Things you were told- and you knew straight away it was bull

useful_contacts

A workmate of my partner came back from Amsterdam recently. He told the boys he went to a load of strip clubs and then went to see a hooker.

This guy is pretty cute but he knows it and is so into himself its pretty disgusting.

Anyway on his return from Amsterdam he met the boys in work and told them of the hooker he was with (he has no shame most men i know would be embarasssed they saw a hooker) Anyway he said after he was With her she said "Your amazing, i should be paying you instead of the other way around" and then went to her boss who said "he didnt have to pay cos he took good care of his girl"

My partner was still laughing when he came home and told me, and then i started laughing my head off. I mean its a total lie, no one is THAT GOOD and even if they were a pimps not gonna let them be with a hooker for free

So what are Things you were told- and you knew straight away it was bull?

themadchef

"Honestly hun it was just a few pints with the lads and an early night"

Trinity

I love you

Rented Mule

Ireland has the highest percentage of millionaires per capita in the world.

Mrmoe

wow thats the biggest one I have ever seen.

admiralofthefleet

dont worry im on the jack & jill

galwayrush

Bull****, ahh, cast your mind back to the run up to the last general election, now that was bull.

dresden8

"International factors"

LiNgWiStIkZ

"I eh.. must have leaned on the remote and switched it on while I was asleep..."

Shacklebolt

Brian Cowen is a competent politician.

Karoma

Some dumb, fugly rear end of a donkey once claimed she put her picture on hotornot.com and was rated at 6.8 - she was clearly a 1.0

spylon

I was chased by these three scumbags on my way home at about 3am one night. They had just caught up with me when I got to a takeaway, the security guard at the door saw what was happening, let me slip in, and blocked the scumbags. While I was waiting for a taxi to arrive, they tried to coax me out saying stuff like "Come on man, seriously, we just wanna talk to ya for a minute..."

ScumLord

"It had four legs, horns and went moo but it only had one nipple."

FunnyFarm

This will be fun, honestly!

ScumLord

useful_contacts wrote: »

Anyway he said after he was With her she said "Your amazing, i should be paying you instead of the other way around" and then went to her boss who said "he didnt have to pay cos he took good care of his girl"

And that's what they always say anyway.. not that I'd know I'm just assuming.

brummytom

They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and you know, it lights up at night, and it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and it's claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps and it's got magnets on it's tail so's if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses.

useful_contacts

brummytom wrote: »

They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and you know, it lights up at night, and it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and it's claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps and it's got magnets on it's tail so's if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses.

father ted am i right???:D no idea what ya were on about until the last line:)

Red Hand

One of my housemates before used to come out with sorts of strange made-up stuff. This one time, he was apparantly working as waiter in a hotel and was taking some room service food up to some people in the "penthouse". The hot woman that answered the door was wearing a bathrobe and nothing else (this was because it was loosely tied according to him). She then invited him in for a threesome with the husband (which he declined).

Considering I'd spent a whole month listening to other extravagant Munchhausen stuff (street fights using his TKD etc) ...so I had to stick this in the same category.

brummytom

useful_contacts wrote: »

father ted am i right???:D no idea what ya were on about until the last line:)

Right you are

120_Minutes

Microsoft own Apple. I gave the guy a chance to get out of it by saying "so, bill gates its steve jobs boss?" to which he replied: "yes"

:rolleyes:

Carsinian Thau

It's not you, it's me.

cock robin

I do (as in wedding vow)

Carsinian Thau

"You won't even know I'm there."

and the classic,

"It was like that when I got here."

Carsinian Thau

And the most obvious one of all:


"It's your round."

Saibh

It's in the post...

kwestfan08

"Topics in AH are discussed in a sensible and unbiased manner" :rolleyes:

yerayeah

Pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth...

Tea_Bag

Trinity wrote: »

I love you

ouch... feeling it all the way here, burning through my screen...

x in the city

90% of Irish Males jack off looking at pics of mary harney

soups05

"i'm pregant and its yours" and i had'nt even slept with her ffs


"of course your my first"


or one i told myself....

"no those jeans DONT make your bum look big"

maybe i should not have added "its the chips your stuff down your gob that make it look big"

The Sweeper

"Just tell me, I promise I won't be annoyed."

Sammy Jennings

A security guard I worked alongside approached me daily to inform me of his head-bashing exploits of the night before, i.e., "I was standing outside the club waiting for my girlfriend"-another lie-"and these eight guys started on me..." Later, he regaled me with war stories - more specifically, that just after leaving school he was employed by the British army as part of an elite combat unit in Serbia, where he regularly laid waste to militiamen with a samurai sword. As if. The overgrown baby.

spylon

I once worked the nightshift in a warehouse for the duration of a summer, to earn some clams for college. There was never anything to do, so I invariably spent a lot of time chatting to my colleague, an outsized, unattractive manchild who was always bragging about his fictitious conquests and exploits. On the grounds that he knew someone who knew someone else who was "in the 'ra", he maintained that he "could make one phone call, and have anyone in Ireland or Britain killed tomorrow, no problem." Twit.

Abi

spylon wrote: »

I once worked the nightshift in a warehouse for the duration of a summer, to earn some clams for college. There was never anything to do, so I invariably spent a lot of time chatting to my colleague, an outsized, unattractive manchild who was always bragging about his fictitious conquests and exploits. On the grounds that he knew someone who knew someone else who was "in the 'ra", he maintained that he "could make one phone call, and have anyone in Ireland or Britain killed tomorrow, no problem." Twit.

What a very sad individual. It sounds like you listened to a lot of this shit though. Without hesitation I would have told him to shut the fuck up and stop talking out of his anus.

latenia

spylon wrote: »

I once worked the nightshift in a warehouse for the duration of a summer, to earn some clams for college. There was never anything to do, so I invariably spent a lot of time chatting to my colleague, an outsized, unattractive manchild who was always bragging about his fictitious conquests and exploits. On the grounds that he knew someone who knew someone else who was "in the 'ra", he maintained that he "could make one phone call, and have anyone in Ireland or Britain killed tomorrow, no problem." Twit.

The amount of morons I've met who are either 'in the 'Ra', 'know the 'Ra' or will 'get the 'Ra after you'...

[-0-]

A mate of mine told me that his dad used to work in a bank in the states in the 80s, and that someone robbed the bank with nothing more than a hand full of pepper.

Total arse.

Terry

I know a guy who went to an E wedding in the early 90's.
Everyone was on E, including the priest.

True story.

galwayrush

Terry wrote: »

I know a guy who went to an E wedding in the early 90's.
Everyone was on E, including the priest.

True story.

At least it wasn't an E and Viagra nude wedding party , that could have been
kinda hard to work out.

Samba

My psycho ex once told me

"I'm pregnant"

carchaeologist

Terry wrote: »

I know a guy who went to an E wedding in the early 90's.
Everyone was on E, including the priest.

True story.

Jeebus...a buzzing priest...

Id like to see that wedding vid..

and the state of people the next day!

Lol:p

Abi

Samba wrote: »

My psycho ex once told me

"I'm pregnant"

You're well rid. Not something that should be lied about, ever.

Trinity

Tea_Bag wrote: »

ouch... feeling it all the way here, burning through my screen...

I'm not bitter i swear

Dusty87

latenia wrote: »

The amount of morons I've met who are either 'in the 'Ra', 'know the 'Ra' or will 'get the 'Ra after you'...

People who are in the 'RA', will never even mention about gettin the 'RA' after anyone. What a load of balls this lad was talking. What an ass.

Blaalarry

Terry wrote: »

I know a guy who went to an E wedding in the early 90's.
Everyone was on E, including the priest.

True story.

I swam UP Niagra falls..

AnonoBoy

"No one's ever going to love you like I do"

**** you you two-timing bitch.

jape

I don't understand people who bs constantly, it just makes you not believe a word they say even if it happens to be true.

RHunce

the world is round. pffffft!

bleg

john hayes

Michellenman

That there's a camel in the shed. That was grandad's favourite to use on us.

Snowie

spylon wrote: »

I once worked the nightshift in a warehouse for the duration of a summer, to earn some clams for college. There was never anything to do, so I invariably spent a lot of time chatting to my colleague, an outsized, unattractive manchild who was always bragging about his fictitious conquests and exploits. On the grounds that he knew someone who knew someone else who was "in the 'ra", he maintained that he "could make one phone call, and have anyone in Ireland or Britain killed tomorrow, no problem." Twit.

You poor person....

I know a dude who claims his cousin drives a ferrari F40 He used to have a kawaskai ninja, but his mum made him sell it, yet he never had a bike licence before hand claims that mammy and daddy are buying him a house..... I could go on... tho I usually, call his porky pie in front aof a bout 5 people and goes quite, also claims he kissed a guy yet when there wasa room full of women he denied the hole thing :pac: loves his storys...

Blaalarry

RHunce wrote: »

the world is round. pffffft!

:eek:NO BS!!