Things that "real" men do.

Armin_Tamzarian · 13-06-2009 8:45pm #1

Well first off, a real man knows how to shop.
He realises that grocery shopping is really a test of how much stuff he can carry at the one time.
Items can be wedged under arms, stuffed into pockets and draped about the shoulders or neck but under no circumstances may a basket be used.
Trolleys must also be avoided at all costs.
Being seen pushing a trolley is almost as shameful as carrying a basket.
Unless of course the trolley is solely filled with booze (excluding wine), fags and crisps.
In which case the trolley should be proudly paraded around the store like a trophy of sorts.

A real man also knows how to handle the purchasing of embarrassing items.
Items such as baking goods, beauty products, cleaning products and pretty much anything that the real man construes as being feminine.
As the suspect item is being paid for, the real man will give the shop assistant a knowing look, as he confides to them "they're for the missus", skillfully avoiding yet another potentially explosive situation.

phasers · 13-06-2009 8:46pm

My dad is so manly he gets a trolley if he has to buy more than one thing.

And buys tampons for the various female family members who are in need and then chats to shop assistants about his cramps...

Silverfish · 13-06-2009 8:46pm

Hurrah, I'm a real man!

Overheal · 13-06-2009 8:49pm

I grab my balls and spit chewing tobacco.

Its actually a really wrong image when you think about it.

Cianos · 13-06-2009 8:49pm

Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

rednik · 13-06-2009 8:50pm

Wears the trousers.
Parks the car quickly and easily.
Eyes the talent.
Doesn't listen.
Looks after the beer.

Pherekydes · 13-06-2009 8:51pm

Real men live with their children and not with their parents.

Overheal · 13-06-2009 8:52pm

Pherekydes wrote: »

Real men live with their children and not with their parents.

Real Men live in the pub and let the Woman raise the children in the kitchen where they belong.

aido179 · 13-06-2009 8:56pm

real men...oh how the hell do i know?

My name is URL · 13-06-2009 8:57pm

Real men don't eat quiche

TheZohanS · 13-06-2009 8:58pm

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Well first off, a real man knows how to shop.
He realises that grocery shopping is really a test of how much stuff he can carry at the one time.
Items can be wedged under arms, stuffed into pockets and draped about the shoulders or neck but under no circumstances may a basket be used.
Trolleys must also be avoided at all costs.
Being seen pushing a trolley is almost as shameful as carrying a basket.
Unless of course the trolley is solely filled with booze (excluding wine), fags and crisps.
In which case the trolley should be proudly paraded around the store like a trophy of sorts.

A real man also knows how to handle the purchasing of embarrassing items.
Items such as baking goods, beauty products, cleaning products and pretty much anything that the real man construes as being feminine.
As the suspect item is being paid for, the real man will give the shop assistant a knowing look, as he confides to them "they're for the missus", skillfully avoiding yet another potentially explosive situation.

Real men couldn't give a sh!t.

FearDark · 13-06-2009 8:59pm

Real men can eat rocks and cement and sh1t concrete blocks.

phasers · 13-06-2009 9:00pm

FearDark wrote: »

Real men can eat rocks and cement and **** concrete blocks.

Wow, being a real man must be a pain in the arse

Saibh · 13-06-2009 9:01pm

FearDark wrote: »

Real men can eat rocks and cement and sh1t concrete blocks.

Probably tastes better than quiche...

trout · 13-06-2009 9:05pm

I quite like quiche.

phasers · 13-06-2009 9:06pm

trout wrote: »

I quite like quiche.

OH JAYSUS WE'VE GOT A QUARE ONE HERE LADS

4zn76tysfajdxp · 13-06-2009 9:08pm

phasers wrote: »

My dad is so manly he gets a trolley if he has to buy more than one thing.

And buys tampons for the various female family members who are in need and then chats to shop assistants about his cramps...

Heh. A woman who's often confused for a man has a Dad who's often connfused for a woman.

Snowie · 13-06-2009 9:10pm

things that make me feel manly

*not reading the instructions to a new gadget
*hammering stuff
*servicing cars
*growing a beard
* changing light bulbs
*killing spider's for your lady friend..
*setting mouse traps
*shooting rabit's
*sweating
*doing manual labour
*eating a steak blue
*having a tommy tank
*talking about tractors
*being competitive
*winning
*being the best
*having a penis like a red wood tree ( i can wish )

phasers · 13-06-2009 9:10pm

Kasen Straight Tablespoon wrote: »

Heh. A woman who's often confused for a man has a Dad who's often connfused for a woman.

With tits like his it's understandable

TheZohanS · 13-06-2009 9:15pm

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

things that make me feel manly

*not reading the instructions to a new gadget
*hammering stuff
*servicing cars
*growing a beard
*changing light bulbs
*killing spider's for your lady friend..
*setting mouse traps
*shooting rabit's
*sweating
*doing manual labour
*eating a steak blue
*having a tommy tank
*talking about tractors
*being competitive
*winning
*being the best
*having a penis like a red wood tree ( i can wish )

Not eating pasta
Reading the newspaper in the toilet
Not watching soaps
Not watching chick flicks
Beer gardens
Dismantling stuff to see how it works
Not using facial care products
Manflu

Horsefumbler · 13-06-2009 9:15pm

real mean don't post on this gay message board

netwhizkid · 13-06-2009 9:21pm

I told a rather noisey and swearative Cork supporter at the match today "if you don't shut your hole, you will be picking up your teeth with your broken fingers"..... It felt manly

Other things.....

Being able to change a wheel on a car (damsal in distress here I am!)
Being able to drive and park properly
Not showing emotion
Shooting all manner of beast (Crows, Rabbits etc.)
Shaving against the growth
Digging holes
Whistling at attractive women from rooftops
Talking sh1te at 3am on the phone to someone
Beating the opposition
Half killing the full back in GAA
Hating the English
Gettin the ride
Dissembling a Diesel Engine
Breaking the speed limit
Drinking Poitin

FX Meister · 13-06-2009 9:23pm

I **** on the bus

Ruu_Old · 13-06-2009 9:25pm

Real men don't wear pink shirts. Also not clever when you buy a "real men wear pink shirts" t-shirt to hide it. You've caught the gay, live with it!

Snowie · 13-06-2009 9:31pm

TheZohan wrote: »

Not eating pasta

Reading the newspaper in the toilet

Not watching soaps

Not watching chick flicks

Beer gardens

Dismantling stuff to see how it works

Not using facial care products

Manflu

I feel week I left them out

Saibh · 13-06-2009 9:34pm

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I feel week I left them out

Real men don't faint :pac:

midlandsmissus · 13-06-2009 9:42pm

I recommend you look up 'My new haircut'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M

All about real (most) men

bronte · 13-06-2009 9:44pm

FX Meister wrote: »

I **** on the bus

That's busses ruined for me

TheZohanS · 13-06-2009 9:46pm

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I recommend you look up 'My new haircut'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M

All about real (most) men

Real men don't do what women tell them.

FearDark · 13-06-2009 9:51pm

Real men poke dead animals with a stick.

nice1franko · 13-06-2009 9:54pm

FearDark wrote: »

Real men poke dead animals with a stick.

not they dont.. little boys do that.

real men poke the fire.

and give stern looks of disapproval ಠ_ಠ

Craigsy · 13-06-2009 9:58pm

Scratch you nuts and hope people see
Be in charge of a BBQ or anything fire related
Lift heavy things
Eat Steak (I was gonna say meat but you know what kinda jokes that would draw)
Give opinions on everything
Kick tyres to determine problems with cars

NEVER EVER EVER ask for directions

SmileyPaul · 13-06-2009 10:00pm

Overheal wrote: »

I grab my balls and spit chewing tobacco.

Its actually a really wrong image when you think about it.

I didn't know you were michael jackson :O and I didn't know michael jackson was from texas :P

irish_bob · 13-06-2009 10:13pm

go to cattle marts
fork hay in the fields all day long of a scorching hot day but dont use sun lotion ( whats sun tan lotion )
read the farmers journal ( ring up about a bull for sale on page 23)
wear a pair of blue jeans that are black with oil for a full week
pull a stalk of barley from a field and chew it
do a mix of cement
carry a half a hundred weight of cement on your shoulder up a ladder
ask the wife to wet the tae
drink tae and eat cornbeef sandwiches at the bottom of the field

yeah , i grew up down on the farm

Lia_lia · 13-06-2009 10:14pm

Craigsy wrote: »

Be in charge of a BBQ

And therefore claim they can cook. :pac:

K4t · 13-06-2009 10:30pm

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

a real man

doesn't get things checked.

I've had a lump on the back of my head the size of a small potatoe for the last month. Not sure how it got there either. Drunken night out or tumour. Savage!

netwhizkid · 13-06-2009 10:39pm

K4t wrote: »

doesn't get things checked.

I've had a lump on the back of my head the size of a small potatoe for the last month. Not sure how it got there either. Drunken night out or tumour. Savage!

Think of me in the will!

P.C. · 13-06-2009 10:51pm

netwhizkid wrote: »

Shooting all manner of beast (Crows, Rabbits etc.)

Would you not go hunting with a real gun and shoot a real buck, like a kudu.

pikachucheeks · 13-06-2009 10:52pm

Real men understand women.

Bloody Nipples · 13-06-2009 10:58pm

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Real men understand women.

HA! Hahahahaha!
*wipes tear from corner of eye*

netwhizkid · 13-06-2009 10:58pm

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Real men understand women.

Christ sake nobody understands them, weird creatures I tell you.

SoupyNorman · 13-06-2009 11:00pm

Real men leave the Poo mark on the toilet bowl.

AnonoBoy · 13-06-2009 11:03pm

Real Men are not imaginary males.

(too literal?)

netwhizkid · 13-06-2009 11:05pm

SoupyNorman wrote: »

Real men leave the Poo mark on the toilet bowl.

nah ha, Real men don't flush!

SoupyNorman · 13-06-2009 11:05pm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

(too literal?)

Nope, just terrible

Sean@boards.ie · 13-06-2009 11:06pm

I find driving a van makes one feel very manly.

SoupyNorman · 13-06-2009 11:09pm

Sean@boards.ie wrote: »

I find driving a van makes one feel very manly.

/fail

Snowie · 13-06-2009 11:13pm

Saibh wrote: »

Real men don't faint :pac:

we do if we have sciences

Tchaikovsky · 13-06-2009 11:17pm

They don't need wheels for their long-haul luggage.

13-06-2009 11:23pm

http://www.7tshirt.com/media/images/th_710a426810f4ef1fb57a7adbff6637439fcaaeac.jpg

Armin_Tamzarian · 13-06-2009 11:24pm

A real man would never know who Norris, Rita and Blanch are.

Things that "real" men do.

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