Worst/funniest/stupid comebacks/insults youve heard

eoghan104 · 25-03-2009 05:22PM

My favourites........

"He said hes going to bleedin Bate you!"
"Dont worry he wouldnt Bate Egss!!!!"

"I wouldnt Ride you into battle!"

Mr.Lizard · 25-03-2009 05:36PM

You fight like a dairy farmer!

anplaya · 25-03-2009 05:41PM

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Heres what you did

Heres what you shoulda done

Amateur:rolleyes:

nope,all of us have long term gfriends so whats the point in ****in things up over a cheap tart like yer one was .
unless you have no morals yerself:rolleyes:

Sir Gallagher · 25-03-2009 05:57PM

anplaya wrote: »

nope,all of us have long term gfriends so whats the point in ****in things up over a cheap tart like yer one was .
unless you have no morals yerself:rolleyes:

I'd love to go out on a mad one with you and your mates!

anplaya · 25-03-2009 06:10PM

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

I'd love to go out on a mad one with you and your mates!

depends on what ya mean by a mad one,when we were younger ye probably wudda cracked into her. now i(and some of the lads,ones i were with that night all married/long term relationships), go out and get pissed ye and have a laugh,not climb into bed behind yer girlfriends/wifes back with the first one that flutters her eyelashes at ya.those young ones are a dime a dozen imo ,if thats what yer into.

Diddler82 · 25-03-2009 06:20PM

"She has a head like a melted Malteser"

"She has the head of a beaten favourite"

"She has a head like a bag of lego"......"in bits"

RandolphEsq · 25-03-2009 06:22PM

Little chugger approached me when I had headphones on (no music on though) and asked for a minute of my time. I nodded and she yapped away for a while. When she was finished I took out the earphones, said 'what?', shrugged the shoulders and kept walking.
Ginger smelly hippy

Crow71 · 25-03-2009 09:35PM

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

You fight like a dairy farmer!

Hey, i'll have you know we are good fighters. Better wrestlers though

callaway92 · 25-03-2009 09:40PM

im gonna catch you

You couldnt catch a cold :rolleyes:

Armin_Tamzarian · 25-03-2009 09:49PM

Smart Bug wrote: »

:rolleyes:

I can't think of one right now BUT at least I didn't rip-off this tired old joke from the last e-mail to do the rounds of the office.

Perhaps it's the internet joke that ripped off my story...

Whether my friend had heard it before or not, it was still a class comeback.

Gingervitis · 25-03-2009 09:50PM

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

You fight like a dairy farmer!

How ironic. You fight like a cow.

Instant Karma · 25-03-2009 09:54PM

Do TV ones count? I remember laughing for ages to one of Al's retorts to Peggy in Married with children;

Peggy: did you miss me Al?

Al: With every bullet so far honey.

easyeason3 · 25-03-2009 10:00PM

Random guy to my friend in Supemacs ''Hows your piss flaps gorgeous?''

Friend replies without missing a beat ''They're not piss flaps, they're mud flaps to keep sh1t like you out!'', turns on her heel & strolls to abrakeebabra.

blue_belle · 25-03-2009 10:03PM

"the last time i saw a head like that it was circumcised"

not a nice one, but a good one!

me_right_one · 25-03-2009 10:18PM

This happened to a friend of mine a couple of years back when the brits had soldiers at the border. I'm not racist, neither is my friend, but he gave as good as he got -

Car pulled up to the checkpoint. Big soldier, heavily armed, thick london accent, black, approaches drivers window

Soldier:"Licence"
Friend: Hands him drivers license
Soldier: "AAh you're from Dublin. Well this is the UK, you're a long way from home now paddy"
Friend, not missing a beat: "Well you're not exactly up a banana tree yourself!"

reggiethefirst · 25-03-2009 10:58PM

me_right_one wrote: »

This happened to a friend of mine a couple of years back when the brits had soldiers at the border. I'm not racist, neither is my friend, but he gave as good as he got -

Car pulled up to the checkpoint. Big soldier, heavily armed, thick london accent, black, approaches drivers window

Soldier:"Licence"
Friend: Hands him drivers license
Soldier: "AAh you're from Dublin. Well this is the UK, you're a long way from home now paddy"
Friend, not missing a beat: "Well you're not exactly up a banana tree yourself!"

I saw that film too.

masonman · 25-03-2009 11:08PM

I remember seeing a good one on overheard in Dublin, A middle-aged woman was giving out to some homeless drunk ( for one reason or another) - in the middle of her rant he pipes up

"You better get outta here quick, I hear they're clamping broomsticks"

Lobelia Overhill · 25-03-2009 11:16PM

Saw a well endowed woman walking passed some fellas, one of them shouted "nice tits" to whit she replied "I should think so, I paid a fortune for them" which left the fellas speechless.

The spiteful bitch supervisor was off sick, when she came back she cheerily asked the staff "so, did ye's miss me?" from the back came a quiet, "only because my hand eye co-ordination is shot to hell"

walshb · 25-03-2009 11:36PM

I heard a very funny one on Oprah today. Asked how do you react if your best friend
tells you that your breath stinks, she replied, "Your husband propositioned me today."

Classic, I thought!

me_right_one · 25-03-2009 11:41PM

reggiethefirst wrote: »

I saw that film too.

Was it on reelin in the years? Cos it happened!

Zigmund · 26-03-2009 12:10AM

She said:"Yeah nice comeback..."

I said:"If I wanted my cum back I'd wipe it off your face"

Sir Gallagher · 26-03-2009 08:18PM

To be said about anybody with a large head, in this instance i'll use Brian Cowan.

"What would you rather, a million quid or Brian Cowans head full of pound coins?"

Censorsh!t · 26-03-2009 08:42PM

I heard a story about a friend of a friend.
Apparently these 2 lads were getting a taxi home, and sharing it woth a woman. When the taxi driver said how much it was, they asked is that between them both, and the woman commented "i think thats pretty obvious thats what he meant" and one of the guys turned to her and said "its pretty obvious that you're a poo!"

Mars Bar · 26-03-2009 08:44PM

One of my friends told my other friends boyfriend (still with me?!), to "shut up or I'll put ya on ebay under bowling ball".

Thought that was pretty good!

neil_hosey · 26-03-2009 08:45PM

"where'd you get your clothes? the toilet store?" ....actually this is probably the best comeback ever

sub-x · 27-03-2009 06:48PM

eoghan104 wrote: »

My favourites........

"He said hes going to bleedin Bate you!"
"Dont worry he wouldnt Bate Egss!!!!"

"I wouldnt Ride you into battle!"

I never heard that before but definitely a classic

marcsignal · 27-03-2009 08:45PM

Winston Churchill was the king of comebacks, believe it or not..

Woman: "Winston You're Drunk !!"

Churchill: "Ah yes my dear, but you're ugly, and at least I'll be sober in the morning"

Woman: "How Dare You !! If you were my husband I'd Poison you !!"

Churchill: "If you were my wife I'd drink it"

shotgun mike · 27-03-2009 08:56PM

you've a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

MonicaBing · 27-03-2009 09:05PM

She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn...

Go away, your too stupid to talk to me...

She's no show pony, but would do for a ride around the house...

Jaysus, she could breastfeed a creche...

Not even the tide would take her out..

Mother Therese would'nt kiss her...

Des Kelly wouldn't lay her...

Daz would'nt shift her...

A sniper would'nt take her out...

She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede...

Hyndsy85 · 27-03-2009 09:41PM

The jerk store called, they're running out of you

Worst/funniest/stupid comebacks/insults youve heard

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