Mad Job Titles

Pygmalion · 18-08-2009 06:33PM

Kalashnikov_Kid wrote: »

I came across a guy over here who had the title 'Penetration Tester' on his business card - an attempted PC term for ethichal hacker gone wrong!

Quite a common phrase really. Though it's usually shortened to "Pen. tester" in non-formal situations.

Adamcp898 · 18-08-2009 06:43PM

Pygmalion wrote: »

Quite a common phrase really. Though it's usually shortened to "Pen. tester" in non-formal situations.

So many times I've bought a faulty BIC

Xiney · 18-08-2009 06:49PM

Junior Advertising Executive = telesales (selling ads for a ****ty paper over the phone)

Sandwich Artist = working at Subway

Hot Foods Clerk = Chicken wing cook & counter server

orourkeda · 18-08-2009 06:55PM

Des wrote: »

You don't know the half of it.

Scumbags do this thing called "lift surfing" where they jimmy open the lift door while it's at the floor below, and jump down onto the lift, and ride it up and down.

He found an dead armless teenager one time, who had slipped as the lift was coming to the floor stop, ripped his arms clean off.

he has also found copious amounts of various drugs, including heroin, coke, blow, ecstasy stashed on top of the lifts.

That's beautiful. It's like poetry. Did it mash up his face too? That'd be just too excellent.

orourkeda · 18-08-2009 07:00PM

education centre nourishment production assistant = dinner lady

eddiehead · 18-08-2009 07:08PM

Now hiring Senior Executive Banana Bender - Contact Fyffes

Gryzor · 18-08-2009 11:42PM

in Dell, i was a "Systems Destination Analyst". The line split into two, if the laptop coming down the line was for a certian part of the world, i used all my judgement and let it go by, otherwise i pushed it down the other section...

boogle · 18-08-2009 11:48PM

Penis Seismologist?

G_R · 18-08-2009 11:59PM

Customer Focused Sales Assistant
=
Person in Tesco who you ask to point you in the direction of the sugar

mad_physist · 19-08-2009 12:06AM

Hygiene Manager - cleans toilets

brendansmith · 19-08-2009 12:22AM

Ghost buster - Grave digger

imported_guy · 19-08-2009 12:33AM

plumbers are now called engineers lol

Professey Chin · 19-08-2009 12:34AM

imported_guy wrote: »

plumbers are now called engineers lol

He told me his name was Steve

AnonoBoy · 19-08-2009 12:36AM

I was a copy writer for Mad Magazine once.

That's what we're talking about right?

mardybumbum · 19-08-2009 01:15AM

Student = Bum

Executive Steve · 19-08-2009 01:25AM

thomond2006 wrote: »

Bank Manager= A guy who wants his dirty paws on all our cash.

Holy ****, i guess i'm a bank manager!

soups05 · 19-08-2009 01:49AM

my title used to be "MRC/PSG/LSP"

which sounds great till you break it down...

Material Returns Co-ordinater for Production Systems Group to Logistical Service Provider.

what it means is i returned unwanted stock from our factory PSG to our store LSP which was located 16 miles away.

pay sucked,there was always some idiot who would return stock then find they needed it, and the bosses had no clue how to work thier own stock control systems.

thank god i left xerox

still miss my old workmates tho. good people ( some of them)

mikemac · 19-08-2009 06:19AM

Fuel Technician = young lad working as a petrol pump attendant

admiralofthefleet · 19-08-2009 06:41AM

my mate used to work on a petrol station forecourt
called himself a 'fuel injection technician'

boogle · 19-08-2009 02:16PM

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I was a copy writer for Mad Magazine once.

Is Mad Magazine similar to Nuts Magazine?

yupyup7up · 19-08-2009 02:19PM

Web Developer - Makes me sound like a spider...:rolleyes:

Cookie_Monster · 19-08-2009 02:20PM

dannym08 wrote: »

Customer Focused Sales Assistant
=
Person in Tesco who you ask to point you in the direction of the sugar

General Assistant is the term used for all low level staff in Tesco

Slow Motion · 19-08-2009 02:34PM

Primary / Secondary Teacher = State paid babysitter

KTRIC · 19-08-2009 02:34PM

A mate of mine worked in a chocolate factory a couple of years ago in Dublin. The guys in the packing section that packed the fudge were called "fudge packers"

RossFixxxed · 19-08-2009 03:12PM

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

That is because in Ireland engineer is not a protected term (unlike most of the world). Here the term "Chartered Engineer" is the protected version

Engineer is the glorious cover all to make any job fancy

Hydrocarbon redistribution engineer: pumps petrol
Urban debris relocation engineer: bin man
Domestic synchronisation engineer: housewife

and so on. It is like the suffix of -studies in transition year.

Leisure studies: yayyy off to a climbing wall
History in action studies: off to dublina after the climbing wall
French: Let's go see the hunchback of notra dame in the cinema as it is set in france... oh -studies.

R

Cookie_Monster · 19-08-2009 03:20PM

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Engineer is the glorious cover all to make any job fancy

Hydrocarbon redistribution engineer: pumps petrol
Urban debris relocation engineer: bin man
Domestic synchronisation engineer: housewife

and so on.
R

yeah but if you actually read what you quoted you'd understand that that is because it's not a protected term, if it was then all those silly titles wouldn't be allowed as EI would take them to court for degredation of the term. There would be strict requirements in work level/type/etc to be met before the job would be allowed the title "engineer"

smcgiff · 19-08-2009 03:33PM

Tribunal Lawyer = Leech

damienmcd · 19-08-2009 03:33PM

A mate of my brother got a job as a barman in that new Wright-Venue at the Airport and the staff were all told they were not barmen, that their actual job title was "Entertainment Technician".

What a load of bo**ox!

Also know a bloke who was a window cleaner and used refer to himself as a "Visual Technician".

RossFixxxed · 21-08-2009 09:10AM

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

yeah but if you actually read what you quoted you'd understand that that is because it's not a protected term, if it was then all those silly titles wouldn't be allowed as EI would take them to court for degredation of the term. There would be strict requirements in work level/type/etc to be met before the job would be allowed the title "engineer"

Err I entirely understand that mate, was agreeing with you and throwing some funny ones in there.... you're a Obvious Location Direction Engineer! You point out what I know! It's not much to point at though so you probably do need a degree to sift thorough all the stuff I THINK I know!

watna · 21-08-2009 09:42AM

I found out yesterday from a colleague in our Korean Office that in Korean workplaces they don't call you by your name, but your job title.

So it'd be, hey you, hygiene distribution consultant, clean the dishes!

I want to institute this in our work place. We have some great titles!

Mad Job Titles

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