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Mad Job Titles

darkman2

So there I was scrummaging through the paper the other day when I came across an add by a company looking for a "floor technician" - or as I call it a floor sweeper. What's with the titles for these jobs? A dish fitter with sky is apparently an "engineer".

10 years ago job titles were just direct and simple. "Window cleaner", "Floor sweeper" etc - what's with all the technical lingo in basic job descriptions nowadays

Have you come across any strange techical descriptions for menial jobs?

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Pygmalion

Kalashnikov_Kid wrote: »

I came across a guy over here who had the title 'Penetration Tester' on his business card - an attempted PC term for ethichal hacker gone wrong!

Quite a common phrase really. Though it's usually shortened to "Pen. tester" in non-formal situations.

Adamcp898

Pygmalion wrote: »

Quite a common phrase really. Though it's usually shortened to "Pen. tester" in non-formal situations.

So many times I've bought a faulty BIC

Xiney

Junior Advertising Executive = telesales (selling ads for a ****ty paper over the phone)

Sandwich Artist = working at Subway

Hot Foods Clerk = Chicken wing cook & counter server

orourkeda

Des wrote: »

You don't know the half of it.

Scumbags do this thing called "lift surfing" where they jimmy open the lift door while it's at the floor below, and jump down onto the lift, and ride it up and down.

He found an dead armless teenager one time, who had slipped as the lift was coming to the floor stop, ripped his arms clean off.

he has also found copious amounts of various drugs, including heroin, coke, blow, ecstasy stashed on top of the lifts.

That's beautiful. It's like poetry. Did it mash up his face too? That'd be just too excellent.

orourkeda

education centre nourishment production assistant = dinner lady

eddiehead

Now hiring Senior Executive Banana Bender - Contact Fyffes

Gryzor

in Dell, i was a "Systems Destination Analyst". The line split into two, if the laptop coming down the line was for a certian part of the world, i used all my judgement and let it go by, otherwise i pushed it down the other section...

boogle

Penis Seismologist?

G_R

Customer Focused Sales Assistant
=
Person in Tesco who you ask to point you in the direction of the sugar

mad_physist

Hygiene Manager - cleans toilets

brendansmith

Ghost buster - Grave digger

imported_guy

plumbers are now called engineers lol

Professey Chin

imported_guy wrote: »

plumbers are now called engineers lol

He told me his name was Steve

AnonoBoy

I was a copy writer for Mad Magazine once.

That's what we're talking about right?

mardybumbum

Student = Bum

Executive Steve

thomond2006 wrote: »

Bank Manager= A guy who wants his dirty paws on all our cash.

Holy ****, i guess i'm a bank manager!

soups05

my title used to be "MRC/PSG/LSP"

which sounds great till you break it down...

Material Returns Co-ordinater for Production Systems Group to Logistical Service Provider.

what it means is i returned unwanted stock from our factory PSG to our store LSP which was located 16 miles away.

pay sucked,there was always some idiot who would return stock then find they needed it, and the bosses had no clue how to work thier own stock control systems.

thank god i left xerox

still miss my old workmates tho. good people ( some of them)

mikemac

Fuel Technician = young lad working as a petrol pump attendant

admiralofthefleet

my mate used to work on a petrol station forecourt
called himself a 'fuel injection technician'

boogle

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I was a copy writer for Mad Magazine once.

Is Mad Magazine similar to Nuts Magazine?

yupyup7up

Web Developer - Makes me sound like a spider...:rolleyes:

Cookie_Monster

dannym08 wrote: »

Customer Focused Sales Assistant
=
Person in Tesco who you ask to point you in the direction of the sugar

General Assistant is the term used for all low level staff in Tesco

Slow Motion

Primary / Secondary Teacher = State paid babysitter

KTRIC

A mate of mine worked in a chocolate factory a couple of years ago in Dublin. The guys in the packing section that packed the fudge were called "fudge packers"

RossFixxxed

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

That is because in Ireland engineer is not a protected term (unlike most of the world). Here the term "Chartered Engineer" is the protected version

Engineer is the glorious cover all to make any job fancy

Hydrocarbon redistribution engineer: pumps petrol
Urban debris relocation engineer: bin man
Domestic synchronisation engineer: housewife

and so on. It is like the suffix of -studies in transition year.

Leisure studies: yayyy off to a climbing wall
History in action studies: off to dublina after the climbing wall
French: Let's go see the hunchback of notra dame in the cinema as it is set in france... oh -studies.

R

Cookie_Monster

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Engineer is the glorious cover all to make any job fancy

Hydrocarbon redistribution engineer: pumps petrol
Urban debris relocation engineer: bin man
Domestic synchronisation engineer: housewife

and so on.
R

yeah but if you actually read what you quoted you'd understand that that is because it's not a protected term, if it was then all those silly titles wouldn't be allowed as EI would take them to court for degredation of the term. There would be strict requirements in work level/type/etc to be met before the job would be allowed the title "engineer"

smcgiff

Tribunal Lawyer = Leech

damienmcd

A mate of my brother got a job as a barman in that new Wright-Venue at the Airport and the staff were all told they were not barmen, that their actual job title was "Entertainment Technician".

What a load of bo**ox!

Also know a bloke who was a window cleaner and used refer to himself as a "Visual Technician".

RossFixxxed

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

yeah but if you actually read what you quoted you'd understand that that is because it's not a protected term, if it was then all those silly titles wouldn't be allowed as EI would take them to court for degredation of the term. There would be strict requirements in work level/type/etc to be met before the job would be allowed the title "engineer"

Err I entirely understand that mate, was agreeing with you and throwing some funny ones in there.... you're a Obvious Location Direction Engineer! You point out what I know! It's not much to point at though so you probably do need a degree to sift thorough all the stuff I THINK I know!

watna

I found out yesterday from a colleague in our Korean Office that in Korean workplaces they don't call you by your name, but your job title.

So it'd be, hey you, hygiene distribution consultant, clean the dishes!

I want to institute this in our work place. We have some great titles!