What are the best ways to annoy your girlfriend??

Brian_Uckfast · 15-04-2009 08:00PM

Put chewing gum on her furniture!!...(trust me! :rolleyes: )

Whosbetter? · 15-04-2009 08:01PM

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

Put chewing gum on her furniture!!...(trust me! :rolleyes: )

On her pillow would be better.:D

thebiggestjim · 15-04-2009 08:03PM

When girls don't put out!!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

herobear · 15-04-2009 08:09PM

fhuta!

Lilyblue · 15-04-2009 08:10PM

thebiggestjim wrote: »

When girls don't put out!!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Didn't really happen did it BigJim?

mayotom · 15-04-2009 08:14PM

thebiggestjim wrote: »

When girls don't put out!!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

thats an old one, have you not got any of your own

Brian_Uckfast · 15-04-2009 08:16PM

mayotom wrote: »

thats an old one, have you not got any of your own

Did you really have to quote that?

Sanjuro · 15-04-2009 08:19PM

Break up with her. It sure annoyed my ex to the nth degree.

thebiggestjim · 15-04-2009 08:22PM

Lilyblue wrote: »

Didn't really happen did it BigJim?

of course not

Brian_Uckfast · 15-04-2009 08:22PM

I just realised this post is gonna piss her off if she sees it!!

Back of the net!

pablomakaveli · 15-04-2009 08:23PM

Give her a "Spiderman".

Lilyblue · 15-04-2009 08:30PM

thebiggestjim wrote: »

of course not

Haven't heard it in a while, good man

harney · 15-04-2009 08:34PM

I find quoting the tactics employed by Dr Phil and Nanny 911 are very effective, in fact may I even suggest the "naughty corner" or what every it is called is genius - 1 minute for every year of age in the naughty corner*

Whosbetter? wrote: »

Tell her, her arse does look big that.

Proceed to point out that her sisters wouldn't

*Not my problem when she tries to murder you

useful_contacts · 15-04-2009 08:43PM

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

Was reading these somewhere, dont know if I have the gonads to try them out though!! Priceless

1. Make an extremely challenging puzzle for her to accomplish in order to get some gift. Make sure to give her clues that wont actually help her.

no as a woman id be insulted if you tried to get me to win gifts

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

2. Find her wallet and move all her cards around. Be sure to flip some over too.

I wouldnt even notice tbh

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

3. Explain something extremely vaguely. Use lots of hand gestures and pretend you're frustrated when you're talking. It's bound to do the same to her..

Ah....no

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

4. Act childish. When she tells you stop, throw a little tantrum.

Guaranteed success!!..

Not really

If you want no sex ever then go ahead

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

Any more??...

If she asks "does my bum look big in this" say yes

When your lying in bed and hugging ask her "Is she getting chunkier because she feels chunkier"(got this from Scrubs)

When your in a very pubic place(Like at the counter in Mc Donalds where people can hear) say "So when we going to do the threesome we were taking about

deepriver · 15-04-2009 08:43PM

girlfriend: I want to have kids

me: nah lets just get a dog

Girlfriend storms of making dramatic sighing noises and banging things while I chuckle to myself and high five internally

Brian_Uckfast · 15-04-2009 08:47PM

useful_contacts wrote: »

no as a woman id be insulted if you tried to get me to win gifts

I wouldnt even notice tbh

Ah....no

Not really

If you want no sex ever then go ahead

If she asks "does my bum look big in this" say yes

When your lying in bed and hugging ask her "Is she getting chunkier because she feels chunkier"(got this from Scrubs)

When your in a very pubic place(Like at the counter in Mc Donalds where people can hear) say "So when we going to do the threesome we were taking about

So you speak on behalf of everyone? Maybe you have achieved inner peace. You shouldn't post about things you know nothing about

Abi · 15-04-2009 08:47PM

Behaving like Drop Dead Fred would be fun.

* Call her "Snot face" frequently.

* Cut off chunks of her hair

* Pour cornflakes / random food all over the floor

* Drag a bucket of mud into the house containing as many worms as you can find and ask if she'd like to make mud and worm pies

* Eat the them

The possibilities are endless.. Refrain from washing and shaving, take to walking around in the nip, always leave skiddys in the toilet..

useful_contacts · 15-04-2009 08:49PM

Brian_Uckfast wrote: »

You shouldn't post about things you know nothing about

Well why you on here posting about women so?

Brian_Uckfast · 15-04-2009 08:50PM

useful_contacts wrote: »

Well why you on here posting about women so?

Did that post annoy you??

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 15-04-2009 09:03PM

Abigayle wrote: »

Behaving like Drop Dead Fred would be fun.
..

Shave the neighbours pussy?

Owenw · 15-04-2009 09:19PM

useful_contacts wrote: »

When your in a very pubic place(Like at the counter in Mc Donalds where people can hear) say "So when we going to do the threesome we were taking about

I'd say we'd be well passed the asking stage... :pac:

bah da da da dahh...

15-04-2009 09:56PM

Brian_Uckfast wrote:

2. Find her wallet and move all her cards around. Be sure to flip some over too.

Do you have your cards all in order and facing front? That's one of the defining traits of a psychopath.

shezzie · 15-04-2009 10:46PM

thebiggestjim wrote: »

When girls don't put out!!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

even as a woman i found that hilarious - if my boyfriend did that to me though no yeah i would still find that hilarious -

god love you though you probably would have had the night of your life if you had bought the stuff....

ah well - you had a good laugh at least lol

Whosbetter? · 15-04-2009 11:03PM

Hog the bathroom, use more makeup than she does, & keep 'borrowing' her hair straightner.

Captain Slow IRL · 15-04-2009 11:09PM

Abigayle wrote: »

* Eat them

That annoys ye?!

shezzie · 15-04-2009 11:10PM

all ye have to do is just open your mouth really for most women thats gets them straight of - or play on the xbox or playstation or boards -

i must be the only easy going gal here

nothing he does pisses me of that much little things yes but i like to think i can take a joke and laugh at life so it would take alot to get my goat

most guys usually want the quiet life with the OH so why create the grief dont ye all get enough naturally...hahaha

Sleipnir · 15-04-2009 11:14PM

During an argument, keep saying "enhance your calm" or "enhance you calm, John Spartan". Drives my girlfriend ****ing nuts.

mini mouse · 15-04-2009 11:29PM

the thing that bugs me most is when my boy constantly complains about something yet does nothing ....actually wait no he does somethin that'd make it worse....then proceeds to complain about it again and again and again !!!!
makes ya close to strangeling em after a while

GLaDOS · 15-04-2009 11:46PM

Revoke her right to vote

El Weirdo · 15-04-2009 11:53PM

galwayrush wrote: »

Wiping your dick off the curtains always works.:D

Ah... The zuffle... Nice.

pablomakaveli wrote: »

Give her a "Spiderman".

... swiftly followed by the "Monkey Face".

What are the best ways to annoy your girlfriend??

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