Strange bits of advice...

Voltex · 14-11-2009 09:56PM #1

Myself and my wife were on holiday in Sri Lanka not so long ago,and one of the resorts we were staying in was on a Nature Reserve where the animals have free reign. we were advised that due to the time of year there were alot of male elephants in "must" ( basically horney) so if we wanted to go from our cabin to the main hotel lobby and restraunt we needed to ring reception and ask for a boy to escort us...so thats what we did...called the boy who promptly arrived with a rather large lantern...he went ahead and showed us across the reserve. As we were walking I asked the boy what purpose the lantern served if we came across an elephant and his reply was.." So you can see which way to run...":eek:
Suffice to say that wasnt the answer I was expecting!

anyone else?

Tomebagel · 14-11-2009 10:09PM

almost as strange as this thread.

Danbo! · 14-11-2009 10:17PM

A holiday in Sri Lanka? one of the resorts you stayed in?

Well laa tee daa.....

angeldelight · 14-11-2009 10:21PM

We were staying in a hostel in Cork and one day I happened to be looking at the fire plan on the back of the door (was standing holding door for someone else carrying a suitcase) and line 1 was "if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

ShatterProof · 14-11-2009 10:25PM

angeldelight wrote: »

"if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

very good advice

AlmightyCushion · 14-11-2009 10:31PM

angeldelight wrote: »

We were staying in a hostel in Cork and one day I happened to be looking at the fire plan on the back of the door (was standing holding door for someone else carrying a suitcase) and line 1 was "if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

No! What you do (and I thought every one knew this) is fight fire with fire by throwing petrol on the flames.

Voltex · 14-11-2009 10:36PM

A holiday in Sri Lanka? one of the resorts you stayed in?

Well laa tee daa.....

..suppose I should have also mentioned Sri Lanka followed 10 days in the Maldieves...
*lights up a fat cuban, and asks his maid to summon his footboy, the dog needs a walk*

robbie_998 · 14-11-2009 10:55PM

Voltex wrote: »

..suppose I should have also mentioned Sri Lanka followed 10 days in the Maldieves...
*lights up a fat cuban, and asks his maid to summon his footboy, the dog needs a walk*

/gets coat and heads to Voltex's house to kick some ass :pac:

dr.bollocko · 14-11-2009 10:55PM

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

No! What you do (and I thought every one knew this) is fight fire with fire by throwing petrol on the flames.

I once pooped a fire out. Saved three kids. Killed two more.

citizen_p · 14-11-2009 11:10PM

"dont toppel over because im not coming after you"
"you can drown if ya want"

a canoe instructor with a broking leg with a cast on....

daca88 · 14-11-2009 11:14PM

angeldelight wrote: »

"if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

when the fire starts to burn, there's a lesson you must learn.
something something, then you'll see.
you'll avoid catastrophe!!!

Leprachaun · 14-11-2009 11:15PM

robbie_998 wrote: »

/gets coat and heads to Voltex's house to kick some ass :pac:

Which one?

Darksaga87 · 14-11-2009 11:17PM

"Dont talk to the old man who stands outside the shop"

"if you pick it, i break it."

"dont touch yellow snow"

good advice through my life.

jumpguy · 14-11-2009 11:20PM

If someone is in cardiac arrest, follow the chain of survival of early Access, early CPR, early Defibrillation, and early Advanced Medical Care.

The first thing to do is call an ambulance, make sure you let the operator know you suspect a heart attack, or even better get someone else to do it and commence CPR immediately.
To do CPR, tilt the person's head back to open their airway. Pinch the soft part of their nose and breath into their mouth, their chest should lift. Give 2 breaths with a 1 second gap. Give 30 chest compressions, just under the nipple line, keeping your elbows locked and straight, and one hand on top of another with fingers interlocked. The harder and faster the better.

oldyouth · 14-11-2009 11:28PM

Voltex wrote: »

..suppose I should have also mentioned Sri Lanka followed 10 days in the Maldieves...
*lights up a fat cuban, and asks his maid to summon his footboy, the dog needs a walk*

The phrase is, 'when you are in a hole, stop digging......'

G_R · 14-11-2009 11:36PM

on bag of peanuts:

"Bag may contain traces of Peanuts or Nut products. Do not eat if allergic to Nuts"

who'd a thought:rolleyes:

ejmaztec · 15-11-2009 12:07AM

Voltex wrote: »

..suppose I should have also mentioned Sri Lanka followed 10 days in the Maldieves...
*lights up a fat cuban, and asks his maid to summon his footboy, the dog needs a walk*

Must have been a real interesting trip if the only excitement was that some guy was carrying a lantern. You could have saved a few quid and gone to Limerick.:P

ferrigan101 · 15-11-2009 12:45AM

On a ferry in greece, reading the emergency evacuation sign, 'if you hear the abadon ship warning, take a life vest from here, gather your courage in both hands and jump.' best advice i've had tbh!

Atavan-Halen · 15-11-2009 12:49AM

jumpguy wrote: »

The harder and faster the better.

Thats some pretty good advice right there.

jumpguy · 15-11-2009 01:10AM

atavan-halen wrote: »

Thats some pretty good advice right there.

I believe in killing two birds with one stone.

The_Minister · 15-11-2009 01:15AM

Stee wrote: »

A holiday in Sri Lanka? one of the resorts you stayed in?

Well laa tee daa.....

I'm so posh I call it Ceylon.

BOHtox · 15-11-2009 01:28AM

On a packet of raisons it said
"try tossing over your breakfast cereal":eek:
trust me it doesn't taste that nice

Capt'n Midnight · 15-11-2009 03:36AM

love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe

flahavaj · 15-11-2009 03:57AM

The older the fiddle the sweeter the tune,

but the younger the ram, the harder the horn.

Leprachaun · 15-11-2009 12:18PM

One I heard in the states : " Candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth. "

fillmore jive · 15-11-2009 12:23PM

Karl Pilkington on life: 'Stay green, stay in the woods, and stay safe.'

15-11-2009 12:28PM

angeldelight wrote: »

We were staying in a hostel in Cork and one day I happened to be looking at the fire plan on the back of the door (was standing holding door for someone else carrying a suitcase) and line 1 was "if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

Or follow this guys lead..

scottledeuce · 15-11-2009 05:16PM

jumpguy wrote: »

Give 30 chest compressions, just under the nipple line, keeping your elbows locked and straight, and one hand on top of another with fingers interlocked. The harder and faster the better.

That's what she said!

MementoMori · 15-11-2009 05:18PM

Leprachaun wrote: »

One I heard in the states : " Candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth. "

Prefer "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker" myself

mikom · 15-11-2009 05:26PM

Voltex wrote: »

Myself and my wife were on holiday in Sri Lanka not so long ago,and one of the resorts we were staying in was on a Nature Reserve where the animals have free reign. we were advised that due to the time of year there were alot of male elephants in "must" ( basically horney)

That's the biggest draw back in the Sri Lanka............ an elephant's foreskin.

FlutterinBantam · 15-11-2009 06:06PM

"Don't throw toothpicks down this shitter- the crabs here can pole vault"

Sign in a dunny in Burke.

Strange bits of advice...

Comments