Tales from the Jax

Gummy Panda · 30-11-2009 03:07PM

I remember i went into a Burger King in Limerick at around 2am. I was a mate and his on/off girlfriend. I wanted to take a piss but only the disabled toilets were unlocked.

So i go over and open the door to find a ugly skanger girl on the toilet eating a chicken royale. I could see her manky knickers around her ankles with her jeans. She reached up and closed the door. Didn't try cover herself while closing the door as she was still too busy eating her chicken royale.

Needless to say, I didn't buy any food after witnessing that.

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 03:07PM

bluto63 wrote: »

I was in the Porterhouse in London and I went to the toilets to let a log fly. There was one other guy in the bathroom at the urinal. He was standing beside the door of my cubicle, and I started hearing this rattle of jewellry. Underneath the door I could see the shadow of him stroking his salami. When you've still got some work to do in the toilet, you can't just leave. But it's so incredibly uncomfortable to hear this guy giving the little soldier a tug. I just popped my ipod in until I was done then legged it out as quick as I could

These are brilliant!! Sick but funny, the odd things people get up to in toliets!

FlutterinBantam · 30-11-2009 07:11PM

Hmmmm... disgusting these scenarios,reminds me of the time I was in Durban SA and need to "cut rope" sorta rapido.

Pulled into a petrol station in Amanzimtoti and headed for the clunker to dump .

Two cubes ,one free, so in and unloaded ,next thing the fcuking wall of the other one collapsed in on me and there are two rather large African gentlemen in a state of "disarray" one with a rampant cock and the other with a fooking large cornetto stuffed up his hole, which appeared to have been interfered with.

Fcukers actually said "Sorry Baas", gathered themselves together and exited.

I was well past Margate before I recovered :eek:

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 07:15PM

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Hmmmm... disgusting these scenarios,reminds me of the time I was in Durban SA and need to "cut rope" sorta rapido.

Pulled into a petrol station in Amanzimtoti and headed for the clunker to dump .

Two cubes ,one free, so in and unloaded ,next thing the fcuking wall of the other one collapsed in on me and there are two rather large African gentlemen in a state of "disarray" one with a rampant cock and the other with a fooking large cornetto stuffed up his hole, which appeared to have been interfered with.

Fcukers actually said "Sorry Baas", gathered themselves together and exited.

I was well past Margate before I recovered :eek:

hahahahahahaha oh fcuk ill never eat a cornetto again. Fcukin halarious!!!

mink_man · 30-11-2009 07:20PM

NothingMan wrote: »

Wow, a thread opened and barely one post relating to the actual topic.

I saw the title and I thought it could be amusing so I came in thinking it'd be a laugh and just see the usual "Oh my god, AH is so sh1te, look at these silly topics". Why post if you think it's silly?

Nehoo, I was in college and the guy in the next cubicle was sharting like a mad yoke. Sounded like the Peter Griffin Vs Michael Moore fart song. Was washing my hands when he came out and it was one of my lecturers! Never able to look at him again without imaging that.

Not so much a tale form the Jax, but definitely one I remember, EEWWW!

graphic

congo_90 · 30-11-2009 07:23PM

One time went into a jax. Was pretty badly needing to take a dump so i went into a cubicle. I remember i was quite young and noticed a hole in the cublicle wall and the usual grafitti etc.

Anyways just as I was done.. a cóck came through the hole! I was so shocked I didnt know what to do so I just ran out and told a security guard. At the time. I was too young to fully understand but looking back on it..
Ewww! glory hole! :eek:

Other than that, in more recent times. I found someone asleep in a cubicle. lieing in urine, brown stuff (use your imaginiation), possibly vomit and a lotta jax roll hangin outta him with his trousers at his ankles.

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 07:27PM

congo_90 wrote: »

One time went into a jax. Was pretty badly needing to take a dump so i went into a cubicle. I remember i was quite young and noticed a hole in the cublicle wall and the usual grafitti etc.

Anyways just as I was done.. a cóck came through the hole! I was so shocked I didnt know what to do so I just ran out and told a security guard. At the time. I was too young to fully understand but looking back on it..
Ewww! glory hole! :eek:

Other than that, in more recent times. I found someone asleep in a cubicle. lieing in urine, brown stuff (use your imaginiation), possibly vomit and a lotta jax roll hangin outta him with his trousers at his ankles.

That c*ck thru the wall one is fairly shocking! Disgusting!

RMD · 30-11-2009 07:52PM

Not the usual toilet story but I have a decent one.

Was doing shots in a bar abroad and all of sudden got that feeling when you know you're gonna throw up so I ran straight for the bathroom. Got inside and the only cubicle was locked, didn't even have time to make it to the sink it came on so fast. Went everywhere, ****ing everywhere. Covered the entire bathroom as it was pretty small (1 cubicle, 1 sink, 2 urinals) and some poor ****er in the cubicle had the pleasure of hearing abotu 2-3 liters of vomit hitting the cubicle door and splashing everywhere.

Ran back outside and grabbed my mates as there was 3 hefty bouncers on the door and I didn't want them sussing me out, just as I was walking by the toilet door on the way out, I see the poor bastard who was in he cubicle emerging covered in my vomit from head to toe on his back, completely dry on the front. Obviously enough he slipped on his way out of the cubicle and got covered in my mess.

Needless to say, I broke my ****s laughing.

Fago! · 30-11-2009 08:47PM

Johnnnybravo wrote: »

Anyone here have any interesting stories from things they have overheard from the Jax?

Just wondering cos Im a sad bast*d much like the dole office thread.

Not a convo or a story I heard, I was sitting on the jaxx and some guy rushed into the one next to me, struggles to open his jeans and then lets rip.

All you hear then is him pebble-dashing the jaxxpot... "ooohhh god.... btbtbtptptptppbpbpbpbpbpbpppptptptpbpbptpbtbtbtbtbtddtt Brrrapp braappp....."*

Cut to me ****ting myself laughing (Literally)

*

That's the noise of a man's insides falling out through his arse btw!

dr.bollocko · 30-11-2009 08:48PM

Fago_25 wrote: »

Not a convo or a story I heard, I was sitting on the jaxx and some guy rushed into the one next to me, struggles to open his jeans and then lets rip.

All you hear then is him pebble-dashing the jaxxpot... "ooohhh god.... btbtbtptptptppbpbpbpbpbpbpppptptptpbpbptpbtbtbtbtbtddtt Brrrapp braappp....."*

Cut to me ****ting myself laughing (Literally)

*
That's the noise of a man's insides falling out through his arse btw!

I think we had that figured out without the spoilers mate. The usage of the verb "pebbledash" cements the image pretty well.

Cupcake_Crisis · 30-11-2009 08:56PM

Oh if toilets could talk!! Myself and a friend almost got thrown out of the toilets on friday night for laughing hysterically and taking about half an hour in the cubicle. Something was very, very funny, but neither of us knows what it was!

I always have really deep, meaningful heart to hearts in the toilets when ive had a few too many. Often with complete strangers mind you :rolleyes:

FlutterinBantam · 30-11-2009 09:05PM

Uhhhmmmm ..adverb I'd say myself.

Verb = to shíte= a verb tells something to be done?

How things are done the adverbs tell..

hence "pebbledash" is a description of the act of shítting.

As in "I went into the cube after a feed of brown bread and curry and pebbledashed the shítter" or "I didn't enjoy the party for Janet's 21st so I went upstairs and 'pebbledashed ' her family's shítter."

Mods move this to 'languages' if necessary:cool:

Rondolfus · 30-11-2009 09:14PM

I was at the urinal of a restaurant, when a phone went off in the cubicle behind me. The guy answered angrily and said ,

" No I haven't left! I'm still in the toilet. Yea.... yea... yea...(Getting more frustrated).... WELL I CAN'T HELP IT IF IM CONSTIPATED CAN I???!!

Nice to see romance is still alive

Handsome Bob · 30-11-2009 09:22PM

My mate had a cold one night we were in the local, when he went for a piss he was constantly sniffing. He was in a cubicle so to the outsider it would have seemed that he was snorting cocaine. Next thing he knows there are bouncers waiting for him outside the cubicle and they ****ed him out for doing cocaine. :pac:

Another one was when my mate was in the jax of a club that shall remain nameless. Some sound bloke gives him a broken nose, and then says "sorry bud thought you were someone else." Oh yeah sound nice one. :rolleyes:

Fago! · 30-11-2009 10:01PM

dr.bollocko wrote: »

I think we had that figured out without the spoilers mate. The usage of the verb "pebbledash" cements the image pretty well.

OOOOOOOH! Use yer prescription and take a chillpill doc

orourkeda · 30-11-2009 10:09PM

I heard a bloke taking a sh*t there just yesterday

Thephantomsmask · 30-11-2009 10:09PM

the_barfly1 wrote: »

Scrawled on the inside of a cubicle door of one of those pay per use Jacks:
"Here i sit all broken hearted, paid to sh1t and only farted"

Then one day I took a chance, thought I'd fart but I **** my pants.

Ann22 · 30-11-2009 11:08PM

My friend and his little niece are always prank calling each other but his niece 'Niamh' always knows his voice, he just can't disguise it. Anyway he was sittin on the bowl in his work toilet quietly minding his own business and for the want of something to do started practicing his voices....'Niamh.. Niamh. .Niamh... (clears throat)...NIAMH. Then, to his horror, the toilet in the next cubicle flushed and someone hurridly left:o.

A workmate of mine was in a toilet once and the chap in the next cubicle was sitting crapping and happily munching a bag of crisps'plop ..crunch..plop:o.

I once wiped my bum and accidentally threw the tissue under the wall into the next cubicle:(..sunny side up. I nearly died of shame. Thank God there was no one next door but there were a few waiting outside. Hope they didn't see my hand frantically scrabbling under the wall to retrieve it:o.

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 11:11PM

Ann22 wrote: »

My friend and his little niece are always prank calling each other but his niece 'Niamh' always knows his voice, he just can't disguise it. Anyway he was sittin on the bowl in his work toilet quietly minding his own business and for the want of something to do started practicing his voices....'Niamh.. Niamh. .Niamh... (clears throat)...NIAMH. Then, to his horror, the toilet in the next cubicle flushed and someone hurridly left:o.

A workmate of mine was in a toilet once and the chap in the next cubicle was sitting crapping and happily munching a bag of crisps'plop ..crunch..plop:o.

I once wiped my bum and accidentally threw the tissue under the wall into the next cubicle:(..sunny side up. I nearly died of shame. Thank God there was no one next door but there were a few waiting outside. Hope they didn't see my hand frantically scrabbling under the wall to retrieve it:o.

I think the eating in the jax thing is the worst :eek: SICK!

Altho throwing yer used jaxroll in the next cubicle is a classic

Tales from the Jax

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