Wanted: crew for heist (nobody gets killed)

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:17PM #1

I'm putting together a crew for a particularly dangerous heist. The risks are high, but the rewards are worth it. For me, this will be my last job before retirement. I want to settle down with my sweetheart, maybe buy a house with a porch, a nice white picket fence, raise a family.

Anybody who comes in on this, does so on the condition that nobody gets killed. Plus, know that there's a tough, unorthodox, loose cannon detective all over me like a cheap suit. It's personal (I killed his partner, and accidentally killed his young son), and although he's been stripped of his badge and piece, he seems to be working the case now in his own time. I'm no psychiatrist, but from my dealings with him, I'd say he lives life firmly on the edge. I just thought I should make all the facts available.

Any takers?

giggsy664 · 08-04-2009 11:18PM

Ja

arse..biscuits · 08-04-2009 11:21PM

Will there be a black guy on the crew to say "Dammmmnnnnn" every now and again

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:22PM

giggsy664 wrote: »

Ja

You've got balls. I'll give you that. But can you restrain yourself from killing a civilian when the chips are down? I don't see much evidence of that in your demeanour.

zuroph · 08-04-2009 11:23PM

Im in. I may have a history with your girlfriend though.

08-04-2009 11:23PM

Can we provide our own gun?

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:23PM

arse..biscuits wrote: »

Will there be a black guy on the crew to say "Dammmmnnnnn" every now and again

Yeah, Leroy's in. Best damn getaway man I ever worked with. He's also been shot in every single caper we've ever pulled, but somehow pulls through. Man's got more lives than a cat.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:24PM

zuroph wrote: »

Im in. I may have a history with your girlfriend though.

Can't see that causing too many problems when the stress amps up. I am violently jealous, but business is business.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:25PM

Random wrote: »

Can we provide our own gun?

Once you're not one of those crazy cats who brings a gun that would stop a tank in its tracks. Bring something practical. M16 at the very -- and I do mean 'very' -- most.

giggsy664 · 08-04-2009 11:26PM

dublinario wrote: »

You've got balls. I'll give you that. But can you restrain yourself from killing a civilian when the chips are down? I don't see much evidence of that in your demeanour.

Ja. Das ist true

Und ich nein das Nazi

Blush_01 · 08-04-2009 11:26PM

Gun? Did someone say gun? I'm in! (Plus I make a mean chocolate brownie - crews need energy.)

zuroph · 08-04-2009 11:27PM

dublinario wrote: »

Can't see that causing too many problems when the stress amps up. I am violently jealous, but business is business.

Cool. Its business.. its business time.

tony1kenobi · 08-04-2009 11:27PM

dublinario wrote: »

I'm thinking of putting together a crew for a particularly dangerous heist. The risks are high, but the rewards are worth it. For me, this will be my last job before retirement. I want to settle down with my sweetheart, maybe buy a house with a porch, a nice white picket fence, raise a family.Any takers?

The above means it is inevitable you will die in the last act....

Leroy is black so that poor fcuker won't make it to the end of the job....

A crew is traditionally made up of 4 to six people....that leaves me a 25% chance of taking the lot......if you take on the loose cannon it bumps up my chances to 33% because that crazy asshole will shoot himself.

Count me in.

Yes, I will shoot a civilian to get to a cop.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:29PM

Blush_01 wrote: »

Gun? Did someone say gun? I'm in! (Plus I make a mean chocolate brownie - crews need energy.)

Every crew needs a full-time chef. You're in. Just make sure not to make anything with too much saturated fat. Also, learn to use a bazooka.

giggsy664 · 08-04-2009 11:29PM

dublinario wrote: »

Once you're not one of those crazy cats who brings a gun that would stop a tank in its tracks. Bring something practical. M16 at the very -- and I do mean 'very' -- most.

Das ist gut, nein?

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:30PM

zuroph wrote: »

Cool. Its business.. its business time.

I will dispassionately overlook the fact that you ultimately beat and tried to rape her, because that is personal, and this is business.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:32PM

tony1kenobi wrote: »

The above means it is inevitable you will die in the last act....

Leroy is black so that poor fcuker won't make it to the end of the job....

A crew is traditionally made up of 4 to six people....that leaves me a 25% chance of taking the lot......if you take on the loose cannon it bumps up my chances to 33% because that crazy asshole will shoot himself.

Count me in.

Yes, I will shoot a civilian to get to a cop.

The only treacherous dog I can tolerate, is an honest treacherous dog. You're in. After the heist, I will entrust you with the suitcase while I go and finish my unfinished business with the loose cannon cop. So long as you don't abscond with the money -- which I'm trusting you not to do -- everything will be fine.

FearDark · 08-04-2009 11:33PM

Count me in, I'll be the getaway driver with a big black BMW with tinted windows, have to be inconspicious.

Blush_01 · 08-04-2009 11:34PM

dublinario wrote: »

Every crew needs a full-time chef. You're in. Just make sure not to make anything with too much saturated fat. Also, learn to use a bazooka.

Done and done, sir!

Might I suggest a secret weapon?

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:34PM

I don't suppose your Asian, are you? We're trying to spread the ethnicity around. It would really help if you were Asian, or perhaps from the Pacific islands? If not, would you be prepared to 'minstrel up'?

Thrill · 08-04-2009 11:35PM

Only if I can be mister blue. No, if I have to be mister pink.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:35PM

Blush_01 wrote: »

Might I suggest a secret weapon?

It's not a laser beam, is it? Because I'm old-school.

tony1kenobi · 08-04-2009 11:35PM

dublinario wrote: »

The only treacherous dog I can tolerate, is an honest treacherous dog. You're in. After the heist, I will entrust you with the suitcase while I go and finish my unfinished business with the loose cannon cop. So long as you don't abscond with the money -- which I'm trusting you not to do -- everything will be fine.

Cool....as long as I can use the catchphrase "fcuking jackpot baby".....and you must not laugh when I say it in an American accent...maybe while smoking a fat la-di-da.

giggsy664 · 08-04-2009 11:36PM

Ist das guht? Ich heise das nein patient

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:36PM

Thrill wrote: »

Only if I can be mister blue. No way will I be mister pink.

We will all have girls names. I'm Missy, you're Jessica, Leroy is Marianne (etc etc).

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:38PM

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Cool....as long as I can use the catchphrase "fcuking jackpot baby".....and you must not laugh when I say it in an American accent...maybe while smoking a fat la-di-da.

Catchphrases will be assigned before the heist, and nobody will deviate from script. For example, when I plant a knife into the bank manager's shirt, pinning him to his office door, I will say "stick around". I will not say "get the point", or "not too sharp, are you?" I will not improvise. I will stick to the script, like all of us. "Stick around". End of story. It's when people start improvising that things go nasty.

That said, people can suggest catchphrases in advance.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:39PM

giggsy664 wrote: »

Ist das guht? Ich heise das nein patient

We'll need you for getting into and out of Berlin. That's not where the heist is, but I just have to visit my grandmother on the way.

zuroph · 08-04-2009 11:40PM

dublinario wrote: »

I will dispassionately overlook the fact that you ultimately beat and tried to rape her, because that is personal, and this is business.

That what she told you? oh that girl

. Still keeps her secrets well I see.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 11:41PM

zuroph wrote: »

That what she told you? oh that girl . Still keeps her secrets well I see.

(breathe...business is business, business is business...breathe...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Fine.

dyl10 · 08-04-2009 11:44PM

Dublinario, we've got unfinished business.
If I don't get my pay off from the last heist I'll turn your world upside down. I'll bring this goal crumbling down around you while you writhe in agony lying on that cold cell floor, ruing the day you came in contact with me.

Put up, pay up and shut up

giggsy664 · 08-04-2009 11:45PM

I have learned gooder english and I am, how you say, ready to join.

And I have winning the german national gambling company and I now have silver gun

And I got, how you say, my hair cut

Wanted: crew for heist (nobody gets killed)

Comments