Men who haven't had kids yet - do you want them someday?

cjbh

I know I'm going to sound like a black-hearted ogre when I say this, but I can't stand kids. I'm 26 and pretty sure I will never have them. I have nieces and nephews anyway so there is no pressure on me from my parents.

I can never really understand why people, especially men, have kids. They are noisy and messy and time-consuming; they interfere with your sleep, your sex life, your freedom, your money...

Just, ugh...

Like Cameron Diaz said recently, the world is in no danger of going extinct.

I often suspect a lot of men only have kids because they are forced into it by their wives, or else the kids are mistakes.

Any thoughts? I'm just being honest btw, no offence intended. It is a beautiful thing to see parents who genuinely love their children, I am just wondering how often this is really the case, and whether it really makes up for all the sacrifices they have to make, or whether people just convince themselves that it does

G_R

i'd like ta have kids someday.........but not for a long long long time

ive got a whole lotta livin ta do in the mean time:pac:

The Big Red Button

Why just men, as a matter of interest?

DarkJager

Nope, I don't want them at all.

PCPhoto

turned 30 this year..... would like to have a couple of rugrats running around within the next couple of years .

helimachoptor

27 and no interest in them at the moment. I other stuff I want to do. I know the GF wants them in th next couple of years so chances are i'll be single soon enough so I wont have anyone to have them with!

BlackandGold

My bf doesn't want kids. He's 29. I do [some day]. Yes they are messy, time consuming etc etc but why would anyone choose to have kids then if there weren't some good points? I think it'd be amazing [for a woman anyway!] to have the feeling of a baby growing inside you - a real little person for you to bring up!

Acacia

cjbh wrote: »

I know I'm going to sound like a black-hearted ogre when I say this, but I can't stand kids. I'm 26 and pretty sure I will never have them. I have nieces and nephews anyway so there is no pressure on me from my parents.

I can never really understand why people, especially women, have kids. They are noisy and messy and time-consuming; they interfere with your sleep, your sex life, your freedom, your money...

Just, ugh...

Like Cameron Diaz said recently, the world is in no danger of going extinct.

I often suspect a lot of women only have kids because they are forced into it by their husbands, or else the kids are mistakes.

Any thoughts? I'm just being honest btw, no offence intended. It is a beautiful thing to see parents who genuinely love their children, I am just wondering how often this is really the case, and whether it really makes up for all the sacrifices they have to make, or whether people just convince themselves that it does

FYP.

Nolanger

Why would anyone have kids now in this sh*t country when there's no jobs and this recession will affect us for the next decade. And they're cutting the child benefit!

BlackandGold

BlackandGold wrote: »

My bf doesn't want kids. He's 29. I do [some day]. Yes they are messy, time consuming etc etc but why would anyone choose to have kids then if there weren't some good points? I think it'd be amazing [for a woman anyway!] to have the feeling of a baby growing inside you - a real little person for you to bring up!

If it's such an amazing feeling then why are pregnant women so narky?

Orla K

cjbh wrote: »

I know I'm going to sound like a black-hearted ogre when I say this, but I can't stand kids. I'm 26 and pretty sure I will never have them. I have nieces and nephews anyway so there is no pressure on me from my parents.

I can never really understand why people, especially men, have kids. They are noisy and messy and time-consuming; they interfere with your sleep, your sex life, your freedom, your money...

Just, ugh...

Like Cameron Diaz said recently, the world is in no danger of going extinct.

I often suspect a lot of men only have kids because they are forced into it by their wives, or else the kids are mistakes.

Any thoughts? I'm just being honest btw, no offence intended. It is a beautiful thing to see parents who genuinely love their children, I am just wondering how often this is really the case, and whether it really makes up for all the sacrifices they have to make, or whether people just convince themselves that it does

Why especially men? All the guys I know like children but me and another female friend get freaked out by the thought of them.

Nolanger

Nolanger wrote: »

Why would anyone have kids now in this sh*t country when there's no jobs and this recession will affect us for the next decade. And they're cutting the child benefit!

To beg for you?

BlackandGold

Rojomcdojo wrote: »

If it's such an amazing feeling then why are pregnant women so narky?

Well obviously it's got it's good points and it's bad points! Plus with all the hormones etc floating around it ain't an easy ride. Nobody said it was!

I can't see myself ever having kids, their screaming and bawling drives me crazy. That's not to say I won't ever change my mind but at the moment it seems unlikely.

Nolanger

Bet none of the newspapers would be complaining about a 69-year man having a kid and then dying a few years later?

TheInquisitor

I definitely want kids somewhere between 3 and 5.

Genes continuing FTW

ShooterSF

What's worse is when people claim to know better than you. Usually 'cause their life was ruined by a kid and need to believe they didn't have a choice, kids are just a stage in your life that you have to do and I should suffer it too. I should say people who seem genuinely happy with kids never do this.
"You'll change when you have one"
Eh I won't have one in the first place.
"What if your parents felt like that?"
I wouldn't be here. Have you a point?

cjbh

chatterpillar wrote: »

Why just men, as a matter of interest?

Fair point. The reason I asked men specifically is because men do not have the same hormones as women. I imagine these female hormones play a large part in the biological urge that some women have to have children.

The fact that men don't have this biological urge, and yet still often go on to have kids, makes it all the more curious to me.

Dilynnio

For all the guys that said they wud not have kids, would they donate their sperm to a couple who cant or want to have kids? They could still have a kid but not be part of their life.

Just making it interesting!

bronte

cjbh wrote: »

Fair point. The reason I asked men specifically is because men do not have the same hormones as women. I imagine these female hormones play a large part in the biological urge that some women have to have children.

The fact that men don't have this biological urge, and yet still often go on to have kids, makes it all the more curious to me.

I'm a woman and I've never wanted any.
I would say I have an equal amount of male friends ( mid to late 20s) who want them or don't want them.
I would actually go as far as to say men can get dreadfully broody at this age.
Have a feeling it's a bit of a myth that only women seem to go a bit funny towards their 30s.

cjbh

Dilynnio wrote: »

For all the guys that said they wud not have kids, would they donate their sperm to a couple who cant or want to have kids? They could still have a kid but not be part of their life.

Just making it interesting!

I have seriously considered this. The only downside was that you have to make a 6 month weekly commitment to donating sperm to the clinic. It's not just a once off thing.

I think all men are evolutionary programmed to want to 'spread their seed' and so extend their lineage. It's the actual raising of the kid that gets me. I just don't know how people put up with it.

You could accuse me of being 'selfish', but it's not like we have to have children.

Abi

cjbh wrote: »

men do not have the same hormones as women.

And lawdy knows how much we jus love poppin dem sprogs.

orourkeda

TheInquisitor wrote: »

I definitely want kids somewhere between 3 and 5.

Genes continuing FTW

thats 4 kids then

Dave!

Yeah I definitely want kids, lots of them. I'd like at least 3, preferably 4.

I've always wanted a big family, like my own (I have 3 siblings). It'll probably be hell at times, but in the end it'll be worth it.

Just gotta find a woman to take my seed!

orourkeda

I suppose theres little point considering becoming a parent if youre not totally committed. I imagine its not the easiest job in the world at the best of times but if you were in any way half hearted then its troubke for everyone

Wazdakka

Course I want kids..

Then I can force them to play instruments, learn circus tricks and make me millions.

It's my early retirement plan.

cianl1

I'm in college and a long way off kids, at least for now. I do definitely want kids though. First of all to fulfill my biological mission in life i.e. to preserve and continue the species but also to continue the family name and all that. I suppose though, it's the little moments that make it worth while though; I've got two nieces and when they both were newborns I held them. They grabbed my finger with their tiny hands and that was the deciding moment. That was when I knew.

Dilynnio

cjbh wrote: »

I have seriously considered this. The only downside was that you have to make a 6 month weekly commitment to donating sperm to the clinic. It's not just a once off thing.

I think all men are evolutionary programmed to want to 'spread their seed' and so extend their lineage. It's the actual raising of the kid that gets me. I just don't know how people put up with it.

You could accuse me of being 'selfish', but it's not like we have to have children.

So if you did donate sperm, would you be quite happy knowing that u may have a kid or two out there and not be involved in its life? would you not be constantly wondering about it?

sam34

well, im one of those seemingly rare women who know they dont want to have children. Ever.

for a variety of reasons, it's not something i'm interested in.

i'm the youngest in a large family and have watched all my siblings have kids, i've seen how their lives have completely changed, and not necessarily for the better.

the never-ending, lifelong stress and responsibility of it is very off-putting for me.

i get very fed up of people commenting on it.... my own mother has told me she thinks it's "unnatural", and smug parents comment about how i'll change my mind in a few years - "give it time, sure we all said that at one stage".

this really infuriates me. firstly, i'm nearly 30 years old, old enough to be able to make a logical and well-thought-out decision. secondly, it's not a whim, it's something i've always felt. thirdly, just because they wanted children, doesn't mean i'm going to want them too.

i'm certainly not going to have kids just because it's the "done thing".

why people just cant respect that decision, the way they respected other major decisions i've made, is beyond me.

but anyway, i'll continue to sow my wild oats and pray for a crop failure

bronte

sam34 wrote: »

well, im one of those seemingly rare women who know they dont want to have children. Ever.

for a variety of reasons, it's not something i'm interested in.

i'm the youngest in a large family and have watched all my siblings have kids, i've seen how their lives have completely changed, and not necessarily for the better.

the never-ending, lifelong stress and responsibility of it is very off-putting for me.

i get very fed up of people commenting on it.... my own mother has told me she thinks it's "unnatural", and smug parents comment about how i'll change my mind in a few years - "give it time, sure we all said that at one stage".

this really infuriates me. firstly, i'm nearly 30 years old, old enough to be able to make a logical and well-thought-out decision. secondly, it's not a whim, it's something i've always felt. thirdly, just because they wanted children, doesn't mean i'm going to want them too.

i'm certainly not going to have kids just because it's the "done thing".

why people just cant respect that decision, the way they respected other major decisions i've made, is beyond me.

but anyway, i'll continue to sow my wild oats and pray for a crop failure

I've been called unimaginable things because I don't want any.
My mother thinks I'm selfish.
How can you be selfish towards something that doesn't even exist?
Would it not be far more selfish to have children if you didn't REALLY want them?
Misery loves company
Don't get why people are so uncomfortable with folks remaining childless.
The mind boggles!

diverdriver

I had no interest in kids either. I never thought I'd have them anyway in any case as I had no real interest in getting married either. But along came this nice woman and marriage seemed to make sense. Then my wife wanted kids and it seemed the natural thing to do. As a result I now have two with the youngest sitting on my knee right now trying to get at the keyboard. Frankly it's just a natural progression.

There are times when I think it was all a mistake. But I love the little scamps and won't give them back now. You do feel differently about your own. They are hard work and it's tough going at times but you simply adapt to the situation and get on with it.

My main wish is that I'd done it all sooner and they were now grown up and gone!

But I have to go now and feed the little monster.

Biggins

I have 4 kids.

Now honestly, when I was younger free and single, at THAT stage I didn't want any.
1. I wanted my free time
2. I knew deep down I wasn't mature enough to be able to handle the responsibility
3. I knew they involved a great deal of work.

Having kids then was as a remote possibility as Tom Cruise coming out of the closet!
Times change however. With maturity in some mental aspects and outlook I eventually went down that road of bringing children into the world.

* It has done many things for me and led me to see the world in a different light.
* It has shown me what is really important and how we attach stupid importance to what is really immaterial junk and really valueless.
* Having children has allowed me to see where people's heart truly lies and what they are really like underneath the PR spin and propaganda.
* Having children has put a spring in my step. Made my role in life more important and gives me a further purpose to try and help my fellow man/woman.

Being 100% honest, I couldn't have done/realised all that stuff as a teen or single, wild and free bloke. I just wasn't ready.

Do I regret not having as much free time and being as care free? Yes, maybe sometimes.
Would I now want to change my current situation now however? Absolutely not. Not for a second. No "if's" - no "but's".
There is an eventual price to be paid for everything and if my price is having less time for myself, no hesitation, I pay it willingly and without malice.

Before ye are willing to have kids at the right time THAT BEST SUITS YOU, thats a mature conclusion each could come to given informed choice.
Otherwise, you will always consider them just a milestone around your neck.
Its all about degrees of maturity, if it suits your future life style and when/if you reach it by one life experience or another.

sam34

bronte wrote: »

Don't get why people are so uncomfortable with folks remaining childless.

i prefer to use the term "childfree". "childless", imo, has connotations that you're lacking something that you really want, that it's somehow enforced. "Childfree" describes it much better for me - "FREE" , unburdened and unencumbered.

bronte

sam34 wrote: »

i prefer to use the term "childfree". "childless", imo, has connotations that you're lacking something that you really want, that it's somehow enforced. "Childfree" describes it much better for me - "FREE" , unburdened and unencumbered.

True that!

pokerface_me

cjbh wrote: »

I know I'm going to sound like a black-hearted ogre when I say this, but I can't stand kids. I'm 26 and pretty sure I will never have them. I have nieces and nephews anyway so there is no pressure on me from my parents.

I can never really understand why people, especially men, have kids. They are noisy and messy and time-consuming; they interfere with your sleep, your sex life, your freedom, your money...

Just, ugh...

Like Cameron Diaz said recently, the world is in no danger of going extinct.

I often suspect a lot of men only have kids because they are forced into it by their wives, or else the kids are mistakes.

Any thoughts? I'm just being honest btw, no offence intended. It is a beautiful thing to see parents who genuinely love their children, I am just wondering how often this is really the case, and whether it really makes up for all the sacrifices they have to make, or whether people just convince themselves that it does

Very Selfish and sure your only a child at heart yourself, you wouldn't be responsible enough for children.

I have 3 little girls i'm 31 and they interfere with nothing, they are my pride and joy, they made me become a man, wouldn't change a thing for all the money in the world.

AnonoBoy

BlackandGold wrote: »

I think it'd be amazing [for a woman anyway!] to have the feeling of a baby growing inside you

I had something growing inside me for a while. It was not a pleasant experience.

Be careful what water you drink when you're in Thailand, that's all I'll say.

sam34

Biggins wrote: »

* It has shown me what is really important and how we attach stupid importance to what is really immaterial junk and really valueless.

* Having children has put a spring in my step. Made my role in life more important and gives me a further purpose to try and help my fellow man/woman.

Before ye are willing to have kids, thats the mature conclusion ye should come to.

Its all about degrees of maturity, if it suits your future life style and when/if you reach it.

how patronising and condescending.

just because i choose not to have children, that does not indicate that i merely value "immaterial junk". one of the things i value most in life is my family - parents and siblings- but they are also one of the biggest burdens in my life.

i think that making a rational reasonable decision not to have kids is a very mature thing to do. it is not an easy decision for some people, and it is one which is regularly subjected to this kind of nonsense from those who are parents. it is far more imature to have kids because of irresponsible behaviour/pressure form partner/societal expectations.

you feel you matured and changed your attitude towards fatherhood. fair enough. just dont assume that other mature adults should share your attitude.

bronte

Specifically how is it selfish?
I seriously don't understand that attitude.

pokerface_me

bronte wrote: »

Specifically how is it selfish?
I seriously don't understand that attitude.

Having a child of your own is a very special thing, nothing comes close to it.........but in your case you feel it would interfere in your sex life, your social life and your money...thats the selfish bit, its all about you.

Now from experience x3 my children have never interfered in any of the above.

MagicMarker

I don't want kids and I don't see that changing any time soon. I have too many things in my life I want to do and I just can't see how kids will fit in to any of that.

Plus, I hate kids.

Biggins

sam34 wrote: »

how patronising and condescending.

just because i choose not to have children, that does not indicate that i merely value "immaterial junk". one of the things i value most in life is my family - parents and siblings- but they are also one of the biggest burdens in my life.

i think that making a rational reasonable decision not to have kids is a very mature thing to do. it is not an easy decision for some people, and it is one which is regularly subjected to this kind of nonsense from those who are parents. it is far more imature to have kids because of irresponsible behaviour/pressure form partner/societal expectations.

you feel you matured and changed your attitude towards fatherhood. fair enough. just dont assume that other mature adults should share your attitude.

Your quite right and clearly you have come to a conclusion about your life that suits you.
You have the maturity to see the right thing to do and not do.

FOR ME, the mature thing to do is to be able to see when to have kids, when not to have kids and if one's lifestyle is suited for them.

Having kids doesn't make one mature. We all know there is fathers out there with the maturity of dopes. Having kids for some however gives some of them people, if they have the kop on, to be able to progress to another level of thinking beyond what they thought of the world before - thats all.

You are to be congratulated on your decision. If you feel its the right one with informed choice, fully understanding the situation and environment you reside in, you have indeed reached another level of maturity others can only aspire to. You are a better person, more knowledgeable and have a better understanding of how the world works.

All the best.

sam34

pokerface_me wrote: »

Having a child of your own is a very special thing, nothing comes close to it.........but in your case you feel it would interfere in your sex life, your social life and your money...thats the selfish bit, its all about you.

Now from experience x3 my children have never interfered in any of the above.

so, you have children which, by your own admission, is a very special thing for you, which nothing else ever comes close to for you, yet thats not selfish and all about you??

bronte

pokerface_me wrote: »

Having a child of your own is a very special thing, nothing comes close to it.........but in your case you feel it would interfere in your sex life, your social life and your money...thats the selfish bit, its all about you.

Now from experience x3 my children have never interfered in any of the above.

I don't like kids.
I spent 10 years working my arse off in my profession.
I don't owe anybody anything ( except my family who I love dearly)
It's good for you that your children haven't interfered in anything for you.
I simply dislike children and don't want any myself.
I never mentioned money or social life and fail to see where you got that from.
It most certainly is not all about me, as my friends and family will back up.
They consider me the most generous of the lot of us because I love spoiling them.
I cannot understand why people who are parents seem to push this reasoning on people who don't want kids.

pokerface_me

An example of my day today as a father of 3.

Woke at 7am to give the youngest her morning feed, the other 2 rise about 8.30. Have there brekkie do a few bits and bobs around the house and its off to the park for the morning. Home for lunch now and getting ready in a short while to head to Tolka park with my 2 eldest girls 3 and 10 to watch Shamrock rovers play sligo, while the Mrs visits her Mam and Dad with the baby. After that will go for some grub with them and they will be home in bed for 10pm. Then its me and the MRS off to the pub for a pint while my sister looks after my girls for me.

A perfect day with my family and wife.

Dragan

**** no.

With regard to not wanting kids because they consume time being "selfish"? What the ****? I think the more selfless act is to churn out another spawn into an already nicely populated planet.

Parents, i respect you decision to have a kid, good on you, but this thinking the same goal should apply to everyone is a joke.

Well done, you managed to get pregnant yourself or get your wife pregnant. Hardly a unqiue acheivment though.

MagicMarker

pokerface_me wrote: »

An example of my day today as a father of 3.

Woke at 7am to give the youngest her morning feed, the other 2 rise about 8.30. Have there brekkie do a few bits and bobs around the house and its off to the park for the morning. Home for lunch now and getting ready in a short while to head to Tolka park with my 2 eldest girls 3 and 10 to watch Shamrock rovers play sligo, while the Mrs visits her Mam and Dad with the baby. After that will go for some grub with them and they will be home in bed for 10pm. Then its me and the MRS off to the pub for a pint while my sister looks after my girls for me.

A perfect day with my family and wife.

My day?

8am: I woke up.
14.33: I posted here.

And my wallet is bulging.

bronte

pokerface_me wrote: »

An example of my day today as a father of 3.

Woke at 7am to give the youngest her morning feed, the other 2 rise about 8.30. Have there brekkie do a few bits and bobs around the house and its off to the park for the morning. Home for lunch now and getting ready in a short while to head to Tolka park with my 2 eldest girls 3 and 10 to watch Shamrock rovers play sligo, while the Mrs visits her Mam and Dad with the baby. After that will go for some grub with them and they will be home in bed for 10pm. Then its me and the MRS off to the pub for a pint while my sister looks after my girls for me.

A perfect day with my family and wife.

I'm sure that makes you very happy and fulfilled, but surely you can see that it wouldn't be for everyone?

Gavin "shels"

...need someone to keep my reign of terror going, when I'm gone!

sam34

Biggins wrote: »

FOR ME, the mature thing to do is to be able to see when to have kids, when not to have kids and if one's lifestyle is suited for them

well, exactly.
making the decision in a rational manner is the mature thing to do. however, plenty of people dont do that.

Biggins wrote: »

Having kids doesn't make one mature. We all know there is fathers out there with the maturity of dopes. Having kids for some however gives some of them people, if they have the kop on, to be able to progress to another level of thinking beyond what they thought of the world before - thats all

another level of thinking - sure. children will definitely alter your perspective on all sorts of things, from trivial "what will i cook for dinner" thoughts, to meaning-of-life/religious/ beliefs. i'd magine one's outlook on pretty much everything would change. doesnt make one more mature though!

Biggins wrote: »

You are to be congratulated on your decision

why, thank you.

however, i dont feel a responsible decision is something i should be commended on, rather i think it is something taht should be expected of me, and all other capable adults.

Biggins wrote: »

You are a better person, more knowledgeable and have a better understanding of how the world works.

hey, steady on there. i might get a swelled head, and remember i have no children to ground me and remind me of what's really important and valuable in life :rolleyes:

mikep

Getting snipped next month...aged 37 no kids...never wanted any!

pokerface_me

bronte wrote: »

I don't like kids.
I spent 10 years working my arse off in my profession.
I don't owe anybody anything ( except my family who I love dearly)
It's good for you that your children haven't interfered in anything for you.
I simply dislike children and don't want any myself.
I never mentioned money or social life and fail to see where you got that from.
It most certainly is not all about me, as my friends and family will back up.
They consider me the most generous of the lot of us because I love spoiling them.
I cannot understand why people who are parents seem to push this reasoning on people who don't want kids.

Sorry was referring to OP with the social and money thing.

If you don't want children thats completly fine and understandable. I've worked very hard at my profession to for the past 12 years and am at the top of my game now. (whats your point). I don't owe anybody anything either. (Whats your point). I spoil all my nephews and niece's to. (Whats your point).

Basically it boils down to the type of person you are and if you don't like kids or can't cope with them, then don't have them, but as a proud father you haven't got a clue what your missing.