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AH is crap tonight, but its getting better! NSFW Post#50 - Disgusting stuff!

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245

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    #32
    FearDark
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,425 ✭✭✭FearDark


    phasers wrote: »
    I decided to perform through the medium of interpretive dance tonight

    Phasers is a girl?? :P


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    #33
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    FearDark wrote: »
    Phasers is a girl?? :P
    Is he fúck. He's a hot piece of manly ass!


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    #34
    brummytom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭brummytom


    FearDark wrote: »
    The story with your ma... anythin to do with your ma is hawt!

    It's neither funny nor interesting, I just had it in my head; but you asked :P

    Well we were on holiday up in Scotland last summer. The olympics were on at the time so I sat down to watch that; my mom stayed in the caravan while my dad and brothers went out somewhere.
    I think it was the gymnastics on or something, not quite sure.

    Out of nowhere, mom turns to me.
    "Tom, you got a girlfriend?" she says
    "No! (In a sort of 'Look at me, I'm a moose.. how could I?!' way, but in hindsight, I think she thought it was 'Girl? eurghh' way).

    Then she says "Well have you got a boyfriend? You know I wouldn't mind don't you, you can tell me anything". :eek:

    "NO!" I protested.
    She answers "Oh ok then.. if you ever want to talk to me, I'm your mother, i'll love you regardless"
    I reiterated, "Mom, I'm not!!"

    Now all the time she''ll go, "look at that girl, Isn't she pretty?"
    or "Isn't he handsome?"


    I'm not giving her any clues. If she wants to think I'm a fairy, then so be it.

    I need a tutu


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    #35
    phasers
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,159 ✭✭✭✭phasers


    FearDark wrote: »
    Phasers is a girl?? :P
    How dare you!

    I'm the manliest man going, surpassed only by Frada


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    #36
    magicianz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭magicianz


    Ahh well im 16/f/cork and my name is crystal =\


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    #37
    galwayrush
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,816 ✭✭✭✭galwayrush


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    I'm masturbating.
    I think the OP is looking for something that will keep him entertained more than 15 seconds.
    :D


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    #38
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,190 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    FearDark wrote: »
    Phasers is a girl?? :P
    She is ? it can be really hard to tell who is and who isin't at times .

    Usernames are not the best of guides


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    #39
    FearDark
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,425 ✭✭✭FearDark


    brummytom wrote: »
    It's neither funny nor interesting, I just had it in my head; but you asked :P

    Well we were on holiday up in Scotland last summer. The olympics were on at the time so I sat down to watch that; my mom stayed in the caravan while my dad and brothers went out somewhere.
    I think it was the gymnastics on or something, not quite sure.

    Out of nowhere, mom turns to me.
    "Tom, you got a girlfriend?" she says
    "No! (In a sort of 'Look at me, I'm a moose.. how could I?!' way, but in hindsight, I think she thought it was 'Girl? eurghh' way).

    Then she says "Well have you got a boyfriend? You know I wouldn't mind don't you, you can tell me anything". :eek:

    "NO!" I protested.
    She answers "Oh ok then.. if you ever want to talk to me, I'm your mother, i'll love you regardless"
    I reiterated, "Mom, I'm not!!"

    Now all the time she''ll go, "look at that girl, Isn't she pretty?"
    or "Isn't he handsome?"


    I'm not giving her any clues. If she wants to think I'm a fairy, then so be it.

    I need a tutu

    Ok, that was good but I cant help thinking I chose the wrong story to tell, tell us the one where you cum in your face :P

    Lol... your poor mother, sure next time your watching porn just leave your bedroom door open and turn the volume up on your computer!


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    #40
    Rabies
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,257 ✭✭✭✭Rabies


    AlmightyCushion wrote: »
    Just do what I do and play mafia wars on facebook.
    FearDark wrote: »
    Its all happening on farmville...

    I'm on both too. Mafia wars becomes a bit of a pain later on. loads of back tracking


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    #41
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,119 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    I did everything there was in mafia wars, then I just found a bug and went to level 1400-1500 before I got banned for exploiting it. :pac:


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    #42
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    phasers wrote: »
    How dare you!

    I'm the manliest man going, surpassed only by Frada

    I'm so manly, I started the rumour that phasers is a girl to further accentuate my manliness in comparison to...him.

    That's not an example of insecurity in my masculinity, but a display of good old fashioned hairy-sacked competitiveness.


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    #43
    MizzLolly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,556 ✭✭✭MizzLolly


    Tar.Aldarion wrote: »
    I suggest ****.

    That's no way for a lady to talk.! :eek:


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    #44
    mehfesto2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,148 ✭✭✭mehfesto2


    I could tell yiz a story.
    But it'd only gget me banned.
    It's true and it involves a biro


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    #45
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,119 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    MizzLolly wrote: »
    That's no way for a lady to talk.! :eek:

    I apologise my lady friend, whatever overcame me.

    *flutters eyelashes*


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    #46
    FearDark
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,425 ✭✭✭FearDark


    mehfesto2 wrote: »
    I could tell yiz a story.
    But it'd only gget me banned.
    It's true and it involves a biro

    Did u put it in your bum?


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    #47
    mehfesto2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,148 ✭✭✭mehfesto2


    No.
    It's hilarious, it does involve an arse though.


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    #48
    brummytom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭brummytom


    Go on, tell it


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    #49
    FearDark
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,425 ✭✭✭FearDark


    Someone post "play him off keyboard cat" because AH is crap tonight and im goin upstairs to annoy the girlfriend!


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    #50
    mehfesto2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,148 ✭✭✭mehfesto2


    Alright,

    So my shy mate gets a new girlfriend. And well, she's known for being a bit loose,, but we say nothing coz even though she's a bit dirty, he's well punching above his weight here.

    Anyway, we go out drinking and usually he's the quiet one, but after a few pints he opens up about his sex-life out of the blue. Pure deranged stguff. Tying this to that and upsoide-down parts and what have you. Mad stuff. Pretty sure some of it was illegal.

    Anyway, in a non-chalant manner he turns to me and goes:

    "bu', like, the maddest yolk was when she goes, 'd'ye wanna try it... in anoter place', an' I'm all like.... aaaaw deadly." Turns out though she's been down this road before, and knew the ropes. She tells him to start off small.

    He looks at me again "an' there;'s no bleedin' way Im stickin' me finger up there, like. So I says to her, I have something for yeh." He grabbed the nearest, thinnest thing to him.

    A biro.

    And he injects it ...pointy end first. Oddly enough, she kinda gets into it. If you knew the girl, this wouldnt really shock you.

    Unfortunately, half-way through ...*ahem*... "windmilling" her, the pen gets too hot and bursts. There's ink everywhere. "Shes an' arse like a baboon and this stage". He continues to bash away, undetered.

    She gets a bit panicked at the feeling of the ink, premsuming it to be blood and starts writhing around the place, him shouting at her to sit still while he attempts to pluck the biro back. He pulls out, but to his dismay, only half the pen comes out. The rest had somehow broken in half during the task.

    The plastic casing was in his hand, but the middle bit, was sticking out, making her "look like some sort of firework, or tha', y'know?"

    Eventually, after "a good look", he got it all out. All the "little bits and that".

    They're still together. And have moved onto weirder things.


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    #51
    MizzLolly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,556 ✭✭✭MizzLolly


    mehfesto2 wrote: »
    Alright,

    So my shy mate gets a new girlfriend. And well, she's known for being a bit loose,, but we say nothing coz even though she's a bit dirty, he's well punching above his weight here.

    Anyway, we go out drinking and usually he's the quiet one, but after a few pints he opens up about his sex-life out of the blue. Pure deranged stguff. Tying this to that and upsoide-down parts and what have you. Mad stuff. Pretty sure some of it was illegal.

    Anyway, in a non-chalant manner he turns to me and goes:

    "bu', like, the maddest yolk was when she goes, 'd'ye wanna try it... in anoter place', an' I'm all like.... aaaaw deadly." Turns out though she's been down this road before, and knew the ropes. She tells him to start off small.

    He looks at me again "an' there;'s no bleedin' way Im stickin' me finger up there, like. So I says to her, I have something for yeh." He grabbed the nearest, thinnest thing to him.

    A biro.

    And he injects it ...pointy end first. Oddly enough, she kinda gets into it. If you knew the girl, this wouldnt really shock you.

    Unfortunately, half-way through ...*ahem*... "windmilling" her, the pen gets too hot and bursts. There's ink everywhere. "Shes an' arse like a baboon and this stage". He continues to bash away, undetered.

    She gets a bit panicked at the feeling of the ink, premsuming it to be blood and starts writhing around the place, him shouting at her to sit still while he attempts to pluck the biro back. He pulls out, but to his dismay, only half the pen comes out. The rest had somehow broken in half during the task.

    The plastic casing was in his hand, but the middle bit, was sticking out, making her "look like some sort of firework, or tha', y'know?"

    Eventually, after "a good look", he got it all out. All the "little bits and that".

    They're still together. And have moved onto weirder things.

    ...holy f*ck :eek:


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    #52
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,119 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    holy ****ing awesome batman.

    meh, done worse. :pac:


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    #53
    brummytom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭brummytom


    Jesus on a pogo stick.



    Any pics of the girl?


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    #54
    Ghost Train
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 31,587 ✭✭✭✭Ghost Train


    pointy end first... :eek:


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    #55
    mehfesto2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,148 ✭✭✭mehfesto2


    Yeah, but it's Ireland.
    She'd be well known.

    There's a story about her with a skateboard too, but I dont believe that one, personally.


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    #56
    Iang87
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,181 ✭✭✭Iang87


    ****ing brilliant he turned his missus into a lollipop


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    #57
    Iang87
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,181 ✭✭✭Iang87


    mehfesto2 wrote: »
    Yeah, but it's Ireland.
    She'd be well known.

    There's a story about her with a skateboard too, but I dont believe that one, personally.

    do tell


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    #58
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,190 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    mehfesto2 wrote: »
    Yeah, but it's Ireland.
    She'd be well known.

    There's a story about her with a skateboard too, but I dont believe that one, personally.
    Awesome story , I gather there is still plenty of lead left in the boyfriends pencil


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    #59
    Namlub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,298 ✭✭✭Namlub


    I'm lying low as fb told me I was going to be impaled on glass when I slip while showering...


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    #60
    javaboy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,094 ✭✭✭✭javaboy


    Brummytom's story deleted. Nobody wants to read about underage people engaging in sex acts. Well that's not true. Some people do. But I don't give a shít about what those people want.


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    #61
    mehfesto2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,148 ✭✭✭mehfesto2


    The skateboard one was told to us by one of her friends after they had a drunken fight, but she's known to spin a yard.

    It goes that she was with two 'fellas' and however it came about, she ended up, yknow, entertaining them in public. So the one not being entertained at the time went and got his skateboard and placed her on it. And when the other chap was satisfied, he 'wheeled' her across to the other.

    I dont buy it, but Im sure there's some sort of truth to it. She's "well known", so to speak.


This discussion has been closed.
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