What's the worst instance of cheating you've been involved in?

Pighead

Like the rest of the country, Pighead was angry. Very very angry. The smooth handsome Frenchman had dashed the hopes of a nation and whats more he had dashed them in an underhanded cheating manner.

The anger had risen in Pighead's body quicker than a fourteen year olds todger does whilst reading his first adult magazine. Ended up throwing stuff at the telly. Shoes, socks, trousers, jumper scarf and underpants. Pretty soon Pighead was a naked quivering angry wreck, rocking forward and backward on the sitting room floor.

"There there Pighead" said Mammy as she tried to soothe her angry baby. "The European Championships Qualifiers will be here in no time and judging by tonights performance I'd say we're almost certainties to top the group"

"But Mammy, you don't understand. It's not just that we haven't qualified that's making Pighead so angry. No, the worst thing of all is that a fellow human being has stooped so low as to cheat purely for personal gain and to hell with the consequences. It's absolutely sickening"

"That is absolute horseshit, Pighead" You're one of the biggest cheats I know. You cheated in your Junior Cert exam, Leaving Cert and college exams. You cheat at monopoly, you cheat at mousetrap and you cheat at Battleship. You're nickname when you were younger was "Sir Cheatsalot". What the hell gives you the right to pontificate about Thierry Henry"

"Fair point Mammy" was all Pighead could muster up in response. Pighead was brilliant at lying and feigning hurt to nearly all women but his mother wasn't one of them. She's spot on. Pighead is a cheat and a liar. It's a disease. Even today on these very boards this poster cheated and lied to the boards populace.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=63091264&postcount=1734

Pighead knows about as much French as a newborn baby orangutan. He used babelfish to translate the strange french words, not his brain. A fraud. Just like Henry, except without the cash, skills and velvet brown skin. And he'll cheat again tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. It's a disease and there ain't no antidote.

So what about you? Have you ever been caught cheating? Did it make you stop or did you just cheat twice as much next time so as to not get caught?

FlutterinBantam

Took a dump in the Swan centre and didn't pay

I_Am_The_Walrus

I used an ace and a king I had in my pocket to win €50 in a game of '21' but I felt guilty so I purposely lost €50 in the next few rounds.

mink_man

i wonder how many threads in the lasy day have been about the france ireland game?

Sea Sharp

I was a slut

Pighead

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Took a dump in the Swan centre and didn't pay

Impossible. It would be easier to break into Fort Knox than to get by those chicks that collect your money outside the toilets. They've obviously given you some sort of "Lifetime Achievement Award" and given you free access to the jacks for being such a loyal and frequent customer.

Aidric

GaNjaHaN wrote: »

I was a slut

Three hail marys and a blowjob. Now go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

jimoc

I reversed out the entrance of a car park because I wouldn't pay the euro

Pighead

mink_man wrote: »

i wonder how many threads in the lasy day have been about the france ireland game?

Pighead hears ya mink_man. He often wonders about stuff too.

He wonders why there aren't any father in law jokes, he wonders what life would be like if there were no hypothetical questions and most of all he wonders if girls find men who wonder a lot more sexually attractive.

phasers

I glued my egg to the spoon in my very first sports day, age 5.

The guilt still tears me apart.

FlutterinBantam

Pighead wrote: »

Impossible. It would be easier to break into Fort Knox than to get by those chicks that collect your money outside the toilets. They've obviously given you some sort of "Lifetime Achievement Award" and given you free access to the jacks for being such a loyal and frequent customer.

No way Pigser-all automated.

Try vaulting a turnstile when the first three inches are cold:mad:

Little Acorn

Haven't played it in years,but could never resist the urge to cheat in Monoply.
I used to refuse to play unless I was allowed to be the banker.
If a dictionary wasn't present,I would invent words and their meanings in Scrabble aswell.:)

I saw a girl infront of me during the leaving cert maths exam cheating.
She kept hitching her skirt over her knee really quickly and had what I can only assume was formulas written on her thigh.
I couldn't believe it,as I would never have the neck to cheat in a state exam,as I heard that if caught,you could be banned from all state examinations for 10 years! I don't know if that is true though?

phasers

Little Acorn wrote: »

I saw a girl infront of me during the leaving cert maths exam cheating.
She kept hitching her skirt over her knee really quickly and had what I can only assume was formulas written on her thigh.
I couldn't believe it,as I would never have the neck to cheat in a state exam,as I heard that if caught,you could be banned from all state examinations for 10 years! I don't know if that is true though?

Yep it is, you can't even do your driving test afaik.

EVERYONE in my classroom was cheating in their leaving last year, it was ridiculous.

Corkfeen

I cheated at who wants to be a millionaire once and nobody has caught me. Mwahahahaaha, heres to telling your dark secrets to boards.

Also, anyone remember the leaving cert cheater on boards?;)

WeeBushy

I cheated in a christmas exam in 2nd year of secondary school. There was an entire poem (a greek poem btw, so it was outrageously long) for which we were meant to know the translation. I brought the english translation into the exam with me. I got full marks in that section, but I think the fear of being caught with the notes meant I couldn't concentrate so failed the exam. Oh the irony.

Little Acorn

phasers wrote: »

Yep it is, you can't even do your driving test afaik.

EVERYONE in my classroom was cheating in their leaving last year, it was ridiculous.

Wow,even a driving test! That's some risk they're taking for some extra points.
It could destroy a person's future.
I'd never have the neck for it. :-)

ShooterSF

WeeBushy wrote: »

I cheated in a christmas exam in 2nd year of secondary school. There was an entire poem (a greek poem btw, so it was outrageously long) for which we were meant to know the translation. I brought the english translation into the exam with me. I got full marks in that section, but I think the fear of being caught with the notes meant I couldn't concentrate so failed the exam. Oh the irony.

One could almost call it a Greek tragedy

NothingMan

Someone tippexed a smiley on my calculator and I wrote loads of Maths and Physics formulas on it. Helped me out a bit

I never cheat at poker. Even if I see a card on the bottom of a deck I try and shut up but my conscience takes over and I tell everyone I saw it.

Davidius

My team was losing horribly in a game of Team Fortress on the Xbox so I used the skywalk glitch to escape being murdered during the humiliation round. My guy was doing a hoedown taunt as he watched the rest of his team getting slaughtered.

I may or may not go to the 'out' area when I get hit in paintball.

shqipshume

At cards playing against my grandad looking in his glasses for what cards he had I owned up because couldnt bare winning like that

Pighead

Davidius wrote: »

My team was losing horribly in a game of Team Fortress on the Xbox so I used the skywalk glitch to escape being murdered during the humiliation round. My guy was doing a hoedown taunt as he watched the rest of his team getting slaughtered.

That is the nerdiest thing Pighead has read all day. And that's coming from someone who has just finished reading the minutes for the 10th annual "Nerdlingers Unite" meeting.

Is a hoedown not some sort of a barn dance?

tman

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Took a dump in the Swan centre and didn't pay

Thought that was a pretty awesome story until I realised you were talking about some kind of shopping centre, not a swan sanctuary:o

I was playing football with some of my mates one day and I handled the ball, not once, twice, in the oppositions box and then set up my team mate Gilliam Wallas and he scored.

Va Va Voom:eek:

DancingQueen:)

When i supervised the leaving this year there were lots of people cheating and nothing was done about it, i was told in first year if we cheated during the state exams we wouldn't be able to take any ever again..
They might have said that just to scare us but i wouldn't ever think of doing it!

Collie D

Blagged an armband fom bar girl in Paris on Tuesday and pretended to be with 2FM Roadcaster crew to blag free booze.

Pighead

As Pighead lay down naked in front of the television last night filled with rage and anger (50% rage towards Henry for cheating and 50% rage towards the people who would very soon be flooding his inbox requesting him to join such facebook groups entitled "Henry is a rotter" or "The French are meanies") he remembered the time that he too was cruelly cheated upon.

Her name was Sally Sexton and she broke up with a young, spotty, small todgered* Pighead citing the fact that "she needed a break from the whole relationship thing and needed some time alone". That was fine with Pighead. If the girl needed a break, that was perfectly reasonable.

Only thing was this "break" lasted precisely 24 hours. Pighead's best friend Ronnie Ratboy spotted Sally and Larry "Large Lad" Lennon getting intimate together behind old Dannos haybarn on a bed made from straw.

Pighead was crestfallen and it was at that precise moment he vowed to do everything in his power to improve the size and girth of his love muscle.

*Pighead was a late developer.

brummytom

Pighead wrote: »

The anger had risen in Pighead's body quicker than a fourteen year olds todger does whilst reading his first adult magazine.

Adult magazine? Bahh.. no young lads read those any more! That's what the internet's for. God, get with the times Piggie.

newmills

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Took a dump in the Swan centre and didn't pay

Did that too......nearly clogged the bowl with beauty from the depths of the gut...the smell was taking the paint of the walls..hopped the barrier on way out too just for sport!!

Pighead

brummytom wrote: »

Adult magazine? Bahh.. no young lads read those any more! That's what the internet's for. God, get with the times Piggie.

Well Pighead can guarantee you brummytom, that every single one of his male offspring will be using a magazine when their time of self discovery arrives.

There's about four hundred sticky magazines up in the attic that belonged to Pighead's father and his father before and this poster will be damned if they're going to waste.
Some traditions must never die.

brummytom

Pighead wrote: »

Well Pighead can guarantee you brummytom, that every single one of his male offspring will be using a magazine when their time of self discovery arrives.

There's about four hundred sticky magazines up in the attic that belonged to Pighead's father and his father before and this poster will be damned if they're going to waste.
Some traditions must never die.

I'll PM you my address

netwhizkid

Pighead wrote: »

Well Pighead can guarantee you brummytom, that every single one of his male offspring will be using a magazine when their time of self discovery arrives.

There's about four hundred sticky magazines up in the attic that belonged to Pighead's father and his father before and this poster will be damned if they're going to waste.
Some traditions must never die.

Ankle pron?

TheCardHolder

In 3rd year we had an irish test. Pretty basic one; just had to write a story about witnessing a car accident or something. Anyone being the cunning genius I am, I decided to record the whole story onto my mp3 player. My plan was that I'd have the headphones stuck up my sleeve and play it at a certain volume so id only hear when I held my sleeve up against my ear. It was faultless or so I thought. The class before I had been listening to music full volume and forgot to turn the volume down, so we were sitting in class in complete silence doing the tests when I decided to put my plan into action. I looked around making sure the coast is clear and clicked it on, next thing I know the mp3 comes to life blaring '' CHEANNAIGH ME AN MILSEAN SA SIOPA'', I quickly struggled to turn it off but it was too late. The room erupted into laughter and the teacher jumped up out of his chair and headed straight for me.

Raze_them_all

TheCardHolder wrote: »

In 3rd year we had an irish test. Pretty basic one; just had to write a story about witnessing a car accident or something. Anyone being the cunning genius I am, I decided to record the whole story onto my mp3 player. My plan was that I'd have the headphones stuck up my sleeve and play it at a certain volume so id only hear when I held my sleeve up against my ear. It was faultless or so I thought. The class before I had been listening to music full volume and forgot to turn the volume down, so we were sitting in class in complete silence doing the tests when I decided to put my plan into action. I looked around making sure the coast is clear and clicked it on, next thing I know the mp3 comes to life blaring '' CHEANNAIGH ME AN MILSEAN SA SIOPA'', I quickly struggled to turn it off but it was too late. The room erupted into laughter and the teacher jumped up out of his chair and headed straight for me.

The cardsholder and you fup up with things up yer sleeve?? You lose alot don't you??

falan

I cheated an post out of a tv license for over a year. Would have cheated them for longer if they hadn't started legal proceedings. Luckily i got one and i haven't heard from them since.

Ross_Mahon

Cheating is alright, Just once your not caught!

Davidius

Pighead wrote: »

Is a hoedown not some sort of a barn dance?

I believe so:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVHoXfbwO3E

scribs

I was recently involved in a very important soccer game and handled the ball without the ref seeing me. It resulted in my team scoring a goal and winning teh game. The opposition are really pissed of with me and zare making my life hell.

AlmightyCushion

falan wrote: »

I cheated an post out of a tv license for over a year. Would have cheated them for longer if they hadn't started legal proceedings. Luckily i got one and i haven't heard from them since.

Our jails are filled with pedophiles and murderers while the likes of you are allowed walk the streets. Makes me sick.

CreepingDeath

I was seeing another woman when I was dating your Ma.

Pighead

CreepingDeath wrote: »

I was seeing another woman when I was dating your Ma.

Are you sure you've got that right? Aren't you known as the "40 year old virgin with the rather large bottom" in The Thunderdome?

SarahChambers

Cheated on my boyfriends, but that was good cheating. Well it was good for me, something that eudaemonic can hardly be called bad can it? :D:D:D

DazMarz

Cheated on countless exams in secondary school, was so easy to do as school was a bit of a joke.

One I always used in French/Spanish/Irish class was if we had an in-class exam where we had to write a letter to a penpal or some other such bollocks, I'd already have written the letter the night before, perfectly, and leaned super hard on the pen so the imprint of what I had written showed up clear as day on the next page of my A4 pad.

For my Christmas maths exam in 5th year, I stashed my notes in a plastic zip-lock bag in one of the cisterns in the toilets. Told the supervising teacher I had a tummy bug, but that I would be okay to sit the exam. Every so often, a ''cramp'' would get me and I'd have to go to the bathroom... Haha.

In the casino one night, I was sitting next to a sweet little old lady, who appeared to have more money than God in her purse. She was incredibly long-sighted and had to hold her cards way out in front of her, and this gave me a clear sight of her cards. I politely told her what she was doing the first time, and she thanked me... And kept doing it! I took a fortune off her... Judge me if you want, but poker is a ruthless game and there is no such thing as friends at the card table. I had informed her of her error, but she kept on doing it. Yes, I could have got up and walked away from the table... and simply let somebody else sit down and do the exact same thing. I'm not proud of what I did, but it was a matter of ''if I don't do it, someone else will''.

Add to this the countless times I have cheated or have been ''angle-shooting'' in countless other sports/activities/games... haha, a cheating scumbag!!!

Lux23

SarahChambers wrote: »

Cheated on my boyfriends, but that was good cheating. Well it was good for me, something that eudaemonic can hardly be called bad can it? :D:D:D

Cnutish is what its called. But I am quite sure that what you have just said is not based on fact.

I can't think of anything, I wouldn't even cheat in a pub quiz people who do that sicken me to the very core of my being. I did cheat in tests in school but I don't think i ever did it when it really counted.

Pighead

SarahChambers wrote: »

Cheated on my boyfriends, but that was good cheating. Well it was good for me, something that eudaemonic can hardly be called bad can it? :D:D:D

Very selfish post and possibly advocating rape. Poor show.

wudangclan

SarahChambers wrote: »

Cheated on my boyfriends, but that was good cheating. Well it was good for me, something that eudaemonic can hardly be called bad can it? :D:D:D

I'm sure your boyfriends were delirious with happiness.

no1beemerfan

SarahChambers wrote: »

Cheated on my boyfriends, but that was good cheating. Well it was good for me, something that eudaemonic can hardly be called bad can it? :D:D:D

Heres hoping your boyfriend cheats on you. And you find out. It ain't nice.

scudzilla

I lived over in Wales until 4yrs ago when i moved here.

Over there is a pub chain called Wetherspoons, they basically renovate huge buildings such as cinema's/theatres and turn them into super pubs, selling cheap booze, and i'm on about £2 a pint, £6 for a jug of Vodka/Red Bull etc

Now Wetherspoons held a quiz every monday night, first prize was £50 and 10 drinks vouchers. The quiz questions all got faxed to the venues on a Monday Morning from Head Office. Not all Wetherspoons venues had a quiz but they all recieved the questions.

A real good mate of mine was Assistant manager of a Wetherspoons 6 miles from my local one, they didn't do the quiz night but got the questions.

He used to give me them, i'd turn up at my local with a mate, win the quiz, get the 50 notes and keep the 10 vouchers for the weekend.

Some of the teams were complete egg heads, they could never understand how me and my mate would win every week.

How many Hail Mary's for that one??

InKonspikuou2

I've been cheating music and film companies out of countless amounts of Euro since dial up went out with the Indians.

PFJSplitter

A former romantic interest who knew how to push all the right buttons in all the right places...what marriage?

Hellm0

I will neglect to detail the nature of my most daring cheats, legal concerns etc. I have however cheated in many games of Chess, and I will regularly cheat others of their dignity.

AnonoBoy

InKonspikuou2 wrote: »

I've been cheating music and film companies out of countless amounts of Euro since dial up went out with the Indians.

Your friend Dialle went to India (possibly to star in Bollywood films) and now you are embezzling money from film studios in a vain attempt to salve your loneliness?