Giving up seats for pregnant women

chickenhawk · 20-04-2009 06:50PM

I've given my seat up many a time, on the sligo-dublin train, to old or pregnant people.

I once got up and offered an old woman who was clearly having trouble standing with the motion of the train. When i offered she said there was someone sitting there. I looked around and some little tosser had jumped into the seat. I went over and asked him to move. Got the usual f-off response. Some guy came over and he helped insist that the old lady should be sitting there. He got up then. But the embarrassment of someone seeing me take some old ladys seat would kill me. I have no idea how he could do it with two lads pointing it out to him.

Redpunto · 20-04-2009 07:01PM

Will always offer my seat to someone who may need it - having been pregnant twice - i have never been offered a seat

CathyMoran · 20-04-2009 07:16PM

Hmm, I would admit that I dont tend to give up seats on buses/trains but then again I need the seat for medical reasons. When I was younger I used to though. I would also have a problem in giving up a seat for someone who was older as what do you define as being old? OK, someone in their 80's is obviously old but someone in their 70's can look like someone in their 50's?

Stheno · 20-04-2009 07:23PM

The most horrid time I had on public transport was in Jan. 2005 when I fractured my hip and had a trapped nerve after being pushed over on the street.

At the time I was contracting and stupidly didn't have income protection, so it was work and eat, or heal and starve

Anyhoo, I was commuting from Laois to Baggot St at the time, the train was ok, as I could get a seat every morning, but then there was the appalling scrum to get off the train.

Even worse was trying to get a bus at heuston, being on crutches at the time, I would wait to get on as I was a bit slow, and ALWAYS ended up standing, usually squashed up at the front, just ahead of the stairs.

There were days when I literally vomited with pain getting off the bus after being pushed, shoved, elbowed, and stood on, due to other commuters far too eager to get on/off/into work whatever.

In eight weeks of being on crutches I was offered a seat once in that time.
I was working with two pregnant ladies also at the time, both 30+ weeks so obviously pregnant, and they also had simliar experiences.

It was almost as if in the daily melee of getting to work on public transport, people completely forgot their manners. I rarely use public transport now (live/work in an area where it's not really available) so it's interesting to see that it's the same.

I tended in the past to offer my seat to old/pregnant/infirm people, and they were often pleasantly surprised when I did so.

Thoie · 20-04-2009 07:31PM

The simplest, most non-offensive way of offering your seat to someone if you're unsure about their age/gestation is to say "Excuse me, I'm getting off soon, would you like my seat?". Even if you're lying and not getting off soon it's an acceptable lie.

The worst one was one time I was on crutches (broken ankle), and a frail ancient old lady got on and could barely walk, let alone stand. After a minute or two when it was obvious that no-one else was going to let her sit, I gave her my seat before she collapsed. Thankfully not long after that some teenager finally came back to our planet and gave me his seat. I don't think he was being deliberately rude to start with, I think he was just elsewhere.

Stheno · 20-04-2009 07:56PM

Thoie wrote: »

I don't think he was being deliberately rude to start with, I think he was just elsewhere.

That's a good way to put it, people kinda switch off and go into drone mode during their travel time on the bus/luas/train whatever and don't really notice stuff around them.

banshee_bones · 20-04-2009 08:19PM

nouggatti wrote: »

That's a good way to put it, people kinda switch off and go into drone mode during their travel time on the bus/luas/train whatever and don't really notice stuff around them.

yeah I would imagine this is the case for alot of people... some can be really tired before or after work, you put in your earphones and nothing else really...exists... i know it sounds terribly selfish....but i guess its just what some people do...
Personally, after a few 12 hour days in college in my final year i almost forgot to get off at my stop!

blinding · 20-04-2009 08:58PM

There should be some sort of "seat donor hat" that can be displayed in these circumstances which would remove a lot of shenanigans or such like

And I really resent women that get pregnant just to get a seat (only joking)

Blush_01 · 20-04-2009 11:01PM

To be honest, if anyone was to look at me on a train or bus they'd think I was a lazy heifer for not giving up my seat. What they wouldn't see is the fact that I can't really walk that well at the moment, and if I'm to stand for any length of time it's on my one good leg, as my other ankle is still in bits. I know not everyone is in the same boat, but you can't actually tell why someone isn't offering up their seat to someone.

For most people, if you were to see someone on crutches you'd give your seat up for them - the fact that they injured themselves somehow isn't your problem, but you'd still do it out of decency. I don't see how old age or pregnancy is any different. It may technically be your "fault" but that doesn't negate the fact that someone else has a greater need for some consideration than usual and, imho, should get it.

Salome · 20-04-2009 11:16PM

I agree with pretty much all that was mentioned - it's only good manners to offer a seat to a person who needs it, for whatever reason.

What gets on my wotsits is people who think they have a divine right to a seat. For example, my mother recalled an incident on a bus recently where a black lady and her child were sitting on seat to the front of the downstairs. This old biddy gets on and insisted on the black lady moving her child so the old bid could sit down - even though there were other seats behind which were vacant!!!!! The black lady obviously had more manners than the old bid - she moved her child. The old bid was only going 3 stops. That makes my blood boil.

Old people are often very demanding and downright rude - unnecessarily in a lot of cases.

Piste · 20-04-2009 11:52PM

Should we give up our seats to overweight people as well, given that, like pregnant women, they got themselves into the situation and are probably uncomfortable carrying so much weight?

Piste · 20-04-2009 11:57PM

Thaedydal wrote: »

Oh look someone who doesn't know the logical reason why women were always offered ( offered not given ) a seat,that answer is periods.
Nothing worse then being wracked with craps and feeling unwell and having to stand,there for it was good manners and courtesy to offer your seat to a lady this assume that you are a gentleman.

That's a good point, when I have cramps the last thing I want to do is stand, especially if it's a crowded Luas and I end up feeling faint and dizzy.

Do you think many mess actually offer seats because of periods though? Like if you asked them why they did it they'd probably say "iunno, I was raised that way" as opposed to "I thought she might be suffering from dreadful cramps".

Salome · 20-04-2009 11:57PM

I'm overweight and I don't expect anyone to move for me. I'm quite capable of standing - extra weight or not.

Stheno · 20-04-2009 11:58PM

Salome wrote: »

I agree with pretty much all that was mentioned - it's only good manners to offer a seat to a person who needs it, for whatever reason.

What gets on my wotsits is people who think they have a divine right to a seat. For example, my mother recalled an incident on a bus recently where a black lady and her child were sitting on seat to the front of the downstairs. This old biddy gets on and insisted on the black lady moving her child so the old bid could sit down - even though there were other seats behind which were vacant!!!!! The black lady obviously had more manners than the old bid - she moved her child. The old bid was only going 3 stops. That makes my blood boil.

Old people are often very demanding and downright rude - unnecessarily in a lot of cases.

This might seem very trite, but in Irish society today, I'm not surprised by that, older people brought up with the values they have must be horrified by some behaviour now.

Good for this lady imo, I was always brought up to respect the elderly and sometimes what I read on here (Not your post might I add) makes my blood boil.

Salome · 21-04-2009 12:02AM

nouggatti wrote: »

This might seem very trite, but in Irish society today, I'm not surprised by that, older people brought up with the values they have must be horrified by some behaviour now.

Good for this lady imo, I was always brought up to respect the elderly and sometimes what I read on here (Not your post might I add) makes my blood boil.

I do respect the elderly but some elderly people, mostly women in my experience, don't show any respect to others. I find this remarkably rude. Respect is a two-way thing, IMO.

ceegee · 21-04-2009 12:38AM

nouggatti wrote: »

This might seem very trite, but in Irish society today, I'm not surprised by that, older people brought up with the values they have must be horrified by some behaviour now.

Good for this lady imo, I was always brought up to respect the elderly and sometimes what I read on here (Not your post might I add) makes my blood boil.

And plenty of old people were brought up to think that Rosa Parks should have given up her seat. Even it was just coincidence she asked a black child to give up their seat, how can you find it acceptable to make a child sit apart from its mother just because some auld one was too lazy to walk further down the aisle

minidazzler · 21-04-2009 01:17AM

I will give my Seat up to
Elderly
Pregnant
Disabled, (My sister is in a Wheelchair so I will give for anyone who is disabled)
Someone who looks like they really need it.

But I will not give it to someone on the basis that they are
Overweight
A woman (Never just because she is a woman, but because It would be awkward and they would likely get the wrong impression)
Drunk
Or otherwise off Sober

I know these make me sound like an A-hole, but they are just my personal general guides for who gets my seat. I am 19 with a back that is as bad as my 45 year old Dad's because I have been carrying my sister since I was 9. I am not putting it under strain for someone with little or no discomfort.

I would also say it to people to get up for the Old, sick, Pregnant, Disabled. Simply because I enjoy being mean to A-holes.:D

21-04-2009 07:17AM

minidazzler wrote: »

I will give my Seat up to
Elderly
Pregnant
Disabled, (My sister is in a Wheelchair so I will give for anyone who is disabled)
Someone who looks like they really need it.
..........

I know these make me sound like an A-hole,

Certainly makes you sound like anything but an asshole. You are kind but not an idiot. Pat on the back

The Sweeper · 21-04-2009 07:48AM

I nearly passed out one day on a rush hour train into central London. It was just a bad morning - I was hot, started to feel dizzy, I'm sure I turned grey, the train was packed, and I decided 'I have to sit on the floor here or I'm going to faint'. Just as I started to move about (packed train, people stuffed in the aisles) trying to make room among the briefcases so I could sink to the ground, a woman in the seats beside me stood up and gave me her seat. I thanked her profusely. She must have realised that if I didn't get to sit down, then within a few seconds I was going to be everybody's problem!

Every one of the five men who occupied the rest of the six-seat berth sighed and huffed and glared at me as I sat down. I think it was because they were embarassed by the other woman's action of offering the seat to me.

timbel · 21-04-2009 08:03AM

Its a disgrace.
A few years back, my pregnant wife fainted on the 39 bus. She got this bus every morning - was never offered a seat. She said everyone would make sure not to make eye contact with her, so as not to give up their precious seat. I don't know what is wrong with people in Ireland these days.

Chocoholic84 · 21-04-2009 09:04AM

Scien wrote: »

No, i'm not implying anything of the sort so you can come down from your moral feministic pedestal that you've leaped onto.
MY upbringing thought me to be polite and courteous, so if it's my prerogitive to offer someone a seat on a bus then i'll continue to do so.

I'm not on a feministic pedestal at all - i think you're the one on a "sexism" pedestal! I believe what you said was:

"If a Man has any ounce of decency & manners he'll offer his seat to any woman, regardless of physical state."

Now tell me, why do you think that? I really would like to know why you think a man should offer a woman a seat, purely because she's a woman.

As for the opening a door thing...nope, I don't mind a door being opened for me - why would I?

Stheno · 21-04-2009 09:48AM

ceegee wrote: »

And plenty of old people were brought up to think that Rosa Parks should have given up her seat. Even it was just coincidence she asked a black child to give up their seat, how can you find it acceptable to make a child sit apart from its mother just because some auld one was too lazy to walk further down the aisle

Sorry I didn't notice the part of the thread where it said there were vacant seats, apologies.

shellyboo · 21-04-2009 10:01AM

Piste wrote: »

Should we give up our seats to overweight people as well, given that, like pregnant women, they got themselves into the situation and are probably uncomfortable carrying so much weight?

Not the same, really. Like, I'm used to carrying my extra weight, my body has adapted to it - it's not a strain on me to walk or stand because this is the way I am every day. It's a hard one to think about, but do you even feel the weight of your own body when you stand? I don't, it's just my body. I think that's the same for everyone.

However, a pregnant woman - her body (and by body I mean like, her legs and back) is not accustomed to carrying maybe an extra 15lbs in weight that's suddenly been acquired over the course of a few months. That's very uncomfortable for someone, and more to the point dangerous. It's the difference between carrying your own body weight, whatever that may be; and carrying your own body plus a big sack of potatoes as well.

I can't imagine how much having a big baby bump throws off your balance - I find it hard enough to keep my balance when the bus is moving. It's just plain dangerous for a pregnant woman to stand on a moving bus, what if she fell? And the same goes for an elderly person. They're more likely to get injured if the bus has to stop suddenly. Whereas me, a fat person, I'll just fall and hurt myself as much as a thin person would. Except maybe less cos I have more padding

Mr. Frost · 21-04-2009 10:09AM

Scien wrote: »

I think you'll be hard pushed to get anyone to agree with that.

If a Man has any ounce of decency & manners he'll offer his seat to any woman, regardless of physical state.

Eh..is it only men that have to give their seat to a pregnant woman? I think not.

Mr. Frost · 21-04-2009 10:13AM

minidazzler wrote: »

I will give my Seat up to
Elderly
Pregnant
Disabled, (My sister is in a Wheelchair so I will give for anyone who is disabled)
Someone who looks like they really need it.

But I will not give it to someone on the basis that they are
Overweight
A woman (Never just because she is a woman, but because It would be awkward and they would likely get the wrong impression)
Drunk
Or otherwise off Sober

I know these make me sound like an A-hole, but they are just my personal general guides for who gets my seat. I am 19 with a back that is as bad as my 45 year old Dad's because I have been carrying my sister since I was 9. I am not putting it under strain for someone with little or no discomfort.

I would also say it to people to get up for the Old, sick, Pregnant, Disabled. Simply because I enjoy being mean to A-holes.:D

I'd tell you to get up off your seat instead, who are you to tell me to?

I do agree with the first part of your post though!

minidazzler · 21-04-2009 10:17AM

shellyboo wrote: »

However, a pregnant woman - her body (and by body I mean like, her legs and back) is not accustomed to carrying maybe an extra 15lbs in weight that's suddenly been acquired over the course of a few months.

And it is held in a place that totally shifts the center of gravity to the front of the body, which is one of the reasons you see alot of pregnant women either hunching over or leaning right back, rarely standing up straight. This causes all sort of terrible strains on the back and shoulders.

Mr. Frost wrote: »

I'd tell you to get up off your seat instead, who are you to tell me to?

I do agree with the first part of your post though!

Sorry for not being clear, I meant if I was already standing, if I had been sitting I would have already given up my seat.

Maddison · 21-04-2009 10:36AM

shellyboo wrote: »

But I wouldn't give up my seat out of reveration (is that a word?) or admiration... I'd give up my seat because that woman is essentially carrying something very heavy, which is throwing off her balance. It's uncomfortable and dangerous for her to stand, just the same as it's uncomfortable and dangerous for an elderly person to stand - if they fall, they could get injured more easily that I could if I fell.

I don't think it has to do with revering pregnancy, I think it's basic manners to give the seat to the person who needs the seat the most.

I was brought up my my gran so she was a sargeant major when it came to manners and respect and if i didnt give up my seat i would have got a clip on the ear. I remember her giving me a good smack because i didnt hold open the doors of the ilac for he(was daydreaming at the time)that was when i was 22! I believe in good manners and intend to pass that onto my children.

Das Kitty · 21-04-2009 10:49AM

What's wrong with asking for a seat? Are we really that shy that when in discomfort we wouldn't ask someone could we have a seat (although not the same person every time)?

When I was 15 I had a problem with my leg, walking was fine once I got going but standing was agony. Even then I wasn't afraid to ask for a seat and I was pretty shy when I was 15.

enda1 · 21-04-2009 11:06AM

Maddison wrote: »

I was brought up my my gran so she was a sargeant major when it came to manners and respect and if i didnt give up my seat i would have got a clip on the ear. I remember her giving me a good smack because i didnt hold open the doors of the ilac for he(was daydreaming at the time)that was when i was 22! I believe in good manners and intend to pass that onto my children.

By the way "smacking" someone isn't very good manners. Maybe you should rethink your Granny's methods before beating your kids around.

Mr. Frost · 21-04-2009 11:10AM

enda1 wrote: »

By the way "smacking" someone isn't very good manners. Maybe you should rethink your Granny's methods before beating your kids around.

And manners is telling someone how to raise their kids? Suggesting the poster 'beats her kids around'? Take it elsewhere why don't you.

Giving up seats for pregnant women

Comments