how much to give?

Emerald Lass · 02-04-2009 12:27AM

Trinity10 wrote: »

I'm sure the bride and groom would rather you didn't come if you were only doing it out of a sense of duty.

while I am sure this is true of some couples, unfortunately it is not true for all couples.

I was talking about this to my friend last week actually, and she in turn was chatting about it in work. Yesterday she rang me in shock to tell me a truly appalling story.......

A girl she works with blatantly said at work that she is inviting people to her marriage abroad knowing FULL WELL they will not attend. In fact she has no desire for some of the invited guests to attend. BUT by inviting them and pretending that they want all these people there, they will still get presents from most of them! My friend almost choked on her lunch, but this bridezilla just shrugged and said 'well weddings are expensive, this way I get to save money on the wedding by not having so many people, but I get the same presents as if I had a big Irish wedding'!!!! :eek::eek::eek:
she didn't see the harm in it!

I was totally gobsmacked and shocked! As was my friend (hence her reason for rushing to tell me about it! lol)

Now I know she is (hopefully) an isolated case, but she is someones friend, and her poor mates and family are being used!

Thankfully she has not invited anyone from work! lucky escape for my mate! lol

bloody Eddie Hobbs again encouraging couples to think of the wedding as a financial opportunity! man has a lot to answer for :rolleyes:

aviendha · 02-04-2009 01:29PM

Emerald Lass wrote: »

while I am sure this is true of some couples, unfortunately it is not true for all couples.

I was talking about this to my friend last week actually, and she in turn was chatting about it in work. Yesterday she rang me in shock to tell me a truly appalling story.......

A girl she works with blatantly said at work that she is inviting people to her marriage abroad knowing FULL WELL they will not attend. In fact she has no desire for some of the invited guests to attend. BUT by inviting them and pretending that they want all these people there, they will still get presents from most of them! My friend almost choked on her lunch, but this bridezilla just shrugged and said 'well weddings are expensive, this way I get to save money on the wedding by not having so many people, but I get the same presents as if I had a big Irish wedding'!!!! :eek::eek::eek:
she didn't see the harm in it!

I was totally gobsmacked and shocked! As was my friend (hence her reason for rushing to tell me about it! lol)

Now I know she is (hopefully) an isolated case, but she is someones friend, and her poor mates and family are being used!

Thankfully she has not invited anyone from work! lucky escape for my mate! lol

bloody Eddie Hobbs again encouraging couples to think of the wedding as a financial opportunity! man has a lot to answer for :rolleyes:

that is truly awful behaviour.. but I don't think that is typical of most couples getting married, and I really doubt that couples "think of a weddding as a financial opportunity" considering the huge cost of weddings and a lot of people actually take out loans to pay for them, so the dollar signs in their eyes are the debt/cost of the wedding rather than an opportunity for a quick buck.

Maybe I'm an exception to the rule, but my experience with friends is that weddings put an enormous financial strain on them.... but then thankfully I'm not friends with that wagon!!! :eek:

Emerald Lass · 02-04-2009 04:22PM

well I hope it is the exception to the rule, but since I got engaged I have been told by several people who have been married recently/are getting married that the best way to pay for it is to ask for cash from the guests as gifts, and that having a small wedding costs more in the end cos you get less cash gifts! and I have heard that sentiment from more than one person.

galah · 02-04-2009 05:02PM

That's ridiculous!
What happens if you 'expect' so much money to pay for your wedding, and then you don't get it (cause people give less, or nothing at all)? Will you then have to take out a loan?

Geez, I really struggle to understand people's minds sometimes...And what on earth do they base their calculations on?

In our case, I *think* some of the German part of the family will give gifts for our wedding, since they don't have to travel that far - but from the rest of them, travelling from all over Europe, we don't expect a penny (and we said so on the invite). Thus, we made sure we have all the money to pay for our wedding, and did not factor in any gifts at all.

Someone should definitely punch Eddie Hobbs for putting this idea into people's minds.

Emerald Lass · 02-04-2009 09:17PM

sorry to brake the bad news but it is true - for example, once the dress,suits, flowers, cars, cake etc have been accounted for, the only difference in price for many weddings is the number of sit down meals. A lot of people look at it this way - 1 more couple is 2 x €50 for meal (as a illustration, meal may be more or less), generally most couples give €100-€200 as a gift. so if you are paying €50 per meal, 2 extra people costs you another €100, so you will at least recover the cost of this, and if they give you €50 or €100 more then this goes towards the other wedding costs. The more guests you invite, the more chance of money! I have seen it advised on a few websites, on the wedding channel a wedding planner advised a bride of this (all be it in the US, but still). It is something that people do think about.

I think this recession will give a lot of couples a shock - esp those who booked their weddings over a year ago. Much as I hate this recession and the strain it is putting on everyone, it will hopefully get rid this greedy, excessive mentality people have.

misssaucie · 04-04-2009 12:42AM

We attended a Wedding in Spain last year and the week cost us about €2000 on just flights (peak season) and accommodation. We would have loved to buy the couple a present but simply couldn't afford it after that and as a result we have been kinda "avoiding" calling to their home in case they are still expecting us to arrive with something. I think if you decide to get married abroad you should definitely put a small note in with the invites to say something like "your presence is our present" to take the pressure off.

Thumpette wrote: »

Sorry to bring this off topic a little, but what about people who are getting married abroad? We will at least be going to 2 weddings abroad over the next couple of years, as my BFs friend group are reaching that age. I personally think if we are shelling out the guts of 500 euro on flights and another few hundred on accomodation the couple should insist on their invitations not to get any presents. Anyway invitations have arrived, and no such mention.

Has anyone else had similar experiences- or better still gotten married abroad? What did you feel/ expect in this case?

Thanks

Emerald Lass · 05-04-2009 04:50PM

see? I told you that there were people out there counting on wedding gifts to pay for the wedding!

tinkerbell · 05-04-2009 06:24PM

Not everybody has a big mad expensive wedding that they can't afford and expect guests to fund the cost of it.

Plus I'd say the days of "daddy" paying for the wedding is practically over, most couples pay for their own wedding nowadays.

sbudnikblues · 05-04-2009 08:06PM

Emerald Lass wrote: »

see? I told you that there were people out there counting on wedding gifts to pay for the wedding!

I know there are people out there that count on others to pay for their wedding. However, when I was getting married I didn't rely on anyone else to pay for what I couldn't afford. I don't bank on something I don't have. SIMPLE ECONOMICS. Live within your means. Don't buy things with a credit card unless you have the money in your bank account today to pay it off. It's the mentality of expecting to get a big return in the future that got people into this economic crisis that we're in in the first place.

It's nice to have a big wedding that's beautiful and that can accommodate lots of people, etc. But the bride and groom need to be practical and work within a budget that does not exceed their means.

rom · 12-04-2009 02:22AM

mikemac wrote: »

50 euro each.
If that doesn't cover the cost of the meal, where exactly are you dining?

So at most 100 per couple, if you are on your own something lower then this

Supermacs don't do weddings unfortunately

Wedding for 150 people (leaving out all the costs that you don't personally benefit from

)

1 Person
Drinks reception = 5 Euro
Meal - 45 Euro min
Wine plus corkage = 10 Euro
After dinner drink = 5 Euro min
Late food & tea/coffee = 5 Euro
Chair covers = 4 Euro
Party favors = 2-5 Euro (I'll take 2 euro for you)
Band 2k/150 = 13.33 Euro
DJ 400/150 = 2.66 Euro
Cake = 500/150 = 3.33 Euro
Bar extension = 420*/150 = 2.8 Euro

= 98.12 Euro

* nice government tax

These are costs of things that you benefit directly.

In this I don't expect you to pay for the photographer which 2.5k min, flowers, dress, suits, car, church, etc as that has nothing to do with you.

So if you think 50 Euro is ok then fine but personally I think 100 per person is what you should give for a wedding in Ireland.

Climate Expert · 13-04-2009 06:02PM

misssaucie wrote: »

We attended a Wedding in Spain last year and the week cost us about €2000 on just flights (peak season) and accommodation. We would have loved to buy the couple a present but simply couldn't afford it after that and as a result we have been kinda "avoiding" calling to their home in case they are still expecting us to arrive with something. I think if you decide to get married abroad you should definitely put a small note in with the invites to say something like "your presence is our present" to take the pressure off.

More fool you for going.

If anybody expected me to spend over e500 of my money because they want to go through with their own little fantasy day out, I'd soon put them in their place.

These are costs of things that you benefit directly.

Benefit? How? Most of the time its a case of being somewhere you don't want to be.
If you put on a party, you invite people and you pay for it. Not your guests.

bangersandmash · 13-04-2009 06:23PM

rom wrote: »

In this I don't expect you to pay for the photographer which 2.5k min, flowers, dress, suits, car, church, etc as that has nothing to do with you.

So if you think 50 Euro is ok then fine but personally I think 100 per person is what you should give for a wedding in Ireland.

Your formula for calculating the expected level of a gift is an elaborate joke, right? I would have thought that most people would expect the hosts to pay for the items that you've listed. After all it's their choice to have an expensive venue, chair covers, favours, DJ+band etc. An expectation that the guests should cover these items is pretty selfish. If the bride and groom want to throw an elaborate party they should be prepared to pick up the tab.

This artificial connection between the cost of the day and the financial value of gifts should be severed. The Eddie Hobbes wedding mentality is one of the more vulgar aspects of the last decade, something that would be best forgotten.

Still I have to say that the idea of the guests paying €4 per head to get the "benefit" of the chair covers is quite amusing :rolleyes:

Emerald Lass · 14-04-2009 10:51PM

bangersandmash wrote: »

Your formula for calculating the expected level of a gift is an elaborate joke, right? I would have thought that most people would expect the hosts to pay for the items that you've listed. After all it's their choice to have an expensive venue, chair covers, favours, DJ+band etc. An expectation that the guests should cover these items is pretty selfish. If the bride and groom want to throw an elaborate party they should be prepared to pick up the tab.

This artificial connection between the cost of the day and the financial value of gifts should be severed. The Eddie Hobbes wedding mentality is one of the more vulgar aspects of the last decade, something that would be best forgotten.

Still I have to say that the idea of the guests paying €4 per head to get the "benefit" of the chair covers is quite amusing :rolleyes:

+1
totally agree with you on this. my eyes nearly popped out of my head reading the list of 'benefits'.

I'm inviting people to my wedding because I want them to share in the celebration of my marriage - not so as I have people to help pay for the wedding.

Also this poster obviously didn't shop around - if I were vulgar and materialistic enough to calculate my expected gifts as they have done, my total would be more along the lines of:

1 Person
Drinks reception = OP: 5 Euro -Ours: not needed. Tea, coffee and scones included in the price from the hotel, so my cost €0
Meal - OP: 45 Euro min. ours: €38.50 with dessert, €32.50 without (we are forgoing the dessert as the wedding cake will be dessert)
Wine plus corkage = 10 Euro (ours, same)
After dinner drink = 5 Euro min (ours same, but instead of after dinner drink having an open toast)
Late food & tea/coffee =OP: 5 Euro Ours €3.75 per head
Chair covers = 4 Euro ours: 2.50 each (but personally, my choice, would not consider it something that would cause the guests to have a bad time were I not to supply it)
Party favors = 2-5 Euro (I'll take 2 euro for you) ours: same, 2 each, for a total of 100
Band 2k/150 = OP 13.33 Euro ours: - no band. And if I were to have it, again I would not consider it a benefit' to the guest seeing as it were my choice.
DJ 400/150 = OP 2.66 Euro ours: our very excelleny DJ is €300 for the entire night and also ceremony music, and as there will only be 100 ppl, our cost comes in at €3
Cake = OP: 500/150 = 3.33 Euro ours cake €300 to feed 100 ppl, so €3per person, and if I were to go for a larger cake to feed 150 ppl (which I did price so I am sure of this price) would be €420= €2.80
Bar extension = OP 420*/150 = 2.8 Euro ours: €0 per person (originally €150 so would have been €1 per person, but as we were smart enough to haggle we got it thrown in)

so posters total:
= 98.12 Euro

our total would be: (were we cynical enough to calculate that way)
= €61.55

Difference of €36.57 which is over 33% more!

* nice government tax
As for this???? well its nothing to do with the government and everythign to do with the hotel. Hotel gets a licence for the year, not per event. so €420 pays for the application, every €420 after that is pure profit, and getting paid to MAKE MONEY!!!!!! and any hotel who takes a booking for 150 people wedding and charges for a bar extension needs a slap! seriously

If you expect your guests to foot the bill for your choice to spend more money than necessary that is totally unnacceptable IMO.

And what about the cost for the guest to attend - clothing (ok optional in the sense that they could wear something they already have), travel to/from wedding, accommodation, time off work, babysitter etc etc etc.

If you were to think of your wedding this way then you would have to individually have a balance sheet for each guest - well mary had to travel from Cork so she spent more than €98 so she gives no gift. But John lives only 10 mins away, so he should give €150.

Biggest load of rubbish I have ever heard in my life.

I am very glad I am not attending your wedding.

how much to give?

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