Love

hopeful_girl · 09-06-2009 2:56pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Plus the course of true love never ran smooth and it's not or very rarely an unmessy fairytale. Among the best couples I know most have split up. Some for a long time(8 years in one case). Indeed if I was to judge my personal experiences and draw up a "strategy" for finding true consistent love I would actually include splitting up for at least 6 months and even going off with others as part of it. I'd also throw in some major life stress as a sweetener. In a few cases even a spot of cheating too. Not exactly cinderella is it? But that's what I have observed over the guts of 2 decades and the many many relationships I've seen.

If you believe the fairytale you will be disappointed. I guarantee it.

thats a very interesting point.

ould you forgive someone after cheating.

like in your heart, no more resentment or anger.

Wibbs · 09-06-2009 7:42pm

Yes. If she knew why it happened and didn't try to justify it by just blaming me and I realised my part to play in it and we both decided what we had was worth fighting for together? Yes I would. In my heart too. Resentment and anger comes before forgiveness and I would own that part of it too, but forgiveness require leaving that behind.

Nevyn · 09-06-2009 7:54pm

hopeful_girl wrote: »

thats a very interesting point.

ould you forgive someone after cheating.

like in your heart, no more resentment or anger.

Yes as long as the reasons why were known and dealt with, esp if it was only physically/sexually cheating rather then a betrayal of emotionally intimacy.

minik · 09-06-2009 7:57pm

People have different interpretations of love, I think Eckhart Tolle eplaiined it really well in A New Earth. Sort of defined between actual love and infatuation:)

Wibbs · 09-06-2009 8:29pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

esp if it was only physically/sexually cheating rather then a betrayal of emotionally intimacy.

Very much so. I would much prefer if a GF had a quick roll in the hay rather than long hours sharing feelings and long emotional contact with another guy.

flibbertyjibbet · 09-06-2009 10:37pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Very much so. I would much prefer if a GF had a quick roll in the hay rather than long hours sharing feelings and long emotional contact with another guy.

I'm female and have two male friends who i can literally tell everything to. We have spent long hours "sharing feelings" and talking about extremely personal and emotional things.

One of these guys has a girlfriend who I get on great with and who has never expressed a problem with it. There's never been any question of "cheating." If he was female no one would even comment. The other guy is currently single but if he did enter a relationship I don't see why we should have to "cut back" on our friendship. If a female friend entered into a new relationship, I can't imagine her saying that we couldn't talk about how we feel anymore as that would be emotionally betraying her boyfriend.

As I see it, true friendships don't come along every day. When does friendship become "emotional cheating"? What exactly is emotional cheating? Where do you draw the boundary with this sort of thing?

Wibbs · 09-06-2009 11:33pm

flibbertyjibbet wrote: »

When does friendship become "emotional cheating"? What exactly is emotional cheating? Where do you draw the boundary with this sort of thing?

Pretty much by if there was ever something sexual between them in the past. I've also got really close women mates, but I have boundaries with them(and they with me), as far as a GF(or their BF) would be concerned. They're mates and gender neutral.

Actually as you say it's a hard one to define. Maybe the best yardstick would be for me anyway; if I felt anyway guilty about connecting emotionally with my woman friend that if my partner found out would cause trouble and I would keep it from my GF because of that. It's the intent and subterfuge involved. That would be emotional cheating for me.

Trust me I've translated emotional attachment with a woman into a sexual attachment, more times than I haven't, even when they told me they loved the BF. Not proud of it now TBH, but there it is. Then again maybe that's me being either cynical or me projecting. Personally? I would have an issue with a GF of mine having too much emotional connection with a straight male mate. Probably because of my previous experience as the straight male mate.

shellyboo · 10-06-2009 9:56am

flibbertyjibbet wrote: »

As I see it, true friendships don't come along every day. When does friendship become "emotional cheating"? What exactly is emotional cheating? Where do you draw the boundary with this sort of thing?

I'd be the same as you in that I have very close male friends. I don't curtail my friendship when I'm with someone; but it does take on a different nature. No more random late-night drives, no more one-on-one nights out on the piss, no more staying over at their place, no more cinema dates...

This is purely out of respect to my bf, because if he was doing the same thing with a girl I'd go mental.

I think if the friendship is pre-existing, then it's not emotional cheating to continue that friendship. But when you strike up a new one, and the focus is on lamenting your relationship woes with some other bloke who may or may not fancy you... that's dangerous territory.

Dragan · 10-06-2009 10:12am

Wibbs wrote: »

I would have an issue with a GF of mine having too much emotional connection with a straight male mate. Probably because of my previous experience as the straight male mate.

In all honesty, this is not something that would bother me in the slightest. Nearly every girl i have ever been involved with has had a very close friend, or a an exboyfriend they were still close with.

It's not even something that registers with me.

Now this is a hard one to phrase but why the worry about a partner talking or having long emotional conversations with another male? I am willing to bet because a healthy dose of your relationships with women stem from exactly those types of conversations?

I have found people tend to get most "nervous" about a relationship when they see things that tend to mirror how that relationship started. There can also be the whole "i should be the one they talk to about things" argument.

Personally, my world view is limited, my emotional experience is limited....i'm only 28. I am always more than happy to listen and offer advice but at times i must consider that the advice given by other people will top mine.

Wibbs · 10-06-2009 11:08am

There's a lot of what you say I would completely agree with. Especially on the projection part. Though looking back few enough of my own relationships would have started that way, but yes I would agree for the most part.

Also the "he/she should be talking to me" part would have many twitching. If I'm honest, on more than one occasion I liked the fact a GF had a male mate she was spilling to. Saved me listening to it TBH. In those cases the women were very high drama types though and I wasn't really that pushed anyway. If I though a partner was confiding beyond a certain level I would be concerned. Not out of jealousy, but more out of a sense of "is there something wrong with the relationship that I may be missing" kinda thing.

As a straight male mate of a woman I would actually be about the best and least likely to be an issue for any partner. Indeed more than once I've saved their relationships and many times the guy didn't even know about it. Often simply by just being there to give the male side of things, that she may have missed or misread. Most importantly from a safe male perspective as I would be looking out for her.

If the women are my actual friends that is. However if I was interested in them romantically I would be about the worst to have around if I was of the mind to be.

I dunno, I think this question of how much is too much, is rather like defining love itself. We can all have definitions, but like love we know it when we see/feel it and we instinctively know when its right or not.

You're the easy going type and open to debate(esp within yourself which is the biggy IMHO), but I would strongly suspect if a GF was to step over that line you would note it for what it was.

togster · 10-06-2009 2:25pm

Good thread. I'm a little bit confused about love and in love myself these days. I believe that everyone has love within themselves. When you love someone else, i believe you are seeing your own love reflected back to you. Some people reflect it better than others.

Having been in love for the last year, and recently broken up i have learned alot about myself and the fragility of the connection between two people who are in the love relationship. Mine was a fiercely intense relationship. It burned so strongly but eventually it ended. The intensity was exhausting. Like Wibbs said, you learn from it!

I think alot of it has to do with the indiviuals perceptions of what binds you together. If it's based on doing things together, or building something together, or if it's actually something out of this world. I think there are many different forms of love. Some are more fleeting than others. In particular the intense "thunder bolt" affairs. Others last longer because they are based on something more concrete.

I believe in true love. True love is understanding, however, i don't think that we have one true love.

kowloon · 10-06-2009 3:33pm

Salome wrote: »

Why are you so worried about statistics? Aren't you better off just enjoying your life and your relationships? Are you always going to assume that your relationship(s) will fail because you've seen other relationships break down? You're obviously not that hopeful.

Many an optimistic gambler has run against those odds and run up crippling debts.

Black Swan · 10-06-2009 3:35pm

I sometimes confuse love with lust... but time will tell.

Wibbs · 11-06-2009 12:17am

Or as Francis Bacon said, "it is impossible to love and be wise". I reckon people split for the most part when the in love drops off and the wisdom kicks in. It is a kind of madness.:)

Shoot me down in flames if you will, but I do think the ladies are more prone to that. The fairytales always stop at the altar, The mad part of love is what is generally applauded and written and talked about. The reality of the long term love is underrepresented in the popular mindset. Yes we may see the end result of that, but the mechanism is hidden. You see it with marriage. Many women I've known wanted to get married, rather than be married. Many end up disappointed because of that.

I also think more women are confused by love and lust. Maybe it's a societal thing, that a woman's sexuality is still sadly considered something shameful, so they dress that up as a "love" thing to bypass that.

They dress up the lust in more romantic terms than men anyway. You'll never or very rarely hear a a man use terms like "spark/the one/etc". They're a little more likely to see it for what it is, lust or infatuation.

Awaits the flames....:o:D

winking weber · 11-06-2009 9:56am

I have to completely disagree with you Wibbs. In my experience its the men who seem to fall hard and confuse love with infatuation. But Francis Bacons' quote is a good one, and I agree with that.

And personally I want to be married. And by that I mean I want a partner in every sense of the word (wedding optional).

Wibbs · 11-06-2009 11:53am

*Warning long read coming*:o:D

I think men fall hardest when younger and inexperienced and yes they do confuse love with infatuation, but I do think they have more of a disconnect between lust and love than women. My take is that they don't confuse lust with love as much as women. That in women the heightened feelings of pure lust are often confused with something more solid.

EG many more women than men talk about, experience and believe in love at first sight and fate in romantic scenarios. Movies/books and TV that's aimed at women plug into that. Now realistically and objectively, while love at first sight can and does happen and some good relationships can come out of that, most of the time it's a self fulfilling prophecy. When it isn't it can be dismissed as a mistake, but it's believed completely true until the cracks show. It's more about projection of an ideal, the guy ticking off enough of the boxes to make it feel like "fate" and the boxes he doesn't tick are ignored, the imagination makes up the rest. Then because of the feeling of fate etc is running strong the onus on keeping it going, even in the face of clear evidence that it's a bad un, often runs strong enough to keep it going beyond it's sell by date.

As for the dismissal after the fact, I also think women(again in general) have a better love reset mechanism than men. They have a shorter emotional memory than many guys. You can have a woman truly in love with a guy and it goes south and less than a few months later(in extreme cases) she'll meet another guy, reset the love switch and be truly in love with him and he's the best ever etc. I've known some women that do that for 5 or 6 relationships. Kinda like Daz ads. I mean they haven't gotten clothes to be any whiter than white since the mid 70's but we all reckon the new one is even whiter.:D I would say that in my experience and in general, a year after a major love goes south, you will find more men still pining for the ex, than women. You will find more men not dating after that time, more men that drag more baggage into the next. The usual perception is that women carry more baggage, I would say IMHO that men are worse. They're quieter about it though.

"Women's intuition" is another one which always interested me. I see it similar to the love at first sight idea. Yes I do believe women are far better at judging the emotions of others than men in general. It can easily be argued there's a biological component to that too. In general women have higher emotional and social intelligence than men. I personally think men could learn a lot from thinking more like a woman emotionally, or stepping into those shoes to get a better angle on life. They can learn it too. All good, but I do think all too often many womens reliance on intuition is all too easily bypassed when it comes to love. Indeed I have found that the women who claim the highest intuition are usually the ones who have made the worst choices in men, or claim intuition after the fact. "I knew he was a bad un" kinda thing. The same bad un they stayed with for years. Which doesn't really compute.

IME I would know very few experienced men at say 30, that will confuse lust with love, but I know a lot of experienced women at 30 and beyond that do, would and have.

I do think men have generally more of a disconnect between the emotional feeling and the physical. I don't mean women are not capable of just gettin the lust on. Not at all, they're more than capable(more than men IMHO), but again the feeling drives it. Even in a randomer one nighter thing. In that case it's the good feelings the guy elicits in her. That can be danger or any number of emotional feelings but that heightened emotion that drives it more than say a man who tends to be all surface in that case(great tits, I'm drunk, let's rock).

Like that old experiment that found women were more attracted to a guy they shared a scary rollercoaster ride with than a guy they didn't. Same guy, but the heightened emotions were anchored to them and arguably confused with an actual connection. The men showed less change in attraction by comparison.

Again I realise it's a generalisation and of course individuals differ, but I would say it's one that holds some water.

redfacedbear · 11-06-2009 3:39pm

hopeful_girl wrote: »

i cant seem to get over the fact that 70% of people in sweeden divorce.

my best mates half sweedish. he says their culture not to far different from ours like

Their culture may be similar - but divorce might be one significant difference. Ireland has only had divorce for around fifteen years now and without the option of a 'clean break' divorce. The consequences of getting married in Ireland both in terms of it's cultural importance and the impact on your life if it fails is probably far higher in Ireland than Sweden.

I know a few Finnish people (and indeed Americans) who've had 'starter marriages' - the first adult loves who married in their early twenties but have ended before they hit thirty - with clean break divorce and no children nor property issues to sort out you can walk away relatively intact.

I would venture that this sort of marriage by-and-large doesn't happen in Ireland as the consequences are larger here.

I suspect that this skews our divorce rates down (or the others up, if you want to look at it like that).

Wibbs · 11-06-2009 5:20pm

I reckon that a lot of people could handle being married to different people a few times at different stages in life and not just starter marriages. Early 20's, late 20's/early 30's then 50's on. Obviously kids would have to be looked after and the financial stuff divided equally, but I reckon that would work for many.

Snowie · 11-06-2009 6:57pm

Wibbs wrote: »

*Warning long read coming*:o:D

I think men fall hardest when younger and inexperienced and yes they do confuse love with infatuation, but I do think they have more of a disconnect between lust and love than women. My take is that they don't confuse lust with love as much as women. That in women the heightened feelings of pure lust are often confused with something more solid.

It's very true what you say there. I know from my own personal experience's in the past that Ive been Infatuated with women, lust them even been in love with the idea of being in love with a girl who was about as good for me a heroin.... But to be fair I was in a pretty bad way at that stage mentally so in some ways I guess I had felt as tho this girl could make me happy, if she wasn't happy id do what ever it tuck to make her that way....(mad)

I would agree yeah guys do fall about 30 story's higher then women do I know I have. (genralisation/Possibly sexist comment coming up I mean no offence) Women have always been the more emotional of the sex's, they can and will let there emotions/feeling's show, where as guys where not supposed to. We are supposed to walk a very macho image and usually are feeling's/emotions get bottled up, and because from the set go some of us may not, know or understand for that matter how to deal with these emotion's we kinda walk round in circles going why do i feel like this whats missing in my life and why above all else am I down over a woman, while she rubing it in my face with some, other lucky guy...

we continue to loose are self confidence over it because in some way we allow it to be in the fore front of our mind all day long or maybe we can't talk about it with are friends for trust reason's or maybe it might sound a little wimpish to them. Where in some way concerned about how where seen, I know my self that some of what I'm saying is true as I've been there. but the interesting thing is...

These day's, I would like to have a gf tho I don't want one like my bro or my mate's ones that could be almost seen as being mini hitler's in some respects like if your going out and doing the things that my mates and us do.. There so whopped and obedient there like dogs:D..

love to me is i dunno not experienced it yet, its a word thats easily said ... Or in some case's and easy way to get dumped

.......

This · 11-06-2009 7:51pm

love is holding my hand when im really angry at you.
love is subway in bed.
love is a 3 hour walk on the beach. then sex in the dunes.
love is throwing me in the sea fully clothed.
love is making dinner and sitting on the deck and just drinking for the whole day.
love is not needing to talk all the time.
love is driving 3 hours to see me.
love is rubbing savlon cream into your nasty cut.
love is foot massage in the pub.
love is not wanting to love me, but you cant help it.
love is not leaving when im screaming at you to.
love is not telling me coz you dont wanna lose me.
love is breakfast and then a steak out on a saturday morning.
love is just wanting to sleep beside me.
love is watching you sleep.
love is not caring that you have seen me naked and from every angle.
love is knowing when i move 3000 miles away you are gonna follow me. or come with me.
love is telling me you want to marry me.
love is baths in a hotel.
love is sitting in a sauna and just being quiet.
love is being proud of me.
love is letting me sit in a group of guys and not be jealous, because you know its you im going home with.
love is being able to watch you go out for many ciggarettes with a sexy girl, and knowing your prob talk about me.
love is the song closer by the kings of leon.
love is the song revelate by the frames.

love is nothing. but everything.

MadgeBadge · 12-06-2009 12:04pm

Wibbs wrote: »

*Warning long read coming*
As for the dismissal after the fact, I also think women(again in general) have a better love reset mechanism than men. They have a shorter emotional memory than many guys. You can have a woman truly in love with a guy and it goes south and less than a few months later(in extreme cases) she'll meet another guy, reset the love switch and be truly in love with him and he's the best ever etc. I've known some women that do that for 5 or 6 relationships. Kinda like Daz ads. I mean they haven't gotten clothes to be any whiter than white since the mid 70's but we all reckon the new one is even whiter.:D I would say that in my experience and in general, a year after a major love goes south, you will find more men still pining for the ex, than women. You will find more men not dating after that time, more men that drag more baggage into the next. The usual perception is that women carry more baggage, I would say IMHO that men are worse. They're quieter about it though.

'All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!'

I'm with Anne Elliot (or Jane Austen) on this one.

Amy33 · 12-06-2009 2:52pm

I'm 32 and have never been in love, people find that really strange, but I can honestly say I have never felt that strongly about anyone.

Wibbs · 12-06-2009 3:24pm

People vary a lot re love. Only been in love twice myself and I'm ten years older than you. I know others who have been in love 4 or 5 times or more by 30 and I know one guy who wasn't until he was 45.

Skapoot · 27-06-2009 1:56pm

Wibbs I'm very interested in your views and you've made great contributions to this post

Just wondering about what you said about women confusing sexual attraction as "the spark of finding the one" and ending the relationship once that attraction has gone.

In your opinion. Do you think that once the spark has gone for the woman that she should stay in the relationship? Or do you feel there would be no love there in the first place if it began on physical attraction, and thus it should end accordingly!?

Also, when a woman meets a man and the spark occurs, should she turn away from him and go for the man where, there is not necessarily a spark. But there is a lot of compatibility?

It's just that from your posts I'm getting the idea that men go for compatibility over sexual attraction. And even when the sexual attraction goes AWOL they would cheat, or relieve themselves otherwise rather than end the good relationship they have. whereas women dont. Is this what you are saying?

Basically if you or anyone out there had a choice. Would you choose compatibility over lust alone?

melissa4gar · 28-06-2009 2:26pm

i was what i hought toally in love and moved in with my first proper bf. was with him from 16 to 21. realised i wasnt as hapy as i tought. sat him down and explained that i did love him but it wasnt that magical movie love. the love my ma and da always told me to look out for. we are still best friends and he understood. 5 years later and i am in a magical perfect relationship with my true love... mushy i know but i took the risk of ending up alone to see if there was a perfect man for me. there is. and as for ex he has told me he is happier than he has ever been. not that he didnt love me but its a different kind of love. we grew toghter and got closer and the love blossemed. now wit my current it was love from day1. attraction, understanding, sex, love, caring just 100 percent. amazing. so hopeful girl there are many kinds of love and sadly not everyone will experience it but remember thee are different types of love and i dont think people settle they do love the oh but just not the magic. i personally couldnt have stayed where i knew the magic and sparkle wasnt and the risk paid off big time......... so worth the wait and the lonly nights to finally have the one.

melissa4gar · 28-06-2009 2:39pm

This wrote: »

love is holding my hand when im really angry at you.
love is subway in bed.
love is a 3 hour walk on the beach. then sex in the dunes.
love is throwing me in the sea fully clothed.
love is making dinner and sitting on the deck and just drinking for the whole day.
love is not needing to talk all the time.
love is driving 3 hours to see me.
love is rubbing savlon cream into your nasty cut.
love is foot massage in the pub.
love is not wanting to love me, but you cant help it.
love is not leaving when im screaming at you to.
love is not telling me coz you dont wanna lose me.
love is breakfast and then a steak out on a saturday morning.
love is just wanting to sleep beside me.
love is watching you sleep.
love is not caring that you have seen me naked and from every angle.
love is knowing when i move 3000 miles away you are gonna follow me. or come with me.
love is telling me you want to marry me.
love is baths in a hotel.
love is sitting in a sauna and just being quiet.
love is being proud of me.
love is letting me sit in a group of guys and not be jealous, because you know its you im going home with.
love is being able to watch you go out for many ciggarettes with a sexy girl, and knowing your prob talk about me.
love is the song closer by the kings of leon.
love is the song revelate by the frames.

love is nothing. but everything.

perfect description. love is best friends, lovers, the only thing your hart craves for on good day bad day sad day etc.

Wibbs · 29-06-2009 8:13am

Skapoot wrote: »

Just wondering about what you said about women confusing sexual attraction as "the spark of finding the one" and ending the relationship once that attraction has gone.

OK major generalisations(and rambling) ahoy

I think women can sometimes confuse the two for a few reasons. Not least of which is how society regards women's sexual expression. A guy with an itch to scratch who goes out and pulls a randomer to satisfy that is lauded for the most part. A woman is not, so I think some feel they need to be "in love" to scratch their itch.

I'd reckon IMHO the biggest reason is that in general on a fundamental level men have more of a detachment between their genitals and their emotions and their "logic". There is less of an overlap. I'm not saying women can't have that or vary like men, but in general IME women are more emotionally driven sexually(and socially in general). Women IMHO have a richer sociosexual environment. So sometimes the sexual bit drives the emotions, more than compatibility. Because the emotions and sexuality is more overlapping, one can be confused for the other.

In your opinion. Do you think that once the spark has gone for the woman that she should stay in the relationship? Or do you feel there would be no love there in the first place if it began on physical attraction, and thus it should end accordingly!?

I do think a lot of women leave otherwise good relationships because what they see as the spark has gone. I think many don't realise that this spark for the vast majority doesn't last forever or stay at that fever pitch of the early days. They're expecting fireworks forever or that they'll never look at another man again. The day they do look at another man they assume that means the current relationship is over. The fairytale notion of living happily ever after in a state of romantic bliss kinda thing. It doesn't work like that though. A fair few studies have shown the biochemical signature of being "in love" lasts no longer than 3-4 years. To the degree that some researchers think that humans have a mating cycle that lasts for that length of time. Now clearly people stay together for longer than that. In those cases they naturally go from one state of in love to the longer bonding stage. Or they feel that's their lot and they stay regardless.

Also, when a woman meets a man and the spark occurs, should she turn away from him and go for the man where, there is not necessarily a spark. But there is a lot of compatibility?

I would say it depends on her record of men in her past. If she's regularly ended up in toxic relationships, then I would say that's down to her inner choices and the higher the "spark" she feels, the more likely he's going to be more toxic. I would even go so far as to say if anyone is going for spark over compatibility then maybe they should examine themselves and ask why compatibility is not part of the spark in the first place.

It's just that from your posts I'm getting the idea that men go for compatibility over sexual attraction. And even when the sexual attraction goes AWOL they would cheat, or relieve themselves otherwise rather than end the good relationship they have. whereas women dont. Is this what you are saying?

Actually in a very general way, that has been my experience. Men tend to like the status quo of a long termer. IMHO Many more women end long termers than men. Usually within those fairly regular timeframes too. I'd put a few bob on the notion if you went to the PI/RI forum here(or the posters in the LL) and looked at the stats on breakups in longtermers, you would see a strong tendency for more women to break up with guys, between 2-4 years into the relationship because they just don't feel it anymore and the guys never see it coming. It's a fairly regular one. If you see a thread that starts "she's broken up with me", then I'm surprised if it's not 3 years or so in. The ones that are longer I've noted there are usually kids involved, or she has effectively left the relationship, but is sticking around because she does love the guy and tries to work at it. Then she gets tired of that and leaves, or meets some other bloke that fires up the spark again.

Basically if you or anyone out there had a choice. Would you choose compatibility over lust alone?

Both is the ideal, but the realisation that each can ebb and flow over time is the best approach I think anyway. Lust alone is pointless as it will fade. Then what are you left with? Goes for men and women.

barbiegirl · 29-06-2009 11:07am

My parents taught me about love. It's holding hands when they thought no-one was watching. It's about being there in good times and bad. It's about putting the other one first. It's about always doing your best for the other. It doesn't need to be openly demonstrative or loud, just there. A quiet assurance that no matter what else happens you are there for one another. We lost our dad last week and I can tell you that the love he had for my mum and all of us has given us the best of role models for how to love and live our lives.

Novella · 29-06-2009 11:57am

I don't believe in being in love at all. I think that because no one can actually properly say what it is, it doesn't really exist. It's a nice idea but for me, a fake one. A bit like Santa, great when you think it's real and all but a big let down when you find out it was just pretend!

But I'm a very negative person haha.

pikachucheeks · 29-06-2009 1:50pm

I've been thinking about this for the past few hours, it's been driving me crazy, trying to summerise how I feel!

To answer your question ; Yes, I do believe in love. And I think love exists in many different forms, on many different levels. I've experienced love, but not being in love.

I've often felt that my love life is the one area in my life where I fail miserably! Regardless of the guy's age, what he does, what he's passionate about ... it just doesn't work. For years, I've seen friends make up and break up with boyfriends ... and I've just been single.

I decided when I was in my early teens that I'd never "settle", as you put it -I'd never date someone because they were "alright" or "nice enough" - they'd have to be special. Seemingly, no one's been special enough.

Call me fussy, but I just don't see the point of getting into a relationship unless it's going to be good. So maybe, that's the problem - because I've been burned in the past, I'm terrified to let go, to give in and just take a chance. Maybe I haven't been in love, because I have a wall around my heart.

There are days and times when I do feel alone ; It's almost comical, how tragic my lovelife has been, but I'd never give up on love, or the idea that it exists. I live in hope that someone out there can win me over and redeem all the mistakes of my past! :pac:
I can't imagine how sad it must be, to not believe in love, or be a person who thinks they're not worthy of love - because everyone is.

I think that there's someone out there for everyone, if you're willing to open your heart, so there's no reason for anyone to be miserable, or to feel so lonely they have to "settle" for someone they're not entirely happy with.

Love might not be as sugar-coated and parfait as the movies make out, but I'd imagine, in reality, it's still an amazing feeling and experience.

Nowadays, I'm not bitter about my past or annoyed I haven't been in love because I realise how lucky I am in other areas of my life - I have friends and family who know me, understand me and love me unconditionally. I have love and respect for myself - That's already a lot of love!

Love

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