Funniest thing youve heard from the elderly?

Professey Chin · 24-03-2009 10:30AM #1

Whats the funniest/craziest etc etc thing youve heard from an elderly person?

Id say mine was my granny talkin to me and my cousin. Mid conversation she turns to my cousin(we were both about 18) and just goes to her "What you need to do now is settle down and find yourself a nice white boy"

I almost pissed myself laughing.Damn elderly racists:pac:

consultech · 24-03-2009 10:36AM

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Whats the funniest/craziest etc etc thing youve heard from an elderly person?

Id say mine was my granny talkin to me and my cousin. Mid conversation she turns to my cousin(we were both about 18) and just goes to her "What you need to do now is settle down and find yourself a nice white boy"

I almost pissed myself laughing.Damn elderly racists:pac:

I claim inspiration for this thread!

Mine was: "No wonder babies born in hospital X are more proned to growing up committing crime, sure there's more black nurses there than anywhere else" - WTF? Amazing.

Professey Chin · 24-03-2009 10:39AM

consultech wrote: »

I claim inspiration for this thread!

Mine was: "No wonder babies born in hospital X are more proned to growing up comitting crime, sure there's more black nurses there than anywhere else" - Amazing.

Ture. I was just gonna reply to you but decided it deserved its own:cool:

amacachi · 24-03-2009 10:41AM

"Let me out, I was just sleeping."

garrincha62 · 24-03-2009 10:42AM

My sister married a white South African chap. When my elderly granny heard about this her first reaction was "Well I'll pray that the babies won't be black". The daft racist died soon after, though not from casual racism, it was more complicated than that.

Saint_Mel · 24-03-2009 10:46AM

Similar story about racist elderly relation... few years ago I was doing a bit of travelling. Was staying with some relations in America for a while and was sending a postcart to my then girlfreind, from Singapore.

"Is it serious between you" asks my elderly, and quite distant, relation ... to which I replied ... "Not sure, we've only been seeing each other a short while".
"Thats good" he said, following up with "When you go back to Ireland you should find a nice Irish girl to settle with, you know, stick to our own because you cant really trust those blacks"

I nearly dropped. Having only met this bloke about 5 hours before hand he belts that out!

Later that day he was showing me around all the places he grew up ... "This place was great ... " he declared, "It was great before all the worthless immagrants start coming into the country".
"Immigrants should never have been let stay here" ... Now the thing is, his Father would have been a cousin of my Grandfather, and had emigrated, using his brothers birth cert for ID no less, after selling the family cow or something to get the boat fare. The irony was lost on him

OldGoat · 24-03-2009 10:53AM

Funniest thing my grandfather ever said was "...in the lineing of my jacket!"
I guess you had to be there.

Clare Bear · 24-03-2009 10:53AM

Racism is a new thing sure, it didn't exist up until a few years ago

Mr.Lizard · 24-03-2009 11:10AM

garrincha62 wrote: »

My sister married a white South African chap. When my elderly granny heard about this her first reaction was "Well I'll pray that the babies won't be black". The daft racist died soon after

Sorry to hear that. Did your sister get over the death of her husband in the end?

dublinario · 24-03-2009 11:12AM

My Granddad a couple of years ago: "your granny and I had wildly different tastes in sex. She was quite vanilla, whereas I was found toys and costumes very enticing."

I swear, you could cut the air with a knife. My dad was cutting the turkey (it was Christmas dinner), and he almost slashed his wrist.

garrincha62 · 24-03-2009 11:22AM

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Did your sister get over the death of her husband in the end?

V funny Mr Lizard, my brother-in-law has realised since leaving S Africa that most people assume he is either racist or/and a mercenary...he's neither by the way...

damselnat · 24-03-2009 11:24AM

Went to visit my grandad recently, came into the house he was there with my two aunts watching Brokeback Mountain. I was curious to see his reaction,him not exactly being of the most open minded of generations, so stayed to the end of the film. No stir out of him the whole way through. Movie finished, two aunties in tears, one turns to him and goes, eh, well dad....what did you think? Casual shrug, thoughtful pursing of lips, considerate pause.....
"Sure it wasn't quite John Wayne now was it?"

Indeed not

dublinario · 24-03-2009 11:27AM

garrincha62 wrote: »

V funny Mr Lizard, my brother-in-law has realised since leaving S Africa that most people assume he is either racist or/and a mercenary...he's neither by the way...

I suppose he didn't know anything about that whole Mandela thing either? How convenient (give me a break).

intermittentmay · 24-03-2009 11:30AM

dublinario wrote: »

My Granddad a couple of years ago: "your granny and I had wildly different tastes in sex. She was quite vanilla, whereas I was fond of toys and costumes very enticing."

I swear, you could cut the air with a knife. My dad was cutting the turkey (it was Christmas dinner), and he almost slashed his wrist.

Well, thanks, this post made my day, although my colleagues are now looking at me with a suspicious look after my unexpected guffaw broke the deathly silence ever pervading our office...

MintyDoris · 24-03-2009 11:35AM

I was sitting watching TV with my lovely grandmother and the ad for a new washing-up liquid came on the tele. She commented that she'd like to try it and as I sometimes do her shopping for her, I said I'd get it for her

I dropped up a few days later and asked absently mindedly asked her to let me know if it was any good

She rang the next day and told me that it reminded her of a man. I asked why ... her reply was 'you know, the way it feels on your hands, all slippy ....'

I nearly fell off my chair with the shock

I love my nana

ScumLord · 24-03-2009 11:36AM

When we went on a family trip to England it was my little sisters first time out of the country and experiencing new races. She spent the whole time going around London saying things like "wow mammy! look at the China man" She was under 10 at the time.

Heard old people saying. Whats a bebo and,
has this computer got the internet in it.

ROCKMAN · 24-03-2009 11:38AM

Posted before in another thread

Go into my local's toilet behind one of the older regulars (70+)on night when we seen the non smoking sign pulled down and throw on the floor he turns to me....

" wasn't me, I'm not destructive.....I'm not constructive, i not putting the F**ker back ....."

Sofiztikated · 24-03-2009 11:44AM

One day, me and the old doll were visiting my granny (mothers mother, 78 at the time.) At the time, i was a bit...Squiffy.
After a little bit, mam want out to the bathroom. Granny turned to me and said, "Look at the big stoned head on ye, don't let your mother catch you. Want some tea?"
I was stunned!

mickos · 24-03-2009 11:47AM

Was sitting at the bar in my local pub a few months back. An elderly guy about 70ish on 1 side of me and a young fella with down syndrome on the other side with his uncle. The elderly guy turns and says to me "who's the mongrel chap beside you":eek:. I didn't know what to say. Total shocker.

g5fd6ow0hseima · 24-03-2009 11:53AM

Sofiztikated wrote: »

One day, me and the old doll were visiting my granny (mothers mother, 78 at the time.) At the time, i was a bit...Squiffy.
After a little bit, mam want out to the bathroom. Granny turned to me and said, "Look at the big stoned head on ye, don't let your mother catch you. Want some tea?"
I was stunned!

Thats brilliant, I could imagine it

barbiegirl · 24-03-2009 12:08PM

My mother who grew up at a time when everyone was white and a tan was considered black, called a suit "****** brown" in a shop about 5 years ago. It took me a good 2 weeks to get it into her head that it wasn't acceptable. She's finally getting things like this now. Up until 5 or 6 years ago there were no other ethnicities in my home town, it's her only excuse.

Antisocialiser · 24-03-2009 12:11PM

My friends granny was goin kinda senile and the room was discussing football and out of the blue she turns round in a big thick monaghan bog accent and goes "Whose dawg died!?"

V funneh at the time

TPD · 24-03-2009 12:23PM

I was in the hospital with my ex and some of her family visiting her mother, I forget the conversation but the ex's granny turned to her sister and said 'You've a figure like a n*gger only bigger'.

Absolutely pissed myself laughing, it was said jsut as a black doctor was walking by.

homerun_homer · 24-03-2009 12:30PM

My gran was watching Eastenders one night years ago when I called over to say hello. This was back in it's proper glory days of the Mitchell brothers etc. My uncle arrived in and she has a tendancy to explain what's going on to those who don't care.
"That's Mark. He's got VHI"
My Uncle "I bloody hope so because he's bloody got HIV!!":pac:

Mr.Lizard · 24-03-2009 12:36PM

My Granda (85) said the other day "I used to be an all-Ireland boxing champion and I could stick take you in a fight!" So to see if he was right I gave him my hardest punch straight inthe face. His teeth went flying and he dropped to the ground like a sack of spuds, his face pumping blood and with him totally unconcious on the deck.

Ya have to give it to them, the Eldery, they say the funniest things.

Lockstep · 24-03-2009 12:44PM

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

My Granda (85) said the other day "I used to be an all-Ireland boxing champion and I could stick take you in a fight!"

Upon hearing I do boxing, I almost always get the "My dad was AllIreland Boxing Champion" or some such thing.

It must be awful easy to get such a title.

star-pants · 24-03-2009 12:45PM

My granda turned to me and said 'so, how long have I left?'
I nearly fell off my chair. I was like... 'don't be silly granda you're fine!'

-He also said that the bump that was growing out of his neck was a second head he was growing. (when I was younger)
-That a cushion pump was for extracting earwax.
-That he didn't eat biscuits (half eaten pack) or buy the biscuits, his wife must have bought them. (she was dead 5years at this stage)

bless, I miss my granda

destroyer · 24-03-2009 12:50PM

mickos wrote: »

Was sitting at the bar in my local pub a few months back. An elderly guy about 70ish on 1 side of me and a young fella with down syndrome on the other side with his uncle. The elderly guy turns and says to me "who's the mongrel chap beside you":eek:. I didn't know what to say. Total shocker.

Presume he either said or meant "mongol" as in mongoloid which is
how Downs sufferers were always referred to in the past, even by
medical people, not an abusive term at all.

OldGoat · 24-03-2009 12:55PM

destroyer wrote: »

Presume he either said or meant "mongol" as in mongoloid which is
how Downs sufferers were always referred to in the past, even by
medical people, not an abusive term at all.

That would be in the days when gays were called queers, blacks were ****, irish were micks, arabs were toerags, asians were everything from chinks to wogs...Yep, not abusive at all. :rolleyes:

andrewh5 · 24-03-2009 01:03PM

One of my aunts - who has no knowledge of electrical circuits etc - "don't go near that socket, the leccy will jump out and kill you"

Professey Chin · 24-03-2009 01:04PM

OldGoat wrote: »

That would be in the days when gays were called queers, blacks were ****, irish were micks, arabs were toerags, asians were everything from chinks to wogs...Yep, not abusive at all. :rolleyes:

Not really the same since mongoloid actually was a medical term

Funniest thing youve heard from the elderly?

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