Things that "real" men do.

Armin_Tamzarian · 13-06-2009 09:45PM #1

Well first off, a real man knows how to shop.
He realises that grocery shopping is really a test of how much stuff he can carry at the one time.
Items can be wedged under arms, stuffed into pockets and draped about the shoulders or neck but under no circumstances may a basket be used.
Trolleys must also be avoided at all costs.
Being seen pushing a trolley is almost as shameful as carrying a basket.
Unless of course the trolley is solely filled with booze (excluding wine), fags and crisps.
In which case the trolley should be proudly paraded around the store like a trophy of sorts.

A real man also knows how to handle the purchasing of embarrassing items.
Items such as baking goods, beauty products, cleaning products and pretty much anything that the real man construes as being feminine.
As the suspect item is being paid for, the real man will give the shop assistant a knowing look, as he confides to them "they're for the missus", skillfully avoiding yet another potentially explosive situation.

phasers · 13-06-2009 09:46PM

My dad is so manly he gets a trolley if he has to buy more than one thing.

And buys tampons for the various female family members who are in need and then chats to shop assistants about his cramps...

Silverfish · 13-06-2009 09:46PM

Hurrah, I'm a real man!

Overheal · 13-06-2009 09:49PM

I grab my balls and spit chewing tobacco.

Its actually a really wrong image when you think about it.

Cianos · 13-06-2009 09:49PM

Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

rednik · 13-06-2009 09:50PM

Wears the trousers.
Parks the car quickly and easily.
Eyes the talent.
Doesn't listen.
Looks after the beer.

Pherekydes · 13-06-2009 09:51PM

Real men live with their children and not with their parents.

Overheal · 13-06-2009 09:52PM

Pherekydes wrote: »

Real men live with their children and not with their parents.

Real Men live in the pub and let the Woman raise the children in the kitchen where they belong.

aido179 · 13-06-2009 09:56PM

real men...oh how the hell do i know?

My name is URL · 13-06-2009 09:57PM

Real men don't eat quiche

TheZohanS · 13-06-2009 09:58PM

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Well first off, a real man knows how to shop.
He realises that grocery shopping is really a test of how much stuff he can carry at the one time.
Items can be wedged under arms, stuffed into pockets and draped about the shoulders or neck but under no circumstances may a basket be used.
Trolleys must also be avoided at all costs.
Being seen pushing a trolley is almost as shameful as carrying a basket.
Unless of course the trolley is solely filled with booze (excluding wine), fags and crisps.
In which case the trolley should be proudly paraded around the store like a trophy of sorts.

A real man also knows how to handle the purchasing of embarrassing items.
Items such as baking goods, beauty products, cleaning products and pretty much anything that the real man construes as being feminine.
As the suspect item is being paid for, the real man will give the shop assistant a knowing look, as he confides to them "they're for the missus", skillfully avoiding yet another potentially explosive situation.

Real men couldn't give a sh!t.

FearDark · 13-06-2009 09:59PM

Real men can eat rocks and cement and sh1t concrete blocks.

phasers · 13-06-2009 10:00PM

FearDark wrote: »

Real men can eat rocks and cement and **** concrete blocks.

Wow, being a real man must be a pain in the arse

Saibh · 13-06-2009 10:01PM

FearDark wrote: »

Real men can eat rocks and cement and sh1t concrete blocks.

Probably tastes better than quiche...

trout · 13-06-2009 10:05PM

I quite like quiche.

phasers · 13-06-2009 10:06PM

trout wrote: »

I quite like quiche.

OH JAYSUS WE'VE GOT A QUARE ONE HERE LADS

4zn76tysfajdxp · 13-06-2009 10:08PM

phasers wrote: »

My dad is so manly he gets a trolley if he has to buy more than one thing.

And buys tampons for the various female family members who are in need and then chats to shop assistants about his cramps...

Heh. A woman who's often confused for a man has a Dad who's often connfused for a woman.

Snowie · 13-06-2009 10:10PM

things that make me feel manly

*not reading the instructions to a new gadget
*hammering stuff
*servicing cars
*growing a beard
* changing light bulbs
*killing spider's for your lady friend..
*setting mouse traps
*shooting rabit's
*sweating
*doing manual labour
*eating a steak blue
*having a tommy tank
*talking about tractors
*being competitive
*winning
*being the best
*having a penis like a red wood tree ( i can wish )

phasers · 13-06-2009 10:10PM

Kasen Straight Tablespoon wrote: »

Heh. A woman who's often confused for a man has a Dad who's often connfused for a woman.

With tits like his it's understandable

TheZohanS · 13-06-2009 10:15PM

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

things that make me feel manly

*not reading the instructions to a new gadget
*hammering stuff
*servicing cars
*growing a beard
*changing light bulbs
*killing spider's for your lady friend..
*setting mouse traps
*shooting rabit's
*sweating
*doing manual labour
*eating a steak blue
*having a tommy tank
*talking about tractors
*being competitive
*winning
*being the best
*having a penis like a red wood tree ( i can wish )

Not eating pasta
Reading the newspaper in the toilet
Not watching soaps
Not watching chick flicks
Beer gardens
Dismantling stuff to see how it works
Not using facial care products
Manflu

Horsefumbler · 13-06-2009 10:15PM

real mean don't post on this gay message board

netwhizkid · 13-06-2009 10:21PM

I told a rather noisey and swearative Cork supporter at the match today "if you don't shut your hole, you will be picking up your teeth with your broken fingers"..... It felt manly

Other things.....

Being able to change a wheel on a car (damsal in distress here I am!)
Being able to drive and park properly
Not showing emotion
Shooting all manner of beast (Crows, Rabbits etc.)
Shaving against the growth
Digging holes
Whistling at attractive women from rooftops
Talking sh1te at 3am on the phone to someone
Beating the opposition
Half killing the full back in GAA
Hating the English
Gettin the ride
Dissembling a Diesel Engine
Breaking the speed limit
Drinking Poitin

FX Meister · 13-06-2009 10:23PM

I **** on the bus

Ruu_Old · 13-06-2009 10:25PM

Real men don't wear pink shirts. Also not clever when you buy a "real men wear pink shirts" t-shirt to hide it. You've caught the gay, live with it!

Snowie · 13-06-2009 10:31PM

TheZohan wrote: »

Not eating pasta

Reading the newspaper in the toilet

Not watching soaps

Not watching chick flicks

Beer gardens

Dismantling stuff to see how it works

Not using facial care products

Manflu

I feel week I left them out

Saibh · 13-06-2009 10:34PM

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I feel week I left them out

Real men don't faint :pac:

midlandsmissus · 13-06-2009 10:42PM

I recommend you look up 'My new haircut'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M

All about real (most) men

bronte · 13-06-2009 10:44PM

FX Meister wrote: »

I **** on the bus

That's busses ruined for me

TheZohanS · 13-06-2009 10:46PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I recommend you look up 'My new haircut'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M

All about real (most) men

Real men don't do what women tell them.

FearDark · 13-06-2009 10:51PM

Real men poke dead animals with a stick.

nice1franko · 13-06-2009 10:54PM

FearDark wrote: »

Real men poke dead animals with a stick.

not they dont.. little boys do that.

real men poke the fire.

and give stern looks of disapproval ಠ_ಠ

Things that "real" men do.

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