Funny things old people say by mistake

irishhigh · 01-03-2010 05:39PM #1

My Great Aunt was a complete moan but just before she died she got worse, It was like she knew she was going to kick the bucket, so she had to get as much Bítching in as possible.

Watching the news with her one evening not long before she went, there was a feature on it about a gay rights march! Your one pipes up...."This world has gone mad with all these Gays, Listbeans and Transistors!", I was laughing so hard I nearly wet myself. When I finally pulled myself together and Told her it was Gay, Lesbien and transexual, I was in fits again, she looked at me, really pissed off and said "I don't know what your laughing at....Your uncle is one!.....I'm still wondering to this day which one:D Gay or transexual

bazmaiden · 01-03-2010 05:40PM

irishhigh wrote: »

My Great Aunt was a complete moan but just before she died she got worse, It was like she knew she was going to kick the bucket, so she had to get as much Bítching in as possible.

Watching the news with her one evening not long before she went, there was a feature on it about a gay rights march! Your one pipes up...."This world has gone mad with all these Gays, Listbeans and Transistors!", I was laughing so hard I nearly wet myself. When I finally pulled myself together and Told her it was Gay, Lesbien and transexual, I was in fits again, she looked at me, really pissed off and said "I don't know what your laughing at....Your uncle is one!.....I'm still wondering to this day which one:D

Some people say Lesbien:eek:

WindSock · 01-03-2010 05:40PM

'Erm...I'm not dead yet'

irishhigh · 01-03-2010 05:43PM

WindSock wrote: »

'Erm...I'm not dead yet'

LOL but we saw you go into the big oven on the convayor belt with the red curtins:(

Pdfile · 01-03-2010 05:43PM

irishhigh wrote: »

My Great Aunt was a complete moan but just before she died she got worse

well.... she'd hardly get better at it.

im granny was the only non racist old person ive ever met....

Really hated the gays though.... and husbands who don't look after their wifes ( theirs no such a thing as divorce in her head... :eek: )

apart from that ive never heard any old people say anything bad other then racial slur.... But everyones a racist these days.

Mr. Incognito · 01-03-2010 05:44PM

"I don't want to die."

Funny old dears.

That_Guy · 01-03-2010 05:44PM

I was at an ATM one day and there was an old lady standing in front of me talking to the machine.

I asked if she needed any help and she said, "No no, I'm just asking the machine how much I need".

God love her. She thought that you just ask the machine how much you wanted. Automatic Teller Machine... Was very funny and the look on her face was priceless.

AnonoBoy · 01-03-2010 05:46PM

My Australian uncle Mel said some crazy stuff about the Jews a while back when he got pulled over by the cops.

Oh Crazy Uncle Mel, whatever will you do next?

Fago! · 01-03-2010 05:46PM

In the pub one lunchtime with my Grandad. Someone turned on 50 cent "In Da Club" on the jukeamabox... He shouts out

"Who the **** put on that ****** music!!!!!!"

Hilarious.

The racist ol' coot!

Paddycrumlinman · 01-03-2010 05:49PM

Old lady (80 or so years old)across the road came into the house years ago and had a coffee and a smoke before she went to "Wiggies" to get her hair cut.

The hairdressers was in fact Ziggy's!!

I fell around laughing at her...

mikom · 01-03-2010 05:49PM

One 89 year old granny I know has a habit of saying..... "Come back to me next year and the crack will be ninety".

That_Guy · 01-03-2010 05:52PM

mikom wrote: »

One 89 year old granny I know has a habit of saying..... "Come back to me next year and the crack will be ninety".

Pics?

irishhigh · 01-03-2010 05:54PM

The same old aunt in op was telling everyone when her husband had gone in to Hospital to have his prostate removed that he was in having his prosperous removed.

_Whimsical_ · 01-03-2010 05:58PM

My next door neighbours are elderly and believe that the automated voice coming from their home alarm system is a real person working in the alarm company who is especially assigned to monitor their home.They're always telling us how he's a "lovely lad" and how he is never impolite or impatient if you enter the password incorrectly etc. and never rushes them.They think he's fond of them and they find it very reassuring.
I have never had the heart to tell them the truth or ask why he never responds when they're roaring things like "happy Christmas" and "are ya still working at this hour ???" etc into the console on the wall

Bolag_the_2nd · 01-03-2010 06:04PM

i brought a lad home to meet my folks and my nan was there, this lad was not blessed with very good looks, a nice guy though, any how when he left i asked what everyone thought of him, my nice quiet old nan said
"he must have a chocolate cock" there was just silence then my sister fell around laughing, nan was diagnosed with dementia soon after and came out with a lot of stuff that i cant remember just now

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4 · 01-03-2010 06:04PM

chilly wrote: »

.
I have never had the heart to tell them the truth or ask why he never responds when they're roaring things like "happy Christmas" and "are ya still working at this hour ???" etc into the console on the wall

"Call the guards, were being robbed!" "why would you help us?"

"he must have a chocolate cock"

R O F L

pickarooney · 01-03-2010 06:04PM

malaprOAPisms?

Bolag_the_2nd · 01-03-2010 06:08PM

another one was the kitkat add, the rollerskating bear at the zoo, my nan would say every time, how did they train the bear to do that, we used to bring our friends in to listen to her, classic

irishhigh · 01-03-2010 06:15PM

Bolag_the_2nd wrote: »

another one was the kitkat add, the rollerskating bear at the zoo, my nan would say every time, how did they train the bear to do that, we used to bring our friends in to listen to her, classic

Thats just nasty

Noopti · 01-03-2010 06:16PM

My gran saw the priest walking up to the front door and said "Ah, here comes that f*ggot again". She was always calling people that, must have had some other meaning to her/old people.

Bolag_the_2nd · 01-03-2010 06:17PM

irishhigh wrote: »

[/B]
Thats just nasty

not a bit, my nan was loved by all my friends.

irishhigh · 01-03-2010 06:18PM

Noopti wrote: »

My gran saw the priest walking up to the front door and said "Ah, here comes that f*ggot again". She was always calling people that, must have had some other meaning to her/old people.

she is sound in mind anyway:)

speedboatchase · 01-03-2010 06:21PM

"I have sweets in my van"

Hah, there was no sweets at all, just a dingy bed. Don't remember much after that. Old people eh

irishhigh · 01-03-2010 06:22PM

Peter Kay told a good one, When his gran asked him to set her up an online account on "FaceTube":D

manlad · 01-03-2010 06:25PM

One of my nans friends had a hysterectomy and she said she got an exdirectory

speedboatchase · 01-03-2010 06:26PM

irishhigh wrote: »

Peter Kay told a good one, When his gran asked him to set her up an online account on "FaceTube":D

Peter Kay had another great one when he was telling his gran about Sky+ and that you can pause live tv. Apparently his gran said "but what about everyone else" - as in the entire country would be waiting for her to finish making tea

irishhigh · 01-03-2010 06:27PM

speedboatchase wrote: »

Peter Kay had another great one when he was telling his gran about Sky+ and that you can pause live tv. Apparently his gran said "but what about everyone else" as in the entire country would be waiting for her to finish making tea

Yeah he rocks

AnonoBoy · 01-03-2010 06:30PM

irishhigh wrote: »

Yeah he rocks

Or his gran is and he just robs her material the whole time.

DazMarz · 01-03-2010 06:33PM

Some malapropisms that old dears I've known have come out with:

-"A mixture of the scared and the profane" (obviously meant 'sacred')

-"Up there in the aclove [sic]" (meant to say 'alcove'!)

poisonated · 01-03-2010 06:54PM

I know someone who called MSN S + M.She isn't particuraly old though.

horseplay · 01-03-2010 07:33PM

i remember a few years back an old lady in the queue of the corner shop asked for ''two all cash 'itchy' cards''

it was worth a smile:)

Funny things old people say by mistake

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