Is it just me or is this wrong?

LegacyUser · 07-05-2009 09:47PM #1

Hey,
Iv had this question on my mind for a while and i just want to know is it just me?

Ok i like this girl that i hang around with and shes 15, im pretty sure she likes me back but the only problem is im 18..we get on great and i have a genuine connection with her, but it struck me morally that an 18 year old is way to old for a 15 year old!

The thing is though i dont look 18, i get asked for i.d if i want to buy a 15's dvd, also all my friends are 14-16...is there something wrong with me for feeling this and should i trust my instincts and just not say anything?

Iv only ever gone out with one other person and im still a virgin, and i wouldnt try anything sexual!

Thanks for your time

Victor · 07-05-2009 10:04PM

Yeah, thats a bit young. Its one thing to like her, another thing to do something about it. I'd wait another year or two or move on to someone else.

Miss Fluff · 07-05-2009 10:13PM

Very easy saying you wouldn't try anything sexual as you put it but if you like the girl and you end up going out then it may be quite hard to resist. Afaik the legal age of consent here is 17 so if you can, wait until then. The age difference is not huge per se but it is when the other party is under the age of consent (regardless of her being 15 and how willing and able she may hypothetically be). I'd be inclined to stay away OP.

LegacyUser · 07-05-2009 10:41PM

Hey its the OP here, and just to clarify, in my previous relationship i had many chances to have sex but always turned them down as they didnt feel like the right time, so i wouldnt say thats a problem...and neither of us drink so there couldnt be drunking mistakes

Minxie123 · 07-05-2009 11:30PM

I don't really think a 3 year age gap is that much of an issue. If you are genuine about the girl and will treat her with respect then I say go for it. She could easily end up with a 16 year old creep but I think the fact that you're asking about it shows that you are thinking on a different level then a 16 year old trying to get into her pants.

Overheal · 07-05-2009 11:57PM

The age difference in and of itself isnt a problem. Just keep crystal clear at all times that if you do anything with this girl its Statutory Rape.

O'Coonassa · 08-05-2009 12:19AM

3 years age difference is no way morally wrong that's just crazy talk, but like Overheal says the law is against you "raping" her. That's because the law is pretty stupid in regard to sex between teenage people (as are any people telling you to stay away from her). Yous get on great and have a genuine connection so you should go for it IMO.

star-pants · 08-05-2009 01:15AM

Personally, at that age, the gaps too big. Maturity wise. She is only 15. You're 18, can get into pubs (if you want) etc. Could cause issues with hanging out or inviting her places.
Also, would her parents be very happy? (I know on one hand it's none of their business but on the other, it is very much when an 18 yr old is interested in their daughter).
My sister is 16 and if a 19 yr old guy was interested in her, I'd be having words first.

End of the day, it's down to you and her. My advice would be to wait a while, but that's just my opinion.

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 02:07AM

star-pants wrote: »

Personally, at that age, the gaps too big. Maturity wise. She is only 15. You're 18, can get into pubs (if you want) etc. Could cause issues with hanging out or inviting her places.
Also, would her parents be very happy? (I know on one hand it's none of their business but on the other, it is very much when an 18 yr old is interested in their daughter).
My sister is 16 and if a 19 yr old guy was interested in her, I'd be having words first.

End of the day, it's down to you and her. My advice would be to wait a while, but that's just my opinion.

This is my thoughts exatcly

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 10:04AM

Another thing to be aware of is, her personality may change as she gets older,
I know you are probably not thinking long term but even in a year from now things could be very different, for example if you are finished school she still has a bit to go etc.

cowzerp · 08-05-2009 12:35PM

15 year old girls have more cop on than most 18 year old lads, so mentally its not an issue to me, its the obvious legal issue you need to consider here, if you can genuinely stay away from sex then this is not an issue and by the time she is legal you's will be doing well to be still together, its up to you really.. if it was a mature 18 and immature 15 i'd look at it totally different.

AngryBadger · 08-05-2009 01:46PM

Personally at the age you're talking about I'd feel 15/18 is too much of a gap. Plus I presume you're gearing up to finish school? Maybe go to college? She's possibly not even done her junior cert yet? You're in different worlds mate, let it be.

Overheal · 08-05-2009 02:17PM

AngryBadger wrote: »

Personally at the age you're talking about I'd feel 15/18 is too much of a gap.

Quirky enough, when she turns 17 it will at that time fall into Half Your Age Plus Seven.

Plus I presume you're gearing up to finish school? Maybe go to college? She's possibly not even done her junior cert yet? You're in different worlds mate, let it be.

Now that is something to think about.

Queen-Mise · 08-05-2009 02:26PM

Do what you think best - as others have said sex is an absolute no-no until she is 17. This is more serious for you than another person her own age because of you being the few years older.

15 years olds can be weird, I have met some going on 5 and others going on 25.

Take it very slow. I hope she is 16 before you are 19, four years would sound awful

:(

As I said do what you think best

Communicator · 08-05-2009 02:30PM

I have to say that I really admire you for even thinking this might be a problem.

As a mother to a son myself, I would be delighted if he thought enough about this issue to ask for advice first, before he decided to take it further. I'd be very proud of my son if he was you.

The answer? I'm not sure - I believe you when you say that you wouldn't have sex with her (at least you don't intend to). I dunno about her though - girls are sometimes far more advanced than boys...she might want it with you........

I know a few 15yr old girls and they can be VERY mature.......mind yourself!

prinz · 08-05-2009 02:33PM

Funnily enough I had an incident like this when I was 18, first year in University, getting a bus one weekend to Dublin, got chatting to the girl beside me, got talking about my course - she was doing a project about an aspect of my course, she told me she was in second year, and I was enamoured with her because she was a great looking girl. We chatted, got on great for two hours, until she had to get off. We swapped numbers and everything. Texted her a few days later and she replied that she'd call me after school. Well that was an interesting chat. Turns out she was in second year of school not uni and was 14, in my defence she looked a lot older, and was very mature, intelligent, and well able to talk. I knew straight away that nothing could happen.Ten years later and nobody would bat an eyelid at the age difference. Funny old world.

I'd advise going no further with her than friends for now. Give it some time. Especially get to know her family and parents.

08-05-2009 04:22PM

Been there as the 15 y/o but was in uni - unless she's in 5th year or so, I wouldn't recommend it

time to move on

Dublin_Gunner · 08-05-2009 04:33PM

Overheal wrote: »

Quirky enough, when she turns 17 it will at that time fall into Half Your Age Plus Seven.

Now that is something to think about.

So would when she's 16

If you do like her, go for it, but its not going to last long, with you finishing school and making new friends, going out etc if you go to college.

Just be careful.

Even the whole sex thing - sure legally I think she should be 17, but how many 15 year olds these days are having sex??

I started seeing a 16 year old when I was 19, similar situation to yourself, met her working part-time when I was in college.

Had fun, lasted for a summer, but that was that.

If you like her, and are willing to respect her, then whats wrong with it? If you dont have a problem with the age gap - or her for that matter, I dont see why it should be an issue.

However, as Communicator pointed out - she could be a 15 year old minx dying to get you all to herself to have her wicked way, so have your guard up!

Dudess · 08-05-2009 05:01PM

Absolutely nothing wrong with feeling this way OP - many 15-year-old girls look and act extremely maturely. And biologically there isn't much of an age gap, but there's a huge age gap in other respects.

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey its the OP here, and just to clarify, in my previous relationship i had many chances to have sex but always turned them down as they didnt feel like the right time, so i wouldnt say thats a problem

This is absolutely no reason to believe nothing sexual could happen this time though. What makes you so confident it wouldn't feel like the right time with her? It could very well do so...

and neither of us drink so there couldnt be drunking mistakes

You don't drink as in... you intend to at some stage or you just don't drink full stop?

Minxie123 wrote: »

I don't really think a 3 year age gap is that much of an issue.

If you're talking about 19/22, I agree, but 15/18 may as well be 20/40. I'm serious - they are very far apart in terms of life stages.

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Even the whole sex thing - sure legally I think she should be 17, but how many 15 year olds these days are having sex??

So? And I'd doubt as many as Skins etc would have us believe. While I don't think sex would "violate" her (she could very well want it) the illegality of it is no trivial matter. It could come back to bite him in the ass (unlikely, but still not worth the risk).

However, as Communicator pointed out - she could be a 15 year old minx dying to get you all to herself to have her wicked way, so have your guard up!

Really not necessary. Men aren't THAT incapable of controlling their penises...

08-05-2009 05:11PM

Dudess wrote: »

Really not necessary. Men aren't THAT incapable of controlling their penises...

I think it was her doing the controlling that he was warning about :pac:

Dudess · 08-05-2009 05:30PM

That's what I mean - "temptress... man can't control himself", as if the man doesn't share the responsibility.

But anyway OP, in my opinion you'd be better off not pursuing this.

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 11:10PM

Hey its the OP again, well i dont intent on drinking at all dudess, alcoholism runs in my family(im pretty sure) and i dont want my life being controlled by a substance...and as for finishing school, i took time of as i was heavily depressed after my junior and now my life is back on track il be starting 5th year in september

Also i have been her friend for a few months now, theres no minx in there

BarnhallBull · 08-05-2009 11:28PM

As someone who was in a similar situation (17 and 15) a couple of years ago I say go for it. I fought the moral battle with myself for a long time before I finally bit the bullet and it's by far the best decision i've ever made. If you really like her and she likes you then that age gap shouldn't be an issue for you both...

<b>BUT</b>, understand a few things. As someone else mentioned, the legal agae of consent is 17 here, and while you can both be the most responsible people in the world, if you really fall for each other it can be impossible to control certain feelings/urges.

Also, prepare yourself for some unfriendly treatment from your friends and family, slagging etc., but much more so you need to understand that her parents most probably won't be too happy about the idea of their 15 year old daughter going out with, let's face it, a man. I found that my girlfriends father in particular was very hostile in the beginning, however we are past that now.

Seriously, if you really like her then my advice is to tell her how you feel, if you feel you can wait a year or so then maybe that wouldn't be the worst idea, the older we get the less these things seem to matter, but whatever you do just be considerate of her feelings and remember that however mature she may seem, she's still a lot younger than you...

Good luck

pajodublin · 09-05-2009 03:10AM

dont see the problem if im honest
I was 18 and my OH had just turned 16
together over 8 years now
Just thread carefully

conorlechance · 09-05-2009 03:24AM

lol ye sure, man i wish i was in that position so go for it. i mean if you get on well and both like each other why should society stop you? who decides what age even is? i was 16 doing my leaving cert man and was always at free gaffs with 19 and 20 year olds, and i didn't feel different in fact i felt more aware and intelligent.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 09-05-2009 03:33AM

Dudess wrote: »

Really not necessary. Men aren't THAT incapable of controlling their penises...

Are you for real? *18 year old guy here* I think he definitely needs to keep his guard up given the consequences.

OP, When I was 17 I decided against a relationship with a very hot 15 year old female for the age difference. Regretted it a lot in the following years. I had to make a decision because she made her interest known.

I made a mistake, 17/15 was fine. 18/15 just seems a bit wrong though. When will you be 19 and when will she be 16? 19/16 is getting there and 20/17 is fine

Cool things off, be her mate but don't be her shoulder to cry on. "Groom" her for want of a better word. There's nothing morally wrong here, just the law has to draw a line in the sand somewhere.

Dudess · 09-05-2009 12:39PM

Unregistered wrote: »

Also i have been her friend for a few months now, theres no minx in there

I didn't suggest there was one at all - that was others.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Are you for real? *18 year old guy here* I think he definitely needs to keep his guard up given the consequences.

I think you've misinterpreted me - I'm advising the OP to keep away because of the sexual aspect, but when someone suggested there's a danger she could be trying to have her wicked way with him, that implied there are "temptresses" with power over guys and the guys aren't responsible if they have sex with them at all... they were "lured" into it etc.

Powerhouse · 09-05-2009 09:25PM

O'Coonassa wrote: »

3 years age difference is no way morally wrong that's just crazy talk, but like Overheal says the law is against you "raping" her. That's because the law is pretty stupid in regard to sex between teenage people (as are any people telling you to stay away from her). Yous get on great and have a genuine connection so you should go for it IMO.

What's the alternative? Making it okay for a 19 year old to have sex with a 13 year old, but criminalising a 20 year for the same thing? Assuming you agree with the view that there should be an age of consent, and a line should be drawn somewhere, where do you think it should be drawn?

Minxie123 · 10-05-2009 09:55PM

Powerhouse wrote: »

What's the alternative? Making it okay for a 19 year old to have sex with a 13 year old, but criminalising a 20 year for the same thing? Assuming you agree with the view that there should be an age of consent, and a line should be drawn somewhere, where do you think it should be drawn?

I think an alternative could be a 'close in age' exception to the age of consent. I think that's the way it works in Italy. There can't be more than a three year age gap between both parties.

msg11 · 10-05-2009 10:19PM

Was in the same boat as yourself OP, 15 18, but I left it for a year now 16 19. We still talk which is good and both have an interest in each other still, give it one more year, see how we both feel and maybe do something. She is young, and might not want to be tied down, and I don't want to be crossing paths with laws. (needless to say, it is happening out there)

At leased I am not alone, as said thread with care, and do not go in with guns blazing !!

NorthernRock · 11-05-2009 01:14AM

Is 17/19 bad?
I've been seeing this girl on/off for a couple of months and she keeps slagging me about how i'm soooooooo much older than her!

Is it just me or is this wrong?

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