Might I Need an Exorcism?

dublinario · 05-04-2009 02:37PM #1

Hi,

Lately I've been telling lots of people that their mothers suck cock in hell, usually in an unearthly, gravelled voice that when played backwards and slowed to 1/10 speed, reveals a multitude of voices warning to "fear the priest".

I'm also regularly spewing a thick, green sludge distances of up to five metres, with an uncanny accuracy for picking out the face (and in particularly, opened mouth) of my intended target.

Is it time I approached the Catholic church and inquired about an exorcism? Or should I just take two Nurofen Plus and stop being such a drama queen?

Cordially,
Dub

Zillah · 05-04-2009 02:40PM

dublinario wrote: »

Lately I've been telling lots of people that their mothers suck cock in hell, usually in an unearthly, gravelled voice that when played backwards and slowed to 1/10 speed, reveals a multitude of voices warning to "fear the priest".

That happens me when I drink whiskey, maybe that's your problem.

Mena · 05-04-2009 02:41PM

I'd say watch the Exorcist again, this time realising it's only a movie.

MagicMarker · 05-04-2009 02:41PM

Just stay away from crucifixes.

Hagar · 05-04-2009 02:42PM

A good dose of Epsom Salts will sort you out.

Snowie · 05-04-2009 02:43PM

*put hyand on head*

EXSPELLL THE DEMON IN SIDE EXSPELL THE DEMON can ya feel it son can ya???

Busi_Girl08 · 05-04-2009 02:44PM

dublinario wrote: »

Hi,

Lately I've been telling lots of people that their mothers suck cock in hell, usually in an unearthly, gravelled voice that when played backwards and slowed to 1/10 speed, reveals a multitude of voices warning to "fear the priest".

I'm also regularly spewing a thick, green sludge distances of up to five metres, with an uncanny accuracy for picking out the face (and in particularly, opened mouth) of my intended target.

Is it time I approached the Catholic church and inquired about an exorcism? Or should I just take two Nurofen Plus and stop being such a drama queen?

Cordially,
Dub

Pfft.

I've had worse symptoms with my PMS every month...

dublinario · 05-04-2009 02:45PM

Zillah wrote: »

That happens me when I drink whiskey, maybe that's your problem.

Wouldn't touch the stuff Zillah. My body is a temple. A temple ravaged by the effects of class A hallucinogenics and a lifetime of saturated fat abuse.

SoupyNorman · 05-04-2009 02:45PM

Me Granny uses TCP for every ailment...give that a go.

dublinario · 05-04-2009 02:46PM

bravestarr082 wrote: »

Me Granny uses TCP for every ailment...give that a go.

Tried it, with limited success. It did reduce green bile spewage by 25%, but "mother sucks cock in hell" quotage increased 40%. So it was swings and roundabouts.

dublinario · 05-04-2009 02:48PM

Busi_Girl08 wrote: »

Pfft.

I've had worse symptoms with my PMS every month...

Ah for Jaysus sake, now you've just made the menfolk uncomfortable. To try and redress the balance, you women will never...EVER...come close to comprehending the pain of a rocketed football directly into the balls. Childbirth? Give me a break. Try standing in a wall, for a free-kick taken by a guy named 'The Rhino'.

dublinario · 05-04-2009 02:49PM

Mena wrote: »

I'd say watch the Exorcist again, this time realising it's only a movie.

Is it Mena? Is it really? Or is that just what 'they' want you to think?

truecrippler · 05-04-2009 02:51PM

dublinario wrote: »

Ah for Jaysus sake, now you've just made the menfolk uncomfortable. To try and redress the balance, you women will never...EVER...come close to comprehending the pain of a rocketed football directly into the balls. Childbirth? Give me a break. Try standing in a wall, for a free-kick taken by a guy named 'The Rhino'.

So this "The Rhino" guy doesn't like aiming for Camels? I see.

dublinario · 05-04-2009 02:55PM

truecrippler wrote: »

So this "The Rhino" guy doesn't like aiming for Camels? I see.

How would Mr The Rhino (real name Larry De Rhino) get such an opportunity? Women's (snigger) soccer is bad enough, but you're suggesting a unisex game? T'would be a farce. An abomination. John Giles would turn in his grave.

Doctor DooM · 05-04-2009 03:01PM

No one has ever needed an exorcism ever before, can't see why you'd be the first...

dublinario · 05-04-2009 03:05PM

SDooM wrote: »

No one has ever needed an exorcism ever before, can't see why you'd be the first...

Nobody? Not a student of history then? It is well-documented that Twink underwent a successful exorcism in 1986, after The Gaeity Massacre, in which she attacked and killed seventeen pantomime audience members. The ensuing exorcism lasted 100 days, in which several priests were killed or maimed.

galwayrush · 05-04-2009 03:07PM

Stay away from Goats and Cats.

galwayrush · 05-04-2009 03:08PM

dublinario wrote: »

Nobody? Not a student of history then? It is well-documented that Twink underwent a successful exorcism in 1986, after The Gaeity Massacre, in which she attacked and killed seventeen pantomime audience members. The ensuing exorcism lasted 100 days, in which several priests were killed or maimed.

Dark days they were.:eek:

dublinario · 05-04-2009 03:09PM

galwayrush wrote: »

Stay away from Goats and Cats.

It's going to be difficult. I run a Goat and Cat rescue shelter. It's been my life's work. That, and trying to be the first animal breeder to successfully mate a goat and a cat. (sigh) So, so many dead cats. Not so many dead goats, but so, so many dead cats.

dublinario · 05-04-2009 03:11PM

galwayrush wrote: »

Dark days they were.:eek:

The darkest. Between the 80s recession and Twink's insatiable blood lust, it's any wonder we came out the other side of such bleakness.

galwayrush · 05-04-2009 03:16PM

dublinario wrote: »

It's going to be difficult. I run a Goat and Cat rescue shelter. It's been my life's work. That, and trying to be the first animal breeder to successfully mate a goat and a cat. (sigh) So, so many dead cats. Not so many dead goats, but so, so many dead cats.

Wow, i know the place, serves great soup.:cool:

dublinario · 05-04-2009 03:20PM

galwayrush wrote: »

Wow, i know the place, serves great soup.:cool:

I wouldn't say great soup. For me, it could do with a bit more goat. But there's no telling our canteen guy.

galwayrush · 05-04-2009 03:20PM

Serious question, can an aetheist get possessed by something they don't believe in?:rolleyes:

5uspect · 05-04-2009 03:20PM

[exorcism]The power of Zeus compels you![/exorcism]

galwayrush · 05-04-2009 03:21PM

dublinario wrote: »

I wouldn't say great soup. For me, it could do with a bit more goat. But there's no telling our canteen guy.

Easy add more goat when you run the shelter.
Could be on to something here, make it a global brand and sell the franchise.:cool:

dublinario · 05-04-2009 03:22PM

galwayrush wrote: »

Serious question, can an aetheist get possessed by something they don't believe in?:rolleyes:

Atheists can only be possessed by people like Darwin, or Richard Dawkins. Maybe Judas Iscariot, at a stretch.

Doctor DooM · 05-04-2009 03:22PM

dublinario wrote: »

Nobody? Not a student of history then? It is well-documented that Twink underwent a successful exorcism in 1986, after The Gaeity Massacre, in which she attacked and killed seventeen pantomime audience members. The ensuing exorcism lasted 100 days, in which several priests were killed or maimed.

My apologies. How insensitive of the DooM.

galwayrush · 05-04-2009 03:23PM

dublinario wrote: »

Atheists can only be possessed by people like Darwin, or Richard Dawkins. Maybe Judas Iscariot, at a stretch.

Makes more sense than Creationism.:D

dublinario · 05-04-2009 03:30PM

galwayrush wrote: »

Makes more sense than Creationism.:D

Creationists can be possessed by dungeon master from Dungeons and Dragons, the bad guy who you never see from Inspector Gadget, and pretty much anything else (real or imagined) you care to mention.

galwayrush · 05-04-2009 03:40PM

dublinario wrote: »

Creationists can be possessed by dungeon master from Dungeons and Dragons, the bad guy who you never see from Inspector Gadget, and pretty much anything else (real or imagined) you care to mention.

As we're on a roll, what about Scientologists.:D
Could they ever be possessed with sanity?

dublinario · 05-04-2009 03:43PM

galwayrush wrote: »

As we're on a roll, what about Scientologists.:D
Could they ever be possessed with sanity?

No, they're too far gone. But when Tom Cruise pops his clogs this August 24th (I have foreseen it), taking out Katie Holmes in a much heralded murder-suicide, you better believe he's going to possess the living crap out of all his disciples. Essentially, his passing will give rise to an unstoppable army of Super Toms, impervious to pain, bent on destruction, and nuttier than a squirrel's bollix.

Might I Need an Exorcism?

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