How to get your 1st BJ

dazftw

Ok, let me tell you how you get your first BJ.

So I was sitting in school one day and my friend comes up to me and tells me all about how this really hot girl thinks I'm kind of cute. Apparently she had seen me at a session over the summer (This was in september right after school started and I have that effect on girls when I'm a bit drunk and social ) and liked what she saw. But I was a being a little bitch and didn't really think much more than "Whatever, my friend is probably being an asshole but if it is true, at least some girl likes me".

Fast forward a month and I was standing at my locker getting ready to go home. Packin up, gettin ready for Friday night. Suddenly this girl (We'll call her Stacy) is standing right next to me. All I could croak out was "Wassup?". The rest of the conversation went something like this...

Stacy: Hey Dazzzzzzzzz (Hello, my name is Daz and for the record she did extend my name like that).
Me: Hey Stacy, what's goin on?
Stacy: So have you heard the news?
Me: (At this point I had a feeling of what was going on but I played dumb) Umm no what?
Stacy: I think you're cute.
Me: You're not so bad yourself (Smooth huh?).
Stacy: Sooo my boyfriend broke up with me recently and I've been pretty lonely but I was wondering if you could help me out...
Me: (Blown away, no pun intended) What did you have in mind?
Stacy: Are you gonna be around tonight?
Me: Umm yea... in fact I have the house to myself tonight (My parents were with my older brother looking at colleges around the country. How lucky was I so far. And no I did not have a session in mind, I appreciate my belongings).
Stacy: Goooood. Gimme your address and I'll be over at 9.
Me: Aight, cool. (It was so hot, she wrote her info on my hand and I wrote mine on hers)

But now I'm freakin out. I'm so scared that I'm gonna **** something up, or do something retarded. But eventually I collect my self and set up for that night. My friend pulls through and drops some drinks off for me while I try to clean up a little (No homo).

So at 9 she shows up and tbh I was surprised. Even though she only had her provisional license, she stole her mams car and drove. As soon as I close the door we're on top of each other. Some how we get to the kitchen and start doing shots. Then she whispers to me and says "I want to give you a night you'll never forget". She rips off my pants and gets right in there. It was going to amazing but just as I was about to blow, my mom walks in, gets scared, and says you're moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought nah forget it, yo home to bel-air! I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby yo, homes smell you later! looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.

hussey

I want my two minutes back

Tar.Aldarion

I guessed it as I've seen many similar before. First time I got a good laugh.

AlmightyCushion

Admit it your first blow job was when you were hammered at a mates house and you decided to smear pedigree chum on your dick and have his dog lick it off.

Cunny-Funt

Actually, this is how you get your 1st BJ...

















Don't look at me like that, its as old as what he did

amacachi

This thread disappoints, I was expecting some useful ab exercise tips.

randylonghorn

hussey wrote: »

I want my two minutes back

I bet that's what the women usually say to the OP ... >_>

bronte

Oh FFS! you got your first blow job from your sister didn't you?
Admit it...you enjoyed it...you still think about it...no blow job since has ever lived up to it.

Tar.Aldarion

hussey wrote: »

I want my two minutes back

That's what she said!

AlmightyCushion

randylonghorn wrote: »

I bet that's what the women usually say to the OP ... >_>

I doubt he even lasts that long. :pac:

Senna

I should have know from the thread title and the fact that it wasn't locked after 5 minutes that it was going to be crap.

OpenYourEyes

Y'no the end of that story is kinda catchy! Im thinking if you put a simple beat to it it could be quite popular!

AlmightyCushion

OpenYourEyes wrote: »

Y'no the end of that story is kinda catchy! Im thinking if you put a simple beat to it it could be quite popular!

We could make a tv show as well. I smell a money maker.

bronte

I bags 50% shares :pac:

Tar.Aldarion

bronte wrote: »

Oh FFS! you got your first blow job from your sister didn't you?
Admit it...you enjoyed it...you still think about it...no blow job since has ever lived up to it.

No, you were just pretending to be my sister, it was hawwwt

bronte

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

No, you were just pretending to be my sister, it was hawwwt

:eek: just....:eek:

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Cunny-Funt wrote: »

Actually, this is how you get your 1st BJ...





Don't look at me like that, its as old as what he did

Oh no you didn't....

Tar.Aldarion

bronte wrote: »

:eek: just....:eek:

Hey baby, don't knock wincest. :pac:

Dboy85

I dropped trou half way through the story and yanked...25seconds later read on and boy am I glad i'm a randy tosser:pac: lol

randylonghorn

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

We could make a tv show as well. I smell a money shot.

FYP

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

No, you were just pretending to be my sister, it was hawwwt

Well, you were pretending to be your sister too, so we're now into the realms of lesbian sex. Score!!

Dboy85 wrote: »

I dropped trou half way through the story and yanked...25seconds later read on and boy am I glad i'm a randy tosser:pac: lol

You're no such thing ...

/squints

... at least, I don't ever remember you tossing me ...

Mr.Lizard

FYI stories with the Fresh Prince ending should be no longer than 200 words and should end at "yo home to bel-air" not "my throne as the prince of bel-air" (which is superfluous to the punchline).

Dardania

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

FYI stories with the Fresh Prince ending should be no longer than 200 words and should end at "yo home to bel-air" not "my throne as the prince of bel-air" (which is superfluous to the punchline).

i never knew there was an "art" of telling stories endin with bel-air...kinda like limericks or Haiku?

SoWatchaWant

You're a legend.

javaboy

OP I think someone else must have been using the internet at the same time as you because there's been a case of crossed wires in your post. You probably didn't notice but what's happened is half way through your interesting story about getting a blowjob, somehow someone else's post about the lyrics to the TV show Fresh Prince of Bel Air has become mixed in with your own.
Maybe someone else is using your wireless router.
Anyway please finish the story as I'm going soft here.

SoupyNorman

Here was my 1st

Roadend

javaboy wrote: »

OP I think someone else must have been using the internet at the same time as you because there's been a case of crossed wires in your post. You probably didn't notice but what's happened is half way through your interesting story about getting a blowjob, somehow someone else's post about the lyrics to the TV show Fresh Prince of Bel Air has become mixed in with your own.
Maybe someone else is using your wireless router.
Anyway please finish the story as I'm going soft here.

Actually the problem is that post was shamelessly stolen from elsewhere

Snowie

i thaught you just push her head down and tell her to get busy and point out any mistakes along the way

weeder

dazftw wrote: »

Ok, let me tell you how you get your first BJ.

So I was sitting in school one day and my friend comes up to me and tells me all about how this really hot girl thinks I'm kind of cute. Apparently she had seen me at a session over the summer (This was in september right after school started and I have that effect on girls when I'm a bit drunk and social ) and liked what she saw. But I was a being a little bitch and didn't really think much more than "Whatever, my friend is probably being an asshole but if it is true, at least some girl likes me".

Fast forward a month and I was standing at my locker getting ready to go home. Packin up, gettin ready for Friday night. Suddenly this girl (We'll call her Stacy) is standing right next to me. All I could croak out was "Wassup?". The rest of the conversation went something like this...

Stacy: Hey Dazzzzzzzzz (Hello, my name is Daz and for the record she did extend my name like that).
Me: Hey Stacy, what's goin on?
Stacy: So have you heard the news?
Me: (At this point I had a feeling of what was going on but I played dumb) Umm no what?
Stacy: I think you're cute.
Me: You're not so bad yourself (Smooth huh?).
Stacy: Sooo my boyfriend broke up with me recently and I've been pretty lonely but I was wondering if you could help me out...
Me: (Blown away, no pun intended) What did you have in mind?
Stacy: Are you gonna be around tonight?
Me: Umm yea... in fact I have the house to myself tonight (My parents were with my older brother looking at colleges around the country. How lucky was I so far. And no I did not have a session in mind, I appreciate my belongings).
Stacy: Goooood. Gimme your address and I'll be over at 9.
Me: Aight, cool. (It was so hot, she wrote her info on my hand and I wrote mine on hers)

But now I'm freakin out. I'm so scared that I'm gonna **** something up, or do something retarded. But eventually I collect my self and set up for that night. My friend pulls through and drops some drinks off for me while I try to clean up a little (No homo).

So at 9 she shows up and tbh I was surprised. Even though she only had her provisional license, she stole her mams car and drove. As soon as I close the door we're on top of each other. Some how we get to the kitchen and start doing shots. Then she whispers to me and says "I want to give you a night you'll never forget". She rips off my pants and gets right in there. It was going to amazing but just as I was about to blow, my mom walks in, gets scared, and says you're moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought nah forget it, yo home to bel-air! I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby yo, homes smell you later! looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.

cool story bro

Darragh29

OpenYourEyes wrote: »

Y'no the end of that story is kinda catchy! Im thinking if you put a simple beat to it it could be quite popular!

Will Smith "getting jiggy with it" is here playin on the radio and I'm lmao!

Private Dancer

dazftw wrote: »

Ok, let me tell you how you get your first BJ.

So I was sitting in school one day and my friend comes up to me and tells me all about how this really hot girl thinks I'm kind of cute. Apparently she had seen me at a session over the summer (This was in september right after school started and I have that effect on girls when I'm a bit drunk and social ) and liked what she saw. But I was a being a little bitch and didn't really think much more than "Whatever, my friend is probably being an asshole but if it is true, at least some girl likes me".

Fast forward a month and I was standing at my locker getting ready to go home. Packin up, gettin ready for Friday night. Suddenly this girl (We'll call her Stacy) is standing right next to me. All I could croak out was "Wassup?". The rest of the conversation went something like this...

Stacy: Hey Dazzzzzzzzz (Hello, my name is Daz and for the record she did extend my name like that).
Me: Hey Stacy, what's goin on?
Stacy: So have you heard the news?
Me: (At this point I had a feeling of what was going on but I played dumb) Umm no what?
Stacy: I think you're cute.
Me: You're not so bad yourself (Smooth huh?).
Stacy: Sooo my boyfriend broke up with me recently and I've been pretty lonely but I was wondering if you could help me out...
Me: (Blown away, no pun intended) What did you have in mind?
Stacy: Are you gonna be around tonight?
Me: Umm yea... in fact I have the house to myself tonight (My parents were with my older brother looking at colleges around the country. How lucky was I so far. And no I did not have a session in mind, I appreciate my belongings).
Stacy: Goooood. Gimme your address and I'll be over at 9.
Me: Aight, cool. (It was so hot, she wrote her info on my hand and I wrote mine on hers)

But now I'm freakin out. I'm so scared that I'm gonna **** something up, or do something retarded. But eventually I collect my self and set up for that night. My friend pulls through and drops some drinks off for me while I try to clean up a little (No homo).

So at 9 she shows up and tbh I was surprised. Even though she only had her provisional license, she stole her mams car and drove. As soon as I close the door we're on top of each other. Some how we get to the kitchen and start doing shots. Then she whispers to me and says "I want to give you a night you'll never forget". She rips off my pants and gets right in there. It was going to amazing but just as I was about to blow, my mom walks in, gets scared, and says you're moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought nah forget it, yo home to bel-air! I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby yo, homes smell you later! looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.

That was odd

Fighting Irish

welcome to the internet, 5 years ago

Stercus Accidit

I skipped to the last sentence, saw your failure, and posted this to inform you, OP, of your failure.

You Fail OP, You Fail!

SoupyNorman

Fighting Irish wrote: »

welcome to the internet, 5 years ago

You're really all about the tinternets generalisms today.

SV

hahaha, I liked it

Fighting Irish

SoupyNorman wrote: »

You're really all about the tinternets generalisms today.

I'm stating the facts

JC 2K3

This thread is now about Mary Harney:

hobochris

JC 2K3 wrote: »

This thread is now about Mary Harney:

Jesus what a waste....


All the money we spent on cheese burgers for that fat mess.

Reflector

Is your life being filmed for MTV???

Anyway for your first bj try either Yoga

or

If you bring 15euro into the public toilets in the ILAC centre some old guy will do you, you might bargain him down so you can get a big mac meal after.