Funny things old people say..

SV · 24-08-2009 10:00PM #1

Granny here earlier(85 years young

), there looking at the news..nothing really being said.

Then the Rose of Tralee crap comes on, It starts showing their 'escorts' training in a boot camp kind of thing, doing push ups and the whole lot.

My Granny sitting there says, without laughing "What are they training that hard for? Sure it's not like they have to ride the girls as well is it" :pac::pac:
As we stare at her in disbelief she adds "jaysus, ya wouldn't train that hard to ride horses let alone girls!" :pac::D:D

Too funny

**Timbuk2** · 24-08-2009 10:10PM

I think it's funny when their gravestone says

"I told you I was sick"

Special K · 24-08-2009 10:12PM

My granny: "Did you hear the new Foo Fighters song?"
Me: "What song?"
Granny: "Here I've the ringtone on my phone.............."

Grannies listening to the Foos! Whatever next!

UpTheSlashers · 24-08-2009 10:13PM

"If my phone wasnt on silent I wouldnt be able to hear it"

Vain · 24-08-2009 10:14PM

The Rose of Tralee isnt crap

Ollchailin · 24-08-2009 10:16PM

She sounds absolutely brilliant. I miss my Nan, she was great craic

brummytom · 24-08-2009 10:18PM

My Grandad used to say, after Christmas dinner
"Well, we're as far away from Christmas as we'll ever be"

My nan was the best for saying stupid/offensive things
her idea of a compliment was (to my mom):
"Now, you don't look as fat in that"

Or in town, she was with my mom and mom met her doctor.
Nan: Who was that
Mom: Oh that's Dr. Perkins
Nan: (Doctor well within ear-shot) JAYSUS, SHE'S AWFUL FAT FOR A DOCTOR

My name is URL · 24-08-2009 10:18PM

My granda died about 5 years ago, he was an epic racist.. but in an innocent way, he was never rude to them or anything

He used to wonder why they shopped in supermarkets rather than hunt for food and climb trees like they do in tribes

mental old fcuker :pac:

Banter Joe · 24-08-2009 10:19PM

"You've gotten very fat"

Tell it like it is Gran (to my cousins, I'm too skinny for those remarks, I just keep getting offered food!)

SV · 24-08-2009 10:32PM

Ollchailin wrote: »

She sounds absolutely brilliant. I miss my Nan, she was great craic

Ah she's always coming out with gems..

I told her I put this on the internet and she said she was going to 'break my legs'

Flecktarn · 24-08-2009 10:36PM

brummytom wrote: »

Or in town, she was with my mom and mom met her doctor.
Nan: Who was that
Mom: Oh that's Dr. Perkins
Nan: (Doctor well within ear-shot) JAYSUS, SHE'S AWFUL FAT FOR A DOCTOR

Their awful bad for that, like when my granny said to my mam's friend who's quite heavy '' When's the baby due ''.

falipo · 24-08-2009 10:36PM

I think we all might have got this when we were younger...

"I'll wash your mouth out with soap!"

El Weirdo · 24-08-2009 10:37PM

"I've wet myself" and "I can't remember where I live" are the two that crack me up.

Ha ha... old people.

AckwelFoley · 24-08-2009 10:39PM

My name is URL wrote: »

My granda died about 5 years ago, he was an epic racist.. but in an innocent way, he was never rude to them or anything

He used to wonder why they shopped in supermarkets rather than hunt for food and climb trees like they do in tribes

mental old fcuker :pac:

His first name want "Heil" by by chance?

..oh wait..

brummytom · 24-08-2009 10:40PM

Flecktarn wrote: »

Their awful bad for that, like when my granny said to my mam's friend who's quite heavy '' When's the baby due ''.

Yeah, I love it though :P
My uncle when he was younger had a mate called Chubbs, Nan shouted 's up to my uncle and screamed "Brendan... Fatso's here"

thomond2006 · 24-08-2009 11:14PM

"Are those my feet?"

barakus · 24-08-2009 11:17PM

Grandad bought one of those big ol boombox cassette players when he was in his Eighties, He called the 'Ghettoblaster' (as was the style of the time)

This gradually changed to 'Ghettobuster'
and finally it was

'Can you fetch my Ghostbuster?'

Novella · 24-08-2009 11:19PM

Brought my grandad to Aldi the other day when he got it into his head that he wanted a Sellotape dispenser! Everything was fine, I paid for it, along with some other things, and the woman at the till asked me did I want a bag. I said yes and she said it was 22 cent....

My grandad replies "Maybe in Poland people pay for bags but you're not ripping off my granddaughter in her own country!"

pepsi1234 · 24-08-2009 11:25PM

'' I may have alzheimers, but at least I don't have alzheimers hahahaha!! ''

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 24-08-2009 11:30PM

My granny ringing up asking us had we seen a jumper she was knitting for my cousin (now in his late twenties) when he was SIX! That was before we even lived in the house we do now.

Or "It'd be great to be a lesbian, you wouldn't have to cook a full dinner everyday if you didn't feel like it"

"Don't go outide with wet hair, you'll get syphillis"

Or in the cinema with my auntie, with a black woman sitting behind her "Smile you ****** til we see you" and giggling away for the next ten minutes.

Offering my size ten mother and aunt a pair of size 18 trousers she'd gotten in a charity shop.

Occasionally having a conversation with my mother, aunt or sister, but talking to me. I just get into character and go with it.

She put the cat on the phone one time as well. She's mad.

brummytom · 24-08-2009 11:33PM

Leonel Big King wrote: »

Or "It'd be great to be a lesbian, you wouldn't have to cook a full dinner everyday if you didn't feel like it"

....

She put the cat on the phone one time as well. She's mad.

I just burst out laughing.

WTF?! She sounds amazing

pepsi1234 · 24-08-2009 11:34PM

Leonel Big King wrote: »

Or in the cinema with my auntie, with a black woman sitting behind her "Smile you ****** til we see you" and giggling away for the next ten minutes.

I fail to see how old people (or anyone else for that matter) being racist is anyway funny :rolleyes:

brummytom · 24-08-2009 11:35PM

pepsi1234 wrote: »

I fail to see how old people (or anyone else for that matter) being racist is anyway funny :rolleyes:

Old People being racist is hilarious, the things they innocently come out with are great. I suppose it's the 'shock factor'.. we're living in a different age than they grew up in.

pjtb · 24-08-2009 11:36PM

My grandmother used to have a great saying... It usually came out when Off The Rails was on.... "That's €700, but shur I wouldn't be caught dead in the ditch in it"... She was a fairly fashionable woman though all the same!

MizzLolly · 24-08-2009 11:36PM

My nanny was telling my dad to stop being such a moan and she said, ''Richie, will ya leave it so, don't be givin' out all the time, sure you could wake up dead in the morning and it'll be no use to you!''

My grandad is a sweet, sweet old fella. Very intelligent and writes poetry, paints etc. One day I was texting on my phone and he put the newpaper down, looks at me very seriously and says, ''I hope you know how to keep your pyjamas buttoned up to your neck. You dont want to be catching anything 'quare' of those boys in UCD''.

Hagar · 24-08-2009 11:37PM

Goodnight kids.

brummytom · 24-08-2009 11:39PM

Hagar wrote: »

Goodnight kids.

pikachucheeks · 24-08-2009 11:41PM

My granny is known in the family for being very closed minded and racist, although she tries to cover it up by coming up with insane, far-fetched excuses.

When my dad was in his twenties, he told her about this new Chinese restaurant that had opened near their house and suggested the family went there for dinner.

Her response was "Oh, no! We couldn't possibly eat there! A little boy went in there last week and asked to use the bathroom, so they cut off his penis!"

:eek:

Bajingo · 24-08-2009 11:41PM

This story my give my true identity away but how and ever

*Warning* May contain bad language

Uncle:

I have a friend who's a lecturer in Trinity College.

He's one of those bent ones!

He called me a cvnt last week!

.....ten minutes later...

That fvcking bender called me a cvnt last week!

Couldnt stop laughing..

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 24-08-2009 11:42PM

brummytom wrote: »

I just burst out laughing.

WTF?! She sounds amazing

I've yet to work out the logic behind the lesbian comment, or the syphillis one

pepsi1234 wrote: »

I fail to see how old people (or anyone else for that matter) being racist is anyway funny :rolleyes:

It's like toddlers swearing, all about context and that

hairyfairy00 · 24-08-2009 11:50PM

My nan has one of those vibrating massage cushions for her back and if she's visiting anybodys house she brings it with her. We were bringing her up to our house for dinner but we stopped off at Dunnes to get some stuff first, while we were in the queue at the checkout she piped up " Oh i have to get batteries for my vibrator"

My grand-dad was a funny fecker, one day he answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses and they asked him what he thought about euthanasia, his response was "Never mind the youth in Asia what about the youth in Europe"

Funny things old people say..

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