Tales from the Jax

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 11:20AM #1

Anyone here have any interesting stories from things they have overheard from the Jax?

Just wondering cos Im a sad bast*d much like the dole office thread.

My name is URL · 30-11-2009 11:23AM

Meanwhile, in the hall of Justice!

Rabies · 30-11-2009 11:23AM

basement?

Gummy Panda · 30-11-2009 11:24AM

*paging FlutterinBantam*

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 30-11-2009 11:24AM

Two bosses talking to eachother about how I'd been hired only to prove how anyone could do some rich git's job. Bastards!

SEPT 23 1989 · 30-11-2009 11:30AM

I banged my head in the jax and invented the flux compositor which makes time travel possible a few days later a midget kid came around claiming to be from the future

i shot him dead

AnonoBoy · 30-11-2009 11:33AM

Were Basement Jaxx named after a cellar toilet?

minidazzler · 30-11-2009 11:51AM

When I was a young boy of around 10 I was in the bathroom of a trainstation.

It was my first time in the City and I saw a big black man stab another man in to back while I was in the toilet.

Then a nice man took me back to my farm.

NothingMan · 30-11-2009 11:52AM

Wow, a thread opened and barely one post relating to the actual topic.

I saw the title and I thought it could be amusing so I came in thinking it'd be a laugh and just see the usual "Oh my god, AH is so sh1te, look at these silly topics". Why post if you think it's silly?

Nehoo, I was in college and the guy in the next cubicle was sharting like a mad yoke. Sounded like the Peter Griffin Vs Michael Moore fart song. Was washing my hands when he came out and it was one of my lecturers! Never able to look at him again without imaging that.

Not so much a tale form the Jax, but definitely one I remember, EEWWW!

Kazooie · 30-11-2009 11:55AM

I know a lad that fell asleep in the jacks of a pub between the bowl and the wall beside it. When he woke he tried lifting his head straight but up was trapped between the wall and the bowl. He was so locked it took him 15 minutes to realise all he had to too was slide his head out first then lift it up.

He should have his own tv show this lad I'm tellin ye.

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 11:56AM

NothingMan wrote: »

Wow, a thread opened and barely one post relating to the actual topic.

I saw the title and I thought it could be amusing so I came in thinking it'd be a laugh and just see the usual "Oh my god, AH is so sh1te, look at these silly topics". Why post if you think it's silly?

Nehoo, I was in college and the guy in the next cubicle was sharting like a mad yoke. Sounded like the Peter Griffin Vs Michael Moore fart song. Was washing my hands when he came out and it was one of my lecturers! Never able to look at him again without imaging that.

Not so much a tale form the Jax, but definitely one I remember, EEWWW!

EWWWWW ROFL

thats nasty!!!! but funny, gwan shure were on a roll now mayaswell get a few stories

Tabnabs · 30-11-2009 11:56AM

"Beware the pygmy limbo dancers!"

Best jax advice ever!

Long Onion · 30-11-2009 12:09PM

Nothing ever happens in the toilet. If you hear any 'tales' they are either lies or twistings of perverts. Go in, have a piss, wash your hands, leave. Take no more than 2 minutes.

I do not want to hear other peoples toilet conversations, they do not interest me, nor do I want to read other peoples musings of urine addled, drink induced ramblings they may or may not have overheard.

Can we discuss something else?

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 12:10PM

Long Onion wrote: »

Nothing ever happens in the toilet. If you hear any 'tales' they are either lies or twistings of perverts. Go in, have a piss, wash your hands, leave. Take no more than 2 minutes.

I do not want to hear other peoples toilet conversations, they do not interest me, nor do I want to read other peoples musings of urine addled, drink induced ramblings they may or may not have overheard.

Can we discuss something else?

The short answer would be no:D The long answer would be yes but not in here

Capt'n Midnight · 30-11-2009 12:11PM

The night was dark and eerie
the toilet light was dim
I heard a crash
and then a splash
good grief he's fallen in :eek:

WindSock · 30-11-2009 12:11PM

Johnnnybravo wrote: »

:pac: so ya was in the jax and???;)

Well seeing as you are dying for a toilet story....

My friend was working in Wexford and popped into the public toilets there only to see a chap weeing into another mans mouth while he was touching himself.

Is that what you're after?

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 12:13PM

WindSock wrote: »

Well seeing as you are dying for a toilet story....

My friend was working in Wexford and popped into the public toilets there only to see a chap weeing into another mans mouth while he was touching himself.

Is that what you're after?

well it is a jax story , a disturbing one but a jax story none the less.

Gummy Panda · 30-11-2009 12:16PM

WindSock wrote: »

Well seeing as you are dying for a toilet story....

My friend was working in Wexford and popped into the public toilets there only to see a chap weeing into another mans mouth while he was touching himself.

Is that what you're after?

was it white wee wee? :pac:

NothingMan · 30-11-2009 12:17PM

Long Onion wrote: »

Can we discuss something else?

We are discussing something else....On all the other thousands of threads going on boards. Here we're talking sh1te

.

Was walking into the toilet in college and a friend was having a p1ss in the cubical so I gave him a little push to throw him off balance(nothing hard just a friendly shove) So as I was pishing in the urinal he decided to do the same back. But the urinal is a lot closer to the wall than a jax so I smashed my head off the tiled wall. Very hard to concentrate on yor aim when you're seeing little birdies dancing around yor head.

DOC09UNAM · 30-11-2009 12:18PM

Long Onion wrote: »

I do not want to hear other peoples toilet conversations, they do not interest me, nor do I want to read other peoples musings of urine addled, drink induced ramblings they may or may not have overheard.

What an incredibly strange thread to click on if you didn't intend to read drunken rambings about people in the jax then...

i just don't understand how you got so unlucky.

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 12:19PM

NothingMan wrote: »

We are discussing something else....On all the other thousands of threads going on boards. Here we're talking sh1te .

Was walking into the toilet in college and a friend was having a p1ss in the cubical so I gave him a little push to throw him off balance(nothing hard just a friendly shove) So as I was pishing in the urinal he decided to do the same back. But the urinal is a lot closer to the wall than a jax so I smashed my head off the tiled wall. Very hard to concentrate on yor aim when you're seeing little birdies dancing around yor head.

:D:D:D funny

Johnnnybravo · 30-11-2009 12:20PM

DOC09UNAM wrote: »

What an incredibly strange thread to click on if you didn't intend to read drunken rambings about people in the jax then...

i just don't understand how you got so unlucky.

rofl

fletch... · 30-11-2009 12:41PM

mmmm, i dont usually do toilet threads but anyways.
was on the jax and leaned over a bit to see how big the trout was when suddenly the seat snapped off and sent me flying, faceplanted into the wall.

battser · 30-11-2009 01:23PM

What a thread!

Feck all jax stories but lots of baiting!

Noice!

A work colleague heard some dude crackin one off in the cubicle next to him last week! The culprit has since been sacked off :P

DOC09UNAM · 30-11-2009 01:42PM

Bit harsh to sack him for that tbh... shoulda just had a word with him about it, would have been funnier.

3hn2givr7mx1sc · 30-11-2009 01:54PM

battser wrote: »

What a thread!

Feck all jax stories but lots of baiting!

Noice!

A work colleague heard some dude crackin one off in the cubicle next to him last week! The culprit has since been sjacked off :P

FYP.:cool:

AckwelFoley · 30-11-2009 02:33PM

I heard togizefuking in the cubicle beside me. He was taking a sh1t

dr.bollocko · 30-11-2009 02:56PM

Thread pruned. Let's see how it goes for a wee while before instigating locking protocol.
Please no more discussion about the rules or whether this thread should stay or go or whatever. Everyone so cranky. Damn.

the_barfly1 · 30-11-2009 02:58PM

Jax was a character in the game Mortal Kombat, he had bionic arms.

Scrawled on the inside of a cubicle door of one of those pay per use Jacks:
"Here i sit all broken hearted, paid to sh1t and only farted"

bluto63 · 30-11-2009 03:05PM

I was in the Porterhouse in London and I went to the toilets to let a log fly. There was one other guy in the bathroom at the urinal. He was standing beside the door of my cubicle, and I started hearing this rattle of jewellry. Underneath the door I could see the shadow of him stroking his salami. When you've still got some work to do in the toilet, you can't just leave. But it's so incredibly uncomfortable to hear this guy giving the little soldier a tug. I just popped my ipod in until I was done then legged it out as quick as I could

r3nu4l · 30-11-2009 03:07PM

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Thread pruned. Let's see how it goes for a wee while before instigating locking protocol.

I see what you did there

We were out celebrating a friends birthday one night when he went off to the toilets. It was 45 minutes before we realised he hadn't come back

So we assumed he'd scored and didn't give it much more thought until I went to the toilets and then saw his feet sticking out under door of one of the cubicles. Turns out the guy had fallen asleep mid-poo, somehow slipped off the seat and cracked the back of his head on the bowl and was unconscious but sitting up on the floor, head lying back on the toilet seat... Ewww.

We had to call an ambulance and drew lots to see who would go with him to the hospital while the rest of us carried on to a late-bar

Tales from the Jax

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