Strange bits of advice...

Voltex

Myself and my wife were on holiday in Sri Lanka not so long ago,and one of the resorts we were staying in was on a Nature Reserve where the animals have free reign. we were advised that due to the time of year there were alot of male elephants in "must" ( basically horney) so if we wanted to go from our cabin to the main hotel lobby and restraunt we needed to ring reception and ask for a boy to escort us...so thats what we did...called the boy who promptly arrived with a rather large lantern...he went ahead and showed us across the reserve. As we were walking I asked the boy what purpose the lantern served if we came across an elephant and his reply was.." So you can see which way to run...":eek:
Suffice to say that wasnt the answer I was expecting!

anyone else?

Tomebagel

almost as strange as this thread.

Danbo!

A holiday in Sri Lanka? one of the resorts you stayed in?

Well laa tee daa.....

angeldelight

We were staying in a hostel in Cork and one day I happened to be looking at the fire plan on the back of the door (was standing holding door for someone else carrying a suitcase) and line 1 was "if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

ShatterProof

angeldelight wrote: »

"if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

very good advice

AlmightyCushion

angeldelight wrote: »

We were staying in a hostel in Cork and one day I happened to be looking at the fire plan on the back of the door (was standing holding door for someone else carrying a suitcase) and line 1 was "if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

No! What you do (and I thought every one knew this) is fight fire with fire by throwing petrol on the flames.

Voltex

A holiday in Sri Lanka? one of the resorts you stayed in?

Well laa tee daa.....

..suppose I should have also mentioned Sri Lanka followed 10 days in the Maldieves...
*lights up a fat cuban, and asks his maid to summon his footboy, the dog needs a walk*

robbie_998

Voltex wrote: »

..suppose I should have also mentioned Sri Lanka followed 10 days in the Maldieves...
*lights up a fat cuban, and asks his maid to summon his footboy, the dog needs a walk*

/gets coat and heads to Voltex's house to kick some ass :pac:

dr.bollocko

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

No! What you do (and I thought every one knew this) is fight fire with fire by throwing petrol on the flames.

I once pooped a fire out. Saved three kids. Killed two more.

citizen_p

"dont toppel over because im not coming after you"
"you can drown if ya want"

a canoe instructor with a broking leg with a cast on....

daca88

angeldelight wrote: »

"if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

when the fire starts to burn, there's a lesson you must learn.
something something, then you'll see.
you'll avoid catastrophe!!!

Leprachaun

robbie_998 wrote: »

/gets coat and heads to Voltex's house to kick some ass :pac:

Which one?

Darksaga87

"Dont talk to the old man who stands outside the shop"

"if you pick it, i break it."

"dont touch yellow snow"

good advice through my life.

jumpguy

If someone is in cardiac arrest, follow the chain of survival of early Access, early CPR, early Defibrillation, and early Advanced Medical Care.

The first thing to do is call an ambulance, make sure you let the operator know you suspect a heart attack, or even better get someone else to do it and commence CPR immediately.
To do CPR, tilt the person's head back to open their airway. Pinch the soft part of their nose and breath into their mouth, their chest should lift. Give 2 breaths with a 1 second gap. Give 30 chest compressions, just under the nipple line, keeping your elbows locked and straight, and one hand on top of another with fingers interlocked. The harder and faster the better.

oldyouth

Voltex wrote: »

..suppose I should have also mentioned Sri Lanka followed 10 days in the Maldieves...
*lights up a fat cuban, and asks his maid to summon his footboy, the dog needs a walk*

The phrase is, 'when you are in a hole, stop digging......'

G_R

on bag of peanuts:

"Bag may contain traces of Peanuts or Nut products. Do not eat if allergic to Nuts"

who'd a thought:rolleyes:

ejmaztec

Voltex wrote: »

..suppose I should have also mentioned Sri Lanka followed 10 days in the Maldieves...
*lights up a fat cuban, and asks his maid to summon his footboy, the dog needs a walk*

Must have been a real interesting trip if the only excitement was that some guy was carrying a lantern. You could have saved a few quid and gone to Limerick.:P

ferrigan101

On a ferry in greece, reading the emergency evacuation sign, 'if you hear the abadon ship warning, take a life vest from here, gather your courage in both hands and jump.' best advice i've had tbh!

Atavan-Halen

jumpguy wrote: »

The harder and faster the better.

Thats some pretty good advice right there.

jumpguy

atavan-halen wrote: »

Thats some pretty good advice right there.

I believe in killing two birds with one stone.

The_Minister

Stee wrote: »

A holiday in Sri Lanka? one of the resorts you stayed in?

Well laa tee daa.....

I'm so posh I call it Ceylon.

BOHtox

On a packet of raisons it said
"try tossing over your breakfast cereal":eek:
trust me it doesn't taste that nice

Capt'n Midnight

love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe

flahavaj

The older the fiddle the sweeter the tune,

but the younger the ram, the harder the horn.

Leprachaun

One I heard in the states : " Candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth. "

fillmore jive

Karl Pilkington on life: 'Stay green, stay in the woods, and stay safe.'

angeldelight

angeldelight wrote: »

We were staying in a hostel in Cork and one day I happened to be looking at the fire plan on the back of the door (was standing holding door for someone else carrying a suitcase) and line 1 was "if you discover a fire do not run around screaming fire fire! Press the fire alarm"

Or follow this guys lead..

scottledeuce

jumpguy wrote: »

Give 30 chest compressions, just under the nipple line, keeping your elbows locked and straight, and one hand on top of another with fingers interlocked. The harder and faster the better.

That's what she said!

MementoMori

Leprachaun wrote: »

One I heard in the states : " Candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth. "

Prefer "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker" myself

mikom

Voltex wrote: »

Myself and my wife were on holiday in Sri Lanka not so long ago,and one of the resorts we were staying in was on a Nature Reserve where the animals have free reign. we were advised that due to the time of year there were alot of male elephants in "must" ( basically horney)

That's the biggest draw back in the Sri Lanka............ an elephant's foreskin.

FlutterinBantam

"Don't throw toothpicks down this shitter- the crabs here can pole vault"

Sign in a dunny in Burke.

kingtut

Don't piss on an electric fence!

AckwelFoley

Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets

Soul Cake Duck

On a talk before going to volunteer in Alaska....what to do if some attacks you, tries to rape you etc etc....say the following...

"Stop, I don't like what you are doing, what you are doing is wrong."

Eh...ok...and wait for them to say..."Oh, i'm sorry, I didn't realise, apologies, you have a nice day now ya hear"!

]Also that if in a attack/assault situation not to shout ‘rape’ but ‘fire’ as it’s been proven that more people will come to your aid for a fire.

IvySlayer

Do not eat this hammer.

orourkeda

Never stick a banger up your arse at halloween

sKepTics_George

Do not, under any cuircumstances, sweep leaves on a windy day.