Just got with a 17-year-old

LegacyUser · 05-04-2009 06:15PM #1

I'm 31. Just was with a 17 year old. Polish - only matters in that it makes me even more frightened of parents finding out and coming after me.

I didn't make the first move. I didn't exert any pressure. We didn't even go that far. It's legal. I still feel sleazy, and wonder about the next move - do I cut contact? Continue? Keep contact but say no more?

Eric Cartman · 05-04-2009 06:27PM

nothing illegal or wrong here in my view, i understand your concern about the parents but aside from that theres nothing wrong

Chucky the tree · 05-04-2009 07:22PM

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm 31. Just was with a 17 year old. Polish - only matters in that it makes me even more frightened of parents finding out and coming after me.

I didn't make the first move. I didn't exert any pressure. We didn't even go that far. It's legal. I still feel sleazy, and wonder about the next move - do I cut contact? Continue? Keep contact but say no more?

lol, you feel sleazy but you asking us if you should continue?

Did you know she was 17? I presume so. As for Eric Cartmans comment there's plenty wrong with a 31 trying to get into a 17 year olds pants ffs. Lets be honest OP if you had any standards/morals/decency etc you wouldnt even need to ask if you should cut contact, hell you wouldnt of even scored her in the first place.

fred funk }{ · 05-04-2009 08:09PM

Lets be honest OP if you had any standards/morals/decency etc you wouldnt even need to ask if you should cut contact, hell you wouldnt of even scored her in the first place.
__________________

Very unfair comment. The OP did nothing wrong albeit the age difference is substantial but perfectly legal.

MagicMarker · 05-04-2009 08:09PM

Meh, it's legal.

I can't see any reason to continue though, what on earth would you have in common with a 17 year old?

sardineta · 05-04-2009 08:11PM

Treat it as a business transaction, albeit with your payoff coming first, hers may be further down the line.

Agent Smith · 05-04-2009 08:11PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

Meh, it's legal.

I can't see any reason to continue though, what on earth would you have in common with a 17 year old?

Pretty much my sentiments

If this woman was Mid twentys, and you had nothing in common, would you keep in contact? unlikely.

Chalk it down to experiance tbh. no one got hurt, it could have been a lot worse.

Darragh29 · 05-04-2009 08:15PM

I'd be interested to know how every poster has reached the conclusion that the OP is male and the other person female???

spurious · 05-04-2009 08:16PM

Darragh29 wrote: »

I'd be interested to know how every poster has reached the conclusion that the OP is male and the other person female???

I don't know many women would go online and ask what they should do next if they'd been with someone they were old enough to be a parent to.

sardineta · 05-04-2009 08:16PM

The mention of parents in pursuit.

PeakOutput · 05-04-2009 08:17PM

just because its legal dosnt mean its right and jsut because something is illegal dosnt mean its wrong

its all about the circumstances

personally i think a 31 yr old being with a 17 yr old is completely wrong and while 'mistakes' happen the fact you are contemplating carrying it on leaves alot to be desired when it comes to your character

she is little more than a kid you are an adult if for no other reason you should stop as you are completely capable of manipulating her

im aware that the odd time people with these sort of age gaps fall in ove and get married and live happily ever after but its rare and the exception shouldnt make the rule

easyeason3 · 05-04-2009 08:20PM

You do realise that the 17 year old is young enough to be your daughter/ son?
At 31 you should have a bit more cop on.
While it may in fact be legal it's actually fairly creepy & not only will it not work out but any future potential partners you might have will be sickened by it too.

Banrion · 05-04-2009 08:23PM

Quick answer...youre an adult with life experience. The 17 yr old is eh....young. Like another poster said what could you have in common?

Leave her/him to live their lives. If its really love, you can come back to each other when the younger one has lived a bit more of his/her own life.

LegacyUser · 05-04-2009 08:32PM

OP here. Clarification - this is actually guy/guy. I said hello (not knowing he was 17). He told me he was 17. I decided to extract myself from the conversation. He then made an explicit pass, and basically said he liked older guys my age, not ones his age.

So I decided if he wanted to be with older guys, I might as well lest he end up with someone who will be much worse than I. That logic now seems like lazy self-justification (it's not often you can convince yourself you are doing the noble thing by sleeping with a 17 year old).

So now I'm torn. I'd ideally like to walk way, but now I feel some responsibility in that he doesn't keep bouncing from new guy to new guy experimenting until he finds the sleazy 35 year-old with AIDS who convinces him to have sex without condom (I'm exaggerating, but not entirely). Do I walk away? Do I continue being there to experiment with (which still feels sleazy and self-justifying)? Do I keep in touch just by sending him tips on safe living (because god knows 17 year olds listen to that sort of stuff really well)?

peekyboo · 05-04-2009 08:33PM

At 17, yes she is legal. But when I was 17 I got with a 30 year old man from America. I thought I was great and my friends did too but looking back now I can't believe he took advantage of me like that. In fairness, he didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do and didn't therefore do anything 'wrong' (we didn't have sex or anything) but I feel sick that a man that age was interested in a young girl. So legally yes it's fine but morally....that's up to you.

PirateShampoo · 05-04-2009 08:36PM

If it was my daughter then you could say good bye to ur balls.

easyeason3 · 05-04-2009 08:45PM

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. Clarification - this is actually guy/guy. I said hello (not knowing he was 17). He told me he was 17. I decided to extract myself from the conversation. He then made an explicit pass, and basically said he liked older guys my age, not ones his age.

So I decided if he wanted to be with older guys, I might as well lest he end up with someone who will be much worse than I. That logic now seems like lazy self-justification (it's not often you can convince yourself you are doing the noble thing by sleeping with a 17 year old).

So now I'm torn. I'd ideally like to walk way, but now I feel some responsibility in that he doesn't keep bouncing from new guy to new guy experimenting until he finds the sleazy 35 year-old with AIDS who convinces him to have sex without condom (I'm exaggerating, but not entirely). Do I walk away? Do I continue being there to experiment with (which still feels sleazy and self-justifying)? Do I keep in touch just by sending him tips on safe living (because god knows 17 year olds listen to that sort of stuff really well)?

WALK AWAY!!!!!!

I can't believe you're actually trying to justify this. And as regards his sexual health I'm guessing at 17 he has a fair idea what condoms are & how to use them so it won't make the slightest bit of difference whether you keep in touch to 'guide' him along the way. If he takes chances then it will be entirely his choice.
What would you do if you did start a relationship with him & he kept experimenting on the side, then contracted HIV & managed to pass it on to you?

By the sounds of it you come across as being immature.

PeakOutput · 05-04-2009 08:56PM

PeakOutput wrote: »

personally i think a 31 yr old being with a 17 yr old is completely wrong and while 'mistakes' happen the fact you are contemplating carrying it on leaves alot to be desired when it comes to your character

he is little more than a kid you are an adult if for no other reason you should stop as you are completely capable of manipulating her

quoted myself i think that it being a guy makes my second paragraph even more important

i could be completely wrong here but is the age of consent not 18 for homosexuals or is that an urban legend iv had in my head?

PirateShampoo · 05-04-2009 08:59PM

No its 17 for homosexuals.

easyeason3 · 05-04-2009 09:00PM

PeakOutput wrote: »

quoted myself i think that it being a guy makes my second paragraph even more important

i could be completely wrong here but is the age of consent not 18 for homosexuals or is that an urban legend iv had in my head?

It's 17 by law for carnal knowledge & 15 for non carnal knowledge.

artie ziff · 05-04-2009 09:05PM

OP, you're in the kind of situation that the vast majority of people can't comprehend..in my opinion you've been unfairly judged so far in this thread. Obviously you care about the 17 yr olds progress as a person. Sounds to me like you want to be a mentor to this guy but feel like you're not morally in a position to do so because you (possibly) feel like you have been seduced and therefore have shown weakness of character?

IMO you can try to help without going any further with the guy but if you then get the impression that he is doing things deliberately to gauge your reaction then you have to break all ties immediately

05-04-2009 09:07PM

PirateShampoo wrote: »

If it was my daughter then you could say good bye to ur balls.

Because nothing says 'I love you' like horrific violence against your child's consensual sexual partners.

Disease Ridden · 05-04-2009 09:13PM

I think you should leave it be. 17 is so so much younger than 31, she's far too young for you my friend. Now go, go over to the shelf and find youself a neurotic 30 something anxious to get married to any man that will have her!

Silverfish · 05-04-2009 09:14PM

Disease Ridden, please read threads before posting.

994, off-topic posting is against the charter in this forum.

TelePaul · 05-04-2009 09:20PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

non carnal knowledge.

What's that?

easyeason3 · 05-04-2009 09:23PM

artie ziff wrote: »

OP, you're in the kind of situation that the vast majority of people can't comprehend..in my opinion you've been unfairly judged so far in this thread. Obviously you care about the 17 yr olds progress as a person. Sounds to me like you want to be a mentor to this guy but feel like you're not morally in a position to do so because you (possibly) feel like you have been seduced and therefore have shown weakness of character?

IMO you can try to help without going any further with the guy but if you then get the impression that he is doing things deliberately to gauge your reaction then you have to break all ties immediately

Hey I'd say a good few of the posters have given consideration to his feelings over this too.
To me this guy sounds extremely sensitive, soft & as I have said already immature. So if he gets involved with this 17 year old & everything is rosey in the garden, what will happen when they break up?
I'm guessing if this happened that the OP would take the break up very badly. He has to watch out for his own wellbeing in the long run & maybe I'm being harsh but if it did develop into something I couldn't see it last due to the age difference.
So it's not only a moral decision but he has to factor in the hurt he would experience when it ends.

easyeason3 · 05-04-2009 09:26PM

TelePaul wrote: »

What's that?

Kissing/ hugging that kind of thing.
I'm not sure if (sorry for being crude!) relieving each other by hand would be included in that or not.

Colonel_McCoy · 05-04-2009 10:39PM

I think you know she is too young. (half your add and add 7 is a rule if heard of) . Think your are best to make no contact and leave it be, plenty others out there closer to your age.

g5fd6ow0hseima · 05-04-2009 10:44PM

Eric Cartman wrote: »

nothing illegal or wrong here in my view, i understand your concern about the parents but aside from that theres nothing wrong

just the 14 years,

LegacyUser · 05-04-2009 11:12PM

OP,
It's a taboo issue because of the age difference, but in the grand scheme of things I don't think it is such a big deal. On paper it can look like the younger person is being taken advantage of, and I'm sure that does happen quite a lot. But if you are respectful and not manipulative just for the sake of getting your hole, I don't see it as immoral at all.

I myself am mid 20's and was with a 17 year old girl for a couple of weeks. When I say 'with', it didn't pass the kissing stage. I actually didn't know she was that young until a mutual friend let me know, but even so I didn't think it was a big deal because I had no intention of using her...I liked her, she's beautiful, and we had fun together. And actually, she invited me down to her parents place for a night, which surprised me. Not to mention made me feel a bit awkward eating with them and their 17 year old daughter! Well, her parents didn't seem to have any problems with the whole thing. So I thought, well if they don't mind why should I or anyone else?

Nothing came of it in the end as it turns out, as she had arranged to go away for the whole Summer. But it was nice while it lasted and I had no moral dilemma whatsoever.

So, I think as long as you have a clear conscience about it, and treat the person right and with respect and not try to be manipulative, the age difference doesn't really mean anything.

Daithio · 05-04-2009 11:42PM

The ageism on these boards is ridiculous. 17 is above the legal age of consent and as such it's none of our business to be making judgments on what is right or wrong, or what's an appropriate age difference. A 17 year old can go off shagging 90 year olds if they want to. 17 is plenty old to be making these decisions and the OP shouldn't feel bad in the slightest.

Just got with a 17-year-old

Comments