Love

Good question alright.

It really depends on the individuals and the couple involved IMHO. I would say speaking personally and from what I've seen, that long term deep love and affection, friendship and sexual attraction between couples is rarer than some may think. I think it's rarer than the movies etc make out too. Most movies like fairy tales stop at the bit where people walk off into the sunset to live happily ever after. That's when the real work starts. The mad rush of chemical, "in love" stuff is pretty easy to sustain TBH. High male/female compatibility is rarer.

I think a fair few do settle. Men and women, but more women in my experience. I've known women marry guys in their 30's that they wouldn't have looked at twice in their 20's and I don't just mean they mature either(though that can be the case). It's harder for women to be single as they age anyway so that can be a lot of it. Bachelor has a pretty cool ring to it, spinster defo doesn't.

If you look at divorce rates where divorce is "easy", then 50% is not that unusual(IIR sweden is up to 70%). OK that means the other 50% are staying together, but I know couples who are together and not healthy or content. So I would say even in that 50% there are a fair few if they had their time to live over would not be where they are today. I've had people, both men and women, tell me just that. Kinda sad to hear that one.

Now it does exist IMHO and I know couples like that who are amazingly good for each other, but I would say it's the minority, especially nowadays, especially in the very long term beyond 4/5 years. I think for previous generations it was easier in many ways. Less expectation, less temptation too and more social brakes on people wanting to trade in or up(bad thing too of course).

Of the really good couples I know I've noticed some broad similarities. Number 1 they're actually good friends. Best mate kinda thing. A biggy. That can even survive affairs. They give each other emotional space, but are rarely out of some form of daily contact when apart. They're not grass is greener types. They tend not to be emotionally impulsive. A helluva lot of them are first big loves(sometimes with a big gap where they split and then have a second run at it). I don't mean teenage type first loves. They're usually the first truly adult major loves in the mid 20's kinda thing. I can only think of one where they had a lot of partners before. Maybe the grass is greener syndrome is stronger in those? They're emotionally stable and are intellectually equal. There's usually one who is more of the driving seat though.

Now doubtless some will fire back with how they are a great and "perfect" couple(then again when you're in love you always think that:)), but if your relationship is under 3 odd years, I may respect your opinion and say fair play, but I personally would not use it as a yardstick. Get back to me after 10 years together and tell me then.

My 2 cents anyway. Again personally I would rather be single than settle for second best. I really would. I can think of nothing more soul destroying TBH.

There's also the kind of strong deep love that just happens to have a time limit. That can happen, where two people are really good together and for each other, just that it only lasts 2 years or 6. Then they grow apart, but it doesn't negate what they felt and how they affected each other lives in a healthy way while they were together. I would certainly say that of some of my exes anyway. I wouldn't want to be with them now, but I would not trade the time I was with them.

Dragan wrote: »

Personally love is a fire, something that warms you and inspires you from the center of your being, something that drives you to make a better life, to be a better person, to challenge yourself and your lover and to grow and experience things together.

And yes, i believe in it.:)

Spoken like a man currently in it.