Men who haven't had kids yet - do you want them someday?

Biggins · 18-07-2009 02:01PM

I have 4 kids.

Now honestly, when I was younger free and single, at THAT stage I didn't want any.
1. I wanted my free time
2. I knew deep down I wasn't mature enough to be able to handle the responsibility
3. I knew they involved a great deal of work.

Having kids then was as a remote possibility as Tom Cruise coming out of the closet!
Times change however. With maturity in some mental aspects and outlook I eventually went down that road of bringing children into the world.

* It has done many things for me and led me to see the world in a different light.
* It has shown me what is really important and how we attach stupid importance to what is really immaterial junk and really valueless.
* Having children has allowed me to see where people's heart truly lies and what they are really like underneath the PR spin and propaganda.
* Having children has put a spring in my step. Made my role in life more important and gives me a further purpose to try and help my fellow man/woman.

Being 100% honest, I couldn't have done/realised all that stuff as a teen or single, wild and free bloke. I just wasn't ready.

Do I regret not having as much free time and being as care free? Yes, maybe sometimes.
Would I now want to change my current situation now however? Absolutely not. Not for a second. No "if's" - no "but's".
There is an eventual price to be paid for everything and if my price is having less time for myself, no hesitation, I pay it willingly and without malice.

Before ye are willing to have kids at the right time THAT BEST SUITS YOU, thats a mature conclusion each could come to given informed choice.
Otherwise, you will always consider them just a milestone around your neck.
Its all about degrees of maturity, if it suits your future life style and when/if you reach it by one life experience or another.

sam34 · 18-07-2009 02:03PM

bronte wrote: »

Don't get why people are so uncomfortable with folks remaining childless.

i prefer to use the term "childfree". "childless", imo, has connotations that you're lacking something that you really want, that it's somehow enforced. "Childfree" describes it much better for me - "FREE" , unburdened and unencumbered.

bronte · 18-07-2009 02:03PM

sam34 wrote: »

i prefer to use the term "childfree". "childless", imo, has connotations that you're lacking something that you really want, that it's somehow enforced. "Childfree" describes it much better for me - "FREE" , unburdened and unencumbered.

True that!

pokerface_me · 18-07-2009 02:04PM

cjbh wrote: »

I know I'm going to sound like a black-hearted ogre when I say this, but I can't stand kids. I'm 26 and pretty sure I will never have them. I have nieces and nephews anyway so there is no pressure on me from my parents.

I can never really understand why people, especially men, have kids. They are noisy and messy and time-consuming; they interfere with your sleep, your sex life, your freedom, your money...

Just, ugh...

Like Cameron Diaz said recently, the world is in no danger of going extinct.

I often suspect a lot of men only have kids because they are forced into it by their wives, or else the kids are mistakes.

Any thoughts? I'm just being honest btw, no offence intended. It is a beautiful thing to see parents who genuinely love their children, I am just wondering how often this is really the case, and whether it really makes up for all the sacrifices they have to make, or whether people just convince themselves that it does

Very Selfish and sure your only a child at heart yourself, you wouldn't be responsible enough for children.

I have 3 little girls i'm 31 and they interfere with nothing, they are my pride and joy, they made me become a man, wouldn't change a thing for all the money in the world.

AnonoBoy · 18-07-2009 02:09PM

BlackandGold wrote: »

I think it'd be amazing [for a woman anyway!] to have the feeling of a baby growing inside you

I had something growing inside me for a while. It was not a pleasant experience.

Be careful what water you drink when you're in Thailand, that's all I'll say.

sam34 · 18-07-2009 02:12PM

Biggins wrote: »

* It has shown me what is really important and how we attach stupid importance to what is really immaterial junk and really valueless.

* Having children has put a spring in my step. Made my role in life more important and gives me a further purpose to try and help my fellow man/woman.

Before ye are willing to have kids, thats the mature conclusion ye should come to.

Its all about degrees of maturity, if it suits your future life style and when/if you reach it.

how patronising and condescending.

just because i choose not to have children, that does not indicate that i merely value "immaterial junk". one of the things i value most in life is my family - parents and siblings- but they are also one of the biggest burdens in my life.

i think that making a rational reasonable decision not to have kids is a very mature thing to do. it is not an easy decision for some people, and it is one which is regularly subjected to this kind of nonsense from those who are parents. it is far more imature to have kids because of irresponsible behaviour/pressure form partner/societal expectations.

you feel you matured and changed your attitude towards fatherhood. fair enough. just dont assume that other mature adults should share your attitude.

bronte · 18-07-2009 02:14PM

Specifically how is it selfish?
I seriously don't understand that attitude.

pokerface_me · 18-07-2009 02:17PM

bronte wrote: »

Specifically how is it selfish?
I seriously don't understand that attitude.

Having a child of your own is a very special thing, nothing comes close to it.........but in your case you feel it would interfere in your sex life, your social life and your money...thats the selfish bit, its all about you.

Now from experience x3 my children have never interfered in any of the above.

MagicMarker · 18-07-2009 02:19PM

I don't want kids and I don't see that changing any time soon. I have too many things in my life I want to do and I just can't see how kids will fit in to any of that.

Plus, I hate kids.

Biggins · 18-07-2009 02:21PM

sam34 wrote: »

how patronising and condescending.

just because i choose not to have children, that does not indicate that i merely value "immaterial junk". one of the things i value most in life is my family - parents and siblings- but they are also one of the biggest burdens in my life.

i think that making a rational reasonable decision not to have kids is a very mature thing to do. it is not an easy decision for some people, and it is one which is regularly subjected to this kind of nonsense from those who are parents. it is far more imature to have kids because of irresponsible behaviour/pressure form partner/societal expectations.

you feel you matured and changed your attitude towards fatherhood. fair enough. just dont assume that other mature adults should share your attitude.

Your quite right and clearly you have come to a conclusion about your life that suits you.
You have the maturity to see the right thing to do and not do.

FOR ME, the mature thing to do is to be able to see when to have kids, when not to have kids and if one's lifestyle is suited for them.

Having kids doesn't make one mature. We all know there is fathers out there with the maturity of dopes. Having kids for some however gives some of them people, if they have the kop on, to be able to progress to another level of thinking beyond what they thought of the world before - thats all.

You are to be congratulated on your decision. If you feel its the right one with informed choice, fully understanding the situation and environment you reside in, you have indeed reached another level of maturity others can only aspire to. You are a better person, more knowledgeable and have a better understanding of how the world works.

All the best.

sam34 · 18-07-2009 02:22PM

pokerface_me wrote: »

Having a child of your own is a very special thing, nothing comes close to it.........but in your case you feel it would interfere in your sex life, your social life and your money...thats the selfish bit, its all about you.

Now from experience x3 my children have never interfered in any of the above.

so, you have children which, by your own admission, is a very special thing for you, which nothing else ever comes close to for you, yet thats not selfish and all about you??

bronte · 18-07-2009 02:26PM

pokerface_me wrote: »

Having a child of your own is a very special thing, nothing comes close to it.........but in your case you feel it would interfere in your sex life, your social life and your money...thats the selfish bit, its all about you.

Now from experience x3 my children have never interfered in any of the above.

I don't like kids.
I spent 10 years working my arse off in my profession.
I don't owe anybody anything ( except my family who I love dearly)
It's good for you that your children haven't interfered in anything for you.
I simply dislike children and don't want any myself.
I never mentioned money or social life and fail to see where you got that from.
It most certainly is not all about me, as my friends and family will back up.
They consider me the most generous of the lot of us because I love spoiling them.
I cannot understand why people who are parents seem to push this reasoning on people who don't want kids.

pokerface_me · 18-07-2009 02:29PM

An example of my day today as a father of 3.

Woke at 7am to give the youngest her morning feed, the other 2 rise about 8.30. Have there brekkie do a few bits and bobs around the house and its off to the park for the morning. Home for lunch now and getting ready in a short while to head to Tolka park with my 2 eldest girls 3 and 10 to watch Shamrock rovers play sligo, while the Mrs visits her Mam and Dad with the baby. After that will go for some grub with them and they will be home in bed for 10pm. Then its me and the MRS off to the pub for a pint while my sister looks after my girls for me.

A perfect day with my family and wife.

Dragan · 18-07-2009 02:32PM

**** no.

With regard to not wanting kids because they consume time being "selfish"? What the ****? I think the more selfless act is to churn out another spawn into an already nicely populated planet.

Parents, i respect you decision to have a kid, good on you, but this thinking the same goal should apply to everyone is a joke.

Well done, you managed to get pregnant yourself or get your wife pregnant. Hardly a unqiue acheivment though.

MagicMarker · 18-07-2009 02:33PM

pokerface_me wrote: »

An example of my day today as a father of 3.

Woke at 7am to give the youngest her morning feed, the other 2 rise about 8.30. Have there brekkie do a few bits and bobs around the house and its off to the park for the morning. Home for lunch now and getting ready in a short while to head to Tolka park with my 2 eldest girls 3 and 10 to watch Shamrock rovers play sligo, while the Mrs visits her Mam and Dad with the baby. After that will go for some grub with them and they will be home in bed for 10pm. Then its me and the MRS off to the pub for a pint while my sister looks after my girls for me.

A perfect day with my family and wife.

My day?

8am: I woke up.
14.33: I posted here.

And my wallet is bulging.

bronte · 18-07-2009 02:33PM

pokerface_me wrote: »

An example of my day today as a father of 3.

Woke at 7am to give the youngest her morning feed, the other 2 rise about 8.30. Have there brekkie do a few bits and bobs around the house and its off to the park for the morning. Home for lunch now and getting ready in a short while to head to Tolka park with my 2 eldest girls 3 and 10 to watch Shamrock rovers play sligo, while the Mrs visits her Mam and Dad with the baby. After that will go for some grub with them and they will be home in bed for 10pm. Then its me and the MRS off to the pub for a pint while my sister looks after my girls for me.

A perfect day with my family and wife.

I'm sure that makes you very happy and fulfilled, but surely you can see that it wouldn't be for everyone?

Gavin "shels" · 18-07-2009 02:34PM

...need someone to keep my reign of terror going, when I'm gone!

sam34 · 18-07-2009 02:36PM

Biggins wrote: »

FOR ME, the mature thing to do is to be able to see when to have kids, when not to have kids and if one's lifestyle is suited for them

well, exactly.
making the decision in a rational manner is the mature thing to do. however, plenty of people dont do that.

Biggins wrote: »

Having kids doesn't make one mature. We all know there is fathers out there with the maturity of dopes. Having kids for some however gives some of them people, if they have the kop on, to be able to progress to another level of thinking beyond what they thought of the world before - thats all

another level of thinking - sure. children will definitely alter your perspective on all sorts of things, from trivial "what will i cook for dinner" thoughts, to meaning-of-life/religious/ beliefs. i'd magine one's outlook on pretty much everything would change. doesnt make one more mature though!

Biggins wrote: »

You are to be congratulated on your decision

why, thank you.

however, i dont feel a responsible decision is something i should be commended on, rather i think it is something taht should be expected of me, and all other capable adults.

Biggins wrote: »

You are a better person, more knowledgeable and have a better understanding of how the world works.

hey, steady on there. i might get a swelled head, and remember i have no children to ground me and remind me of what's really important and valuable in life :rolleyes:

mikep · 18-07-2009 02:36PM

Getting snipped next month...aged 37 no kids...never wanted any!

pokerface_me · 18-07-2009 02:37PM

bronte wrote: »

I don't like kids.
I spent 10 years working my arse off in my profession.
I don't owe anybody anything ( except my family who I love dearly)
It's good for you that your children haven't interfered in anything for you.
I simply dislike children and don't want any myself.
I never mentioned money or social life and fail to see where you got that from.
It most certainly is not all about me, as my friends and family will back up.
They consider me the most generous of the lot of us because I love spoiling them.
I cannot understand why people who are parents seem to push this reasoning on people who don't want kids.

Sorry was referring to OP with the social and money thing.

If you don't want children thats completly fine and understandable. I've worked very hard at my profession to for the past 12 years and am at the top of my game now. (whats your point). I don't owe anybody anything either. (Whats your point). I spoil all my nephews and niece's to. (Whats your point).

Basically it boils down to the type of person you are and if you don't like kids or can't cope with them, then don't have them, but as a proud father you haven't got a clue what your missing.

Biggins · 18-07-2009 02:37PM

Where as years ago my greatest "buzz" was mixing with some famous folk and having a personal whale of a time, now as a dad my greatest "buzz" comes from bringing laughter and a smile to my son and daughters face. For me, nothing beats it.

Years ago I wouldn't have understood that concept or even knew that feeling could exist.
The current situation suits me. It wouldn't suit everyone. Thats life.
Those that say they don't want kids, thats fair enough. They have made a decision based on how they truly feel. They are being true to themselves.
Ya can't ask anymore of a person than that - except maybe their willingness to accept just sometimes feelings change, nothing more.
If they do fair enough, if they don't, then they have their reasons.

pokerface_me · 18-07-2009 02:40PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

My day?

8am: I woke up.
14.33: I posted here.

And my wallet is bulging.

7am i woke its now 1439 and my wallet is also bulging.

People and there fascination with money, thats what has the Country the way it is today.

pokerface_me · 18-07-2009 02:41PM

mikep wrote: »

Getting snipped next month...aged 37 no kids...never wanted any!

Good man Mike excellent decision, fair play to ya.

Biggins · 18-07-2009 02:44PM

sam34 wrote: »

...remember i have no children to ground me and remind me of what's really important and valuable in life :rolleyes:

Greater understanding about how things are really important and valuable comes not just from having kids.
FOR ME, it was through having children that I learned another life lesson.
Others like yourself learn things in your own way, at your own time though alternative life experiences and meeting of people.
Thats just the way the world/fate works.

bronte · 18-07-2009 02:44PM

pokerface_me wrote: »

Sorry was referring to OP with the social and money thing.

If you don't want children thats completly fine and understandable. I've worked very hard at my profession to for the past 12 years and am at the top of my game now. (whats your point). I don't owe anybody anything either. (Whats your point). I spoil all my nephews and niece's to. (Whats your point).

Basically it boils down to the type of person you are and if you don't like kids or can't cope with them, then don't have them, but as a proud father you haven't got a clue what your missing.

Oh right, took you up wrong then.
But you see, as someone who's absolute worst nightmare would be children, I do see what I'm missing , and I'm fecking delighted I'm missing it.
I don't begrudge anyone having kids...I've seen it make a heck of a lot of folks very happy and fair play to them.
I just don't wish to go down that avenue myself.

pokerface_me · 18-07-2009 02:45PM

bronte wrote: »

I'm sure that makes you very happy and fulfilled, but surely you can see that it wouldn't be for everyone?

From a single person's prospective Bronte i'd say yes, but as a father i'd say no and i'm sure every father would say no, there is nothing more enjoyable than watching the satisfaction on your children's faces after a day out together.

MagicMarker · 18-07-2009 02:47PM

pokerface_me wrote: »

From a single person's prospective Bronte i'd say yes, but as a father i'd say no and i'm sure every father would say no, there is nothing more enjoyable than watching the satisfaction on your children's faces after a day out together.

I'd opt for a blowjob myself.

Acacia · 18-07-2009 02:47PM

pokerface_me wrote: »

Having a child of your own is a very special thing, nothing comes close to it.........but in your case you feel it would interfere in your sex life, your social life and your money...thats the selfish bit, its all about you.

Of course, it's all about ''you'' (or ''me."). It's my life, and I can live it how I see fit. What's selfish about that?

It would be selfish if I had a child and neglected him/her so I could continue having a good social/sex life and more money. Making sure I do not have kids so I can continue wth the life I want and not hurt anybody else is the direct opposite of selfish.

pokerface_me wrote: »

Now from experience x3 my children have never interfered in any of the above.

Great, good for you. From my experience, there are plenty of people I know whose lives have been changed for the worse by having kids.

It's your choice to have kids, it's my choice not to. Quite simple , really.

pokerface_me · 18-07-2009 02:48PM

bronte wrote: »

Oh right, took you up wrong then.
But you see, as someone who's absolute worst nightmare would be children, I do see what I'm missing , and I'm fecking delighted I'm missing it.
I don't begrudge anyone having kids...I've seen it make a heck of a lot of folks very happy and fair play to them.
I just don't wish to go down that avenue myself.

Well Bronte thats your decision to make, and fair play to you for making that decision, i just hope in years to come you don't regret it.

P.s You should go along with Mike you might get 2 for the price of 1.:D

Raze_them_all · 18-07-2009 02:49PM

pokerface_me wrote: »

From a single person's prospective Bronte i'd say yes, but as a father i'd say no and i'm sure every father would say no, there is nothing more enjoyable than watching the satisfaction on your children's faces after a day out together.

Why do you presume she's single? Can she not be in a relationship and not want kids

Men who haven't had kids yet - do you want them someday?

Comments