How can I stop being such a slow-witted cnut

Abigayle wrote: »

Theres no such thing, just enemies. From the moment you are introduced to someone you have to harbor a sekrit hate for them. Over the the years allow them to confide in you with their problems, and if they ever try to make an arse out you in front of other people

*BAM*


You've just got a belt of the truth serum. "He he he. Jesus, thats almost as funny as the time you told me you had gonorrhea".

Kind of like when Jordan from scrubs did this:
Jordan: Carla, my ex-husband is in love with you. It's true. Ask your boyfriend, he knows; he and Perry talk about it all the time. I don't know why you haven't mentioned this to her! Perhaps you're afraid of something? Huh. And Bob? When are you gonna tell Perry that that promotion you're making him jump through hoops for, was filled months ago! It just seems wrong. Which brings us to Twinkie. If you don't have the courage to tell your 'colleague' Dr. Dorian that you're still crazy about him, I'm gonna go ahead and do it for ya, 'cause that's what friends do. Yeah! And finally, Perry, you are not gonna believe what happened the first time I met your little protégé, here...
J.D.: [thinking] Oh, please God, no.
Jordan: I slept with him... and it was good - oh! How's that for stirring things up? Have a great summer, everyone. Bye!

I think Jordan from Scubs is too under rated compared to Dr.Cox. He has some brilliant rants,but Jordan is a much more realistic bitchy character that you could meet in real life.
They do work great as a bitchy team though!:
[a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
Dr. Cox: Yeah.


"Jordan hates Everyone"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3UcET700Rg
Love her little daydream,and also the "bored" comments she always uses
(normally cutting somebody of mid sentence saying "boredy bored" or "I'm bored of you already"

Study Jordan and Dr.Cox and you'll see how the masters of put-downs operate!:)

flahavaj wrote: »

If you can't even spell a simple word like cunt, theres not much hope for you.

"Bite me ****head".

shamblertine wrote: »

I'm sick of being humiliated and embarrassed by my friends and colleagues putdowns, I can always think of a great response to them but only about 2 hours after they said it. So whats the secret of being quick witted? Is it a case of thinking of a great putdown for everyone you meet before they insult you first? Or should I try and improve my intelligence and response times by reading more books or perhaps buying that brain training thing? Thanks in advance :mad:

Seeing as you are constantly getting the p1ss ripped from you, a simple, "Change the ****ing record" should suffice, no?

Simple. "Takes one to know one". Can't lose.

Or the classic.
"I know you are, but what am I".

OP....


" your ma's your da".....classic

or

stick your finger up your ass, hold it behind his head, say " here, fcukface here's your pint" when he turns around, rub your shity finger under his nose and say " wow, you just smelt your ma's pusssy! *

also works well with the cheese from your dong

It's not your fault your slow but you can always dream:D:D:D:D:D:D

You don't need a witty come-back, just this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDV_HVNoAZo

benwavner wrote: »

I usually go with this line........immediately following an insult.

Some guy: Benwavner you are a bastard!
Me: have you got a chewing gum?
Some guy: no, why?
Me: I need something to get the taste of your mother out of my mouth!


ha, that always works.............but you better be ready for what happens next!

But I always have chewing gum on me when I'm off me head?