Boyfriend doesn't want me to get tattoo

LegacyUser · 18-07-2009 01:02AM #1

This is a bit of a silly one, sorry!

I've been planning getting a tattoo for the past couple of years now - no concrete plans, but it's been at the back of my mind. I've been working on it properly the last couple of months, and have put a lot of work into designing one that's very personal to me. It means a lot to me as it signifies a lot of good stuff in my life. It's going to be quite small and discreet, on the top of my foot so that I can hide it as appropriate!

However my boyfriend hates tattoos. He says he just doesn't "get" why anyone has them. I've been over it lots of times with him, showed him my design, explained just what it means to me, but he says he doesn't see why I need a tattoo to remind me of this stuff - isn't that what my memory is for! He's very much the practical type, whereas I'm a bit artsier, but I think it's our differences that make us work so well together - usually!

He's not even doing it in a controlling way. These days, if I bring it up and ask his opinion, he just says, "You know what I think about tattoos. Suit yourself." Which is fair enough, I wouldn't want him to lie about liking the idea if he didn't ... and it's not that I need his "blessing" ... but I must admit, I would like it.

As far as I'm concerned, I think I should go ahead and get it. He'll just have to get used to it. Would love some honest opinions - am I right? What would you do?

18-07-2009 09:35AM

Well, if it's small and discreet and you're not going to regret it when you're 60 and wrinkly, go for it. He's made his feelings clear, you want it anyway, so you might as well get it. Just don't keep bringing it up anymore with him, would be a bit like rubbing it in, even though you don't mean to.

dudara · 18-07-2009 09:38AM

OK, I'm of the personal opinion that saying "Suit yourself" is a cruel thing. It's dismissive and overbearing. It's as if the person saying it has decided that you're never going to understand their point of view and that you're not worth talking to anymore about it.

Your bf may not like the idea of you getting this tattoo, but he could accept it with grace - showing a bit of maturity.

LegacyUser · 18-07-2009 12:20PM

Yeah that's it exactly dudara, it feels like he's talking down to me and is hoping I'll forget about the whole idea altogether or something!

We're both mature responsible adults in a long-term relationship; this isn't going to be a deal breaker or anything. I'd just like to reach some form of agreement before I go ahead with it, because it is a big deal to me, and he's the most important person to me.

Any suggestions of how I should deal with this?

WeeBushy · 18-07-2009 01:40PM

Tatty Too wrote: »

We're both mature responsible adults in a long-term relationship; this isn't going to be a deal breaker or anything. I'd just like to reach some form of agreement before I go ahead with it, because it is a big deal to me, and he's the most important person to me.

Have you tried saying just that to him? Cuz that sounds like it sums up exactly what it feels like for you.

SarahSassy · 18-07-2009 01:47PM

I think you either like or dislike tattoo's... I personally dont like them at all and would rather if my OH didnt get one. Luckily he doesnt like them either.

Maybe he is bored listening to you talk about it when you have still (2 years later) not done anything about it?

I know I am going to get lambasted for this but I do think there is still an element of stigma with regard tattoo's. Historically, it was only a 'rough' element who got tattoo's.. No matter how discreet or hidden they are, I cant but remember the English sailors plastered in them and auld fellas on the beach with faded and droopy eagles on their backs.

LegacyUser · 18-07-2009 01:52PM

WeeBushy wrote: »

Have you tried saying just that to him? Cuz that sounds like it sums up exactly what it feels like for you.

I've said it to him, but he just can't see why it's a big deal for me, and I can't make him understand. And then he says, "Well you know how I feel about it, I'd rather you didn't get one and that's not going to change, but I can't exactly stop you." Or something to that effect.

SarahSassy wrote: »

I think you either like or dislike tattoo's... I personally dont like them at all and would rather if my OH didnt get one. Luckily he doesnt like them either.

Maybe he is bored listening to you talk about it when you have still (2 years later) not done anything about it?

No I've only started bringing it up with him the last couple of months.

c4cat · 18-07-2009 02:06PM

Tatty Too wrote: »

This is a bit of a silly one, sorry!

I've been planning getting a tattoo for the past couple of years now - no concrete plans, but it's been at the back of my mind. I've been working on it properly the last couple of months, and have put a lot of work into designing one that's very personal to me. It means a lot to me as it signifies a lot of good stuff in my life. It's going to be quite small and discreet, on the top of my foot so that I can hide it as appropriate!

However my boyfriend hates tattoos. He says he just doesn't "get" why anyone has them. I've been over it lots of times with him, showed him my design, explained just what it means to me, but he says he doesn't see why I need a tattoo to remind me of this stuff - isn't that what my memory is for! He's very much the practical type, whereas I'm a bit artsier, but I think it's our differences that make us work so well together - usually!

He's not even doing it in a controlling way. These days, if I bring it up and ask his opinion, he just says, "You know what I think about tattoos. Suit yourself." Which is fair enough, I wouldn't want him to lie about liking the idea if he didn't ... and it's not that I need his "blessing" ... but I must admit, I would like it.

As far as I'm concerned, I think I should go ahead and get it. He'll just have to get used to it. Would love some honest opinions - am I right? What would you do?

As a male who had tattoos done in my early years, I now deeply regret having them done now and 35 years on. Simply put what your feelings are now and what the feelings maybe in the future are, you will not know until time passes. I side and agree with yr OH opinons based on my own experience.

Big_Mac · 18-07-2009 02:22PM

Tattoo's are permanent, and thats the problem imo. I like the idea of them, but would never commit to having one done.

As an example, I was the typical adolescent growing up and wanted a tattoo, but wasn't allowed get one by my parents. I was going for something along the theme of 'I'm a bad bastard' on my arm, or something to that effect.

Now, with two children and a career, I can say for sure that I'm damn glad that I didn't get it done. It was an image of how I portrayed myself at a given moment in time, and certainly not how I would see myself now. I have often thought about it now, and I would be mortified if I had something like that on my arm now which would be in full view of everyone whenever I would be wearing a short sleeve shirt or a t-shirt. That plus it would be just as embarrassing in another 30 years, or if I was to attend a job interview or something. I can't understand how so many women got the tramp stamp either. Why would you get a tattoo that no you can't even see?

Personally, what I did do was get some piercings, the logic being that I could always remove them, which I have done now at this stage.

Anyway, thats just my opinion. At the end of the day, its your body, and you should feel free to do with it as you wish

CDfm · 18-07-2009 02:28PM

SarahSassy wrote: »

I know I am going to get lambasted for this but I do think there is still an element of stigma with regard tattoo's. Historically, it was only a 'rough' element who got tattoo's.. No matter how discreet or hidden they are, I cant but remember the English sailors plastered in them and auld fellas on the beach with faded and droopy eagles on their backs.

+1 I agree with you usually people got them when they were drunk or to appear hard. I dont like them either.

R.D. aka MR.D · 18-07-2009 04:37PM

If the reason he doesn't want you to get one is because he can't understand why you want it I can't see why he's not at least being supportive.

I have a few tattoos but my OH isn't a big fan of them himself and would never get one done but if i'm designing something or trying to decide where to get it on my body (which i'm doin at the minute) He is always supportive, he points out drawbacks to design, possible missunderstandings and issues with employment or 'it might look weird there'.
He doesn't understand why i need them.

Is it just this one issue with you OH or does he generally not be supportive?

Definitly go ahead with what you want but my advice is not to include him too much in the process if it is going to sour it for you or else you might be looking down at it in 40years and remembering the bad times even though its supposed to be about good times.

Best of luck with it!

Oryx · 18-07-2009 04:53PM

I got a tattoo years ago, just because it was something I wanted and had thought about for a long time. Im still fond of it because it was one of my little things I did for me just for me to mark a stage in my life. I even got it cleaned and tidied up a while ago. So not everyone hits a later life stage and regrets it. For some it remains something positive.

OP, have you listened in detail to why your oh dislikes tattoos? I think thats important. To ask him specifically why he would not like to see one on you. Its not enough for him to just say he doesnt like them. You might find out it has to do with someone else he knows, his general impressions of the type of girl who has them, or that your going to end up inked all over. If you know what the basis for his objection, then maybe you can begin to reassure him, and get him to understand how you see it.

Toots · 18-07-2009 05:04PM

I think if the tattoo means something to you, you should go for it! If he starts going on with his 'suit yourself' again, I'd just turn around and say, 'yeah I will thanks!'. I've a couple of tattoos, they're very feminine and delicate. I took my time planning each one carefully, and I wouldn't be without them. All of them mean something to me, and when I look down and see them (they're on my ankles) or catch sight of them in a mirror, they always make me feel happy. I think the days of tattoos only being for a certain 'dodgy' persona are long gone. They're very mainstream now. Just make sure it's somewhere you can cover it if needs be, as some employers have a dresscode which don't allow visible tattoos.

Amy33 · 18-07-2009 05:24PM

It's only a tattoo, he'll get over it, he doesn't own your body, you do.

Terodil · 19-07-2009 01:50PM

dudara wrote: »

OK, I'm of the personal opinion that saying "Suit yourself" is a cruel thing. It's dismissive and overbearing. It's as if the person saying it has decided that you're never going to understand their point of view and that you're not worth talking to anymore about it.

Your bf may not like the idea of you getting this tattoo, but he could accept it with grace - showing a bit of maturity.

Hold your horses there, overinterpreting/-judging much?

He's been asked for an opinion on a matter of taste. He's made a statement - of taste. It's not a matter of understanding, it's a matter of taste where you can exchange your views, maybe talk about it for a while -- but there's no way that you can 'understand' it per se. It's a matter of acceptance. He's made it clear that he's accepting her choice but not really in favour of it. Calling him immature for that is really a bit far-fetched.

The OP seems to want to hear a 'yes omg why haven't you got it done' from him which is a bit much. The OP should go have it if she really wants to, but I don't understand why she's making such a big deal of it to her bf.

SarahSassy · 19-07-2009 01:53PM

The bottom line is she wants a tattoo, she want his 'approval', he doesnt like tattoo's but he is letting her get on with it if she wants to. He is being a great bf here. He is telling her the truth as he sees it and is then letting her make up her own mind.

Dont know what benefit the OP is looking from asking for others opinions.

Boston · 19-07-2009 10:09PM

Sounds like the OP is baggering her boyfriend for approval despite him repeatedly saying he doesn't. It's your body do what you want, but don't be shocked if you get it and his opinion hasn't changed.

Op "Look I got a fantastic tattoo".

Bf "I don't like it and I think it was a mistake for you to get it, I'm less attracted to you now then before, it might be best if you sleep on the couch".

Op "Cries".

I hope I've made my point.

LegacyUser · 20-07-2009 12:29PM

CDfm wrote: »

+1 I agree with you usually people got them when they were drunk or to appear hard. I dont like them either.

I know s**t loads of people with tatoos,young and old and myself included and I have yet to meet a person who got their tatoo when they were drunk or to appear hard!! Fair enough if you don't like them but don't make such ridiculous stereotypes!

OP I have 2 tatoos which I love, I have had one of them for 12 years and the other for about 3. I have never regretted them and I haven't met many people who do regret theirs. Seriously if you really want one then get it, you shouldn't need your OH's permission

Katgurl · 20-07-2009 01:08PM

OP, i went through something kinda similar myself.

I wanted a tattoo, it meant something to me, I was looking forward to getting it and spent ages deciding on what / where etc. My then-OH declared his lack of appreciation, i was disappointed but continued with my design etc. The difference between my situation & yours is that it blew up into big row, he was aghast that i was going ahead with my plans despite him viewing tattoos as "for chavs". I said i knew how he felt but it was something that i wanted to symbolize a certain age of my life & it was too big an ask to expect me not to get it.

If it was a haircut or a dress that you were half-contemplating & he said he hated that look I wouldn't be averse to leaving it but a tattoo is a different thing altogether. Its your body, its a permanent fixture, it means something to you, its a commitment.

Get the tattoo. Its for you. His opinion is his problem.

Hrududu · 20-07-2009 01:09PM

Your boyfriend doesn't like tattoos. But he is saying that this is your choice and he wouldn't tell you what to do. What exactly is the problem here? You're hardly going to get him to change his opinion.

tbh · 20-07-2009 01:12PM

it's your body, it's your choice. Get it done if you want it. I'm sure he'll come around, and if he doesn't, do you want to be with someone who'll dump you over a tattoo?

Tattoos are a personal choice. I have two, in places you'd never see them unless I wanted you to. If you like them, get them. If you end up marrying your boyfriend, I'm afraid you'll have much bigger issues to sort out than this, so don't sweat the small stuff.

J Peterman · 20-07-2009 01:16PM

OP, could the fact that you want his support so badly indicate that you're not 100% gone on the idea yourself?

Boston · 20-07-2009 02:17PM

Katgurl wrote: »

I wanted a tattoo, it meant something to me, I was looking forward to getting it and spent ages deciding on what / where etc. My then-OH declared his lack of appreciation, i was disappointed but continued with my design etc. The difference between my situation & yours is that it blew up into big row, he was aghast that i was going ahead with my plans despite him viewing tattoos as "for chavs". I said i knew how he felt but it was something that i wanted to symbolize a certain age of my life & it was too big an ask to expect me not to get it.

If it was a haircut or a dress that you were half-contemplating & he said he hated that look I wouldn't be averse to leaving it but a tattoo is a different thing altogether. Its your body, its a permanent fixture, it means something to you, its a commitment.

Get the tattoo. Its for you. His opinion is his problem.

Well thats a great attitude. We any luck the OP will follow you advice and likewise end up single.

xcarriex · 20-07-2009 04:17PM

TBH op i think you need to leave him out of this, at the end of they day this stays on ur body forever, if your as sure as you think you are then nobodies opinion matters, i got one, my best friend cringed when she seen it, it just was not her thing at all, and i got REAL offended, and she was like look your still you, your happy and thats what matters, she was right i didnt need her validation she thinks its 'cool' and 'brave' but she was right i didnt need someone to tell me it was nice,

5 yrs on it was the best thing i EVER done

kmick · 20-07-2009 04:33PM

I hate them as well. Dont get it at all. If my OH told me she was getting a tattoo she might as well be telling me to hand in my notice. Dont be fooled by the no stigma thing it may be art to some but only if you watch sky news.

Katgurl · 20-07-2009 05:01PM

Boston wrote: »

Well thats a great attitude. We any luck the OP will follow you advice and likewise end up single.

omg, are you my ex? And why do you think i'm single just because i binned that particular speciman.

I'm saying its too much of an ask to not get a tattoo due to a boyfriend's preference as they are a big deal & extremely personal.

If you read my post, you'd see that I said i might reconsider a haircut / outfit so i'm hardly inflexible.

But tattoo - no way! His support would be nice to have but definitely not essential.

benj · 20-07-2009 05:05PM

control freak :eek: why should you ask him in the first place? it's your body....NOT his...Do it ...

Katgurl · 20-07-2009 05:10PM

Also, word of warning OP LOTS of people don't like tattoos (also confirmed by this thread) so be aware of that when you're getting yours.

If you're the type of person who is going to be offended by this then maybe its not for you. Unless your boyfriend is asking you NOT to, then his support shouldn't really be that important to you.

I just accept that they're not everyone's thing & get on with it.

fartmaster · 20-07-2009 05:12PM

tatoos look horrible on women IMO (and oin most men too) if you are artistic then go paint something, why deface your own body and rick your relationship?

Katgurl · 20-07-2009 05:19PM

fartmaster wrote: »

tatoos look horrible on women IMO (and oin most men too) if you are artistic then go paint something, why deface your own body and rick your relationship?

i seriously cannot believe some of the replies on this thread, are we living in the 1920's?

The OP didn't ask "what is everyone's opinion on tattoos?"

The OP wants this tattoo. She is a person in her own right with her own body. She wants to get something that will last her forever. Unless i've missed something there is no guarantee her boyfriend will be there forever.

It is her right to get a tattoo despite her boyfriend's preferences. Likewise it is his right to not like the tattoo but seriously risking the relationship??? Do you think she should be worried about him dumping her??? For what - disobeying his wishes??? The OP suggested nothign of the sort but if he was that sort of Class A wanker she would be well rid.

Raskolnikov · 20-07-2009 05:29PM

What kind of tattoo is it? If it's small and can be hidden, then he shouldn't have a problem. If it's obvious and always displayable, I can understand why he might not like the idea.

Boyfriend doesn't want me to get tattoo

Comments