Men who haven't had kids yet - do you want them someday?

cjbh · 18-07-2009 01:02PM #1

I know I'm going to sound like a black-hearted ogre when I say this, but I can't stand kids. I'm 26 and pretty sure I will never have them. I have nieces and nephews anyway so there is no pressure on me from my parents.

I can never really understand why people, especially men, have kids. They are noisy and messy and time-consuming; they interfere with your sleep, your sex life, your freedom, your money...

Just, ugh...

Like Cameron Diaz said recently, the world is in no danger of going extinct.

I often suspect a lot of men only have kids because they are forced into it by their wives, or else the kids are mistakes.

Any thoughts? I'm just being honest btw, no offence intended. It is a beautiful thing to see parents who genuinely love their children, I am just wondering how often this is really the case, and whether it really makes up for all the sacrifices they have to make, or whether people just convince themselves that it does

G_R · 18-07-2009 01:04PM

i'd like ta have kids someday.........but not for a long long long time

ive got a whole lotta livin ta do in the mean time:pac:

The Big Red Button · 18-07-2009 01:05PM

Why just men, as a matter of interest?

DarkJager · 18-07-2009 01:05PM

Nope, I don't want them at all.

PCPhoto · 18-07-2009 01:06PM

turned 30 this year..... would like to have a couple of rugrats running around within the next couple of years .

helimachoptor · 18-07-2009 01:07PM

27 and no interest in them at the moment. I other stuff I want to do. I know the GF wants them in th next couple of years so chances are i'll be single soon enough so I wont have anyone to have them with!

BlackandGold · 18-07-2009 01:07PM

My bf doesn't want kids. He's 29. I do [some day]. Yes they are messy, time consuming etc etc but why would anyone choose to have kids then if there weren't some good points? I think it'd be amazing [for a woman anyway!] to have the feeling of a baby growing inside you - a real little person for you to bring up!

Acacia · 18-07-2009 01:07PM

cjbh wrote: »

I know I'm going to sound like a black-hearted ogre when I say this, but I can't stand kids. I'm 26 and pretty sure I will never have them. I have nieces and nephews anyway so there is no pressure on me from my parents.

I can never really understand why people, especially women, have kids. They are noisy and messy and time-consuming; they interfere with your sleep, your sex life, your freedom, your money...

Just, ugh...

Like Cameron Diaz said recently, the world is in no danger of going extinct.

I often suspect a lot of women only have kids because they are forced into it by their husbands, or else the kids are mistakes.

Any thoughts? I'm just being honest btw, no offence intended. It is a beautiful thing to see parents who genuinely love their children, I am just wondering how often this is really the case, and whether it really makes up for all the sacrifices they have to make, or whether people just convince themselves that it does

FYP.

Nolanger · 18-07-2009 01:09PM

Why would anyone have kids now in this sh*t country when there's no jobs and this recession will affect us for the next decade. And they're cutting the child benefit!

18-07-2009 01:11PM

BlackandGold wrote: »

My bf doesn't want kids. He's 29. I do [some day]. Yes they are messy, time consuming etc etc but why would anyone choose to have kids then if there weren't some good points? I think it'd be amazing [for a woman anyway!] to have the feeling of a baby growing inside you - a real little person for you to bring up!

If it's such an amazing feeling then why are pregnant women so narky?

Orla K · 18-07-2009 01:11PM

cjbh wrote: »

I know I'm going to sound like a black-hearted ogre when I say this, but I can't stand kids. I'm 26 and pretty sure I will never have them. I have nieces and nephews anyway so there is no pressure on me from my parents.

I can never really understand why people, especially men, have kids. They are noisy and messy and time-consuming; they interfere with your sleep, your sex life, your freedom, your money...

Just, ugh...

Like Cameron Diaz said recently, the world is in no danger of going extinct.

I often suspect a lot of men only have kids because they are forced into it by their wives, or else the kids are mistakes.

Any thoughts? I'm just being honest btw, no offence intended. It is a beautiful thing to see parents who genuinely love their children, I am just wondering how often this is really the case, and whether it really makes up for all the sacrifices they have to make, or whether people just convince themselves that it does

Why especially men? All the guys I know like children but me and another female friend get freaked out by the thought of them.

18-07-2009 01:12PM

Nolanger wrote: »

Why would anyone have kids now in this sh*t country when there's no jobs and this recession will affect us for the next decade. And they're cutting the child benefit!

To beg for you?

BlackandGold · 18-07-2009 01:13PM

Rojomcdojo wrote: »

If it's such an amazing feeling then why are pregnant women so narky?

Well obviously it's got it's good points and it's bad points! Plus with all the hormones etc floating around it ain't an easy ride. Nobody said it was!

18-07-2009 01:21PM

I can't see myself ever having kids, their screaming and bawling drives me crazy. That's not to say I won't ever change my mind but at the moment it seems unlikely.

Nolanger · 18-07-2009 01:22PM

Bet none of the newspapers would be complaining about a 69-year man having a kid and then dying a few years later?

TheInquisitor · 18-07-2009 01:24PM

I definitely want kids somewhere between 3 and 5.

Genes continuing FTW

ShooterSF · 18-07-2009 01:26PM

What's worse is when people claim to know better than you. Usually 'cause their life was ruined by a kid and need to believe they didn't have a choice, kids are just a stage in your life that you have to do and I should suffer it too. I should say people who seem genuinely happy with kids never do this.
"You'll change when you have one"
Eh I won't have one in the first place.
"What if your parents felt like that?"
I wouldn't be here. Have you a point?

cjbh · 18-07-2009 01:30PM

chatterpillar wrote: »

Why just men, as a matter of interest?

Fair point. The reason I asked men specifically is because men do not have the same hormones as women. I imagine these female hormones play a large part in the biological urge that some women have to have children.

The fact that men don't have this biological urge, and yet still often go on to have kids, makes it all the more curious to me.

Dilynnio · 18-07-2009 01:37PM

For all the guys that said they wud not have kids, would they donate their sperm to a couple who cant or want to have kids? They could still have a kid but not be part of their life.

Just making it interesting!

bronte · 18-07-2009 01:43PM

cjbh wrote: »

Fair point. The reason I asked men specifically is because men do not have the same hormones as women. I imagine these female hormones play a large part in the biological urge that some women have to have children.

The fact that men don't have this biological urge, and yet still often go on to have kids, makes it all the more curious to me.

I'm a woman and I've never wanted any.
I would say I have an equal amount of male friends ( mid to late 20s) who want them or don't want them.
I would actually go as far as to say men can get dreadfully broody at this age.
Have a feeling it's a bit of a myth that only women seem to go a bit funny towards their 30s.

cjbh · 18-07-2009 01:43PM

Dilynnio wrote: »

For all the guys that said they wud not have kids, would they donate their sperm to a couple who cant or want to have kids? They could still have a kid but not be part of their life.

Just making it interesting!

I have seriously considered this. The only downside was that you have to make a 6 month weekly commitment to donating sperm to the clinic. It's not just a once off thing.

I think all men are evolutionary programmed to want to 'spread their seed' and so extend their lineage. It's the actual raising of the kid that gets me. I just don't know how people put up with it.

You could accuse me of being 'selfish', but it's not like we have to have children.

Abi · 18-07-2009 01:44PM

cjbh wrote: »

men do not have the same hormones as women.

And lawdy knows how much we jus love poppin dem sprogs.

orourkeda · 18-07-2009 01:44PM

TheInquisitor wrote: »

I definitely want kids somewhere between 3 and 5.

Genes continuing FTW

thats 4 kids then

Dave! · 18-07-2009 01:45PM

Yeah I definitely want kids, lots of them. I'd like at least 3, preferably 4.

I've always wanted a big family, like my own (I have 3 siblings). It'll probably be hell at times, but in the end it'll be worth it.

Just gotta find a woman to take my seed!

orourkeda · 18-07-2009 01:46PM

I suppose theres little point considering becoming a parent if youre not totally committed. I imagine its not the easiest job in the world at the best of times but if you were in any way half hearted then its troubke for everyone

Wazdakka · 18-07-2009 01:49PM

Course I want kids..

Then I can force them to play instruments, learn circus tricks and make me millions.

It's my early retirement plan.

cianl1 · 18-07-2009 01:50PM

I'm in college and a long way off kids, at least for now. I do definitely want kids though. First of all to fulfill my biological mission in life i.e. to preserve and continue the species but also to continue the family name and all that. I suppose though, it's the little moments that make it worth while though; I've got two nieces and when they both were newborns I held them. They grabbed my finger with their tiny hands and that was the deciding moment. That was when I knew.

Dilynnio · 18-07-2009 01:51PM

cjbh wrote: »

I have seriously considered this. The only downside was that you have to make a 6 month weekly commitment to donating sperm to the clinic. It's not just a once off thing.

I think all men are evolutionary programmed to want to 'spread their seed' and so extend their lineage. It's the actual raising of the kid that gets me. I just don't know how people put up with it.

You could accuse me of being 'selfish', but it's not like we have to have children.

So if you did donate sperm, would you be quite happy knowing that u may have a kid or two out there and not be involved in its life? would you not be constantly wondering about it?

sam34 · 18-07-2009 01:51PM

well, im one of those seemingly rare women who know they dont want to have children. Ever.

for a variety of reasons, it's not something i'm interested in.

i'm the youngest in a large family and have watched all my siblings have kids, i've seen how their lives have completely changed, and not necessarily for the better.

the never-ending, lifelong stress and responsibility of it is very off-putting for me.

i get very fed up of people commenting on it.... my own mother has told me she thinks it's "unnatural", and smug parents comment about how i'll change my mind in a few years - "give it time, sure we all said that at one stage".

this really infuriates me. firstly, i'm nearly 30 years old, old enough to be able to make a logical and well-thought-out decision. secondly, it's not a whim, it's something i've always felt. thirdly, just because they wanted children, doesn't mean i'm going to want them too.

i'm certainly not going to have kids just because it's the "done thing".

why people just cant respect that decision, the way they respected other major decisions i've made, is beyond me.

but anyway, i'll continue to sow my wild oats and pray for a crop failure

bronte · 18-07-2009 01:58PM

sam34 wrote: »

well, im one of those seemingly rare women who know they dont want to have children. Ever.

for a variety of reasons, it's not something i'm interested in.

i'm the youngest in a large family and have watched all my siblings have kids, i've seen how their lives have completely changed, and not necessarily for the better.

the never-ending, lifelong stress and responsibility of it is very off-putting for me.

i get very fed up of people commenting on it.... my own mother has told me she thinks it's "unnatural", and smug parents comment about how i'll change my mind in a few years - "give it time, sure we all said that at one stage".

this really infuriates me. firstly, i'm nearly 30 years old, old enough to be able to make a logical and well-thought-out decision. secondly, it's not a whim, it's something i've always felt. thirdly, just because they wanted children, doesn't mean i'm going to want them too.

i'm certainly not going to have kids just because it's the "done thing".

why people just cant respect that decision, the way they respected other major decisions i've made, is beyond me.

but anyway, i'll continue to sow my wild oats and pray for a crop failure

I've been called unimaginable things because I don't want any.
My mother thinks I'm selfish.
How can you be selfish towards something that doesn't even exist?
Would it not be far more selfish to have children if you didn't REALLY want them?
Misery loves company

Don't get why people are so uncomfortable with folks remaining childless.
The mind boggles!

diverdriver · 18-07-2009 01:59PM

I had no interest in kids either. I never thought I'd have them anyway in any case as I had no real interest in getting married either. But along came this nice woman and marriage seemed to make sense. Then my wife wanted kids and it seemed the natural thing to do. As a result I now have two with the youngest sitting on my knee right now trying to get at the keyboard. Frankly it's just a natural progression.

There are times when I think it was all a mistake. But I love the little scamps and won't give them back now. You do feel differently about your own. They are hard work and it's tough going at times but you simply adapt to the situation and get on with it.

My main wish is that I'd done it all sooner and they were now grown up and gone!

But I have to go now and feed the little monster.

Men who haven't had kids yet - do you want them someday?

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