited as part of a couple.
100, 50 + 50 if invited alone.

billybigunz · 01-03-2010 08:03PM

The best presents we got were money which we put off against our mortgage

One of the saddest posts I have ever read.

This is Ireland in the early 21st century. The only present that you appreciated was money to pay your mortgage. Absolutely vile.

Tim Robbins · 01-03-2010 08:05PM

hunnymonster wrote: »

gong back to the original question, I just realised that I never actually said what I give as a gift. The recession hasn't changed the gift I give at a wedding (despite having been affected by it). My standard gifts are
200 - per couple going to whole thing
100 - evening "do"
50 - can't make it.
I always give cash. For close family I would give more. I have noticed that I am recycling outfits, not staying over etc but I still gave the same gift.

Are you both working? I am working but my wife isn't and we have a kid. Do you think that means I should still pay 200? We also have a celtic tiger mortgage? Do you? Do you have a big bucks job?

There are many factors I take into consideration.

1. How much the couple are spending on me?
2. How much they expect me to spend? Is the Wedding in Dublin or Italy?
3. How much I had to spend on the stag?
4. What my current employment / mortgage situation is?

Where I find it tricky is that people who don't have celtic tiger mortgages and have both people working don't seem to have an appreciation how hard it can be for others that don't have the same financial situation.

Tim Robbins · 01-03-2010 08:18PM

billybigunz wrote: »

One of the saddest posts I have ever read.

This is Ireland in the early 21st century. The only present that you appreciated was money to pay your mortgage. Absolutely vile.

Yes it is sad. But even sadder is we lose our apartment to the bank. Would you agree?

WaltKowalski · 01-03-2010 09:17PM

Tim Robbins wrote: »

Are you both working? I am working but my wife isn't and we have a kid. Do you think that means I should still pay 200? We also have a celtic tiger mortgage? Do you? Do you have a big bucks job?

There are many factors I take into consideration.

1. How much the couple are spending on me?
2. How much they expect me to spend? Is the Wedding in Dublin or Italy?
3. How much I had to spend on the stag?
4. What my current employment / mortgage situation is?

Where I find it tricky is that people who don't have celtic tiger mortgages and have both people working don't seem to have an appreciation how hard it can be for others that don't have the same financial situation.

I've had a 20% net pay cut. I have very little discretionary income to spend on myself. I don't have a mortgage - I pay rent.
I still want to wish my friends and relatives the very best that I can on an occasion as special as their wedding.
I certainly don't vary the gift I give based on the venue the couple have chosen to hold their celebration in.

average recession wedding gift??

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