Just got with a 17-year-old

LegacyUser

I'm 31. Just was with a 17 year old. Polish - only matters in that it makes me even more frightened of parents finding out and coming after me.

I didn't make the first move. I didn't exert any pressure. We didn't even go that far. It's legal. I still feel sleazy, and wonder about the next move - do I cut contact? Continue? Keep contact but say no more?

Eric Cartman

nothing illegal or wrong here in my view, i understand your concern about the parents but aside from that theres nothing wrong

Chucky the tree

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm 31. Just was with a 17 year old. Polish - only matters in that it makes me even more frightened of parents finding out and coming after me.

I didn't make the first move. I didn't exert any pressure. We didn't even go that far. It's legal. I still feel sleazy, and wonder about the next move - do I cut contact? Continue? Keep contact but say no more?

lol, you feel sleazy but you asking us if you should continue? Did you know she was 17? I presume so. As for Eric Cartmans comment there's plenty wrong with a 31 trying to get into a 17 year olds pants ffs. Lets be honest OP if you had any standards/morals/decency etc you wouldnt even need to ask if you should cut contact, hell you wouldnt of even scored her in the first place.

fred funk }{

Lets be honest OP if you had any standards/morals/decency etc you wouldnt even need to ask if you should cut contact, hell you wouldnt of even scored her in the first place.
__________________

Very unfair comment. The OP did nothing wrong albeit the age difference is substantial but perfectly legal.

MagicMarker

Meh, it's legal.

I can't see any reason to continue though, what on earth would you have in common with a 17 year old?

sardineta

Treat it as a business transaction, albeit with your payoff coming first, hers may be further down the line.

Agent Smith

MagicMarker wrote: »

Meh, it's legal.

I can't see any reason to continue though, what on earth would you have in common with a 17 year old?

Pretty much my sentiments


If this woman was Mid twentys, and you had nothing in common, would you keep in contact? unlikely.


Chalk it down to experiance tbh. no one got hurt, it could have been a lot worse.

Darragh29

I'd be interested to know how every poster has reached the conclusion that the OP is male and the other person female???

spurious

Darragh29 wrote: »

I'd be interested to know how every poster has reached the conclusion that the OP is male and the other person female???

I don't know many women would go online and ask what they should do next if they'd been with someone they were old enough to be a parent to.

sardineta

The mention of parents in pursuit.

PeakOutput

just because its legal dosnt mean its right and jsut because something is illegal dosnt mean its wrong

its all about the circumstances

personally i think a 31 yr old being with a 17 yr old is completely wrong and while 'mistakes' happen the fact you are contemplating carrying it on leaves alot to be desired when it comes to your character

she is little more than a kid you are an adult if for no other reason you should stop as you are completely capable of manipulating her

im aware that the odd time people with these sort of age gaps fall in ove and get married and live happily ever after but its rare and the exception shouldnt make the rule

easyeason3

You do realise that the 17 year old is young enough to be your daughter/ son?
At 31 you should have a bit more cop on.
While it may in fact be legal it's actually fairly creepy & not only will it not work out but any future potential partners you might have will be sickened by it too.

Banrion

Quick answer...youre an adult with life experience. The 17 yr old is eh....young. Like another poster said what could you have in common?

Leave her/him to live their lives. If its really love, you can come back to each other when the younger one has lived a bit more of his/her own life.

LegacyUser

OP here. Clarification - this is actually guy/guy. I said hello (not knowing he was 17). He told me he was 17. I decided to extract myself from the conversation. He then made an explicit pass, and basically said he liked older guys my age, not ones his age.

So I decided if he wanted to be with older guys, I might as well lest he end up with someone who will be much worse than I. That logic now seems like lazy self-justification (it's not often you can convince yourself you are doing the noble thing by sleeping with a 17 year old).

So now I'm torn. I'd ideally like to walk way, but now I feel some responsibility in that he doesn't keep bouncing from new guy to new guy experimenting until he finds the sleazy 35 year-old with AIDS who convinces him to have sex without condom (I'm exaggerating, but not entirely). Do I walk away? Do I continue being there to experiment with (which still feels sleazy and self-justifying)? Do I keep in touch just by sending him tips on safe living (because god knows 17 year olds listen to that sort of stuff really well)?

peekyboo

At 17, yes she is legal. But when I was 17 I got with a 30 year old man from America. I thought I was great and my friends did too but looking back now I can't believe he took advantage of me like that. In fairness, he didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do and didn't therefore do anything 'wrong' (we didn't have sex or anything) but I feel sick that a man that age was interested in a young girl. So legally yes it's fine but morally....that's up to you.

PirateShampoo

If it was my daughter then you could say good bye to ur balls.

easyeason3

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. Clarification - this is actually guy/guy. I said hello (not knowing he was 17). He told me he was 17. I decided to extract myself from the conversation. He then made an explicit pass, and basically said he liked older guys my age, not ones his age.

So I decided if he wanted to be with older guys, I might as well lest he end up with someone who will be much worse than I. That logic now seems like lazy self-justification (it's not often you can convince yourself you are doing the noble thing by sleeping with a 17 year old).

So now I'm torn. I'd ideally like to walk way, but now I feel some responsibility in that he doesn't keep bouncing from new guy to new guy experimenting until he finds the sleazy 35 year-old with AIDS who convinces him to have sex without condom (I'm exaggerating, but not entirely). Do I walk away? Do I continue being there to experiment with (which still feels sleazy and self-justifying)? Do I keep in touch just by sending him tips on safe living (because god knows 17 year olds listen to that sort of stuff really well)?

WALK AWAY!!!!!!

I can't believe you're actually trying to justify this. And as regards his sexual health I'm guessing at 17 he has a fair idea what condoms are & how to use them so it won't make the slightest bit of difference whether you keep in touch to 'guide' him along the way. If he takes chances then it will be entirely his choice.
What would you do if you did start a relationship with him & he kept experimenting on the side, then contracted HIV & managed to pass it on to you?

By the sounds of it you come across as being immature.

PeakOutput

PeakOutput wrote: »

personally i think a 31 yr old being with a 17 yr old is completely wrong and while 'mistakes' happen the fact you are contemplating carrying it on leaves alot to be desired when it comes to your character

he is little more than a kid you are an adult if for no other reason you should stop as you are completely capable of manipulating her

quoted myself i think that it being a guy makes my second paragraph even more important

i could be completely wrong here but is the age of consent not 18 for homosexuals or is that an urban legend iv had in my head?

PirateShampoo

No its 17 for homosexuals.

easyeason3

PeakOutput wrote: »

quoted myself i think that it being a guy makes my second paragraph even more important

i could be completely wrong here but is the age of consent not 18 for homosexuals or is that an urban legend iv had in my head?

It's 17 by law for carnal knowledge & 15 for non carnal knowledge.

artie ziff

OP, you're in the kind of situation that the vast majority of people can't comprehend..in my opinion you've been unfairly judged so far in this thread. Obviously you care about the 17 yr olds progress as a person. Sounds to me like you want to be a mentor to this guy but feel like you're not morally in a position to do so because you (possibly) feel like you have been seduced and therefore have shown weakness of character?

IMO you can try to help without going any further with the guy but if you then get the impression that he is doing things deliberately to gauge your reaction then you have to break all ties immediately

994

PirateShampoo wrote: »

If it was my daughter then you could say good bye to ur balls.

Because nothing says 'I love you' like horrific violence against your child's consensual sexual partners.

Disease Ridden

I think you should leave it be. 17 is so so much younger than 31, she's far too young for you my friend. Now go, go over to the shelf and find youself a neurotic 30 something anxious to get married to any man that will have her!

Silverfish

Disease Ridden, please read threads before posting.

994, off-topic posting is against the charter in this forum.

TelePaul

easyeason3 wrote: »

non carnal knowledge.

What's that?

easyeason3

artie ziff wrote: »

OP, you're in the kind of situation that the vast majority of people can't comprehend..in my opinion you've been unfairly judged so far in this thread. Obviously you care about the 17 yr olds progress as a person. Sounds to me like you want to be a mentor to this guy but feel like you're not morally in a position to do so because you (possibly) feel like you have been seduced and therefore have shown weakness of character?

IMO you can try to help without going any further with the guy but if you then get the impression that he is doing things deliberately to gauge your reaction then you have to break all ties immediately

Hey I'd say a good few of the posters have given consideration to his feelings over this too.
To me this guy sounds extremely sensitive, soft & as I have said already immature. So if he gets involved with this 17 year old & everything is rosey in the garden, what will happen when they break up?
I'm guessing if this happened that the OP would take the break up very badly. He has to watch out for his own wellbeing in the long run & maybe I'm being harsh but if it did develop into something I couldn't see it last due to the age difference.
So it's not only a moral decision but he has to factor in the hurt he would experience when it ends.

easyeason3

TelePaul wrote: »

What's that?

Kissing/ hugging that kind of thing.
I'm not sure if (sorry for being crude!) relieving each other by hand would be included in that or not.

Colonel_McCoy

I think you know she is too young. (half your add and add 7 is a rule if heard of) . Think your are best to make no contact and leave it be, plenty others out there closer to your age.

g5fd6ow0hseima

Eric Cartman wrote: »

nothing illegal or wrong here in my view, i understand your concern about the parents but aside from that theres nothing wrong

just the 14 years,

LegacyUser

OP,
It's a taboo issue because of the age difference, but in the grand scheme of things I don't think it is such a big deal. On paper it can look like the younger person is being taken advantage of, and I'm sure that does happen quite a lot. But if you are respectful and not manipulative just for the sake of getting your hole, I don't see it as immoral at all.

I myself am mid 20's and was with a 17 year old girl for a couple of weeks. When I say 'with', it didn't pass the kissing stage. I actually didn't know she was that young until a mutual friend let me know, but even so I didn't think it was a big deal because I had no intention of using her...I liked her, she's beautiful, and we had fun together. And actually, she invited me down to her parents place for a night, which surprised me. Not to mention made me feel a bit awkward eating with them and their 17 year old daughter! Well, her parents didn't seem to have any problems with the whole thing. So I thought, well if they don't mind why should I or anyone else?

Nothing came of it in the end as it turns out, as she had arranged to go away for the whole Summer. But it was nice while it lasted and I had no moral dilemma whatsoever.

So, I think as long as you have a clear conscience about it, and treat the person right and with respect and not try to be manipulative, the age difference doesn't really mean anything.

Daithio

The ageism on these boards is ridiculous. 17 is above the legal age of consent and as such it's none of our business to be making judgments on what is right or wrong, or what's an appropriate age difference. A 17 year old can go off shagging 90 year olds if they want to. 17 is plenty old to be making these decisions and the OP shouldn't feel bad in the slightest.

kraggy

MagicMarker wrote: »

Meh, it's legal.

I can't see any reason to continue though, what on earth would you have in common with a 17 year old?

Roughly my sentiments but wouldn't discourage people from seeing each other purely on age grounds.

peekyboo wrote: »

At 17, yes she is legal. But when I was 17 I got with a 30 year old man from America. I thought I was great and my friends did too but looking back now I can't believe he took advantage of me like that. In fairness, he didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do and didn't therefore do anything 'wrong' (we didn't have sex or anything) but I feel sick that a man that age was interested in a young girl. So legally yes it's fine but morally....that's up to you.

"Took advantage of you like that"?! Are you ****ing serious? You were complicit in the occurrence. You feel sick because he enjoyed the experience JUST LIKE YOU DID?

PirateShampoo wrote: »

If it was my daughter then you could say good bye to ur balls.

Why? Because your daughter might have enjoyed it and you want her to stay playing with her High School Musical dolls and watching her re-runs of Barney?! Get over yourself. The younger participant wanted it so there's nothing wrong. And you obviously haven't seen all the thread. The 17 year old is a guy.

One of my best friends is gay, now in his 30's. He has told me numerous times that his ideal man when he was a teenager was someone in his 30's. He's turned out alright. So why shouldn't the 17 year old in this case?

Assuming you're a guy, if you had had the pleasure of being with an older woman when you were a teenager, would you have wished your parents to have done damage to HER?

easyeason3 wrote: »

WALK AWAY!!!!!!

I can't believe you're actually trying to justify this. And as regards his sexual health I'm guessing at 17 he has a fair idea what condoms are & how to use them so it won't make the slightest bit of difference whether you keep in touch to 'guide' him along the way. If he takes chances then it will be entirely his choice.
What would you do if you did start a relationship with him & he kept experimenting on the side, then contracted HIV & managed to pass it on to you?

By the sounds of it you come across as being immature.

Why the emphasis on STI's? Do you know the OP's or other guys history?

994 wrote: »

Because nothing says 'I love you' like horrific violence against your child's consensual sexual partners.

Agreed.

Daithio wrote: »

The ageism on these boards is ridiculous. 17 is above the legal age of consent and as such it's none of our business to be making judgments on what is right or wrong, or what's an appropriate age difference. A 17 year old can go off shagging 90 year olds if they want to. 17 is plenty old to be making these decisions and the OP shouldn't feel bad in the slightest.

Agreed. Like I said above. One of my best friend's biggest turn-ons when he was 17/18 was guys in their 30's. And he enjoyed experiences like that.

As long as it's consensual (which in this case it seems to have been) then it's not only ok, but shouldn't even be commented on.

It's disgusting the change in approach some people take when the relationship is gay as opposed to straight.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. Clarification - this is actually guy/guy. I said hello (not knowing he was 17). He told me he was 17. I decided to extract myself from the conversation. He then made an explicit pass, and basically said he liked older guys my age, not ones his age.

So I decided if he wanted to be with older guys, I might as well lest he end up with someone who will be much worse than I. That logic now seems like lazy self-justification (it's not often you can convince yourself you are doing the noble thing by sleeping with a 17 year old).

So now I'm torn. I'd ideally like to walk way, but now I feel some responsibility in that he doesn't keep bouncing from new guy to new guy experimenting until he finds the sleazy 35 year-old with AIDS who convinces him to have sex without condom (I'm exaggerating, but not entirely). Do I walk away? Do I continue being there to experiment with (which still feels sleazy and self-justifying)? Do I keep in touch just by sending him tips on safe living (because god knows 17 year olds listen to that sort of stuff really well)?

Ok, you seem like a good guy. Whether its the noble thing is neither here nor there. He wanted it, you wanted it, it happened. I'd probably have the same semi-guilt if I slept with a 17 year old girl but rather than the sleazy pozzed-up guy I'd be worried she'd feel cheap and look for comfort elsewhere.

In both cases, its a young person we got pleasure form so we feel we shouldn't be getting off "scot free" so to speak.

I doubt this guy is going to have you beaten up, sounds like he's done this kind of thing before and probably has no ill-feeling toward you. Yeah, if it was a girl I wouldn't write it off but but guys don't get self righteous anger and urges for revenge about people like you having sex with their male friends.

If you don't want a relationship then I'd just leave it. Its his own responsibility to be careful whilst having sex and there's no way he hasn't heard the virus associations with gay sex. Most importantly, I doubt your his first older guy.

LegacyUser

Look - I met an 18 year old when I was 34 - she was hot and we really hit it off.... If I could have, I'd have gone for it. Still see her out and we always have a laugh.

The way I see it is sometimes we're just very attracted to certain people and let's face it, 17 year olds can be pretty hot.

As for something in common, well, maybe it won't work in the long term but if you're both having fun then why not.

Take the I'm a rich old millionaire test:

It's basically this.... if I was a film star/rich billionaire in his 40s/ 50s/ 60s, would anyone bat an eyelid at the fact that I was dating some young hot chick? If the answer is no, then why shouldn't you!

Nervous Wreck

OP, I'm of the opinion that there's probably not alot you have in common with this dude but you're still fairly attracted to him, yes? You seem to like him but you have guilt over the fact that he's 17, correct? Morally, ethically, legally, whatever. You have no reason to feel guilt. But for some reason you do. So maybe take a look at why you're feeling guilt over it, rather than 'admitting' to being 'sleazy' and then trying to rationalise your way around it anyway.

You haven't done anything wrong, anyway.

The Corinthian

What I find amusing is that the vast majority of those who are horrified by the age difference will most likely be singing a different tune in a few years.

Nonetheless, I'd have to say relax, enjoy, be careful and don't expect too much.

The first three you should do regardless of your relative ages. The last is simply down to the fact that it is highly unlikely that you will end up in a long term relationship, because chances are you're both in very different points in your life.

The reality is that younger women tend to go for older men. I suspect it's an Electra complex type of thing, but whatever the reason it used to bug me when I was younger - mainly because I was jealous, but I'm sure I justified it under some moral pretext.

spurious

There are a lot of young men on the scene who get used by older men. I know some now in their twenties who were badly affected by what happened them when first on the scene. Best leave the young lads to the other young lads I think.

There are plenty of guys in their twenties looking for older guys. No need to be with schoolkids.

The Corinthian

Ahhh... just read through the thread properly... Sorry, please discount my previous advice. No idea as to what to advise.

live2thewire

this is so hot

Zaph

live2thewire wrote: »

this is so hot

If you wish to continue posting in this forum I suggest you read carefully the part of the charter dealing with off-topic and unhelpful posts.

peekyboo

kraggy wrote: »

"Took advantage of you like that"?! Are you ****ing serious? You were complicit in the occurrence. You feel sick because he enjoyed the experience JUST LIKE YOU DID?

Yep.

OP, sounds like you have a good heart so best of luck whatever you decide.

dlofnep

easyeason3 wrote: »

You do realise that the 17 year old is young enough to be your daughter/ son?

Not really, unless he had a child when he was 14.

He's my opinion.

If you like her, and see a future with her - then go for it. I know a girl who got together with a fella who was about 34 or 35 when she was 17. 8 or 9 years on, she's still with him and they live together.

If it's just a bit of fun - feck it, still go for it! You only live once. It's legal. Just treat her well and don't push her into doing anything she's not ready for. Half of these posters only wish they could be with a 17 year old Polish chick!

PirateShampoo

dlofnep wrote: »

Not really, unless he had a child when he was 14.

He's my opinion.

If you like her, and see a future with her - then go for it. I know a girl who got together with a fella who was about 34 or 35 when she was 17. 8 or 9 years on, she's still with him and they live together.

If it's just a bit of fun - feck it, still go for it! You only live once. It's legal. Just treat her well and don't push her into doing anything she's not ready for. Half of these posters only wish they could be with a 17 year old Polish chick!

Its not a 17 year old chick, its a 17 year old boy.

sam34

PirateShampoo wrote: »

Its not a 17 year old chick, its a 17 year old boy.

why does that matter?

LegacyUser

This girl is of age and despite what anyone says you did nothing wrong. It is only wrong if you feel yourself that it is. Age is only really a number (Obviously if one of those numbers is too low then.....well that's a whole new thread.) I am a 19 year old female and with a 27 year old and never notice any age difference but different strokes for different folks. 14 years is nothing major only if you really think it is. If age was such a huge deal you would not have done it in the first place.

Silverfish

sam34 wrote: »

why does that matter?

Suppose it shows who bothered to read the thread and who didn't.

sam34

Silverfish wrote: »

Suppose it shows who bothered to read the thread and who didn't.

true. other than that its irrelevant, imo.

Silverfish

sam34 wrote: »

true. other than that its irrelevant, imo.

Yep.

who007

easyeason3 wrote: »

You do realise that the 17 year old is young enough to be your daughter/ son?
.

So they would have had the child aged 14? :eek:

Maybe in some council estates that's young enough to be their daughter/son, but not around anywhere I live.

(and OP - apart from the exciting sex I wouldn't see any reason to continue with a 17 year old either. I'd have my fun while it lasted if that's what she wants too but not consider continuing beyond that. Depends on the person though. In my 30's now I want something stable with a future but if I was younger... )

Silverfish

Final warning in this thread, please read the thread before posting.

Banrion

So he's 17. He made the first move but the whole thing was consensual.
I dont have much experience of homosexual relationships being a hetrosexual myself but I dont presume theres many differences between the different relationships.(except the biology)
This boy is probably exploring his sexuality at the moment. He's not likely to have been sexually active for very long.
Seducing the older guy may be quite titillating for him and he is loving the experience but maybe youre looking for a long term commitment. Would you get commitment from a 17 year old?
YOu said you feel sleazy and that seems to be your worst worry. To be honest it does seem sleazy...he is very young and you are in your 30s , BUT...it is consensual. Im a bit torn on the 'being sleazy' worry you have.