average recession wedding gift??

Diddler1977 · 19-02-2010 11:20AM

RoverJames wrote: »

They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

Wrong. It shouldn't cost the guests any money to attend.

When you decide to throw a party, you must also decide to foot the bill. Guests do not pay for parties that they are invited to.

19-02-2010 11:22AM

Diddler1977 wrote: »

An empty card!!!! you mean they had written nothing in it???? No best wishes for the couple getting married????

You do know that a card is not intended as a money envelope don't you?

In do indeed but not giving a gift to someone is rather rotten of folk I reckon, as I have said earlier if you're out of work or a pensioner fair enough but otherwise it's bad form in my eyes. The couple in question had out on a great day for all the guests and clearly had gone to great expense. One of them had lost their job just before the wedding and they had no honey moon. They weren't complaining at all about the cards, 'twas the grooms man told me, I thought it was p1ss poor form from some people. It was young living it up couples who were the in my eyes the culprits, not those with kids, mortgages etc.

19-02-2010 11:28AM

Diddler1977 wrote: »

Wrong. It shouldn't cost the guests any money to attend.

When you decide to throw a party, you must also decide to foot the bill. Guests do not pay for parties that they are invited to.

Are you for real, you reckon cash as a wedding gift is not the way to go :rolleyes:
You must be one of these tight folk who turn up at barbeques and the like without bringing anything.

Diddler1977 · 19-02-2010 11:31AM

RoverJames wrote: »

Are you for real, you reckon cash as a wedding gift is not the way to go :rolleyes:
You must be one of these tight folk who turn up at barbeques and the like without bringing anything.

I don't invite people to a wedding party I am throwing and then expect them to pay for it.

19-02-2010 11:35AM

Diddler1977 wrote: »

I don't invite people to a wedding party I am throwing and then expect them to pay for it.

In fairness you have the right idea, turning up empty handed at all the ones you were invited to over the years will probably guarantee no one will bring a gift for you, if they turn up at all

sharms · 19-02-2010 11:41AM

RoverJames wrote: »

A friend got married recently and some folks gave empty cards, some folk gave €40 for a couple. They way I view it is it is fairly expensive to have a wedding, if you can't afford to give a decent gift (€100 a couple ish) then you shouldn't go. At a minimum you shouldn't be costing them any money on the day. Unless you are a pensioner or out of work, they would then not expect a gift.

That's how I see it anyway, and I am single so have not had a wedding.

OH MY LORD how obnoxious...yes weddings are expensive and personally any wedding I attend I give 150 Euro for myself and prob 250 it's both myself and my boyfriend going. I can afford to and I only go to weddings of people I actually care about... not the one's where you're invited to make up numbers...

Anyways I give that because I want to but never under any circumstances do I feel that people should have to give a gift or money to a certain amount. When I get married I'll do so because I actually want to marry to person I am with, I wont be relying on other people to pay for that. It's so rude.. I'm inviting you to my wedding now please pay for own dinner etc.

Lovely

19-02-2010 11:44AM

sharms wrote: »

OH MY LORD how obnoxious...yes weddings are expensive and personally any wedding I attend I give 150 Euro for myself and prob 250 it's both myself and my boyfriend going. I can afford to and I only go to weddings of people I actually care about... not the one's where you're invited to make up numbers...

Lovely

I agree with you, I only go to peoples weddings that I care about too, thankfully folks I don't care about haven't invited me. Why don't you give an empty card ?

I'm far from obnoxious too Darling

gleep · 19-02-2010 11:52AM

Here's one for you. If you invite 200 guests and bank on getting €50 from each, then they turn up and only 50 of them have matched your expected gift, will you regret inviting them? Will you be disappointed?

If so then it's time to scale back. And you're a horrible person!:p Lol!

mossyhennebry · 19-02-2010 12:19PM

welfarequestion wrote: »

As others have said I'd steer clear of any idea of relying on presents to pay off your wedding.

...if we had received all household appliances etc we would have been fine with that too.

...cut out extras like open bar/seat covers/favours if needs be but do not get yourself into debt based on what you might get.

Sorry if it seems harsh:o

In no shape or form am I expecting gifts to pay off the wedding. Although whatever cash gifts we do receive will go directly towards the cost of the wedding meal. This is seperate to the costs related to suits, flowers, the dress, hair makeup etc.

Somehow - I find it hard to believe that if you received household appliances like juicers, coffee makers, kettles and toasters that you would have been fine with that. What would you have done with all these gifts? give them away to a charity shop? try to sell them?

As it stands - we have a mortgage and are both very grounded people. We will not be having an open bar or favours. Seat covers are included. We are not in the habit of spending money just to look good.

gleep wrote: »

...will you regret inviting them? Will you be disappointed?

If so then it's time to scale back. And you're a horrible person!:p Lol!

Regret inviting people - no. Be a little disappointed - maybe. We have some close friends and a few more people we are friendly with. We would never turn up to a party or a barbeque empty handed, and certainly not to a wedding. I don't think anyone would turn up to a wedding empty handed.

The reason I started this thread was to get an idea of the average present.

If all the silly, argumentative, opinionated replies were deleted - there are only a handful of people who actually answered the question.

gleep · 19-02-2010 12:40PM

OK, I'd say €100/€150 per couple would be average right now, but I'm also saying don't bank on it, thats all. You don't know people's real financial situation, a lot of your friends will be like so many and have been living beyond their means for years. So they might not be able to stump up the expected gift.

If all the silly, argumentative, opinionated replies were deleted - there are only a handful of people who actually answered the question.

You do realise you're on Boards, right? ;-)

mossyhennebry · 19-02-2010 12:46PM

Thats fine gleep - i was estimating €50 per person as a conservative guess.

We recently attended 3 weddings and each gift was cash.

I think it's totally pointless giving a gift to a couple who have a newly built house decorated how they want it.

iguana · 19-02-2010 12:50PM

All right people, I know this is always a heated subject but keep it civil, anymore sniping and I'll be handing out infractions.

Diddler1977 · 19-02-2010 01:09PM

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

I normally give 75-150 euro from myself - depending my humour.

However, I don't like it when I am looked upon as a cash cow or when the B&G think that I should cover the cost of my dinner because they invited me to celebrate their big day.

I would like to think that my friends would be glad to have me at their wedding and enjoying it with them whether I had brought a gift or not.

I also think a card with a nice inscription can be just as thoughtful as a chq. for 200 euro.

But that is just me.......I don't go throwing parties so my friends can foot the bill;)

killiank · 19-02-2010 02:04PM

I almost always have given cash as a gift at weddings. Ive often tried to suss out what the people in question want. Not by asking them directly but say asking the best man. In general cash has been the preferred option. If there is a wedding gift list then yeah id happily buy something from it.

My sister got married a little while back & some time after the wedding I called over to the house & she had boxes of silverware & crystal glasses stuff. She simply didnt have room on the shelves for half of it. So she ended up bringing them back & not getting anywhere near their value & basically traded the most of them in against a watch for herself & her husband.

I am getting married myself over the next year & I am fortunate to have the money saved for my wedding. If people bring presents great if they dont - well and good. Plenty of people have falled on hard times & id hate them not to come to the wedding because they felt they needed to bring a gift. Its an expensive enough for people already booking into hotels/getting hair done/ taking days off work etc. In the current climate (as FF would say) I woudlnt be expecting as much in presents as a year or two ago but I think in general the hotels arent taking the p!ss as much either.

19-02-2010 02:27PM

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Although whatever cash gifts we do receive will go directly towards the cost of the wedding meal.

Does this mean you will be opening cards at the wedding?

killiank · 19-02-2010 02:36PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Does this mean you will be opening cards at the wedding?

you might need to wash the dishes after the meal to make up the balance,

John Mason · 19-02-2010 03:30PM

hunnymonster wrote: »

I would hope so too and I imagine for the most part people do invite the people they want there to celebrate their day but if a couple are already living together and you know they'll hate the glasses/photo frame/ lamp, would it not be better to allow them choose something they prefer or give nothing if that suits you better. I know a local charity shop did very well when we got engaged as we just don't have room for the stuff we were given.

i usually buy things like vouchers for afternoon tea in the clarion; woodies; ikea; hotair balloon rides etc.

if they are registered well and good, i will get something off the list but i do not give cash under any circumstances and tbh my cousin got married in september and they go very little cash, mainly vouchers and gifts.

OP do not rely on cash. really if you need the money given to you to help start your married life to pay for your wedding, you are starting married life on the wrong foot

hunnymonster · 19-02-2010 06:18PM

irishbird wrote: »

i usually buy things like vouchers for afternoon tea in the clarion; woodies; ikea; hotair balloon rides etc.

ALl great gifts if they are the right gift for the person/people in question but would not suit everyone.

amdublin · 19-02-2010 06:36PM

I find this topic crass. Are you inviting people for their presence or for their wallets?

To answer your question:
When I go to a wedding as a couple I give €100 plus a gift worth aprox €25 (newbridge silver/crystal or the like)

When I go on my own I give €100

My own wedding: I asked for no gifts.
I wanted people's presence, not their presents

I am not in the habbit of inviting people to my parties and expecting them to pay.

And I certainly don't like being invited to a party that someone else is throwing and being expected to pay for it. What's that all about

Just be grateful for people celebrating your day with you. Who cares what they give? Who cares if you have a house full of toasters. You shouldn't be having a wedding/throwing a party if you are relying on other people to pay for it.

Toots · 20-02-2010 12:34AM

mossyhennebry wrote: »

Thats fine gleep - i was estimating €50 per person as a conservative guess.

We recently attended 3 weddings and each gift was cash.

I think it's totally pointless giving a gift to a couple who have a newly built house decorated how they want it.

You might think that, but your guests' opinions may differ. They may want to give you a nice pair of candlesticks, or glassware, that you'll have to look back on for the rest of your lives. In my experience, older generations are often more inclined to give gifts of this nature for that reason.

John Mason · 21-02-2010 07:15PM

lol - i just remember one of the many weddings i was at last year, the groom told us he was expecting a min. of e80 per person attending the wedding, so he got a e40 photoframe from us.

Toots · 21-02-2010 11:04PM

irishbird wrote: »

lol - i just remember one of the many weddings i was at last year, the groom told us he was expecting a min. of e80 per person attending the wedding, so he got a e40 photoframe from us.

You should have gotten him a voucher for a class on 'How to be Tactful'.

snuggles09 · 21-02-2010 11:13PM

irishbird wrote: »

lol - i just remember one of the many weddings i was at last year, the groom told us he was expecting a min. of e80 per person attending the wedding, so he got a e40 photoframe from us.

same as that..we got an invite with one of those crass poems asking for money (dressed up in a poem but the sentiment was the same:mad:) so they are now getting whatever i decide to buy..had they not asked they would have been given money but as they asked for it and the expectation is there they can f off

Toots · 21-02-2010 11:39PM

God, off topic I know, but I absolutely hate hate hate those poems!!! I'd actually prefer people to come out and say 'we need money' instead of putting one of those stupid poems in!!!!

bigdogbarking · 21-02-2010 11:49PM

Ha, so funny to see someone who actually believes that they'll recuperate some of the cost of a wedding through generous donations from friends and family!

such a conceited idea, no disrespect intended but please do not expect,(especially given the current "economic climate"), to cover any expenses.
Look at any gifts as a bonus, might not be what you were expecting, but its the truth.If all you were after were generous cash donations then why not invite only the rich relatives, maybe even hold a quiz night?

End of the story, you are basically paying for a big day out for family and friends to enjoy. Your question should have been along the lines of how can we make it more memorable for guests/happy couple rather than along the lines of 'how much can we make of these suckers?'

Time to think about priorities methinks?

WaltKowalski · 23-02-2010 11:24PM

I think it's typical Irish to begrudge giving a monetary gift to newlyweds just for the sake of it.
A wedding gift is meant to help set a couple up in their married life together - what better way to do this than by giving them cash.
Whether it's €50 or €200 - money is without doubt the best gift to give.

However - I don't believe it should be expected. And a wedding should never be planned to be paid for based on expected gifts.

Dostoevsky · 25-02-2010 04:02PM

Cash is the intelligent way to go for the majority of people having their wedding: cash is king.

I know from our engagement party that "we" now have a wide variety of candle holders (the new toasters?), crystal and assorted jewellery which are definitely nice. They are definitely nice.

However, I would much prefer that people didn't buy us anything for the engagement but instead bought us stuff, from a wedding list, which we actually needed. This is a sensible compromise between cash presents and pointless presents.

Wedding lists are the way to go for all sides: the giver knows their gift is valued, while the receiver can find use for it.

toadfly · 25-02-2010 10:10PM

Seriously people relax! The OP was asking a question that MAJORITY of b&g think about when they are planning their wedding. I dont know many people that can pay for their wedding outright.

Most people have a mortgage, some have kids and so cant go saving that much before the wedding.

To answer the original question I would give €150 for both of us, my sister is getting married next year and I will be giving more but for the average wedding would be €150. If I cant afford this and I am not too pushed about going then I wont. If it is a good friend/close family I will manage somehow and go. Wouldnt ever go to a wedding empty handed (or to any party). That is cheap and rude.

My cousin is getting married in April, she is one that can pay for everything before the day but I am still unsure whether I am going or not because I cannot afford it. I am not very close to her but my sister is bridesmaid and that is the main reason for wanting to go. If I cant afford the present, hotel stay, drink for the day etc I wont go.

billybunty · 25-02-2010 10:21PM

WOW - can't believe you'd plan a wedding and base paying for it on the "gifts" - ya can't pay for dinner with carriage clocks!!
We are getting married in Sept - its not going to be cheap BUT if guests give us just a card we will be happy - genuinely. Most of our guests have to travel to the brides town and that alone is enough for us - their costs involved in being at our day! SO - if ya can't afford it - don't do it!

tatli_lokma · 25-02-2010 10:23PM

TillyGirl wrote: »

I dont know many people that can pay for their wedding outright.

Most people have a mortgage, some have kids and so cant go saving that much before the wedding.

then they should have a smaller wedding!
we had the wedding we could afford, without needing gifts of money. After the day when it was all paid for, the monetary gifts were very welcome and were a great help, but had everyone bought us a present, we would still have been able to pay for the wedding.

If you can't afford the wedding without expecting money gifts then you need to either have a smaller wedding or save for a bit longer. i honestly believe that the reason so many couples get so stressed with weddings is because of the financial burden and the fear that they will not be able to pay for it. Personally I would rather have a smaller wedding and avoid that.

Maybe that sounds harsh, but its just my opinion. i think we have all gotten too carried away with having a certain type of wedding, no matter the expense. But starting off married life in debt and hoping that others will help you out of that debt is not a sensible way to approach things.

average recession wedding gift??

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