27, lonely, never been in relationship...

Sin1981 · 07-05-2009 11:43PM #1

Hi, I'm a 27 years old female, and these days I'm quite unhappy, lonely, and all in all a bit lost. Some would say I have a lot going for myself, plenty of education, good job etc, but I don't see the point in any of that when I feel the more personal side of my life is down. I was a very shy young girl, the entire way throughout school. I have gotten over that, it took me a long time. THese days if I say to people that I'm shy, or used to be shy, they laugh and say " what? you? no way! ha ha!!". I suppose that's good and I am happy that i've improved in that area.
I spent a few years abroad and returned a year ago. Over the past 2 years I think I might have been depressed, well I had some of the typical symtoms such as, constant sadness, worthlessness, and thoughts of death to name a few. It was a very gradual thing, and I never really knew I had a problem until maybe 2 years into it. I didn't have anyone close by who might have noticed. I never did anything about it, ie. see a doctor.
Since I've returned home, about a year ago, I have improved slowly. I am now working, but to be honest I have zero interest in it. I have no drive, motivation, or interest in doing it, or impressing anyone. I definitely think my manager is onto me, ie. he thinks I'm lazy and useless, as I think it's obvious I go to work, and show little enthusiasm. But I simply don't care at all. a few years ago (5/6 years ago) I would have been mortified at the thought of my boss thinking badly of me, but these days I am completely apathetic and I cannot snap out of that. I sometimes tell my friends that i'm not interested in work, and they laugh and say that I'm lazy and was too used to student life and that I have to get on with work like everyone else in the world. i'm not sure...
To add to that, I feel like my personal life is dead. I have never had a boyfriend & no exp with sex, and feel like I never will experience that. I've only ever been on 2 dates, one when i was 18, lasted over a summer, but wasn't serious at all. the second one was when i was 23, nothing came of it, but I really liked this guy. I am embarrassed to tell you that this is the height of my experiences. I am less experienced that most 14 year olds out there. I now think I have bad confidence issues, and self image. I have a good figure, hour glass as a lot of my friends would say. Face-wise I'd say I'm pretty average, but I totally understand that personality is everything. I have been complemented by friends' boyfriends and even workmates. One guy from work recently said "why dont' you have a man?!". I know that's a good compliment, and it was nice, but it also makes me a bit upset, becasue the whole men area seems like never improving. I would like nothing more than to be a normal 20-something, happy, busy, and experiences the things I should be experiencing. i know relationships aren't the B all and end all, but I really, really would like to get going in that area.
MAybe I need to speak to someone, or maybe I can get by as before, and hope that things will gradually improve. As regards work, I think I will NEVER enjoy it until the more personal side if my life is filled in, and that might take years. All in all I'm a bit lost.
Can anyone offer some advice on all of the above?
thanks:)

SueWho · 08-05-2009 09:03AM

Don't panic yet- it sounds like you have a lot going for you and you are still young! Losing interest in things in life that you used to like or feel ambitious about like your job and impressing your boss... these can also be signs of depression. It certainly wouldn't do any harm to visit your GP and tell them how you're feeling.

It sounds like you have a great ability to help youself and improve yourself (like you said you used to be shy but you worked on it). Maybe it's just a case of believing in yourself a bit more and getting youself out into social situations where you can meet people. And don't just focus on men- just making a new friend could cheer you up.

Feeling inexperienced is probably dominating your thoughts when you're socialising and trying get to know guys initially. But forget all that for now and when you do meet someone and the time is right, be open about it- if the guy is not kind and understanding then he's not worth the trouble anyway.

prinz · 08-05-2009 09:17AM

Sin1981 wrote: »

I have been complemented by friends' boyfriends and even workmates. One guy from work recently said "why dont' you have a man?!".

Relax and don't stress. First things first, see a counsellor about the depression. That definitely sounds like an issue tbh. Sort that out first before you think about relationships. Being in a relationship will not help you out of that, even if it does stem from that problem.

As regards meeting guys, see the comment above? Talk to him.... friends' boyfriends, workmates. Tell them you'd like to meet someone and ask them if they know a guy, or to set you up on a date with a friend.

As SueWho said, with the right time and the right guy, everything else will follow. Try not to force it, that never works out well.

jojobrad · 08-05-2009 09:24AM

Know exactly how you feel. I've been single for years and never seem to have any luck with men and dating in general. I've been told I'm very attractive/sexy/gorgeous etc and all the blokes who are married or in relationships are always like "if I was single, I'd be asking you out bla bla bla" Its so annoying ! Just last night I was supposed to go on a date. Ten minutes before we were supposed to meet he cancelled with some lame excuse.
Sometimes I think its better to be alone as most men (in my experience) are pigs and are only concerned about using women for sex. But then of course we were programmed to want to be in relationships and be loved and it seems we cant be happy unless this side of our lives are fulfilled. Its like nothing matters and life has no meaning or purpose without that special someone.
I dont really have any advice for you but to just let you know that there are people out there who know exactly what you're going through.
You're not alone.

prinz · 08-05-2009 09:38AM

jojobrad wrote: »

Sometimes I think its better to be alone as most men (in my experience) are pigs and are only concerned about using women for sex.

No offence, but that could be where you're going wrong. I wouldn't go near a girl with that attitude if I was a 10 foot bargepole.

petethebrick · 08-05-2009 10:38AM

jojobrad wrote: »

Sometimes I think its better to be alone as most men (in my experience) are pigs and are only concerned about using women for sex.

Don't listen to this nonsense. With men and women both you get some bad but most good. I think jojobrad must be bitter about some past experiences - don't let her bitterness affect your attitude towards men.

First thing i notice reading your post is that you say you're embarrassed about your lack of experience. You're old enough now to know that it's your own happiness that counts and not what others think of you right? Get out there and start enjoying yourself and don't be concerned about your inexperience.
Do you socialise much? Do you have some good girlfriends maybe that you could go out with on the pull? - not guaranteed to meet a life partner this way but you'll have some fun maybe!
Or why not try one of the singles/speed dating type events. I think there are loads of them on in dublin but I don't have the web links to them.
I hope things work out for you. Good luck^^^^

jojobrad · 08-05-2009 10:38AM

prinz wrote: »

No offence, but that could be where you're going wrong. I wouldn't go near a girl with that attitude if I was a 10 foot bargepole.

None taken. And I dont express that opinion very often. I'm forever hopeful in meeting someone who will prove me wrong and I give every man I meet the benefit of the doubt.

And if you do ever meet a girl who does express an opinion like that, you should stop to think that her opinion didn't fall out of the sky and maybe she's a really nice girl who's just sick of being treated like dirt.

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 10:55AM

I never had a boyfriend through school. Uni I spent much of my time single with the odd few dates - I was very very inexperienced compared to some of my friends and it made me very self conscious so I can relate to what you're saying.
I think it did take me a while to find myself, I carry myself much better these days, i wear makeup(!) and spend more time looking after myself and it definitely gave me more confidence.
Because I had never really had a boyfriend until I was 22 I never really knew what I was missing, and because of that I was content being single and I was happy - although I was still hoping to find someone!!
It sounds a bit like you're hoping a man/relationship will fill this void in your life, but I think you should try and fill that yourself first, otherwise when you do start seeing someone you might find this emptiness still remains? Learn to love what you have and yourself and everything else will be a bonus!
I'm very inexperienced when it comes to men, my boyfriend of 2 years came to me out of the blue and it took me a while to finally commit to even seeing him! I suppose I'd spent a long time dreaming up my perfect guy but no man is perfect and I realised Im not either!! My boyfriend can be an absolute pain in the butt at times and we have had many blazing rows but he's definitely not a pig, he's the most perfect thing to have happened to me. And it all came about when I finally stopped looking

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 11:06AM

jojobrad wrote: »

None taken. And I dont express that opinion very often. I'm forever hopeful in meeting someone who will prove me wrong and I give every man I meet the benefit of the doubt.

And if you do ever meet a girl who does express an opinion like that, you should stop to think that her opinion didn't fall out of the sky and maybe she's a really nice girl who's just sick of being treated like dirt.

You may not express that opinion often, but I bet it transpires a lot.
I join the group that wouldnt go anywhere near you, sorry.

Wibbs · 08-05-2009 11:49AM

prinz wrote: »

No offence, but that could be where you're going wrong. I wouldn't go near a girl with that attitude if I was a 10 foot bargepole.

I have to say I would be the same, or at least that defensiveness would put me right off. For a few reasons. In the first place I have found that I have to put in way more work to convince them and life is too short. I feel I'm trying to make up for the shortcomings of guys I haven't even met. It's bad enough dealing with my own shortcomings. In my experience it also means I'll be doing that a lot and that leaves me on tenterhooks. Not a comfortable way to live or love. Now I have been with two like that in the past. I could see why they felt like that about guys, but in both of those cases at least, their experience coloured who they went for and they fell into the self fulfilling prophecy lark. Even when things were fine they were actively looking for trouble, or even causing it to back up their worldview.

I suppose basically I refuse to prove myself to anyone but myself.

I think regardless how a woman looks, over defensiveness is an unattractive trait. Kinda like serious lack of confidence in a man is unattractive to most women.

I agree with Unregistered when she says there is no value in hoping a man will fill the void in your life. It won't. Way too many men and women think and act on this. I do think women hang onto that notion of being saved more than men though. Hiding to nothing. Work on yourself. Meet as many new people as possible. Be open and trusting until proven otherwise. Dress and look your best as men are visual creatures, even more than women. If you like a guy, don't be subtle. Most don't do subtle and it'll go right over their head. Don't wait around looking for a man. Be your own woman and they'll come looking for you. Half the worlds population are men so the odds are with you.

Gyalist · 08-05-2009 12:10PM

jojobrad wrote: »

And if you do ever meet a girl who does express an opinion like that, you should stop to think that her opinion didn't fall out of the sky and maybe she's a really nice girl who's just sick of being treated like dirt.

Have you ever considered why it is that you keep attracting that type of men?

Taltos · 08-05-2009 12:53PM

Unregistered wrote: »

It sounds a bit like you're hoping a man/relationship will fill this void in your life, but I think you should try and fill that yourself first, otherwise when you do start seeing someone you might find this emptiness still remains? Learn to love what you have and yourself and everything else will be a bonus!

I think this poster hit the nail on the head.
Seek counselling or help for the depression, once you learn to really be happy with yourself even a little bit that will show in everything else you are doing and will more than likely act as a signal to the right guy.
If you go into a relationship being this low about yourself it might be hard for the guy to feel any better - so you could end up with a wrong 'un.

Once you do feel better, try to mix more and just have fun, sometimes your future partner is right under your nose.

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 01:11PM

Sin1981 wrote: »

I have a good figure, hour glass as a lot of my friends would say. Face-wise I'd say I'm pretty average, but I totally understand that personality is everything.

Sorry to pick up on this bit, but "you have an hour glass figure" is what I say to my fat friends when they fish for compliments.

And personality is definitely NOT everything when it comes to meeting someone - physical attraction is (at least initially) way more important.

You have to get the physical right if you want to increase your chance of meeting someone.

If you improve your physical - better diet, body, appearance - your mental health will follow.

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 01:14PM

jojobrad wrote: »

I think its better to be alone as most men (in my experience) are pigs and are only concerned about using women for sex.

Eh no, the men YOU pick are only interested in using YOU for sex.

So -

a. You are picking bad men. This is not an accident. You are doing it on purpose for some psychological reason.
b. Why are you allowing men use you for sex?

Stop blaming others for your own mistakes.

Gyalist · 08-05-2009 01:36PM

AARRRGH wrote: »

Eh no, the men YOU pick are only interested in using YOU for sex.

So -

a. You are picking bad men. This is not an accident. You are doing it on purpose for some psychological reason.
b. Why are you allowing men use you for sex?

Stop blaming others for your own mistakes.

Which is what I was alluding to in my post above. Your response is more tactless direct.

08-05-2009 01:40PM

Sin1981 wrote: »

.
I spent a few years abroad and returned a year ago. Over the past 2 years I think I might have been depressed

How were things while you were abroad?
Do you have any male friends?
Do you get asked out much or chatted up?

Wibbs · 08-05-2009 01:51PM

OK folks lets stay on topic please.

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 02:12PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

You are making a fool of yourself then....

read this
http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2007/03/15/do_you_pursue_an_hourglass_figure.php

sunflower27 wrote: »

it is on topic, is it not?
The OP said she was happy that she had an hour-glass figure, only to be told very rudely that that means 'fat'. I was merely pointing out that that is absurd and in fact an hour-glass figure is one that many men prefer.

I think you've misunderstood what I said.

If you are fat, and you ask your friends if you are fat, what are they going to say?

Fat? I don't think so.
Slim? I don't think so.
Hour glass? Curvy? Probably.

The fact of the matter is the OP is 27 and can't attract men for some reason.

Attraction is mostly physical, so she should figure out if there is some physical issue at play here.

I was pointing out if she is indeed overweight, she should look into this as a potential cause. Yes, I know the odd man likes overweight women, but most don't.

I also accept she might genuinely be an hour glass figure. I never said she wasn't.

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 02:14PM

Don't mind AARGh. I've noticed that body seems to be the only thing he cares about and gives advice on in terms of how to put yourself out there with men.

What you need is confidence. No matter what you look like, you will not attract men if you have low confidence.

Harness those compliments and keep repeating them in your head when you're on a night out to boost your self esteem and remind yourself that people do find you attractive.

I do think it sounds like you are suffering from depression though and suggest you see someone about it.

As other posters said, a man will not make you feel better about yourself. It will not fill a void. You have to be happy in your own skin and in your own company first.

Good luck.

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 02:23PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

Curvy is curvy

Hourglass is hourglass -

they are 2 separate shapes.

Kelly Brook is considered a classic hour-glass figure

Your interpretation that hour-glass = curvy = fat is way off the mark, mate.

I'm sure you think your 'real honesty' here is endearing and helpful. it isnt. You just sound incredibly misinformed.

No, you're still misunderstanding.

I understand what curvy and hour glass mean.

They are not the same as fat.

So can we move on from that please?

If you read the OP's post it is her FRIENDS who told her she has an hour glass figure.

Hour glass is a known euphemism for fat.

No one is going to tell their friend she is fat. They will be kind and say you are curvy or have an hour glass figure.

So I am saying be sure your friends weren't just being kind.

I believe it is possible they were just being kind because -

a. They aren't going to say she's fat.
b. Hour glass is a known euphemism for fat.
c. She cannot attract men. Attraction is mostly physical.

So, can you see I am not simply saying fat is the same as hour glass? That's not what I'm saying. Re-read the above if you still think that's what I'm saying...

08-05-2009 02:25PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

Curvy is curvy

Hourglass is hourglass -

they are 2 separate shapes.

Kelly Brook is considered a classic hour-glass figure

Your interpretation that hour-glass = curvy = fat is way off the mark, mate.

I'm sure you think your 'real honesty' here is endearing and helpful. it isnt. You just sound incredibly misinformed.

To be fair I think you have missed his point. Of course hourglass is sexy. He's saying a lot of people who are plain fat are told they have an hourglass figure to make them feel better. I know that sounds really mean, but I see it happening all the time.

I wouldn't assume it was a physical thing though. I think confidence is 100 times more important than physical beauty. I know some very unattractive people who have had a string of partners and some really goodlooking people who have never been on a date.

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 02:35PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

Why do you presume when her friends tell her she is an hourglass it's because she is fat. Why cant she not be an hour-glass as they say she is?

I think you are personalising what I'm saying so it's going over your head a bit.

If you re-read my posts I never said the OP is fat. I said she should be open to the fact that IT IS POSSIBLE she is fat.

Being fat is a known reason why some women find it hard to meet men.

I am saying she should not take her friend's opinions as gospel, because it is unlikely they will tell her she is fat.

Yes, it is possible she has an hour glass figure, but it is also possible they were just being kind.

I believe people should always check and double check if there is a physical "problem", because even the biggest dick heads in the world get chatted up if they are physically ok looking.

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 02:41PM

Arrrgh is not accusing anyone of being fat, Sunflower I understand what your saying "hourgalss is hourglass" but "hourglass is also a nicer way of saying fat" Listen, im a girl ok, if one of my friends had a larger physique and questioned me about what kind of body type she had I would say "Curvy" or "hourglass" as I wouldnt want to brand her as fat, however she would have eyes in her head and would know that shes fat with an "hourglass" shape. Anyways, thats not the point, OP I think you should really start to work on yourself before going down the road of meeting someone, you sound like your a bit down on yourself, and there is help out there, its nothing to be ashamed of, but this idea of a man or a "relationship" improving other areas of your life is something of a fantasy, trust me. If you get into a relationship now, chances are it wont work out because you really do have to love yourself before you love someone else, I know its said a lot, but its true, I have been in a few relationships and one in particular I got into for all the wrong reasons, I was down in myself I was thinking that a man would solve all my problems, but he didnt. It made it worse, I brought negativity to the relationship and I brought him down with me, and it didnt work out, so I sorted myself out now and I remind myself that I dont need a man to complete my life. Remember, you came into the world as a whole person, you dont need a man to make you one! best of luck!

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 02:56PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

It isnt going over my head.... :rolleyes:

It is obvious that the OP has a lot of issues relating to self esteem etc that need to be dealt with.

I just found the hour-glass comment incredibly pointless. As i said - YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THIN TO FIND A BOYFRIEND.

We are going over old ground here and it isn't helping the OP so let's drop it, eh. I am not going to agree that her weight is more than likely the reason she is 27 and single. It's just a quick and easy assumption to make...

You're still misunderstanding. It doesn't matter though.

This is where my advice is coming from:

Humans delude themselves all the time. It's part of being human.

Without meaning to pick on overweight people, I see it all the time with overweight people wondering why the opposite sex aren't attracted to them. The only explanation for this is denial or/and delusion.

I don't see any point in advising people that everything is ok and not to worry. That, in my opinion, isn't useful. It just reinforces the denial that the problem isn't them.

I am of the opinion that we should face our problems head on. I try to do that with myself - I regularly fail - but I accept the vast majority of problems I have ever encountered have been due to me, or at least partly due to me.

For example, if I try to chat up a girl and she is horrible to me, well maybe I shouldn't have been bothering someone who was having a bad day. They didn't ask me to chat them up. It was my decision, my choice, so I should be open to rejection. I certainly wouldn't start thinking "she's a ****" or "all women are bitches". No, I would be thinking "I need a better chat up technique" or "I need to pick my 'targets' better".

I could delude myself into thinking the problem is them, but it's not. I interrupted their day.

If you take a long look at your life, you will see you are in denial about all sorts of things. I guess it's some sort of coping mechanism that has evolved over time.

So when someone comes here saying they are 27 and can't meet men and have never really been able to meet men, then there is obviously something odd going on.

I know personality is important, but if we are brutally honest we know it's only sort of important. Physical looks are way more important - everywhere in life you will see good looking people being more successful than those less fortunate, regardless of their personality. That's just the way the world works.

So I believe if the OP really was nice looking, then she would have more sexual experience than (her words) a 14 year old. Yes, maybe she is nice looking and maybe she's just been incredibly unlucky, but she needs to be brutally honest with her looks to rule them out as the cause of her problem. I don't see what's so scary about that. And that's all I'm trying to say.

/Sorry for rant

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 03:07PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH - and I am not saying your name here.

The OP said she has less experience than a 14-year old, do you not think if she was obese or overweight she'd have said that? Do we really need our friends to tell us we are overweight? We would know ourselves. It is quite obvious to me that the OP's issues go a lot deeper than 'weight'.

The whole jumping on the hour-glass-curvy-fat assumption is laughable. Sorry, but you are putting so much emphasis on the reason she has not had a relationship on something you don't even actually know.

And even if she is size 16-18 why would that stop men approaching her?

People delude themselves all the time.

It is part of being human.

Maybe she has the nicest body in the world.

TBH I am surprised you've never heard of people being kind by saying "you have an hour glass figure" or "you are curvy" when really what they are thinking is "you are overweight".

By your reaction to my posts, I guess this is something you are worried about.

Anyway, all I am saying is she needs to be sure she is being honest with herself. After all, she wants to solve her problem, so she should explore every possible explanation.

I don't see any point in ignoring potential reasons for her problem.

Anyway, please PM me if you want to continue disagreeing with what I am saying. I don't want to make this thread about you and me.

Wibbs · 08-05-2009 03:09PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

it is on topic, is it not?
The OP said she was happy that she had an hour-glass figure, only to be told very rudely that that means 'fat'. I was merely pointing out that that is absurd and in fact an hour-glass figure is one that many men prefer.

Oh one or maybe two posts on the topic of maybe some part of her physical aspect is putting men off is on topic, getting into a back and forth debate between yourself and AARRRGH, re what is an hourglass or not isn't(which I could see thats where it was going). Take it to fashion and appearance if you must. In any case I know more men who dig heavy women than skinny so it's unlikely to be that so as I say lets steer a better course for the OP here. Thank you.

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 03:27PM

Im a 28yr old male in more or less the same situation as you, maybe more of a history regarding flings but none the less very little relationship experience..

I't can get you down sometimes, so just to let you know you are totally not alone in that, and it doesnt make you a freak or anything negative, beautiful & ugly, big or slim, tall or small all types of people can experience problems connecting with others (in fact some people in LTR's don't actually make any sort of proper connection at all & often are only there 'cos they're not brave enough to not be)

IMO all this talk of looks and personality is rubbish, everybody has something going for them, its more about being open to connect with other people, being prepared to be vulnerable with another, taking the risk to put yourself out there and say, "i would like to meet someone"..

For instance do you talk about this stuff with your friends? Ask them to set you up, or do you just put a brave face on always and pretend everythings grand, when inside it's not - it's about being able to share that what's inside that constitutes a real relationship, and often it takes along time of getting to know someone before you can do it for real - And also do not be afraid to have high standards and turn away guys that you feel like are only out for selfish reasons, while at the same time don't be too quick to dismiss the idea of other guys without stopping and really considering if they've something to offer..

(people may say i dont have a right to give that advice with so little relationship experience, but that's just my account of slowly opening up to others - i actually find it's a case of changing how you approach everybody & the whole world and not just potential partners! And most importantly how you approach yourself!)

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 03:55PM

Unregcra wrote: »

IMO all this talk of looks and personality is rubbish, everybody has something going for them...

This is terrible advice.

Even if you do have something - apart from your looks and personality - going for you, for example, you have lots of money, don't you realise you are making it so much harder to meet someone by ignoring the two most basic elements of attraction?

And even on a human level, don't you want to have a nice personality, and appear somewhat physically attractive?

Fol20 · 08-05-2009 04:19PM

Wibbs wrote: »

In any case I know more men who dig heavy women than skinny so it's unlikely to be that so as I say lets steer a better course for the OP here. Thank you.

I dunno if id agree with that now..I think moderation is best.Not too skinny,not too fat.Everything is best in moderation..

Btw Arrrgh,from one of your above comment you seem to come across as a bit shallow.You say your appearance is everything in life and more good looking people are successful.This is true to a degree but again if you have a good personality,you can also be successful.Again moderation is best.Sunflower,its like your defending overweight people immensely,although arrgh is enphasising the physical appearence a bit much,the hourglass thing is true.No one will outright say to a person that they are fat,but rather change it in a way to sound nice to the person.Personally im just average in everything and am happy with that.

Anyway,back to the op.I know you have probably heard it a million times but why dont you join clubs that your interested in.Youl talk with likeminded people and who knows where it could go from there.I suppose if you want to overcome your shyness or whatever it is,you could go to a councillor or a confidence coach.I wish you the best of luck in your quest to find a man

LegacyUser · 08-05-2009 04:27PM

AAArgh.. of course i don't mean they're completly irrelevant, it is possible to read too deep into posts. I'm not some hunk but at the same time ive gotten into things with girls more often than not with them doing the running, so in my case it was not the looks or personality but me putting up barriers - i just wanted to share this perspective with the OP

IMO if she is able to open up and connect more then her personality will shine out so thats one out of two sorted

of course anybody will get rewards from taking up sports and looking after themselves, eating well, dressing nicely and being well groomed but any more than that is too much IMO, & anyone who put's too much stock in the looks department brings adverse effects on their personality

there are many people who sail by on their looks, having what appear to be great lives when in reality they are lonely and insecure, so it could be a curse as much as an advantage if your mammy never taught how to use them properly

Hourglass sounds hot to me, regardless if it comes with a little bit of extra weight

AARRRGH · 08-05-2009 04:36PM

Fol20 wrote: »

Arrrgh,from one of your above comment you seem to come across as a bit shallow.

What I'm trying to say is looks are very important, whether we like it or not.

I don't see any point in pretending looks mean nothing, or that fat is beautiful.

Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but in general, if you notice the opposite sex are disinterested in you, maybe, just maybe, it's because you are physically unattractive. That would be an extremely common reason.

sunflower27 wrote:

am i the only one that hour-glass didnt jump out as the big problem in attracting a man?

You're still ignoring the very possiblity that her friends were just being polite.

I don't understand why you refuse to believe people are rarely honest when asked to rate their friends appearance.

It is pointless believing the problem must be her personality only.

I can give an example from boards. A few years ago someone posted something similar to the OP saying how they can't meet men and how they are at least average looking and her friends agree she is at least average looking. Well, I saw a picture of her and I can tell you I immediately could see what the problem was. It wasn't her personality.

I believe if you have a long term problem and you want to solve it, you need to be brutally honest and brutal with your self-analysis. Pussy footing around will just drag the problem on for a few more years.

27, lonely, never been in relationship...

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