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What's the worst instance of cheating you've been involved in?

  • 19-11-2009 08:43PM
    #1
    Pighead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Like the rest of the country, Pighead was angry. Very very angry. The smooth handsome Frenchman had dashed the hopes of a nation and whats more he had dashed them in an underhanded cheating manner.

    The anger had risen in Pighead's body quicker than a fourteen year olds todger does whilst reading his first adult magazine. Ended up throwing stuff at the telly. Shoes, socks, trousers, jumper scarf and underpants. Pretty soon Pighead was a naked quivering angry wreck, rocking forward and backward on the sitting room floor.

    "There there Pighead" said Mammy as she tried to soothe her angry baby. "The European Championships Qualifiers will be here in no time and judging by tonights performance I'd say we're almost certainties to top the group"

    "But Mammy, you don't understand. It's not just that we haven't qualified that's making Pighead so angry. No, the worst thing of all is that a fellow human being has stooped so low as to cheat purely for personal gain and to hell with the consequences. It's absolutely sickening"

    "That is absolute horseshit, Pighead" You're one of the biggest cheats I know. You cheated in your Junior Cert exam, Leaving Cert and college exams. You cheat at monopoly, you cheat at mousetrap and you cheat at Battleship. You're nickname when you were younger was "Sir Cheatsalot". What the hell gives you the right to pontificate about Thierry Henry"

    "Fair point Mammy" was all Pighead could muster up in response. Pighead was brilliant at lying and feigning hurt to nearly all women but his mother wasn't one of them. She's spot on. Pighead is a cheat and a liar. It's a disease. Even today on these very boards this poster cheated and lied to the boards populace.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=63091264&postcount=1734

    Pighead knows about as much French as a newborn baby orangutan. He used babelfish to translate the strange french words, not his brain. A fraud. Just like Henry, except without the cash, skills and velvet brown skin. And he'll cheat again tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. It's a disease and there ain't no antidote.

    So what about you? Have you ever been caught cheating? Did it make you stop or did you just cheat twice as much next time so as to not get caught?


«1

Comments

  • #2
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    Took a dump in the Swan centre and didn't pay


  • #3
    I_Am_The_Walrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭I_Am_The_Walrus


    I used an ace and a king I had in my pocket to win €50 in a game of '21' but I felt guilty so I purposely lost €50 in the next few rounds.


  • #4
    mink_man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,454 ✭✭✭mink_man


    i wonder how many threads in the lasy day have been about the france ireland game?


  • #5
    Sea Sharp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,593 ✭✭✭Sea Sharp


    I was a slut


  • #6
    Pighead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    FlutterinBantam wrote: »
    Took a dump in the Swan centre and didn't pay
    Impossible. It would be easier to break into Fort Knox than to get by those chicks that collect your money outside the toilets. They've obviously given you some sort of "Lifetime Achievement Award" and given you free access to the jacks for being such a loyal and frequent customer.


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  • #7
    Aidric
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,597 ✭✭✭✭Aidric


    GaNjaHaN wrote: »
    I was a slut

    Three hail marys and a blowjob. Now go in peace to love and serve the Lord.


  • #8
    jimoc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 634 ✭✭✭jimoc


    I reversed out the entrance of a car park because I wouldn't pay the euro :)


  • #9
    Pighead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    mink_man wrote: »
    i wonder how many threads in the lasy day have been about the france ireland game?
    Pighead hears ya mink_man. He often wonders about stuff too.

    He wonders why there aren't any father in law jokes, he wonders what life would be like if there were no hypothetical questions and most of all he wonders if girls find men who wonder a lot more sexually attractive.


  • #10
    phasers
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,159 ✭✭✭✭phasers


    I glued my egg to the spoon in my very first sports day, age 5.

    The guilt still tears me apart.


  • #11
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    Pighead wrote: »
    Impossible. It would be easier to break into Fort Knox than to get by those chicks that collect your money outside the toilets. They've obviously given you some sort of "Lifetime Achievement Award" and given you free access to the jacks for being such a loyal and frequent customer.


    No way Pigser-all automated.

    Try vaulting a turnstile when the first three inches are cold:mad:


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  • #12
    Little Acorn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,531 ✭✭✭Little Acorn


    Haven't played it in years,but could never resist the urge to cheat in Monoply.
    I used to refuse to play unless I was allowed to be the banker.
    If a dictionary wasn't present,I would invent words and their meanings in Scrabble aswell.:)

    I saw a girl infront of me during the leaving cert maths exam cheating.
    She kept hitching her skirt over her knee really quickly and had what I can only assume was formulas written on her thigh.
    I couldn't believe it,as I would never have the neck to cheat in a state exam,as I heard that if caught,you could be banned from all state examinations for 10 years! I don't know if that is true though?


  • #13
    phasers
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,159 ✭✭✭✭phasers


    Little Acorn wrote: »

    I saw a girl infront of me during the leaving cert maths exam cheating.
    She kept hitching her skirt over her knee really quickly and had what I can only assume was formulas written on her thigh.
    I couldn't believe it,as I would never have the neck to cheat in a state exam,as I heard that if caught,you could be banned from all state examinations for 10 years! I don't know if that is true though?
    Yep it is, you can't even do your driving test afaik.

    EVERYONE in my classroom was cheating in their leaving last year, it was ridiculous.


  • #14
    Corkfeen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,940 ✭✭✭Corkfeen


    I cheated at who wants to be a millionaire once and nobody has caught me. :D Mwahahahaaha, heres to telling your dark secrets to boards.

    Also, anyone remember the leaving cert cheater on boards?;)


  • #15
    WeeBushy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,572 ✭✭✭WeeBushy


    I cheated in a christmas exam in 2nd year of secondary school. There was an entire poem (a greek poem btw, so it was outrageously long) for which we were meant to know the translation. I brought the english translation into the exam with me. I got full marks in that section, but I think the fear of being caught with the notes meant I couldn't concentrate so failed the exam. Oh the irony.


  • #16
    Little Acorn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,531 ✭✭✭Little Acorn


    phasers wrote: »
    Yep it is, you can't even do your driving test afaik.

    EVERYONE in my classroom was cheating in their leaving last year, it was ridiculous.
    Wow,even a driving test! That's some risk they're taking for some extra points.
    It could destroy a person's future.
    I'd never have the neck for it. :-)


  • #17
    ShooterSF
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,822 ✭✭✭ShooterSF


    WeeBushy wrote: »
    I cheated in a christmas exam in 2nd year of secondary school. There was an entire poem (a greek poem btw, so it was outrageously long) for which we were meant to know the translation. I brought the english translation into the exam with me. I got full marks in that section, but I think the fear of being caught with the notes meant I couldn't concentrate so failed the exam. Oh the irony.

    One could almost call it a Greek tragedy :D


  • #18
    NothingMan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,178 ✭✭✭✭NothingMan


    Someone tippexed a smiley on my calculator and I wrote loads of Maths and Physics formulas on it. Helped me out a bit :)

    I never cheat at poker. Even if I see a card on the bottom of a deck I try and shut up but my conscience takes over and I tell everyone I saw it.


  • #19
    Davidius
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,893 ✭✭✭Davidius


    My team was losing horribly in a game of Team Fortress on the Xbox so I used the skywalk glitch to escape being murdered during the humiliation round. My guy was doing a hoedown taunt as he watched the rest of his team getting slaughtered.

    I may or may not go to the 'out' area when I get hit in paintball.


  • #20
    shqipshume
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,193 ✭✭✭shqipshume


    At cards playing against my grandad looking in his glasses for what cards he had :o I owned up because couldnt bare winning like that :o


  • #21
    Pighead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Davidius wrote: »
    My team was losing horribly in a game of Team Fortress on the Xbox so I used the skywalk glitch to escape being murdered during the humiliation round. My guy was doing a hoedown taunt as he watched the rest of his team getting slaughtered.
    That is the nerdiest thing Pighead has read all day. And that's coming from someone who has just finished reading the minutes for the 10th annual "Nerdlingers Unite" meeting.

    Is a hoedown not some sort of a barn dance?


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  • #22
    tman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,339 ✭✭✭✭tman


    FlutterinBantam wrote: »
    Took a dump in the Swan centre and didn't pay

    Thought that was a pretty awesome story until I realised you were talking about some kind of shopping centre, not a swan sanctuary:o


  • #23
    Kenny Tender Telegraph
    Posts: 422 ✭✭ Kenny Tender Telegraph


    I was playing football with some of my mates one day and I handled the ball, not once, twice, in the oppositions box and then set up my team mate Gilliam Wallas and he scored.

    Va Va Voom:eek:


  • #24
    DancingQueen:)
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,062 ✭✭✭DancingQueen:)


    When i supervised the leaving this year there were lots of people cheating and nothing was done about it, i was told in first year if we cheated during the state exams we wouldn't be able to take any ever again..
    They might have said that just to scare us but i wouldn't ever think of doing it!


  • #25
    Collie D
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,535 ✭✭✭✭Collie D


    Blagged an armband fom bar girl in Paris on Tuesday and pretended to be with 2FM Roadcaster crew to blag free booze.


  • #26
    Pighead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    As Pighead lay down naked in front of the television last night filled with rage and anger (50% rage towards Henry for cheating and 50% rage towards the people who would very soon be flooding his inbox requesting him to join such facebook groups entitled "Henry is a rotter" or "The French are meanies") he remembered the time that he too was cruelly cheated upon.

    Her name was Sally Sexton and she broke up with a young, spotty, small todgered* Pighead citing the fact that "she needed a break from the whole relationship thing and needed some time alone". That was fine with Pighead. If the girl needed a break, that was perfectly reasonable.

    Only thing was this "break" lasted precisely 24 hours. Pighead's best friend Ronnie Ratboy spotted Sally and Larry "Large Lad" Lennon getting intimate together behind old Dannos haybarn on a bed made from straw.

    Pighead was crestfallen and it was at that precise moment he vowed to do everything in his power to improve the size and girth of his love muscle.

    *Pighead was a late developer.


  • #27
    brummytom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭brummytom


    Pighead wrote: »
    The anger had risen in Pighead's body quicker than a fourteen year olds todger does whilst reading his first adult magazine.

    Adult magazine? Bahh.. no young lads read those any more! That's what the internet's for. God, get with the times Piggie.


  • #28
    newmills
    Closed Accounts Posts: 473 ✭✭newmills


    FlutterinBantam wrote: »
    Took a dump in the Swan centre and didn't pay

    Did that too......nearly clogged the bowl with beauty from the depths of the gut...the smell was taking the paint of the walls..hopped the barrier on way out too just for sport!!


  • #29
    Pighead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    brummytom wrote: »
    Adult magazine? Bahh.. no young lads read those any more! That's what the internet's for. God, get with the times Piggie.
    Well Pighead can guarantee you brummytom, that every single one of his male offspring will be using a magazine when their time of self discovery arrives.

    There's about four hundred sticky magazines up in the attic that belonged to Pighead's father and his father before and this poster will be damned if they're going to waste.
    Some traditions must never die.


  • #30
    brummytom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭brummytom


    Pighead wrote: »
    Well Pighead can guarantee you brummytom, that every single one of his male offspring will be using a magazine when their time of self discovery arrives.

    There's about four hundred sticky magazines up in the attic that belonged to Pighead's father and his father before and this poster will be damned if they're going to waste.
    Some traditions must never die.

    I'll PM you my address


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  • #31
    netwhizkid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,558 ✭✭✭netwhizkid


    Pighead wrote: »
    Well Pighead can guarantee you brummytom, that every single one of his male offspring will be using a magazine when their time of self discovery arrives.

    There's about four hundred sticky magazines up in the attic that belonged to Pighead's father and his father before and this poster will be damned if they're going to waste.
    Some traditions must never die.

    Ankle pron?


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