creepy sex fetish?????

LegacyUser · 26-09-2009 01:37AM #1

When we go to bed,my b/f (when hes had a few drinks...most nights)tries it on with me while im asleep!!! I lnow this sound wierd,but iv often woke up and found him with his hands down my knickers,doing things(!).I find it very creepy and pervy.He claims not to rem the next day,but we have 4 daughters,and this kind of behaviour freaks me out as i cant even have them sleep in wit us if they are sick for fear that he really doesnt know wot hes doing.As a result,we have NO sex life,as i look at his hands and think they are the hands of a prev.
Is he a sufferer of some kind of sex problem,does he have a fetish for this sort of thing or just a plain perv?Iv tried talking to him about this but he flips the head and says im maken it all up,even though we will exchange words most nights when i push his hand away.I feel violated.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 26-09-2009 05:32AM

Heard of this before. Its like sex sleepwalking. Google it

PirateShampoo · 26-09-2009 10:59AM

Its pretty common i think, ive been guilty of it myself, ive also done it when theres no drink involved and ive gone to sleep horny.

dny123456 · 26-09-2009 11:11AM

my partner does something similar... i always thought it was kinda sweet.

Darksaga87 · 26-09-2009 11:51AM

if it only happens when he has had a few drinks, then i would put it down being drunk and horny!

If its sex sleepwalking, im sure it would happen if he was sober.

i wouldnt call him a perv just yet, most blokes try it on when they have had a few.

LegacyUser · 26-09-2009 01:58PM

hi op, going unreg for this wan cos ppl know me

i do this too, sometimez when drunk but mozt timez when just asleep ( more timez it happenz when me and gf have been havving fightz and stuffz) itz called sexomnia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexomnia

hth

(I dont normally talk in this fashion

)

Zaph · 26-09-2009 02:08PM

happenz2me wrote: »

(I dont normally talk in this fashion )

So why did you feel the need to do so in PI? Please post properly in future or any further posts like this will be deleted.

LegacyUser · 26-09-2009 09:13PM

well he might be asleep but if it only happens when he's drunk then he needs to stop getting drunk. Otherwise he is completely responsible whether he remembers it or not, in my book.

I dont blame you for being disgusted, i wouldnt like to wake up with my boyfs hands down my pants either.

LegacyUser · 26-09-2009 11:46PM

Hi OP, you mentioned your partner being drunk when this happens but that is not an excuse for crossing a sexual boundary with you,if you are creeped out or uncomfortable about something like this then that is not okay. While, it may be as the previous posters say , if you have a weird feeling about or feel uncomfortable then it is not right for you. Also if you have ANY fear or doubt about your daughters safety take them out of the situation, not feeling comfortable enough to have your children sleep in your bed is a HUGE red flag IMO.

Chinafoot · 27-09-2009 12:46AM

freakedout wrote: »

When we go to bed,my b/f (when hes had a few drinks...most nights)tries it on with me while im asleep!!! I lnow this sound wierd,but iv often woke up and found him with his hands down my knickers,doing things(!).I find it very creepy and pervy.He claims not to rem the next day,but we have 4 daughters,and this kind of behaviour freaks me out as i cant even have them sleep in wit us if they are sick for fear that he really doesnt know wot hes doing.As a result,we have NO sex life,as i look at his hands and think they are the hands of a prev.
Is he a sufferer of some kind of sex problem,does he have a fetish for this sort of thing or just a plain perv?Iv tried talking to him about this but he flips the head and says im maken it all up,even though we will exchange words most nights when i push his hand away.I feel violated.

When you exchange words is he awake and drunk or is he asleep?

If he's asleep then its possibly a sleep disorder. If he's awake but pissed then the lack of memory the next morning is most likely down to the alcohol.

I don't blame you at all for feeling violated by this. It's not consensual if you're not awake when it happens. He needs to listen to your concerns here and he needs to seriously cut down on the drink. You said in your opening post that he drinks most nights...with 4 daughters that seems pretty excessive.

If he refuses to take you seriously when you broach the subject with him you should ask that he either cut back on the booze or sleep on the sofa.

Women Are Dirty · 29-09-2009 11:50AM

Sounds like he is just turned on by you! dont be such a big girl and play on it be a slag!

Nevyn · 29-09-2009 12:52PM

Troll account is permabanned from this forum.

kjl · 29-09-2009 03:07PM

I male, and have woken up with former partners having sex with me, creepy is not the word I would describe it, more like sexy

LegacyUser · 29-09-2009 03:16PM

The point is that it makes the OP feel uncomfortable, just because someone else finds it sexy doesnt mean she is doing something wrong by not opening up to it,

Op tell your partner your not happy about it and if he doesnt listen say your not going to sleep with him until he sorts it out, he doesnt seem to be too bothered by your feelings, that may get him to sort it out.

It may feel like a violation of your body because its unwanted, also it may be frustrating because he is pulling out of you when your trying to sleep.

LegacyUser · 29-09-2009 04:49PM

This kind of unwanted sexual contact is rape, or sexual assault. You don't want it, you aren't turned on by it, and it feels like a violation. This isn't an inconvenience, it is wrong. You will have to speak to your partner in terms that leave him in no doubt as to how you view this. He is forcing himself on you without your consent, and not caring about it. That is rape, or sexual assault (despite how some of the male posters here view it).

Koushki · 29-09-2009 04:53PM

its a bit harsh you calling him a perv and creepy.

at the start of your post i thought you were about 17 years old then you mentioned you had daughters so that shocked me too.

i understand why it would worry you if your kids were there,
but you're saying you have no sex life now.

thats just ridiculous.

It's actually more common than you think. give him a break. you turn him on or he's just having a sexy dream.

if he starts feeling you up and you don't like it wake him up.easy as.

Chinafoot · 29-09-2009 05:31PM

Koushki wrote: »

its a bit harsh you calling him a perv and creepy.

at the start of your post i thought you were about 17 years old then you mentioned you had daughters so that shocked me too.

i understand why it would worry you if your kids were there,
but you're saying you have no sex life now.

thats just ridiculous.

It's actually more common than you think. give him a break. you turn him on or he's just having a sexy dream.

if he starts feeling you up and you don't like it wake him up.easy as.

Thats a very harsh post.

The fact that she has no sex life anymore probably has a lot to do with the fact that he doesn't listen to her concerns about this at all. Instead he gets thick with her and accuses her of making it up.

You might think she's overreacting but thats not for you to decide. She's uncomfortable with this and she doesn't like it. Thats absolutely fair enough. His refusal to even discuss it with her or perhaps take a look at his drinking habits is not fair.

wexford202 · 30-09-2009 01:03PM

Hi OP

I think that both of ye may be the cause of this.

His wandering hands have caused you to be turned off which in turn now makes him worse as he is sexually frustrated and probably thinking abut this when drunk or going to sleep.

Maybe if you were to just do it before sleep he will have had his bit and it might not happen through the night.

Don't think of him as creepy though. to describe someone you have four kids with isn't very nice by any means. Yes it may be a turn off but to be with someone you think is creepy is worse.

Irishcrx · 30-09-2009 02:19PM

I do this aswell usually when I have had a few drinks, my GF doesn't mind usually but if we happened to be having a fight that day or evening it has caused problems in the past as it should as I guess it is in one way or another rape. I genuinely don't realise i'm even having sex unless i'm woken up, even sometimes I get up in the morning and have no idea it happened.

Nevyn · 30-09-2009 02:28PM

when you are with a long term partner and share abed with them the lines of consent can be come rahter blurred.

Op there are issues between you and your partner, you have said that you don't have much if any of a sex life. Personally I would find it hard to sleep in the same bed as the person I was in love with, in a realtionship with and was still sexually attracted to as I now my hands may wander.

I suggest that you both look to sorting out your communication issues and maybe try not sleeping in the same bed until it is something you both want.

ibarelycare · 30-09-2009 02:39PM

freakedout wrote: »

When we go to bed,my b/f (when hes had a few drinks...most nights)tries it on with me while im asleep!!! I lnow this sound wierd,but iv often woke up and found him with his hands down my knickers,doing things(!).I find it very creepy and pervy.He claims not to rem the next day,but we have 4 daughters,and this kind of behaviour freaks me out as i cant even have them sleep in wit us if they are sick for fear that he really doesnt know wot hes doing.As a result,we have NO sex life,as i look at his hands and think they are the hands of a prev.
Is he a sufferer of some kind of sex problem,does he have a fetish for this sort of thing or just a plain perv?Iv tried talking to him about this but he flips the head and says im maken it all up,even though we will exchange words most nights when i push his hand away.I feel violated.

The bit that I highlighted here is the bit that stood out to me most. Drink is obviously the underlying problem. Does he drink enough that he doesn't remember doing it or would he even do it if he's had one or two? And he only does it on the nights when he drinks? It seems like there are two issues here.

davyjose · 30-09-2009 02:49PM

OP, I don't think there's many people in a happy, loving relationship that would call their other half a perv, under pretty much any circumstance. I also don't think that it's grounds alone to cause a great divide in a relationship (other posters have already said they find it sweet).

So i'm with Thaedydal on this, there's obviously some kind of underlying relationship issues that need sorting.

miec · 30-09-2009 03:43PM

Hi Op

Ditto as well on Thaedydal's advice, I was also very suprised to learn you have four daughters with your partner/ husband. Two red flags came up for me, the fact he drinks 'most nights', is it a large amount and secondly, that you have little or no sex. Are the two connected?

Whilst it is disturbing to wake up and find your partner have wandering hands, etc (my partner has done the same, although he doesn't drink but he is on sleeping tablets so he has no awareness of this), I was quite shocked when you referred to him as a pervert, this is the father of your four daughters and if you look at him like that, why are you still with him? In the case of my partner, I know its accidental and I just move away but I have never looked at him as a pervert. Is there some other underlying issue? Do you like/ love your partner at all? Is he good to you? Is this symptomatic of your overall relationship?

stovelid · 01-10-2009 12:22AM

Unregistered wrote: »

That is rape, or sexual assault (despite how some of the male posters here view it).

Hardly.

Zombienosh · 01-10-2009 12:36AM

I think a few aforementioned posts have hit this on the head,
There are some underlying problems in this relationship which have nothing to do with this incident.

Someone posted something about rape somewhere, thats a bit OTT no?
If you were married to someone and had kids with someone you must surely love them? or loved them?

therefore calling them sick or a perv is f*****d up IMO.

Theres obviously something wrong to begin with. also as someone highlighted earlier he drinks a lot?

I think this whole incident is just a wake up call for the relationship as a whole.
I know if i did this to my partner or she to i, we'd probly find it "cute" or funny or i dont know anything but calling it pervy or sick. afterall i wouldnt be in love or married to a sick perv would i?

Dragan · 01-10-2009 09:56AM

freakedout wrote: »

When we go to bed,my b/f (when hes had a few drinks...most nights)tries it on with me while im asleep!!! I lnow this sound wierd,but iv often woke up and found him with his hands down my knickers,doing things(!).I find it very creepy and pervy.He claims not to rem the next day,but we have 4 daughters,and this kind of behaviour freaks me out as i cant even have them sleep in wit us if they are sick for fear that he really doesnt know wot hes doing.As a result,we have NO sex life,as i look at his hands and think they are the hands of a prev.
Is he a sufferer of some kind of sex problem,does he have a fetish for this sort of thing or just a plain perv?Iv tried talking to him about this but he flips the head and says im maken it all up,even though we will exchange words most nights when i push his hand away.I feel violated.

To move away from the indigination ( both myself and my girlfriend will wake up regularly with our hands all over each other, so i am aware that it can happen ).....how exactly are you mentioning it too him?

You above post is pretty angry and if you are like this at the time, with a drunk person, you might not get a lot of sense out of them.

If you are like this the next day, and use terms like perv etc etc then it IS going to make your partner defensive, don't you think?

There seems to be a good view issues feeding into this, far beyond the actual sleeping. Your fella's drinking for one, the lack of sex for another.

How exactly have you mentioned it to him, as instantly putting him on the defensive won't help with matters.

eviltwin · 01-10-2009 10:15AM

Once or twice I could live with but this kind of behaviour on an ongoing basis is way too serious to ignore.

I'm not sure what I find most disturbing, the fact he is doing it while drunk, the fact he doesn't remember it or ignores it, the fact you have no other form of sex life or the fact you have four girls with this man.

Some other posters have mentioned the link between this and his problem with drink...I cant see any other reason he would do it. I cant understand why you are putting yourself at risk, whats to say he might not go further with this someday? Its too sinister to just let pass by.

I dont have much advice about how to make him face up to it if he's in serious denial...maybe rather than deal with this issue you should focus on the drinking problem instead? In the meantime I would move into another bed and not allow yourself to be treated this way.

speedy2007 · 01-10-2009 02:59PM

im not understanding how posts have somehow verged into this being the OP's problem. I love my boyf but i wouldnt find it "cute", "funny" or "sexy" if on a regular basis i was being woken up to find his hands down my knickers. Maybe a one off sure, but the OP says this is a regular event.
The fact that she has tried to bring this up with him and he has flipped the lid makes it even worse. He doesnt seem to care about how she is feeling. So yeah the OP probably does have underlying problems with the fact that her being upset by something HE is doing, doesnt seem to resonate with him at all. Esp when he could most likely stop it all by drinking less.

OP tell him if he wants to have a few drinks fine, but that he can sleep on the couch. If anything else, having your sleep disturbed most nights cant be much fun when you have 4 kids to look after the next day.

Permabear · 01-10-2009 04:34PM

This post has been deleted.

Fiend-Foe · 02-10-2009 02:35AM

unregistered wrote: »

I dont blame you for being disgusted, i wouldnt like to wake up with my boyfs hands down my pants either.

Why would you be disgusted? It's not like its a stranger doing it. If it was done in a disgusting way fair enough, but your boyfriend should be nice about it.

I do this sometimes and wake my girlfriend up this way.

She likes it, her reaction is nearly always positive. If she's not in the mood or too tired she just tells me and goes back to sleep.

I think the only possibly creepy thing about the OP's case is that her OH can't remember it.

daisybelle2008 · 03-10-2009 06:20PM

freakedout wrote: »

When we go to bed,my b/f (when hes had a few drinks...most nights)tries it on with me while im asleep!!! I lnow this sound wierd,but iv often woke up and found him with his hands down my knickers,doing things(!).I find it very creepy and pervy.He claims not to rem the next day,but we have 4 daughters,and this kind of behaviour freaks me out as i cant even have them sleep in wit us if they are sick for fear that he really doesnt know wot hes doing.As a result,we have NO sex life,as i look at his hands and think they are the hands of a prev.
Is he a sufferer of some kind of sex problem,does he have a fetish for this sort of thing or just a plain perv?Iv tried talking to him about this but he flips the head and says im maken it all up,even though we will exchange words most nights when i push his hand away.I feel violated.

It is a violation. It is unacceptable that he loses the head and accuses you of making it all up, he is effectively violating you and then calling you a liar, no wonder you do not want to sleep with him.
Now maybe it is a medical condition and he is also asleep but the very least he should do is accept your word and get help with this.
If he is having memory blackout due to his drinking most nights that is an indication of an alcohol problem.
This is not consensual sex and therefore not acceptable even if he has a 'get out of jail card' with the conditions mentioned by other posters. At the moment he is telling his wife it is all in her head! That is a big issue.

creepy sex fetish?????

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