Things you were told- and you knew straight away it was bull

useful_contacts · 20-06-2009 10:19PM #1

A workmate of my partner came back from Amsterdam recently. He told the boys he went to a load of strip clubs and then went to see a hooker.

This guy is pretty cute but he knows it and is so into himself its pretty disgusting.

Anyway on his return from Amsterdam he met the boys in work and told them of the hooker he was with (he has no shame most men i know would be embarasssed they saw a hooker) Anyway he said after he was With her she said "Your amazing, i should be paying you instead of the other way around" and then went to her boss who said "he didnt have to pay cos he took good care of his girl"

My partner was still laughing when he came home and told me, and then i started laughing my head off. I mean its a total lie, no one is THAT GOOD and even if they were a pimps not gonna let them be with a hooker for free

So what are Things you were told- and you knew straight away it was bull?

themadchef · 20-06-2009 10:29PM

"Honestly hun it was just a few pints with the lads and an early night"

Trinity · 20-06-2009 10:29PM

I love you

Rented Mule · 20-06-2009 10:31PM

Ireland has the highest percentage of millionaires per capita in the world.

Mrmoe · 20-06-2009 10:31PM

wow thats the biggest one I have ever seen.

admiralofthefleet · 20-06-2009 10:31PM

dont worry im on the jack & jill

galwayrush · 20-06-2009 10:33PM

Bull****, ahh, cast your mind back to the run up to the last general election, now that was bull.

dresden8 · 20-06-2009 10:36PM

"International factors"

LiNgWiStIkZ · 20-06-2009 10:36PM

"I eh.. must have leaned on the remote and switched it on while I was asleep..."

Shacklebolt · 20-06-2009 10:36PM

Brian Cowen is a competent politician.

Karoma · 20-06-2009 10:37PM

Some dumb, fugly rear end of a donkey once claimed she put her picture on hotornot.com and was rated at 6.8 - she was clearly a 1.0

spylon · 20-06-2009 10:41PM

I was chased by these three scumbags on my way home at about 3am one night. They had just caught up with me when I got to a takeaway, the security guard at the door saw what was happening, let me slip in, and blocked the scumbags. While I was waiting for a taxi to arrive, they tried to coax me out saying stuff like "Come on man, seriously, we just wanna talk to ya for a minute..."

ScumLord · 20-06-2009 10:44PM

"It had four legs, horns and went moo but it only had one nipple."

FunnyFarm · 20-06-2009 10:48PM

This will be fun, honestly!

ScumLord · 20-06-2009 10:54PM

useful_contacts wrote: »

Anyway he said after he was With her she said "Your amazing, i should be paying you instead of the other way around" and then went to her boss who said "he didnt have to pay cos he took good care of his girl"

And that's what they always say anyway.. not that I'd know I'm just assuming.

brummytom · 20-06-2009 11:02PM

They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and you know, it lights up at night, and it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and it's claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps and it's got magnets on it's tail so's if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses.

useful_contacts · 20-06-2009 11:18PM

brummytom wrote: »

They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and you know, it lights up at night, and it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and it's claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps and it's got magnets on it's tail so's if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses.

father ted am i right???:D no idea what ya were on about until the last line:)

Red Hand · 20-06-2009 11:25PM

One of my housemates before used to come out with sorts of strange made-up stuff. This one time, he was apparantly working as waiter in a hotel and was taking some room service food up to some people in the "penthouse". The hot woman that answered the door was wearing a bathrobe and nothing else (this was because it was loosely tied according to him). She then invited him in for a threesome with the husband (which he declined).

Considering I'd spent a whole month listening to other extravagant Munchhausen stuff (street fights using his TKD etc) ...so I had to stick this in the same category.

brummytom · 20-06-2009 11:28PM

useful_contacts wrote: »

father ted am i right???:D no idea what ya were on about until the last line:)

Right you are

120_Minutes · 20-06-2009 11:37PM

Microsoft own Apple. I gave the guy a chance to get out of it by saying "so, bill gates its steve jobs boss?" to which he replied: "yes"

:rolleyes:

Carsinian Thau · 20-06-2009 11:48PM

It's not you, it's me.

cock robin · 21-06-2009 12:01AM

I do (as in wedding vow)

Carsinian Thau · 21-06-2009 12:05AM

"You won't even know I'm there."

and the classic,

"It was like that when I got here."

Carsinian Thau · 21-06-2009 12:06AM

And the most obvious one of all:

"It's your round."

Saibh · 21-06-2009 12:06AM

It's in the post...

kwestfan08 · 21-06-2009 12:36AM

"Topics in AH are discussed in a sensible and unbiased manner" :rolleyes:

yerayeah · 21-06-2009 01:18AM

Pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth...

Tea_Bag · 21-06-2009 04:24AM

Trinity wrote: »

I love you

ouch... feeling it all the way here, burning through my screen...

x in the city · 21-06-2009 04:27AM

90% of Irish Males jack off looking at pics of mary harney

soups05 · 21-06-2009 05:26AM

"i'm pregant and its yours" and i had'nt even slept with her ffs

"of course your my first"

or one i told myself....

"no those jeans DONT make your bum look big"

maybe i should not have added "its the chips your stuff down your gob that make it look big"

The Sweeper · 21-06-2009 06:00AM

"Just tell me, I promise I won't be annoyed."

Things you were told- and you knew straight away it was bull

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