Funny things old people say..

SV

Granny here earlier(85 years young ), there looking at the news..nothing really being said.

Then the Rose of Tralee crap comes on, It starts showing their 'escorts' training in a boot camp kind of thing, doing push ups and the whole lot.

My Granny sitting there says, without laughing "What are they training that hard for? Sure it's not like they have to ride the girls as well is it" :pac::pac:
As we stare at her in disbelief she adds "jaysus, ya wouldn't train that hard to ride horses let alone girls!" :pac::D:D

Too funny

**Timbuk2**

I think it's funny when their gravestone says

"I told you I was sick"

Special K

My granny: "Did you hear the new Foo Fighters song?"
Me: "What song?"
Granny: "Here I've the ringtone on my phone.............."

Grannies listening to the Foos! Whatever next!

UpTheSlashers

"If my phone wasnt on silent I wouldnt be able to hear it"

Vain

The Rose of Tralee isnt crap

Ollchailin

She sounds absolutely brilliant. I miss my Nan, she was great craic

brummytom

My Grandad used to say, after Christmas dinner
"Well, we're as far away from Christmas as we'll ever be"

My nan was the best for saying stupid/offensive things
her idea of a compliment was (to my mom):
"Now, you don't look as fat in that"

Or in town, she was with my mom and mom met her doctor.
Nan: Who was that
Mom: Oh that's Dr. Perkins
Nan: (Doctor well within ear-shot) JAYSUS, SHE'S AWFUL FAT FOR A DOCTOR

My name is URL

My granda died about 5 years ago, he was an epic racist.. but in an innocent way, he was never rude to them or anything

He used to wonder why they shopped in supermarkets rather than hunt for food and climb trees like they do in tribes

mental old fcuker :pac:

Banter Joe

"You've gotten very fat"

Tell it like it is Gran (to my cousins, I'm too skinny for those remarks, I just keep getting offered food!)

SV

Ollchailin wrote: »

She sounds absolutely brilliant. I miss my Nan, she was great craic

Ah she's always coming out with gems..


I told her I put this on the internet and she said she was going to 'break my legs'

Flecktarn

brummytom wrote: »

Or in town, she was with my mom and mom met her doctor.
Nan: Who was that
Mom: Oh that's Dr. Perkins
Nan: (Doctor well within ear-shot) JAYSUS, SHE'S AWFUL FAT FOR A DOCTOR

Their awful bad for that, like when my granny said to my mam's friend who's quite heavy '' When's the baby due ''.

falipo

I think we all might have got this when we were younger...

"I'll wash your mouth out with soap!"

El Weirdo

"I've wet myself" and "I can't remember where I live" are the two that crack me up.

Ha ha... old people.

AckwelFoley

My name is URL wrote: »

My granda died about 5 years ago, he was an epic racist.. but in an innocent way, he was never rude to them or anything

He used to wonder why they shopped in supermarkets rather than hunt for food and climb trees like they do in tribes

mental old fcuker :pac:

His first name want "Heil" by by chance?

..oh wait..

brummytom

Flecktarn wrote: »

Their awful bad for that, like when my granny said to my mam's friend who's quite heavy '' When's the baby due ''.

Yeah, I love it though :P
My uncle when he was younger had a mate called Chubbs, Nan shouted 's up to my uncle and screamed "Brendan... Fatso's here"

thomond2006

"Are those my feet?"

barakus

Grandad bought one of those big ol boombox cassette players when he was in his Eighties, He called the 'Ghettoblaster' (as was the style of the time)

This gradually changed to 'Ghettobuster'
and finally it was

'Can you fetch my Ghostbuster?'

Novella

Brought my grandad to Aldi the other day when he got it into his head that he wanted a Sellotape dispenser! Everything was fine, I paid for it, along with some other things, and the woman at the till asked me did I want a bag. I said yes and she said it was 22 cent....

My grandad replies "Maybe in Poland people pay for bags but you're not ripping off my granddaughter in her own country!"

pepsi1234

'' I may have alzheimers, but at least I don't have alzheimers hahahaha!! ''

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

My granny ringing up asking us had we seen a jumper she was knitting for my cousin (now in his late twenties) when he was SIX! That was before we even lived in the house we do now.

Or "It'd be great to be a lesbian, you wouldn't have to cook a full dinner everyday if you didn't feel like it"

"Don't go outide with wet hair, you'll get syphillis"

Or in the cinema with my auntie, with a black woman sitting behind her "Smile you ****** til we see you" and giggling away for the next ten minutes.

Offering my size ten mother and aunt a pair of size 18 trousers she'd gotten in a charity shop.

Occasionally having a conversation with my mother, aunt or sister, but talking to me. I just get into character and go with it.

She put the cat on the phone one time as well. She's mad.

brummytom

Leonel Big King wrote: »

Or "It'd be great to be a lesbian, you wouldn't have to cook a full dinner everyday if you didn't feel like it"

....


She put the cat on the phone one time as well. She's mad.

I just burst out laughing.

WTF?! She sounds amazing

pepsi1234

Leonel Big King wrote: »

Or in the cinema with my auntie, with a black woman sitting behind her "Smile you ****** til we see you" and giggling away for the next ten minutes.

I fail to see how old people (or anyone else for that matter) being racist is anyway funny :rolleyes:

brummytom

pepsi1234 wrote: »

I fail to see how old people (or anyone else for that matter) being racist is anyway funny :rolleyes:

Old People being racist is hilarious, the things they innocently come out with are great. I suppose it's the 'shock factor'.. we're living in a different age than they grew up in.

pjtb

My grandmother used to have a great saying... It usually came out when Off The Rails was on.... "That's €700, but shur I wouldn't be caught dead in the ditch in it"... She was a fairly fashionable woman though all the same!

MizzLolly

My nanny was telling my dad to stop being such a moan and she said, ''Richie, will ya leave it so, don't be givin' out all the time, sure you could wake up dead in the morning and it'll be no use to you!''


My grandad is a sweet, sweet old fella. Very intelligent and writes poetry, paints etc. One day I was texting on my phone and he put the newpaper down, looks at me very seriously and says, ''I hope you know how to keep your pyjamas buttoned up to your neck. You dont want to be catching anything 'quare' of those boys in UCD''.

Hagar

Goodnight kids.

brummytom

Hagar wrote: »

Goodnight kids.

pikachucheeks

My granny is known in the family for being very closed minded and racist, although she tries to cover it up by coming up with insane, far-fetched excuses.

When my dad was in his twenties, he told her about this new Chinese restaurant that had opened near their house and suggested the family went there for dinner.

Her response was "Oh, no! We couldn't possibly eat there! A little boy went in there last week and asked to use the bathroom, so they cut off his penis!"

:eek:

Bajingo

This story my give my true identity away but how and ever

*Warning* May contain bad language

Uncle:

I have a friend who's a lecturer in Trinity College.

He's one of those bent ones!

He called me a cvnt last week!

.....ten minutes later...

That fvcking bender called me a cvnt last week!

Couldnt stop laughing..

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

brummytom wrote: »

I just burst out laughing.

WTF?! She sounds amazing

I've yet to work out the logic behind the lesbian comment, or the syphillis one

pepsi1234 wrote: »

I fail to see how old people (or anyone else for that matter) being racist is anyway funny :rolleyes:

It's like toddlers swearing, all about context and that

hairyfairy00

My nan has one of those vibrating massage cushions for her back and if she's visiting anybodys house she brings it with her. We were bringing her up to our house for dinner but we stopped off at Dunnes to get some stuff first, while we were in the queue at the checkout she piped up " Oh i have to get batteries for my vibrator"

My grand-dad was a funny fecker, one day he answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses and they asked him what he thought about euthanasia, his response was "Never mind the youth in Asia what about the youth in Europe"

boogle

My Gran told the story, in front of my new BF, of when she gave birth to her ninth child. She said to the doctor "Well, how many stitches do I have this time?". Doc says "None, you're like an elastic band".

Gotta love Granny.

Will

http://tr.im/x1Ay <--- funny twitter account but can't link to it cos swear filter will star it out. related to funny crap old people say

Ruu_Old

My grandad was 92 in August, has some great insults. My aunt used to visit every once in a while where he is in a home and then he would say to us "so I have a visit from old leather arse!" No idea what it means but it sounded hilarious and I'm going to look it up. Brilliant.

Blush_01

falipo wrote: »

"I'll wash your mouth out with soap!"

It's a disgusting thing to have done to you. Not that I'd know or anything *repress, repress!*

My grandmother never says anything innocent-old-person-funny. She's more aware of things than I am.

MizzLolly

Will wrote: »

http://tr.im/x1Ay <--- funny twitter account but can't link to it cos swear filter will star it out. related to funny crap old people say

Hahahaha LMAO! That man is a bastard!!!!

Stench Blossoms

My granny was being visited by a doctor who happened to be Indian while she was sick at home.

In front of him said to my aunt, "Is he one of them foreigners or is he just dirty?"

My aunt had to walk out of the room because she was laughing so much.

pepsi1234

orla wrote: »

My granny was being visited by a doctor who happened to be Indian while she was sick at home.

In front of him said to my aunt, "Is he one of them foreigners or is he just dirty?"

My aunt had to walk out of the room because she was laughing so much.

Ha.....Ha??

eamonpendergast

My Grandad had some fantastic phrases, I use them myself now. My favourite being "Ahh, let it go s**t!"

My particular favourite story was, he used to drown stray cats. Why? Because the carry syphilis of course!

Otis Driftwood

You want to fluff my pillows?


Why thank you Dr Shipman.

Dord

"When I were alive..."


:pac:

DigiGal

My nanny asked me to explain what flavoured condoms were for when she saw them in the chemist.....

Imagine my horror when I realised she didn't know what a blowjob was..:O

Then I had to explain that and she replied.....oh I didn't know yu could do that(bet all my grandas birthdays came at once)

PhysiologyRocks

I love my granny. She's always trying to shock her children by referring to sex or nudity. It's so funny.

DigiGal

nedtheshed wrote: »

You want to fluff my pillows?


Why thank you Dr Shipman.

trust Me, trust Me I'm a doctor!

wolfric

Ruu wrote: »

My grandad was 92 in August, has some great insults. My aunt used to visit every once in a while where he is in a home and then he would say to us "so I have a visit from old leather arse!" No idea what it means but it sounded hilarious and I'm going to look it up. Brilliant.

I'm going to assume he's referring to leathery skin from being out in the sun all the time. Usually someone really old who's had a life time out in the sun.

grenache

A few years back when the Rainbow Coalition were in power, my gran came out with ''Sure that Nora Owen is no more a Minister for Justice than i am a Minister for Pancakes. I'd do a better job myself and i'm half deaf with a limp. What were they doing giving such an important job to a woman?'


I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or give out to her. She's very old school.

Rebelheart

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

I think it's funny when their gravestone says

"I told you I was sick"

Or better still: 'Duirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite':

http://www.flickr.com/photos/garyshield/3444720677/

shane86

Worked the phones in a delivery firm for a few months. If people werent at home to sign when the delivery man arrived he would leave a note saying he had come, and that they had to call us to arrange a new delivery time. Hence, had an oul one call me and opens with
"Oh hello there. A man came to my house today and put something inside my box"

I nearly had to put the receiver down :pac:

Another place I worked, oul lad had accidentally put 100 euro of credit on his mobile and wanted it cancelled for a smaller amount
"Im 79 years old, Ill be dead before I use 100 quid of credit!"

EdgarAllenPoo

My grandmother told my brother to be careful on the night of his debs because "HE might get raped and become pregnant". I'm not making that up but then she is nuttier than a squirrel turd.

s. lacker

"I, she said and she wrote and she never wrote a letter. Not a single letter"
'Its a great little country, better than the south of France"
Two of my auld lads favorites!

In All Fairness

Was working in customer service a few years ago in the country's main health insurer and dealt with an old lady's claim which had gone astray. Finally managed to get it sorted, told the woman everything was fine but if she had anymore probs at all to contact me personally and I'd sort it out. She thanked me profusely anyway and I thought no more about it. I got a call from her about two weeks later and answered the phone," Hi, Mrs. *****, don't tell me that still hasn't gone through?" "Oh no. It went through perfectly, I just wanted to know whether these new deals the phone company are doing are worth my while? I thought you'd be the best man to ring. I don't trust them in the phone company.":)