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A Club Owner Dies...

13»

Comments

  • #62
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    Great. So now you have unlicenced fire arms in your puke filled blood filled ball pit of doom. That sounds like a great night out altogether so it does. Why don't you just sell heroin in the toilets and all?

    Look Doc Bock, this is a fantasy land where I own a nightclub. I'm sure this delusion can cover me with being pardoned with your murder, so the matter of the gun being licenced or not isn't the issue.

    Also, everyone will be frisked like criminals when they enter. None of this "friendly, smiling bouncers" bullshit, my guys will make the Gestapo look like the Care Bears. They will wear executioner hoods and tight sleeveless vests to make their already-large and impressive biceps look even more frightning next to the pathetic sleeved leeks you call your arms.

    The joyous and carefree enviroment within the ball-pit itself will seem much more fun in contrast to the hellish and degrading entrance naggin-shakedown ritual. Plus people will be less willing to leave in a hurry safe in the knowledge that they will be molested again when they leave generating much repeating customers in our marshmallow filled-chocoa and cherry-cola bar.


  • #63
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    Strippers. Sawdust on the floor. Free peanuts. In their shells too. None of your oversalted to drink more covered in piss compromise peanuts.
    A jukebox with nothing but classic rock. Remember when pubs had those?
    The bare minimum legal requirement for it to be smoker friendly. A pool table. Dark lighting (I look better that way.) The occasional live band so long as they don't feck it up with arty nonsense, DJ equipment or make-up. BBQ every night. Anyone from a stag, ordering aftershock or giving out about the sawdust on the floor gets disappeared. A mysterious rifle mounted over the bar. Proper pint glasses. You know the tankards with the handles? Hand poured shots. Beach fronting. Led Zeppelin, whiskey, peanuts 4:20 friendly. Bouncers dressed as pirates. You'd never leave.


  • #64
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    Veda Vast Gauze wrote: »
    Look Doc Bock, this is a fantasy land where I own a nightclub. I'm sure this delusion can cover me with being pardoned with your murder, so the matter of the gun being licenced or not isn't the issue.

    Also, everyone will be frisked like criminals when they enter. None of this "friendly, smiling bouncers" bullshit, my guys will make the Gestapo look like the Care Bears. They will wear executioner hoods and tight sleeveless vests to make their already-large and impressive biceps look even more frightning next to the pathetic sleeved leeks you call your arms.

    The joyous and carefree enviroment within the ball-pit itself will seem much more fun in contrast to the hellish and degrading entrance naggin-shakedown ritual. Plus people will be less willing to leave in a hurry safe in the knowledge that they will be molested again when they leave generating much repeating customers in our marshmallow filled-chocoa and cherry-cola bar.

    The trouble with your nightclub dream is it's just a load of balls.


  • #65
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    The trouble with your nightclub dream is it's just a load of balls.

    Huh, I saw the trouble with yours two words in.


  • #66
    galwayrush
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,816 ✭✭✭✭galwayrush


    A Rodeo Bull, a must.;)


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  • #67
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    Veda Vast Gauze wrote: »
    Huh, I saw the trouble with yours two words in.

    Real men love strippers and sawdust.


  • #68
    The Pontiac
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,415 ✭✭✭The Pontiac


    Bada Bing


  • #69
    Caoimhín
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭Caoimhín


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    Real men love strippers and sawdust.

    Or even strippers with sawdust.


  • #70
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    Real men love strippers and sawdust.

    And everybody loves ball-pits! See, your idea is already far more polarising than mine.


  • #71
    SoWatchaWant
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭SoWatchaWant


    I'd keep it all the exact same except turn the music down so that it makes sleazing on young ones that much easier. It's annoying when they can't hear you, I think!


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  • #72
    TheDrog
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 515 ✭✭✭TheDrog


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    Strippers. Sawdust on the floor. Free peanuts. In their shells too. None of your oversalted to drink more covered in piss compromise peanuts.
    A jukebox with nothing but classic rock. Remember when pubs had those?
    The bare minimum legal requirement for it to be smoker friendly. A pool table. Dark lighting (I look better that way.) The occasional live band so long as they don't feck it up with arty nonsense, DJ equipment or make-up. BBQ every night. Anyone from a stag, ordering aftershock or giving out about the sawdust on the floor gets disappeared. A mysterious rifle mounted over the bar. Proper pint glasses. You know the tankards with the handles? Hand poured shots. Beach fronting. Led Zeppelin, whiskey, peanuts 4:20 friendly. Bouncers dressed as pirates. You'd never leave.

    Open it now!!!!!!!! I'm on my way


  • #73
    magenta73
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭magenta73


    I would call my niteclub "The Titty Twister" from the film "from dusk till dawn"

    and all the staff would be vampires!!!!


  • #74
    RoundyMooney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,910 ✭✭✭✭RoundyMooney


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    Real men love strippers and sawdust.

    Unfortunately Dr. B., that would make it a sausage fest, unless of course, that's your target demographic :)


  • #75
    RoundyMooney
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,910 ✭✭✭✭RoundyMooney


    magenta73 wrote: »
    I would call my niteclub "The Titty Twister" from the film "from dusk till dawn"


    Would there be pooooooooooooossssssseeeeeeeeee?


  • #76
    magenta73
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭magenta73


    dont ya know!!!!!!!!!


  • #77
    gwhiz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 191 ✭✭gwhiz


    galwayrush wrote: »
    Excellent.........LMFAO:D:D:D

    Btw, this weekend last year, i organised a Rush tribute weekend here, got 42 people from the UK, and 4 from Sweden who came over just from a post on an internet forum. Cracking weekend.


    Off topic I know but I went to see Rush live is Wembley Arena in.. I think 1987.... what a night !! :D WORLD CLASS ...... ;)


  • #78
    Jesus Juice
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,111 ✭✭✭Jesus Juice


    galwayrush wrote: »
    LOl, not sure if many more will though.:D
    I got it!




    Not that I like Rush or anything..>.>


  • #79
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    A mullet sensor at the entrance that sounds a shrill alarm.


  • #80
    tony 2 tone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,749 ✭✭✭tony 2 tone


    Captain Tony's Pint Shop and Steak House.
    Just an ordinary pub opened club hours, so the discerning punter can have have a few late night pints in peace. And a big feck off steak too.
    Nice comfey chairs, pool table down the back, stereo playing selection of tunes from Sinatra to the Pogues by way of Jimmy Cliff with the Pixies in tow. ie none of this new ****e.


  • #81
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    I would also have a club called "Hell On Earth"where the only song playing ever would be "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" by The Beatles on an endless repetitive loop.

    Free in for all ages, €2 pints, .50cent shots and no dress code with the only catch being forced to listen to an insufferable song over and over again.


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  • #82
    Ruu_Old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    80s night every night! No hens.


  • #83
    Sofiztikated
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,995 ✭✭✭Sofiztikated


    Ah, this I have thought about for manys a night.

    If we're talking about Pub/Nightclub

    My Pub would have a BBQ outside in the beer garden during the summer months, €10 steaks, good quarter pounders, proper chips (none of this frozen malarkey), hotdogs, buffalo wings. An extra €5 gets you access to a salad bar and 3 types of mash, plain creamy mash, garlic mash, cheesy mash.

    Just serve bottles out at the BBQ bar.

    Bar people would be mostly female. Young, attractive, flirty but GOOD BEHIND THE BAR. Uniform would be blue jeans, and a range of nice polo's in a variety of colours with the bar logo and name on the breast, and again on the back with their job title in large print on the back, such as Food Person, Drink Slinger, Door Monkey.

    No need for Door Monkeys on the bar, staff would have enough training and cop on to know who to serve and who to refuse.

    Door Monkeys on Club would be strict. Fair, but strict. Too much to drink? Jog on. On your own? Come on in. With a few mates, come on in. Tracksuits out to a club, keep on walking. 18-21 with no ID? Too bad, you know the law. 18-21 with ID? Come on in friend.

    Nice smoking area, with a bottle/spirit bar, but watched carefully by the bouncers to combat any messing.

    Monday.
    Just open pub hours, no nightclub, too little business to warrent it being open.

    Tuesday.
    Pub - Guitar Hero/Wii nights. Run a league to get people back time and time again. Then some rock type stuff after that on the CD.

    Club - Rock night, decent local bands.

    Wednesday
    Pub - Sports nights, whatever sports happen to be on. Its usually football on a Wednesday, isn't it? Anyway, other nights may be rejigged if there are sporting events on, NFL, boxing, hockey, darts, snooker, whatever.

    Club - Student night. Plenty of chart type stuff from the DJ, Laydees Free in, Lads 2 for 1 (to boost the amount actually coming in.)

    Thursday
    Pub - Quiz Night. Again, run a league. Prizes each night for 1st and 3rd, (second is really just the first loser. Try harder.)

    Club - Early weekend. Theme nights. Aim at the 24/25 market here, getting a headstart on the weekend.

    Friday
    Pub - Standard Pub night, chart type stuff and some classics on the CD.

    Club - Free in until 12. Good dance/charty cheesy stuff, something that appeals to the masses.

    Saturday
    Pub - Standard Pub night, chart type stuff and some classics on the CD.

    Club - Harder Dance, appeal to the music fiends. Name DJ's, plenty of promotion.

    Sunday
    Pub - Relax. Wind down, drink up. Chilled out music, plenty of free nibbles, hot nuts, cocktail sausages and the like.

    Club - Free in until 12. Good dance/charty cheesy stuff, something that appeals to the masses.

    I know theres nothing revolutionary there, but just a good quality club, make it a nice place that people will want to come to, and keep the underage and the scum out.


  • #84
    S.I.R
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,836 ✭✭✭S.I.R


    Will it be over 18s? 21s? 23s? 25s?? 18's

    What will the music policy be? Will it be the same 7 nights a week? Will there be 70s, 80s, 90s nights etc? 70, 80, 90, rock/metal played by live band

    Live music? All djs? Salsa nights?! bands only. differing genre for differing nights

    Now...remember, this night club is going to be your livelihood so even though you may love Heavy Metal, I think you know that a 7 nights a week heavy metal club is not going to be a goer. - fcuk that, if you dont like it - GTFO!!!!!!!!!!

    So decisions decisions....

    First off...Name your new club...and then tell me how you're going to run it.

    club name: Ze pac munkeh


    Club rules: no emos, no idiots, Strictly no scene idiots.

    Where what you like but be presentable with i.d, enjoy your drink... over do it theirs an alley out the back... you Really dont wanna end up their ;)

    Bouncers - nope, come in here unwanted ye get robbed ya dope !

    Ze pac man... comming soon


  • #85
    seanybiker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,898 ✭✭✭✭seanybiker


    a biker hangout. No backpatchers allowed. No posers. You must be missing at least two teeth to get in.
    Ah i couldnt be arsed thinking now.


  • #86
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    Club name

    Trait

    Music

    electronic / hip hop / old school /

    Monday night is
    Shooter's and hip hop

    bassicaly house shooters 1 euro for 1, 10 euro for 12..
    Hip hop dj....

    Tuesday would be

    Old school night/
    So boiler suits, glow sticks and all things that glow and ilumis ...
    pill test facilitys and lets get mashed...

    Wenseday
    Student night 2 for 1 on all drinks and 12 house shooters for 10 euro....
    Music anything and everything student djs only playing
    student half price

    Thursday
    Fetish night, so dirty beats, sex pole dancer sin all sorts of fetish stuff
    Those chicks with the angle grinder's... and bassicaly if you aint dressed up you aint in all sorts of fetish gear availble for use...

    Friday
    Party night breaks, Phat beats and good time's, up and coming djs supported bye up and coming irish ones No manic 2000 Shiote
    2 for 1 on all drinks and 10 euro for house shooters,
    student half priced entry


    Saturday night would be the big night and id call it

    FVCK with your head raver
    Progressive house James levlle, elite force dillion ryme's to nam ebut a few...
    the night where its all about image dress like you belong in a disoco bar thats where you go if you've got top end none names your in, you gotta dress the right way... 2 for 1 on everything, house shooter 12 for a 10er

    Sunday night I would let some one who wants a go a promoting and that would be there night maybe a monday night to...


    As for rule either you know how to dress or you dont.....
    Bouncer's act the fool be the fool


    How the club would look preferably dark undergroundy with a good, vibe Id have the light set up bye my friend who was the lighting desighner for fabric.
    Id have the hole place sound proofed
    Id use all my wide range of contacts in london to precure the very best there is to get music wise....

    Oh and every month big names hit the floor... :cool::D
    Its a place to get fvcked, Its a place to get wired its a place you can get into with the right sneakers on Its a place to party


    It's a place to dance it does what it says on the tin


  • #87
    delllat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,388 ✭✭✭delllat


    galwayrush wrote: »
    Glasses should be like boobs, real, not plastic.;)

    all joking aside,theres nothing wrong with plastic tits


  • #88
    delllat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,388 ✭✭✭delllat


    Degsy wrote: »
    Heroin would be banned from my establishment and so would charlie as it turns people into ****.
    You'd be allowed smoke your head off though and swally as many pills as you want.

    cause smoking weed and popping pills would ensure only real intellectuals associate there :rolleyes:


  • #89
    johnny_knoxvile
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,022 ✭✭✭johnny_knoxvile


    seanybiker wrote: »
    a biker hangout. No backpatchers allowed. No posers. You must be missing at least two teeth to get in.
    Ah i couldnt be arsed thinking now.

    there was a granny who tried to join a Hells Angels gang in America.
    The 70 year old walked into a biker bar and up to the leader of the gang, and demanded to be allowed join.

    He said "do you even have a bike?" laughing.

    "thats my bike outside the window" she replied. The Hells Angels looked out to see a huge Harley.

    The learder of the Hells Angels then said "you have to be tough to get into our gang, have you ever been caught by the fuzz?"

    the granny replied "no, but i've been swung by the t1ts!"

    (i think i got that in an xmas cracker)


  • #90
    Degsy
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,397 ✭✭✭✭Degsy


    delllat wrote: »
    cause smoking weed and popping pills would ensure only real intellectuals associate there :rolleyes:


    Intellectuals arent welcome,anybody found on the premises with spectacles will be kicked around the carpark by my hand-picked team of ex spetsnaz bouncers.


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  • #91
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    Degsy wrote: »
    Intellectuals arent welcome,anybody found on the premises with spectacles will be kicked around the carpark by my hand-picked team of ex spetsnaz bouncers.

    ****e...


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