your worst dates/sex/relationships etc..... Ladies & Lads!

lol...cant remember the name of the book exactly but if it were up to me, i would rename it "He's Just Not that Good at It..and Probably Never Will Be at this Stage".


..that was a bit mean. oh well :rolleyes:

ibanez777vbk wrote: »

was going out with a girl few years ago and she tried to stick a giant dildo up my arse.she was told to get right out of town

A friend of mine was with a girl that did that when they were having sex except she used her middle finger just before he was about to "arrive" as it were. He was anally rententive for three days after!

MJOR wrote: »

A friend of mine was with a girl that did that when they were having sex except she used her middle finger just before he was about to "arrive" as it were. He was anally rententive for three days after!

Cheeky finger /= Giant Dildo. By any stretch, Cheeky finger can be fun, Giant dildo, not so much.*shudder*

Ok first post in a non sports thread but had a bit of a mad week. Anyway story goes like this (brief explanation so apologies for the lack of punctuation)

Headed down to the a Govt office to get something done, sat down inside there among the queue. A Crazy lady (presumably different to cazy lady above) comes in towing bags and stinking of booze. 30 odd people in there and she makes a beeline for me. Stands in front and says at the top of her voice

“You’re GORGEOUS, you can be my foster son” even at this early stage i must admit i wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

Laughing away to herself she looks at the (quite pretty) girl beside and says “Is that your boyfriend?, ye make a lovely couple, you can be my foster son and you (to her) can be my foster daughter. I’m going to make a movie with Sophie Loren and Carry Grant and you can be in it, i’ll put ye in a love scene”.

At this stage the whole of the bloody office is in knots laughing at us, staff, randoms, the whole lot. The guy to my right was doubled over in tears by the time she finished ***15*** minutes later!! Just basically nattering on about how we’d make a lovely couple and asking what i thought of her hair and her clothes. Yer one to my left was scarlet. Every time i tried to get a word in crazy lady just cackled about something else. All this time i’m praying for the bloody ticker to hurry the hell up and get me out of there.

Anyway eventually security haul yer one off when she starts showing us her legs, i start chatting to yer one beside me. Turns out she works in the offices just down the street, get a taxi back together, she texts me asking if i wanted to go to the horseshow in the RDS. She couriers over tickets. I meet her there after work , she basically dumps the work crew and we hit the town bout 7pm.Pubs and a meal.

Bout 10pm Chatting away and getting on really well then i start saying something about an operation I had on my leg. She goes "oh yeah my boyfriend had that done two weeks ago".....and she proceeds to whip out a photo of said boyf on the hospital bed with a cast from his arse to his ankle. She ended up geting a taxi home. To be honest i just can't stop laughing about it. Had to go on the date really, it was just too good a story to leave go....until today when she emailed me in work...probably gona email back though i get the feeling i'm either dicing with death or a threesome.

anyway, decent thread!!

i was meeting a guy for drinks that id met the week before in a random nightclub. so i get there first and i get a drink for myself, he arrives pretty soon thereafter. we chat for about 20min + ive finished my drink at this stage (he hasnt bought himself a drink). i ask him does he want to stay for a 2nd drink, he tells me he has no money. Im like ok, ill give him a chance, i buy him a drink. after the 2nd drink, he suggests we go back to his house for "cans". i decline his polite offer + head home. He txts me a few days later telling me hes gonna come over to my apt with a bottle of wine, demanding my address. i decline again + then he tells me to **** off + that he was gay anyway.
what a weirdo!