Most Awesome T-Shirt Ever

phasers wrote: »

http://cgi.ebay.ie/liquid-blue-wolf-moon-t-shirt_W0QQitemZ230341074355QQcmdZViewItemQQimsxZ20090505?IMSfp=TL090505127001r600#ebayphotohosting


11 euro

GOGOGO

"Though I generally consider myself to be of above average masculinity, I proved to be unworthy of wearing this shirt. As many of you have noted, this shirt does have some special powers. However, the powers you have been enjoying (or lamenting) are not a result, but rather a side effect of the true purpose of the shirt. The shirt actually represents a challenge to the Wolf God. Under specific circumstances the shirt unleashes the challenge and calls a mighty thunderstorm driven forth from some vast transcendent reality incomprehensible to most mortals. Upon the greatest thunder cloud rides the Wolf God Fenrisúlfr, flanked by Sköll and Hati Hróðvitn (these are the three shown on the shirt).

As far as the specific set of circumstances that initiated this challenge, I must admit ignorance. I certainly was not doing anything that is out of the ordinary. I was perched atop my trailer enjoying a post-coital menthol cig when REO Speedwagon's Riding the Storm Out came on my Walkman. Predictably, the moon was full and I was wearing my brand new wolf shirt. Though all of my actions described hitherto are practically quotidian for men of my quality, I will say that something did seem slightly out of the ordinary. As I dismounted the metallic roof to my home, leaving my sister alone to ponder what exactly I meant by "benign rash", a great gust of wind nearly pulled me from my feet. Though such winds normally indicate the approach of yet another tornado, I was not afraid, I knew my wolf shirt protected me from such petty threats. I then heard a siren. At first I thought that it bellowed a warning of the approaching storm, but then I realized that it was actually the opening to a live version of Riding the Storm Out. The sound came from the nebulous mass of thunderclouds approaching with unnatural swiftness.

Seated atop these clouds were the three Wolf Gods whom I had accidentally summoned. Fenrisúlfr spoke to me in a voice that was half roar half echo and said that my challenge was accepted. All three howled in unison and I found myself joining in. I don't remember anything after that. I woke up and realized I was naked, alone and covered with the blood of infants. Now I spend my life wandering aimlessly, adrift in an incomprehensible sea of internal anguish and palpable existential angst. There is a hole in my heart that can not be filled with any amount of methamphetamine (believe me I have tried), and the mocking reality that is my desire for my lost shirt will haunt me till my dying day.

So I caution you friends, do not wear the shirt unless you intend to face Fenrisúlfr and can endure the torment, the walking death that is life without the shirt."