How to get your 1st BJ

dazftw · 30-04-2009 03:22AM #1

Ok, let me tell you how you get your first BJ.

So I was sitting in school one day and my friend comes up to me and tells me all about how this really hot girl thinks I'm kind of cute. Apparently she had seen me at a session over the summer (This was in september right after school started and I have that effect on girls when I'm a bit drunk and social ) and liked what she saw. But I was a being a little bitch and didn't really think much more than "Whatever, my friend is probably being an asshole but if it is true, at least some girl likes me".

Fast forward a month and I was standing at my locker getting ready to go home. Packin up, gettin ready for Friday night. Suddenly this girl (We'll call her Stacy) is standing right next to me. All I could croak out was "Wassup?". The rest of the conversation went something like this...

Stacy: Hey Dazzzzzzzzz (Hello, my name is Daz and for the record she did extend my name like that).
Me: Hey Stacy, what's goin on?
Stacy: So have you heard the news?
Me: (At this point I had a feeling of what was going on but I played dumb) Umm no what?
Stacy: I think you're cute.
Me: You're not so bad yourself (Smooth huh?).
Stacy: Sooo my boyfriend broke up with me recently and I've been pretty lonely but I was wondering if you could help me out...
Me: (Blown away, no pun intended) What did you have in mind?
Stacy: Are you gonna be around tonight?
Me: Umm yea... in fact I have the house to myself tonight (My parents were with my older brother looking at colleges around the country. How lucky was I so far. And no I did not have a session in mind, I appreciate my belongings).
Stacy: Goooood. Gimme your address and I'll be over at 9.
Me: Aight, cool. (It was so hot, she wrote her info on my hand and I wrote mine on hers)

But now I'm freakin out. I'm so scared that I'm gonna **** something up, or do something retarded. But eventually I collect my self and set up for that night. My friend pulls through and drops some drinks off for me while I try to clean up a little (No homo).

So at 9 she shows up and tbh I was surprised. Even though she only had her provisional license, she stole her mams car and drove. As soon as I close the door we're on top of each other. Some how we get to the kitchen and start doing shots. Then she whispers to me and says "I want to give you a night you'll never forget". She rips off my pants and gets right in there. It was going to amazing but just as I was about to blow, my mom walks in, gets scared, and says you're moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought nah forget it, yo home to bel-air! I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby yo, homes smell you later! looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.

hussey · 30-04-2009 03:25AM

I want my two minutes back

Tar.Aldarion · 30-04-2009 03:26AM

I guessed it as I've seen many similar before. First time I got a good laugh.

AlmightyCushion · 30-04-2009 03:28AM

Admit it your first blow job was when you were hammered at a mates house and you decided to smear pedigree chum on your dick and have his dog lick it off.

Cunny-Funt · 30-04-2009 03:29AM

Actually, this is how you get your 1st BJ...

Don't look at me like that, its as old as what he did

amacachi · 30-04-2009 03:35AM

This thread disappoints, I was expecting some useful ab exercise tips.

randylonghorn · 30-04-2009 03:37AM

hussey wrote: »

I want my two minutes back

I bet that's what the women usually say to the OP ... >_>

bronte · 30-04-2009 03:42AM

Oh FFS! you got your first blow job from your sister didn't you?
Admit it...you enjoyed it...you still think about it...no blow job since has ever lived up to it.

Tar.Aldarion · 30-04-2009 03:52AM

hussey wrote: »

I want my two minutes back

That's what she said!

AlmightyCushion · 30-04-2009 03:53AM

randylonghorn wrote: »

I bet that's what the women usually say to the OP ... >_>

I doubt he even lasts that long. :pac:

Senna · 30-04-2009 03:58AM

I should have know from the thread title and the fact that it wasn't locked after 5 minutes that it was going to be crap.

OpenYourEyes · 30-04-2009 03:59AM

Y'no the end of that story is kinda catchy! Im thinking if you put a simple beat to it it could be quite popular!

AlmightyCushion · 30-04-2009 04:01AM

OpenYourEyes wrote: »

Y'no the end of that story is kinda catchy! Im thinking if you put a simple beat to it it could be quite popular!

We could make a tv show as well. I smell a money maker.

bronte · 30-04-2009 04:03AM

I bags 50% shares :pac:

Tar.Aldarion · 30-04-2009 04:07AM

bronte wrote: »

Oh FFS! you got your first blow job from your sister didn't you?
Admit it...you enjoyed it...you still think about it...no blow job since has ever lived up to it.

No, you were just pretending to be my sister, it was hawwwt

bronte · 30-04-2009 04:08AM

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

No, you were just pretending to be my sister, it was hawwwt

:eek: just....:eek:

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 30-04-2009 04:08AM

Cunny-Funt wrote: »

Actually, this is how you get your 1st BJ...

Don't look at me like that, its as old as what he did

Oh no you didn't....

Tar.Aldarion · 30-04-2009 04:15AM

bronte wrote: »

:eek: just....:eek:

Hey baby, don't knock wincest. :pac:

Dboy85 · 30-04-2009 04:25AM

I dropped trou half way through the story and yanked...25seconds later read on and boy am I glad i'm a randy tosser:pac: lol

randylonghorn · 30-04-2009 04:28AM

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

We could make a tv show as well. I smell a money shot.

FYP

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

No, you were just pretending to be my sister, it was hawwwt

Well, you were pretending to be your sister too, so we're now into the realms of lesbian sex. Score!!

Dboy85 wrote: »

I dropped trou half way through the story and yanked...25seconds later read on and boy am I glad i'm a randy tosser:pac: lol

You're no such thing ...

/squints

... at least, I don't ever remember you tossing me ...

Mr.Lizard · 30-04-2009 06:44AM

FYI stories with the Fresh Prince ending should be no longer than 200 words and should end at "yo home to bel-air" not "my throne as the prince of bel-air" (which is superfluous to the punchline).

Dardania · 30-04-2009 08:23AM

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

FYI stories with the Fresh Prince ending should be no longer than 200 words and should end at "yo home to bel-air" not "my throne as the prince of bel-air" (which is superfluous to the punchline).

i never knew there was an "art" of telling stories endin with bel-air...kinda like limericks or Haiku?

SoWatchaWant · 30-04-2009 09:06AM

You're a legend.

javaboy · 30-04-2009 09:18AM

OP I think someone else must have been using the internet at the same time as you because there's been a case of crossed wires in your post. You probably didn't notice but what's happened is half way through your interesting story about getting a blowjob, somehow someone else's post about the lyrics to the TV show Fresh Prince of Bel Air has become mixed in with your own.
Maybe someone else is using your wireless router.
Anyway please finish the story as I'm going soft here.

SoupyNorman · 30-04-2009 09:19AM

Here was my 1st

Roadend · 30-04-2009 09:33AM

javaboy wrote: »

OP I think someone else must have been using the internet at the same time as you because there's been a case of crossed wires in your post. You probably didn't notice but what's happened is half way through your interesting story about getting a blowjob, somehow someone else's post about the lyrics to the TV show Fresh Prince of Bel Air has become mixed in with your own.
Maybe someone else is using your wireless router.
Anyway please finish the story as I'm going soft here.

Actually the problem is that post was shamelessly stolen from elsewhere

Snowie · 30-04-2009 09:34AM

i thaught you just push her head down and tell her to get busy and point out any mistakes along the way

weeder · 30-04-2009 10:30AM

dazftw wrote: »

Ok, let me tell you how you get your first BJ.

So I was sitting in school one day and my friend comes up to me and tells me all about how this really hot girl thinks I'm kind of cute. Apparently she had seen me at a session over the summer (This was in september right after school started and I have that effect on girls when I'm a bit drunk and social ) and liked what she saw. But I was a being a little bitch and didn't really think much more than "Whatever, my friend is probably being an asshole but if it is true, at least some girl likes me".

Fast forward a month and I was standing at my locker getting ready to go home. Packin up, gettin ready for Friday night. Suddenly this girl (We'll call her Stacy) is standing right next to me. All I could croak out was "Wassup?". The rest of the conversation went something like this...

Stacy: Hey Dazzzzzzzzz (Hello, my name is Daz and for the record she did extend my name like that).
Me: Hey Stacy, what's goin on?
Stacy: So have you heard the news?
Me: (At this point I had a feeling of what was going on but I played dumb) Umm no what?
Stacy: I think you're cute.
Me: You're not so bad yourself (Smooth huh?).
Stacy: Sooo my boyfriend broke up with me recently and I've been pretty lonely but I was wondering if you could help me out...
Me: (Blown away, no pun intended) What did you have in mind?
Stacy: Are you gonna be around tonight?
Me: Umm yea... in fact I have the house to myself tonight (My parents were with my older brother looking at colleges around the country. How lucky was I so far. And no I did not have a session in mind, I appreciate my belongings).
Stacy: Goooood. Gimme your address and I'll be over at 9.
Me: Aight, cool. (It was so hot, she wrote her info on my hand and I wrote mine on hers)

But now I'm freakin out. I'm so scared that I'm gonna **** something up, or do something retarded. But eventually I collect my self and set up for that night. My friend pulls through and drops some drinks off for me while I try to clean up a little (No homo).

So at 9 she shows up and tbh I was surprised. Even though she only had her provisional license, she stole her mams car and drove. As soon as I close the door we're on top of each other. Some how we get to the kitchen and start doing shots. Then she whispers to me and says "I want to give you a night you'll never forget". She rips off my pants and gets right in there. It was going to amazing but just as I was about to blow, my mom walks in, gets scared, and says you're moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought nah forget it, yo home to bel-air! I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby yo, homes smell you later! looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.

cool story bro

Darragh29 · 30-04-2009 10:37AM

OpenYourEyes wrote: »

Y'no the end of that story is kinda catchy! Im thinking if you put a simple beat to it it could be quite popular!

Will Smith "getting jiggy with it" is here playin on the radio and I'm lmao!

Private Dancer · 30-04-2009 10:38AM

dazftw wrote: »

Ok, let me tell you how you get your first BJ.

So I was sitting in school one day and my friend comes up to me and tells me all about how this really hot girl thinks I'm kind of cute. Apparently she had seen me at a session over the summer (This was in september right after school started and I have that effect on girls when I'm a bit drunk and social ) and liked what she saw. But I was a being a little bitch and didn't really think much more than "Whatever, my friend is probably being an asshole but if it is true, at least some girl likes me".

Fast forward a month and I was standing at my locker getting ready to go home. Packin up, gettin ready for Friday night. Suddenly this girl (We'll call her Stacy) is standing right next to me. All I could croak out was "Wassup?". The rest of the conversation went something like this...

Stacy: Hey Dazzzzzzzzz (Hello, my name is Daz and for the record she did extend my name like that).
Me: Hey Stacy, what's goin on?
Stacy: So have you heard the news?
Me: (At this point I had a feeling of what was going on but I played dumb) Umm no what?
Stacy: I think you're cute.
Me: You're not so bad yourself (Smooth huh?).
Stacy: Sooo my boyfriend broke up with me recently and I've been pretty lonely but I was wondering if you could help me out...
Me: (Blown away, no pun intended) What did you have in mind?
Stacy: Are you gonna be around tonight?
Me: Umm yea... in fact I have the house to myself tonight (My parents were with my older brother looking at colleges around the country. How lucky was I so far. And no I did not have a session in mind, I appreciate my belongings).
Stacy: Goooood. Gimme your address and I'll be over at 9.
Me: Aight, cool. (It was so hot, she wrote her info on my hand and I wrote mine on hers)

But now I'm freakin out. I'm so scared that I'm gonna **** something up, or do something retarded. But eventually I collect my self and set up for that night. My friend pulls through and drops some drinks off for me while I try to clean up a little (No homo).

So at 9 she shows up and tbh I was surprised. Even though she only had her provisional license, she stole her mams car and drove. As soon as I close the door we're on top of each other. Some how we get to the kitchen and start doing shots. Then she whispers to me and says "I want to give you a night you'll never forget". She rips off my pants and gets right in there. It was going to amazing but just as I was about to blow, my mom walks in, gets scared, and says you're moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought nah forget it, yo home to bel-air! I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby yo, homes smell you later! looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.

That was odd

Fighting Irish · 30-04-2009 10:58AM

welcome to the internet, 5 years ago

How to get your 1st BJ

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